“I’m sure the children would enjoy it.”
“It’s also good for them. Each section helps with different sensory and motor skills. And you wouldn’t believe what they have indoors.” Ada described the swings they used in place of desks. “There’s so much I’d like to try.”
The school held an auction every fall, but proceeds went for maintenance and other costs. She planned to buy picture boards and weighted neck rolls or blankets with the small amount she’d been allotted, but the rest of the equipment was only a dream. Like her dreams of the future.
* * *
Josiah had trouble following some of Ada’s narrative because she recited the equipment and techniques so quickly, and most were new to him, but he was captivated by her flow of words, her passion. Josiah had always considered her attractive, but when she was animated like this, she was irresistible.
Her face grew wistful as she talked about sand tables, pet therapy, and slides for children in wheelchairs. The more she shared, the more Josiah wished he could fulfill her dreams. The crumpled flyer on the floor of his buggy mocked him. That Anderson & Sons contest might have funded a project like this one, but he wasn’t sure if he was part of the company anymore.
Ada continued, “I also found out about a daycare program for special children that runs several days a week. They have one-on-one aides, and each child has an individualized program. Isn’t that wonderful?”
What was even more wonderful was her enthusiasm and interest, her love for learning, and her glowing face as she spoke. Josiah couldn’t keep his eyes off her.
“One of the volunteers invited me to come for a tour tomorrow afternoon, and I plan to take David. Would it be all right to take Nathan? I know you had asked Betty and Martha to watch him.”
Josiah forced himself to focus on what she was saying. She’d asked about taking Nathan somewhere tomorrow. He wasn’t sure where, but he needed to get his thoughts headed back to the conversation rather than on staring at Ada. He hoped lighthearted humor was appropriate with what she’d asked. “If I say it’s too much to expect of you, I suppose you’ll remind me I watched your siblings tonight.”
“Jah, I would say that.” Ada laughed, then turned pleading eyes to him. “Please let me take him along.”
When she looked at him like that, how could he resist her pleading? “So where is this place you’re headed?”
She gave him the name of the center and address. “They’re open until six, so you could pick him up at the center after work.”
Work. The word hit Josiah like a punch in the gut. He wasn’t sure whether or not he’d have a job on Thursday.
Ada must have mistaken his silence for tiredness. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I didn’t mean to keep you up so late.”
Josiah stood. “I’m sure you need your sleep after last night. I’ll go get Nathan.”
Ada reached out a hand, but stopped short of putting it on his arm. “He’s sound asleep, isn’t he? It would be a shame to wake him. Why don’t you let him spend the night?”
“I couldn’t do that. It’s too much for you to do”—he waved a hand to prevent her from saying it—“even if I did watch your siblings tonight.”
“Exactly.”
He was too tired to argue. All the missed sleep from last night had caught up with him. He acquiesced. But one thing he knew for sure. He was treading on dangerous ground.
Chapter Eighteen
Ada could hardly wait for the school day to be over so she could visit the center. After four meltdowns (one for Nathan, two for Lukas, and one for Will) and one runaway (Lukas), Ada was exhausted and determined to try some of the equipment and techniques she’d learned about last night.
Hope Musser, the Mennonite volunteer she’d met last night, greeted them in the lobby and took them on a tour of the building. In the first room, a teacher and a young boy were working on matching handheld computers. “Katie teaches speech to hearing-impaired students,” Hope said.
Ada had no idea how Josiah would feel about Nathan using a computer, but the boys watched in fascination. Hope herded them down the hall to the next rooms, while Ada made mental notes of activities she could try at school.
In the craft room, Hope motioned to the arts and crafts activities and then indicated a central table, which held stacks of newspapers. Two children were tearing them into strips. “Children on the autism spectrum enjoy repetitive tasks like this. It’s good for their fine motor coordination, but they’re also helping the community. They stuff strips into waterproof plastic to create mattresses for the homeless.”
“What a wonderful idea!” Ada said. She could try that with Will and Lukas.
They moved quickly through the academic rooms on each side of the hall and passed the lunch room, where a few children were eating with their aides.
When they reached the final room, Hope opened the door a crack and peeked in. “This is our MSE room, meaning multi-sensory environment. No one’s in here now, so you can come in and enjoy it. Children who are out of control come here to calm down.”
Ada stood in the doorway, stunned. Dark walls made the room feel like a cave; it was lit by only a small strand of pastel-colored miniature lights high on the wall. Giggling, Nathan and David dove into a pit filled with grapefruit-sized plastic balls. After throwing a few back and forth, they lay on their backs and closed their eyes. Nathan kept a tight grip on his rabbit, as if worried he might lose it in the ball pit. A net swing and a soft reclining chair offered other places to relax. Headphones allowed children to listen to music or block out noise.
“Oh, I wish I could have something like this at the schoolhouse,” Ada said. It might have soothed some of the morning meltdowns.
“Looks like it calmed the boys,” a deep voice said behind her.
Ada whirled and almost bumped into Josiah, who stood close behind her. “Josiah! I—I wasn’t expecting you so early.”
His face colored a deep crimson. “I finished what I had to do today, so I decided to stop by.”
Hope cleared her throat. She handed Ada two booklets. “Here,” she said. “These are the catalogs I mentioned last night. I have a student coming soon, but feel free to show your friend around.” The way she emphasized friend implied a romantic connection.
Ada’s cheeks heated. Had her interest in Josiah been that obvious? She took the catalogs, hoping her face didn’t match the red adaptive tricycle on the cover. “Thank you so much for these and for the tour,” she said to Hope, before turning to Josiah. “These catalogs have equipment in them. Some of the things I was talking about last night.”
After Hope walked down the hall, Josiah leaned his head close to hers while she flipped through the pages, and Ada’s hands shook as she found the page she was looking for. “I want swings like these for the classroom.” She gasped as she read the price. “I didn’t realize they’d be so expensive.”
“They wouldn’t be too hard to make,” Josiah said.
“Really?” She made the mistake of glancing up at him and couldn’t look away. Ada worried he could hear her heart hammering.
Josiah broke their eye contact and then nodded. “A lot of those materials could, um, be bought for less.” He seemed a bit nervous, and Ada was afraid he’d read the interest in her eyes. Waving a hand toward the hallway, he said, “This place looks great, and Nathan seems to be comfortable here.”
“I could continue bringing the boys in the afternoons this week, if you’d like.”
Josiah hesitated, and she expected him to protest. He surprised her by saying, “I’d appreciate that.”
He peeked in the MSE room where Nathan had now stretched out on the reclining chair. He had his eyes closed and his rabbit clutched to his chest. David looked up from the swing and waved.
“Would you like a quick tour of the other rooms?” Ada asked shyly.
Josiah nodded, and Ada confirmed with an employee that the boys could stay in the MSE room for a few minutes. Josiah seemed to be interested in the
center, but maybe he was only being polite. He listened intently, though, when she pointed out things in each room she wished she could do at the schoolhouse. Just before they arrived back at the MSE room, Josiah stopped. “Would you mind if I waited outside in the parking lot? Just in case Nathan gets upset when he sees me? I don’t want to disrupt the others in the center.”
“Of course.” Ada’s heart went out to him. How hard it must be to have your son react that way. She waited until she was sure he’d reached the lobby before she entered the room. She breathed in the peaceful environment for a few moments and then tapped her brother on the shoulder.
David’s face fell. I want to stay, he signed.
Ada ruffled his hair and signed that Nathan’s daed was waiting. David sighed and went to get Nathan, who also looked reluctant to leave.
We’ll come back tomorrow, she mouthed to both of them. David grinned and clapped. A puzzled frown creased Nathan’s forehead as she spoke, but he followed David’s example.
Ada reached for David’s hand, and after a questioning glance, Nathan took her other hand. She smiled down at him and was rewarded with a brilliant smile. When they exited the center, Ada searched for Josiah and spotted him standing by his buggy at the far end of the parking lot, a great distance from where all the other buggies were parked.
She headed in that direction, both boys skipping along beside her until Nathan spotted his father. He stopped dead, dragging on her arm, as if trying to pull her back. Josiah took a few steps toward him, and Nathan ducked behind her, trembling. On her other side, David froze.
Ada turned and knelt to face Nathan. Throwing his arms around her neck, he buried his face against her shoulder, his whole body shaking. She hugged him close for a few seconds, then took him by the shoulders to look into his eyes. His gaze was riveted over her shoulder, and he grew increasingly agitated the nearer Josiah came. When Josiah lifted Nathan into his arms, the small boy let out a bloodcurdling scream and held out his arms to Ada, as if begging her to save him.
As Josiah crossed the parking lot to his buggy, Nathan’s screeches increased, and he kicked and bucked in his daed’s arms. Ada and David stood rooted to the same spot until Josiah’s buggy pulled out onto the road. Nathan’s yells still split the air as the horse trotted down the road.
Sharp pains shot through Ada’s stomach. Nathan had been begging for rescue, and she’d ignored his plea. The look in Nathan’s eyes when he spotted his daed haunted her. Ada had seen it before, but today she’d finally identified it. A look of pure terror.
Chapter Nineteen
Once again, seeing Nathan with Ada raised Josiah’s feelings of inadequacy as a parent. Last night while babysitting her siblings, he’d hadn’t encountered any trouble, although that might have been due to Sadie’s competence. He’d always wanted a large family, but he couldn’t even deal with one child, let alone more.
After they’d traveled for a while, Nathan settled down, allowing Josiah time to think. He’d taken mental notes of the equipment that interested Ada. Most of it could be built pretty easily. A few pieces might need to be ordered, but even so, the projects could be completed for a small fraction of the cost. Now that he’d seen what some of the equipment looked like, he could draw up plans.
The only problem would be financing the projects. All his savings had gone toward Ruth’s medical bills.
Josiah pulled into the empty barn. Mamm’s missing wagon must mean she was working the evening shift. If he could get Nathan into the house without waking him, he’d have time to work on his plans. The whole time Josiah was taking care of Silver, he kept a close eye on the buggy doors. Then he reached into the buggy for the crumpled paper on the floor before carefully lifting Nathan and his rabbit.
He managed to get Nathan onto the bed and remove his shoes without waking him. He’d struggle with dinner and bath time later. Right now, he was eager to get to work.
Josiah sat at his desk and sketched plans, then made duplicates. By the time he’d filled out the required paperwork, Nathan was whining. The rest of the evening proceeded with the usual battles and yelling until Nathan fell asleep, exhausted. Josiah was equally as weary, and he tumbled in bed soon after, although fitful dreams woke him often during the night. Much of the time, he was racing after someone, but the person eluded him, leaving him bereft and lonely.
The next morning after tussling with Nathan, Josiah was so worn out all he wanted to do was fall back into bed. But he had a mission to accomplish once his son was in school. Peace reigned soon after they pulled out of the driveway when Nathan fell asleep. David came out to meet the buggy when they pulled in. Josiah opened the door and folded down the seat. Then he stayed hidden on the opposite side of the buggy while David climbed in to wake Nathan. Once again, after a few wary glances around, Nathan climbed out happily.
Gathering his courage, Josiah drove to the job site. He swallowed back his embarrassment at being fired and stepped out of the buggy.
“Hey, man,” Marcus called, setting down the level he was using. He hurried over. “How ya doing?”
“All right,” Josiah managed to say. “Do you know who gets the applications for that advertising project?”
“You gonna put in a plan?”
“I’d like to.” Although maybe he should find out if he still had a job.
Just then Ralph shouted, “Hey, Yoder, get over here.”
Other guys stopped their work to stare down at Josiah as he crossed the construction area to meet Ralph.
“You planning to turn that in?” Ralph asked, waving at the application papers.
“I’d be happy to if I’m allowed.”
Ralph reached for the sheaf of papers. “I’ll mark you down as the foreman for the project.” He shrugged. “No telling which one they’ll choose.” Then he wagged a finger. “Wish you had a phone, Yoder, ’cause I tried to get ahold of you yesterday. Called the phone number on your job application. Guy who answered ran over to your house and said no one was home.”
That would have been Josiah’s Englisch neighbor. “Sorry.”
“Yeah, me too. Talked to legal yesterday, and they said, according to OSHA regulations, you’re allowed to wear your straw hat. Those of us who work around Amish country know that, but the New York City guys didn’t. So you’re still part of the crew.”
The worry that had twisted Josiah’s stomach into knots slowly unraveled. He still had his job.
Ralph continued, “They agreed to pay you for the time you missed yesterday. Least we can do after how he treated you.”
Josiah shook his head.
Ralph’s face fell. “You won’t be coming back?”
“I’m happy to have my job, but I can’t accept pay for hours I don’t work.”
“You’re kidding me, right?” His boss’s mouth hung open. “Nobody turns down extra pay.”
“It wouldn’t be right to take it.” Rolling up his sleeves, Josiah said, “Do you want me to finish the roofing?”
“You’re something else, man.” Ralph slapped him on the back. “Yeah, get on up there.” As Josiah walked away, he called, “Oh, and Yoder? No daydreaming up there.”
“Yes, sir,” Josiah said, but keeping his promise would be hard when Ada seemed to occupy almost all his thoughts.
* * *
Ada had tossed and turned most of the previous night because Nathan’s eyes haunted her dreams. He was petrified by his father and had no way to communicate. Poor child. No wonder he exploded. But what was causing his fear? Could Josiah be abusing him?
She tried to reconcile that with the Josiah she’d seen. The one who’d offered to babysit. The one who’d listened and encouraged her plans after the meeting. The one who’d given Mary Elizabeth gentle and thoughtful advice as he helped with the dishes.
She shook her head. It didn’t seem possible. Yet she’d read enough teacher training books to be wary. She questioned her judgment. She discussed Josiah and Nathan with her siblings at breakfast, without mentioning her co
ncerns. Her sisters all agreed Josiah was wonderful. When she brought up Nathan’s reaction to his daed, David immediately signed.
Nathan scared.
“Of his daed?” she asked, and he nodded vigorously. So her brother had come to the same conclusion.
Noah added, “He avoids his daed. At story time, he backed into a corner away from him. I sat with him and David because he seemed to need protection.”
“Josiah would never hurt Nathan,” Sadie burst out. “He’s too nice.”
Another conclusion Ada had reached. But the two conclusions didn’t mesh. The only one who could explain Nathan’s fear was Nathan himself. Ada vowed to give him a voice. She’d teach him to communicate.
Ada was so preoccupied with Nathan’s situation while they cleaned the kitchen after breakfast, she missed Sadie’s question until her sister tugged on her arm.
“I asked you twice already. What are we going to do about Mary Elizabeth?”
“Has she been crying or growling?”
“Some of both. Mostly growling, although not as much as before.” Sadie waved her hand impatiently. “But that’s not the big problem. She missed you yesterday afternoon. She fussed most of the time you were gone.”
Ada sighed. Once again, she’d been so wrapped up with her teaching, she’d neglected her siblings. “I promised Josiah to take Nathan to the center again today. I could take Mary Elizabeth with me if you’ll drop her off.”
“What about the rest of us?” Sadie put the dish she was drying in the cupboard. “You don’t ever spend time with us anymore.”
“You’re all welcome to come along.” Ada wondered if the center would welcome seven extra children as visitors.
“I don’t want to do that.”
Ada bit her tongue to keep from lashing out. What do you want, Sadie? Besides contradicting me on everything, that is. Lack of sleep combined with Sadie’s attitude and concerns about Nathan left Ada drained, and the day hadn’t even started yet.
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