by Larry Smith
Memory was my drug of
choice.
—Pea Hicks
Liars, hysterectomy
didn’t
improve sex life!
—Joan Rivers
Mom, sorry I moved to U.S.
—Yuri Fukazawa
Unhappy joke writer
hugs her chihuahua.
—Jessica Salmonson
Boys liked her.
She preferred
books.
—Anneliese Cuttle
Wife died young; on the mend.
—Sumit Paul-Choudhury
I’m ten, and have
an additude.
—Tillie Seger
Gay physician designed
life-saving AIDS drugs.
—Laurent Fischer
Never lived up to my potential.
—Leslie Sterling
Girl from Wisconsin
got to leave.
—Catherine Michalec
Tequila. Amnesia. Coincidence?
I think not.
—Larry Caraviello
Carbohydrates call my
name every day.
—Mary Petersdorf
Never really finished
anything, except cake.
—Carletta Perkins
Cursed with cancer.
Blessed with friends.
—Hannah Davies
Crappy parents
killed
my self esteem.
—Julie Doherty
Lonely artist turned
waitress in love.
—Gretchen Bone
Does my biological mother
cry sometimes?
—Steven Schmidt
My life is just like yours.
—Matt Stephens
Some collect coins,
I collect diplomas.
—Srini Rajagopalan
Bipolar at 12, lithium at 36.
—Linda Hatfield-Southern
Navy dependent writes
American haiku poetry.
—Craig Jones
If Eliza Doolittle
wore cowboy boots…
—Dixie Friedman
Ex-wife and contractor
now have house.
—Drew Peck
Fifteen years since
last professional
haircut.
—Dave Eggers
Midlife crisis uncovers queer
intellectual’s talent.
—Donald W. Jacobson
Fat jolly bearded origami-folding
accountant.
—Gary Mullings
Lucky in everything
else but love.
—Eliot Sheridan
Mixed blood.
I am America’s future.
—Holly Santiago
I’m just here for the beer.
—Alex Vournas
With three cats
I’m never unloved.
—Cynthia Macdonald
Missing limb,
cruel world,
love overcomes.
—James Mallon
Divorced twice,
lived happily ever after.
—Susan Guyaux
Torrential tryst.
Terrible twins.
Tied tubes.
—M. Brenner
Can my words have
footnotes, please?
—Amy Harbottle
So it goes,
a tad askew.
—Michael Dickter
Alas, a farewell to legs. Next!
—Allen Rucker
Came, saw, conquered,
had second thoughts.
—Harold Ramis
Left a desert for a
wasteland.
—James Slone
City streets,
saggy shoes,
and poetry.
—Arianna Kandell
The weather is better up
here.
—Brad Wieners
Beat death thrice.
Still not religious.
—Shan Palmer
Found love.
Got hitched in Vegas.
—Jami Brandli
Baby dyke now raising
two babies.
—Andrea Selch
Stoned. Boned.
Where am I now?
—Sherry Levy
New Jersey to California.
Thank God.
—Ayelet Waldman
Town car,
tailored suit,
dirty nails.
—Nicole Blades
Bipolar secretary
girlfriend mama hen
oddball.
—Teressa Fly
Learning to be great
at mediocrity.
—Christopher Reiger
Jewfro and glasses,
laughter and yoga.
—Deborah Greene
I fell far from the tree.
—Rebecca Stadolnik
The image was large with silence.
—Elizabeth Raab
Chinese? American?
Chinese-American?
The confusion endures.
—Paul Chin
After your jump,
the net appears.
—Vincent Lauria
Talkative female Trekkie
married male gamer.
—Sarah Hairston
I colored outside of the lines.
—Jacob Thomas
Without me, it is
just aweso.
—Chris Madigan
Me: consistently avoiding
death since 1978!
—Daniel Fowlkes
I think, therefore I am bald.
—Dickie Widjaja
Should not have eaten
those mushrooms.
—Emilie Raguso
Wanked furiously.
Married. Furious no more.
—John Heppolette
Wealthy woman
escapes
with handsome
mailman.
—April Shewan
IBM brat broke back;
twins, Mac.
—John Hockenberry
Love annihilated a
thirty-year age difference.
—Betsy Smith
Saw, interpreted, mourned,
hoped, then preached.
—Douglas Rushkoff
Even the quietest
sounds
make noise.
—Paul Boggan
I grew up in a cemetery.
—Rachael Hanel
Many hands have kept me
afloat.
—Nick Flynn
Man of the world = alien immigrant.
—Rajat Suri
Ran away with
circus; never
returned.
—Ellia Bisker
I managed not to
destroy anything.
—Tucker Frazier
All of my students hate me.
—Sharon Fishfeld
Gay white African
emigrates, finds love.
—Graham Coppin
ABCs
MTV
SATs
THC
IRA
NPR.
—Jancee Dunn
Buxom songstress loves love
and chocolate.
—Angie Arnold
Blade cuts,
blood runs,
scars remain.
—Heather Hudgins
Did I miss a deadline again?
—Bruce McGill
Walking the green mile:
finally free.
—Alejandro Echeverra
Redhead woman,
raucous curves,
makes music.
—Shannon Russell
—Katherine Streeter
Love drama,
just not my own.
—Sam Zalutsky
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I wouldn’t change it a bit.
—Ann Paxton
Saw the
world; now
where’s home?
—Hannah Silverstein
Nose broken, beauty queen
changes profession.
—Dan Rubin
Nineteen forty-nine to two
thousand…something.
—Anne Greer
Blinked! Winked!
I am halfway through!
—Vinod Pillai
Arms: full. Life: not so much.
—Renee James
Quietly
cultivating my
inner Lynda Carter.
—Joanna Sheehan
Many risky mistakes,
very few regrets.
—Richard Schnedl
Six kids; life stranger than fiction!
—Deborah Carson
He left me for good eventually.
—Audrie Lawrence
Liberal at 18.
Conservative by 40.
—Pat Ryan
Would you like fries
with that?
—Scott Northrup
I won Miss Union
Pier 1952.
—Elaine Yonover
Legs spread,
I withheld my
intelligence.
—Christine Granados
Next time—
better parents, better hair.
—Ruth Romano
Little bit Lucy,
tempered by Ethel.
—Tami Maus
Traversing Earth together,
chasing elusive answers.
—Paul Barber
Considered life, then death.
Step, repeat.
—Paul Pope
Hockey is not just for boys.
—Alexandra Duplin
Artist, disabled.
Feeling mislabeled.
Ambitions tabled.
—Patrick Dentinger
Fell in love. Married.
Divorced. Repeat.
—Lori McLeese
Never liked the taste
of beets.
—Michael Pemberton
Underachieving
pleasure punk seeks
constant gratification.
—Dennis Elj
Always working on
the next chapter.
—Milan Pham
Business school? Bah!
Pop music? Hurrah!
—Max Robins
Happy now that I know myself.
—Anne Maiwald
Polka-dotted mayhem
and decadent disasters.
—Candace Locklear
Beach mama blissfully buoys
burgeoning brood.
—Elizabeth Barr
Risked it all;
wasn’t quite enough.
—Greta Orris
I write because I can’t
sleep.
—Ben Mezrich
Sperm too potent,
now have triplets.
—Renee Schunk
Never fear.
Truffle season is near.
—Barry Glassner
Yes, you can edit
this biography.
—Jimmy Wales
The best hair, the worst
shpilkes.
—Joanna Arkans
Katie 180, you make
my heart crazy.
—John Patrick Zito
Started
small,
grew,
peaked,
shrunk,
vanished.
—George Saunders
My daughter’s baby,
inconvenient and incredible.
—Laurie White
Mom blames musical theater.
I disagree.
—Dan Sigale
Insubordinate alien bookworm found
America, freedom.
—Katherine Scourtes
Big, little sister,
stuck in middle.
—Joanna Lilly
Short kid moves West;
climbs mountains.
—Mark Lilly
Multiple miscarriages.
Cousin will carry baby.
—Joanna Brody
Alone at home, cat on lap.
—Christopher Goldthwaite
Poet locked
in body
of contractor.
—Marilyn Hencken
And I never did sober up.
—Ray Overfield
Three marriages.
Thirteen novels.
Sleep’s overrated.
—Jane Heller
World backpacking decade
ends with minivan.
—Cindi Hounton
Educated too much,
lived too little.
—Dan Vance
Lapsed Catholic;
failed poet;
unpublished prayers.
—Marc Sheehan
Twin girls,
double dates,
husbands confused.
—Naomi Beth Wakan
Went long on ride
toward Providence.
—Bill Buck
—Gretchen Vitamvas
Overjoyed I’m not like
my sister.
—Elizabeth DeLamater
Little German girl,
big American world.
—Lisa Turner
Hope my obituary spells
“debonair” correctly.
—Gregg Easterbrook
Just in:
boyfriend’s gay.
Merry Christmas.
—Seshie Hargett
Traded mastheads for
Texas desert sky.
—Whitney Joiner
Lucky sperm club entrant
wins life.
—Steve Conlin
Was father, boys died,
still sad.
—Ronald Zalewski
Tried everything once,
few things twice.
—Ed Zevetski
Baptist Mom. Jewish Dad. Atheist.
Surprised?
—Sara Faith Alterman
Cheated organizational
systems but never people.
—Ryan Bright
Asked and
answered,
asshole,
next question.
—Joe Lockhart
Really, doing fine,
thanks for asking.
—Fuzzy Gerdes
I’d rather be watching a movie.
—Lawrence Levi
Never could resist overachieving.
—Chris Harris
Her blue eyes
capture the distance.
—Sonya Cheuse
Born with glaucoma…
fading to black…
—Susan Giusto
I watched a lot of television.
—Adam Hirsch
Oh shit! No way? Yeah
dude.
—Ned Vizzini
Girls from the Bronx are
different.
—Arielle Basch
Five feet, but in
your face.
—Toby Berry
Born bald. Grew hair.
Bald again.
—A. J. Jacobs
Mistook streetlight for
the moon. Climbed.
—Zack Wentz
Boyfriend in bed,
still a lesbian?
—Cheryl Burke
I wrote a book about
this.
—Vittorio Giannini
Wanted to live forever,
died trying.
—Syona Luciferina
Hugged some trees,
then burned them.
—Tom Price
Happy child,
wild teenager,
adult anarchist.
—Dar Wolnik
Right place,
<
br /> right time,
good lawyer.
—Ben Brown
To paraphrase William
Faulkner: I endured.
—Don Willmott
To make a long story short…
—Jace Albao
Famished, I had
seconds…
and thirds.
—Richard Strager
Lazy Renaissance man
settles for dilettantism.
—Bradley Lyons
Raised a palimpsest,
by many voices.
—Saba Cambone
Arab hillbilly goes to New
York.
—Alex Cummings
Full life; impossible to
summarize in
—Matt Love
Was rebellious teen.
Now raising one.
—Michelle Ganon
I have not done it all.
—Aaron Knoll
Woke up,
fell down,
exited sideways.
—Jim Clupper
A new memoir every five years.
—Srini Rajagopalan
My second grade teacher
was right.
—Janelle Brown
Rather sing than stay to chat.
—Keri Willson
Someone had to pay the bills.
—David Kuizenga
Didn’t fit in then;
still don’t.
—Bob Fingerman
I love my lady…and
bacon.
—Jeff Walton
Buried gold long ago.
Can’t find.
—Maureen Barnes
Later-life serendipity
led to Authorland.
—Jeff Schult
A man, a plan, hot damn.
—L. Levyne
Revenge is living well,
without you.
—Joyce Carol Oates
I forgot I have memory loss.
—Mary Hynes
Underachieving…but willing to
overcompensate halfheartedly.
—Frank J. Lepiane
A Brooklyn lawyer.
Sewer to Sue-er.
—Mo Mann
Outcast.
Picked last.
Surprised them all.
—Rachel Pine
