Chapter Seven
The sheets were pulled tight across Samuel’s chest, stifling him. He was only half aware of his surroundings, having clawed his way up from a deep sleep to that in-between stage where one’s mind is awake enough to know it’s dreaming but tired enough not to care. The voice in his head was whispering a filthy litany to a woman in his arms, his wife. She moaned softly before breaking into a giggle, far more innocent sounding than it should have been.
She was naked, her soft skin a gentle caress against his as she rutted with him. She’d climbed on top of him, her large breasts swinging freely above his chest, brushing the skin as if by accident and not design. Of course it was a lazy seduction on her part. Samuel was already naked and hard, willing to take her with little more persuasion than a whispered now. Her taut nipples were too great a temptation to leave untasted. Catching one breast in his hand, Samuel pulled her to his mouth to suck and tease the hardened flesh while he rubbed his cock against her ass. He wanted to rut against her until he spent over her bare thighs.
“Guh, yes,” she sighed, leaning into his mouth. “Harder.”
Samuel caught her other nipple in his hand, pinching and rolling the tip between his fingers. The woman giggled once more and pressed her face to his neck, effectively pulling her breast from his mouth and pinning his hand to her chest.
“You’re a naughty boy.”
Naughty boy…
A bad boy.
A child in the streets, dodging the coppers and clockwerk press-gangs. No bleedin’ way they was gonna catch him. I can hide down by the docks. Like hide ’n’ seek, ’cept they’ll never find me. Ma and Da won’t know where I am and I won’t get in trouble fer rippin’ Ma’s new skirts.
New skirts.
A rainbow of color spinning round and round. The candles sparkled like stars trapped beneath the roof. An old man, old memories, wishing he could reach back through time and right past wrongs. He’d never have let his father choose his wife for him. He’d have married Sarah, the way he’d wanted. Wouldn’t have spent a lifetime wishing things could have been different. No regrets and a happier life.
No regrets.
No happiness.
Darkness.
Samuel clawed at his chest and kicked at the sheet. He knew this wasn’t right, the memories twisting his mind until he didn’t know which way was up or out. If he could open his eyes everything would be better. He’d be normal again, and maybe Piper would change her mind and want him.
But she wouldn’t. Darkness shrouded him, pulled him back so he couldn’t escape the shadows. He wasn’t the man she deserved, the one who could protect her.
He was all alone. Even John had left him. John who was older than he, but only by a bit.
There’s only a day between us, so you can’t bully me. Where did you get the knife? Don’t cut yourself, you’re going to bleed everywhere. No, I don’t like the color. I’m gonna get Master Ryerson. He’ll need to take you to the doctor te make sure yer okay.
John?
Don’t cry, John.
It will be all right. I’ll stay with you.
No, I don’t care what they say. You’re my friend and I’m gonna stay with you. We’ll grow up and be archivists and make the metal horses do funny things.
John?
Where are you, John…
It was so hot here and hard to breathe. He had to get out, get away to the country where he could run and run and run. The Archives were too big; the Guild Masters didn’t care about him and what he did. They wouldn’t even notice if he slipped away and never came back.
Pip would know.
She’d miss him.
She’d slipped in to fill the void, the spot John had once held. He loved it when she smiled; her whole face lit up. Master Ryerson doesn’t want him near her, says Pip will be a true Master one day. Not like me. He’d run away then, prove them all wrong. It would be wonderful to be free of the dark.
If she came with him…
Pip?
Help me, Sam.
Samuel sat up, gasping for air. The fan on his wall had stopped turning and the room had grown muggy. Disgusted by the state of his body and sweat-soaked bedding, he shoved the sheet aside and padded naked across the cool floor to the wash area. It took three pumps of the handle to get the steam-heated water flowing into the basin from the pipe. Forgoing the crusty soap, he cupped the near-scalding water and splashed a generous amount onto his face, leaving the excess to drip down his bare chest and arms. The warmth chased away the last of the lingering darkness that had encased his spirit.
What the hell had happened? Those weren’t all his memories, nor were they from anyone he knew. Men, women, children he’d never seen, their thoughts and feelings somehow permeating his mind, fusing with his own experiences.
“Master Ryerson, where’s John?” Samuel couldn’t look at the big man. He scared him, and Samuel always cried when he was scared. John said he should never cry in front of the Master.
“What are you doing here?” Ryerson stood up from the workbench, his large hands covered in grease. “You’re not supposed to leave the lower rooms.”
“I woke up this morning and John wasn’t there. I looked and looked and looked, but I couldn’t find him.”
Somehow Samuel found the courage to lift his gaze from the floor and meet that of the man who charged in and out of his days. He didn’t like what he saw. Hate and anger. He didn’t like what he felt. Disgust. Samuel wasn’t sure how, but he knew those feelings came from Master Ryerson.
“He’s dead, boy. Now go back to your rooms.”
Samuel said nothing else and complied with the directive. John was dead. And Master Ryerson wasn’t lying.
While he hadn’t thought about John for years, Samuel knew in that moment that there was something more to the story. A memory he couldn’t quite grasp, like water in his hands. John had been important, someone special to him.
And yet…
Closing his eyes, Samuel tried to grab hold of the memory, but as quickly as it had come, the images slipped away to be replaced with the remembrance of a long stretch of naked body. The thrust of her humble breasts, nipples hard and enticing, ready for him to suckle, nip at, pinch until she begged him to fuck her hard.
No, that wasn’t reality. These weren’t his thoughts and feelings.
The fucking Archives had pressed its way into his mind, twisting and corrupting everything that was truly his.
Things were so far on the bloody side of wrong Samuel didn’t know what he was going to do. These images had gone beyond the static glimpses he should have been exposed to. It hadn’t been an extraction. Hell, the goggles weren’t even working before he slipped them over his eyes. Nothing should have happened.
He splashed another handful of water, this time letting a measure of it slosh across his shoulders and down his back. He should have listened to Piper, waiting until she’d returned and been there to ensure nothing happened. He shouldn’t have these things shoved into his head.
What the hell was happening to him?
Piper might know, would tell him if he gave her a chance to speak. Pip and her soft smiles. Her flushed cheeks, bright when she got angry or embarrassed. The temptation to peel down her bodice to see how far that blush would travel was still there. Would it go all the way to the top of her breasts? He could find out. She might let him if he asked. Her eyes would grow wide with shock and wonder when he parted her thighs and ran a thumb across her clit. Piper’s body would be tight around his cock as he pushed into her for the first time, breaching the barrier that proclaimed her innocence.
Samuel growled, slapping the water in the basin, sending it sloshing over the edge. Why was he doing this to himself? Piper had committed her life to the Archives. That meant no relationship, no sex, no him for as long as she was a part of the guild.
Pip and John, the only two people he’d ever felt so connected to. Both gone from his life because of the Archives. John, to God only knew what
fate, and Piper to her sense of duty. He might not be able to do anything about John, but he wasn’t going to give up on Piper without a fight.
His first priority was to solve the prostitute’s murder, clear his mind so he could focus on Piper. He’d get dressed and return to the office. He could be useful there, review the case notes and the files from the Archives. Timmons should be finished with the first round of their inquiries as well. If luck was on their side they would have discovered some sliver of information that he could use to track the killer. Yes, he’d return to the Tower. The distraction should be enough to ground him in the present and chase away the lingering aftereffects from the machine.
Samuel retreated deep into himself as he went through the motions of dressing for the day. The bedsit wasn’t overly large, but it saved him from having to share a room at the barracks. It had steam heat and water whenever he wanted, though the privilege cost. This had been his refuge since he’d moved out from the Williams residence and joined the King’s Sentry. The barracks had been exhausting, he’d discovered after a brief attempt to reside there. Too many emotions battering against him constantly wore him down after a time.
The small space served its purpose, kept him feeling contained, and was far enough away from work and other people that it allowed his mind to rest. But he was still close enough to the Tower that what he spent on rent, he saved in transportation costs. Once he’d made sergeant, he could have afforded to move to better quarters, but there was no need. He sent the extra funds to his foster mother, ensuring she never had to worry about anything. Samuel owed her at least that much.
Dressing perfunctorily, Samuel slipped into his greatcoat and adjusted it on his frame. He needed to work, find some way to get out of his head and the torrent of images, get back to focusing on the prostitute’s death, the Archives traitor, and the mysterious note. Bolting down the stairs, he opened the door with a jerk, only to freeze.
Piper.
She stood still, hand poised to ring the bell, her eyes wide. She was wearing her normal archivist attire, but with a fascinator perched on her head, her hair pulled up into another one of her simple designs.
“Sam.” She stepped backward and ran her hand down the front of her skirts. “Forgive me, sergeant. I wouldn’t want to be accused of being improper. You appear to be in a hurry. I hope I haven’t caught you at a bad time?”
A blush bloomed on her cheeks, giving her the appearance of one of the ton misses he’d seen parading around the city. She was like them in so many ways, despite her recent experiences. He wanted to press her against the side of the building and ravage her mouth with his. To hell with whoever saw them, or what it would do to her standing with the Guild Masters.
Samuel tore his gaze from her and focused it on the iron walk down in the distance. “What are you doing here, Pip?”
“I—” She chuckled and gave her head a shake. “I had a speech planned. Something professional, formal. You probably would have laughed. Honestly, I slipped away from the Archives and wanted to make sure you were okay.”
The scent of her rose petal soap drifted to him on the breeze, making his head buzz. Her lips were wet from where she’d been licking them, pulling the bottom one between her teeth. It was a nervous habit of hers he’d teased her about growing up. Samuel’s mind catalogued it all, slotting it neatly into the section of his mind that he’d reserved especially for memories of her.
Dear God, was she scared to be alone with him? “I get the feeling I should be asking you that. Am I making you nervous?”
“Please, you honestly think seeing you again bothers me?” Her soft smile did nothing to ease the undercurrent of emotions rolling off her. “It was a long night. Duty called and the like.”
“I seem to remember many long nights when we were children. You never got tired then.”
“I’d like to say it was as pleasant as our secret games of tag, but…” She gave her head a shake. “I’m holding you back from your day. I shouldn’t have come here.”
He caught her by the hand before she was able to pull away. Her relief tasted sweet in his mouth. “I’m glad you did. We haven’t had a chance to speak unwatched before.”
“Never in our lives.” Her arm relaxed and Samuel let his hand trail down until his fingers tangled with hers. Piper looked up, but gave her head a small shake. “I can’t, Sam. I want to, but I can’t.”
Samuel closed his eyes and let out a breath. Of course she couldn’t. Even standing alone on the street, they would never be completely free of the Archives. “I was on my way to the Tower. Accompany me and we can chat?”
“Thank you. I’ve always wanted to be on the arm of a man of the law.” Piper grinned as she fiddled with the front of her skirts. “Shall we?”
They fell into step with the rest of the crowd as they walked along the uneven cobblestones toward the Tower. Piper held her hands clasped in front of her and kept her eyes forward. “You didn’t answer my question. Are you well?”
“No.” He didn’t have it in him to hide the truth. Not from her.
He stopped. A man bumped into him from behind, but quickly went the other way when he noticed Samuel’s uniform and Piper’s eyes. People passed around them while he stood and stared at her. They shouldn’t discuss this in the middle of a crowd. They should be alone, and yet he knew it would be disastrous if they were.
Piper reached up and cupped his cheek, ignoring the looks of the passersby. “Sam?”
“I hate them.” Piper flinched, but she didn’t pull back. Swallowing hard, Samuel knew the rage building inside him would only continue to grow, fester like an infection until his soul was blackened. “I hate what they did to me. What they are still doing to you.”
“They’re not—”
Grabbing her by the arm, he pulled her into a bystreet, away from the storefronts and the growing crowds. Pressing her against the wall, he turned his back to the street and let his rage show.
“Those bastards think they are doing something amazing for society. That they’re storing all this knowledge for future generations to access. But do you know what they do with it? I found out quickly why the regular folk hate the zombies so much.”
“I don’t think that—”
“It’s nothing more than bloody politics. They manipulate parliament into setting policies that would never normally pass. They direct the king to move his forces this way and that. Tell him who to attack and when to back away. They claim this knowledge comes from the memories of the dead. And there is no one to contradict them. They take little children from their families and put them into the guild, making them a cog in the machine of society.”
“That’s dangerously close to treason.” She dug her fingers into his arm. “And as much as I believe every word you say, you can’t prove it.”
As quickly as the rage crested, it fell away. “No one can. So they are allowed to continue, committing who knows what horrors in the name of safeguarding the empire.”
“We can’t change the fundamentals of our society.”
“Maybe not, but that doesn’t mean we have to lie down and accept it either. I have no doubt that the Archives were started with the best of intentions, but they have grown into something else. I have no memory of my family, if I have any siblings. As far as I know I’m alone in the world. They did that to me. To you.”
She stood with her back pressed to the wall, her palms flat against the stone. Chin lifted, she stared right into his eyes. “The Archives and the Guild Masters aren’t perfect. Yes, they took me from my mum so long ago that sometimes I wonder if the dreams I have of her are real or simply my own fantasies. I wonder constantly of the life I would have now if I’d stayed there with her. Grown up under her watchful eye until a time when I was to be married off. They took that life from me, but they gave me something else. A place in society that I could never have obtained on my own.”
“I didn’t mean—”
“Yes you did.” Her chuckle was as sad as anyth
ing he could ever remember hearing. “Don’t worry. I’ve known since we were children how you felt. I wouldn’t expect years of living on the outside to change that perspective. Reinforce it, more likely.”
Christ. There shouldn’t be this gap between them. Yes, it had been five years, but they hadn’t changed that much since they’d last been together. If anything, they’d become more of what they’d always been. They’d grown into themselves, but still felt much the same as they had back then. About the Archives, and about one another.
Dangerous indeed.
Keeping his gaze locked onto hers, Samuel tried once more to close the distance between them. He took a small step, watching for any sign that Piper didn’t want him. She didn’t move.
“I’m glad you were taken by the Archives, Pip.”
Her eyes widened as she pulled her shoulders back against the wall. The blast of annoyance he felt from her was only visible by the tightening around her mouth. Samuel chanced another step closer.
“If it meant that you were pulled from society, that another man wouldn’t be able to touch you, then I will be forever grateful. Because you see,” he cupped her cheek, “even though we’ve never so much as kissed, you belong to me.”
“Sam…” Her lips parted and her warm breath heated his skin. So beautiful, so ripe for him to reach out and feast upon.
“Shhh, I need to fix something.”
“What?”
“Do you trust me?” His voice sounded rough, seductive in a way he hadn’t intended. He was pleased when her gaze didn’t waver and she didn’t pull away.
“Yes.” Piper’s breath caught in her throat as she slowly nodded. “Yes, I do.”
There was no way he could stop now. He didn’t care that they were in public, in front of God and every creature of New London. Samuel had wanted to kiss Piper since she was sixteen and he’d caught her staring at his mouth. In that moment there were no Guild Masters, no Archives to pass judgment.
Only Sam and Pip.
“I’m going to kiss you now.”
Gilded Hearts (The Shadow Guild Series) Page 9
