Sean came out when the receptionist called him and he led me back to a room where I could work with the sketch artist. He couldn’t stick around because he had a case he had to follow up on. It took about an hour to finish the sketch and by the time I was done, I was a wreck. I didn’t understand it. I had been attacked by a man, yet I went out the next night and picked up two guys, but today, giving a description made me sick to my stomach.
When I left the room, Sean was trying to ask me how it went, but my only thought was getting away from here as fast as possible. The room kept spinning and everything seemed to be moving on fast forward. As I looked at Sean, his face was moving in yawning motions and the sound coming out of his mouth came at me from a distance. Air. I needed air. I staggered to the door and stumbled down the sidewalk. I knew that I couldn’t drive right now, but I needed to get home. There was no way I could work like this. I knew I couldn’t pull it together and walk into that building. If I couldn’t finish the sketch without losing it, there was no way I could go up into the building where it had happened.
Cars blurred past me as I made my way down the sidewalk, tripping over my feet in my desperate attempt to get home. I looked around the street, trying to figure out if I was even headed in the right direction, but I couldn’t see through my blurred vision. I barely made out a sign across the street that seemed familiar and stepped off the sidewalk to head towards it. Horns blared and I felt myself being pulled back onto the sidewalk. In my confusion, I was sure that my attacker had found me and screamed like I was being murdered.
“Calm down. Let’s go to that bench and sit down.”
In my haze, I recognized Logan’s voice and somehow that helped me to keep the panic at bay for a little bit longer. When I got to the bench, he pushed me into a seated position and then pushed my head down between my knees.
“Take deep breaths, sweetheart.” He began rubbing up and down the length of my back and after about five minutes, my breathing returned to a more normal pace. The world had stopped moving so fast and I no longer felt like I was on a rocking ship. Logan handed me a tissue and that’s when I realized that I had been crying. I dabbed at my cheeks and blew my nose, now thoroughly embarrassed for my freak out.
“How about we get you home?”
I nodded, not knowing what else to say. He led me over to his truck and I climbed inside and buckled in.
“I knew you had your appointment this morning, so I came to see how you were doing. I was close by when Sean called and said you ran out and looked like you were gonna pass out. I just happened to see you on the sidewalk when I pulled up. You scared the shit out of me. You almost walked right into traffic.”
“I wasn’t…my mind…” I had to stop. I didn’t know how to be vulnerable around this man. I had hurt him and he came back to check on me, again. “The world was spinning. I wasn’t trying to walk into traffic, I just didn’t really know where I was walking. Thank you for calming me down.”
We were quiet the rest of the way to my apartment and he walked me upstairs to check it out and make sure it was safe. Vira was still home, so I wasn’t worried about anything, but it was comforting to have him looking out for me. We must have woken her up because Vira came out of her bedroom looking very tired, but she perked up when she saw Logan.
“Did we wake you, Vira?”
“No. I’m actually working a double today, so I have to leave in an hour.”
That bitch. She had told me her schedule yesterday and she never worked a double. She was trying to get Logan to stay so I could talk to him. I wasn’t sure I was ready for that, but Vira always meddled if she thought it was for my own good.
“Why are you back home?”
“I kind of freaked out at the station. I don’t think I’m ready to go back to work yet.” Tears threatened to emerge again, but I was no whiner, so I blinked them back and walked over to the couch.
“Shit. Honey, I can’t stay. Logan, do you think you could stay with her? I don’t want her to be alone.”
I couldn’t look over at him. What he must think of me, and now Vira was asking him to stay with me. He probably would rather be at a knitting group than sitting here with me.
“I have to call and move a few things around, but I think I can work it out.”
Logan pulled out his phone and stayed in the kitchen to make his calls. Vira came over to the couch and I glared at her.
“You don’t have to work, bitch.”
She raised an eyebrow at me. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to get ready for work.”
She got up from the couch and went to her bedroom, shutting the door behind her. Staying in my work clothes was definitely not something I was interested in. I needed comfy clothes now. I went to my room and put on a pair of sweats and a sweatshirt that was still soft on the inside. Then I grabbed a pair of socks and a ponytail holder. I took it one step further and washed all the makeup off my face. I was slightly worried that without the makeup, Logan would recognize me, but honestly, at this point, I almost wished he knew who I was. It would be so much easier. I curled up on my bed and stared out the window, thinking that my life had taken a drastic turn in a short period of time. I could hear Logan on the phone, telling someone that I wasn’t up to working yet and we’d have to see how tomorrow was. He walked into my bedroom, looking unsure of what to do. It was time to apologize.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Logan
If you looked up self-inflicted torture online, there would be a picture of me sitting outside Cece’s apartment Saturday night. When she stepped off the elevator with two guys, my stomach about bottomed out. I didn’t want to take advantage of her vulnerability and sleep with her, and I stupidly didn’t believe her when she told me she would find someone else. I tried pleading with her not to sleep with them, but I could see in her eyes that she had already made up her mind. Nothing I said would change what she was going to do. She was punishing me for not giving her what she needed and I paid, but I didn’t expect her to be so ruthless. A smart man would have known when to give up and move on. A smart man would have walked away, and I tried, but I didn’t even make it to the lobby before my mind told me to go back to her.
When I got back to her apartment, I waited for her screams of fear, but they never came. All that I heard were her moans of pleasure. They were the same sounds I heard when we’d had sex. Again, a smart man would have walked away, but for some reason I stayed until the end. I saw the sated look on her face when she walked the men to her door. She had enjoyed herself and I had been the ass that thought he knew better. She told me what she needed and I assumed I knew better. I could live with her sleeping with the other men. I knew exactly how Cece felt about relationships, but I couldn’t live with the way she looked at me when she saw me still waiting in the hallway, her callous remarks about me hearing her. It was like a knife to the heart hearing her enjoying someone else and not being able to do a thing about it.
I had been thinking that I could change her mind and make her want something more with me, but she proved she was true to her word. I guess part of the reason I stuck around was morbid curiosity. I wanted to know if she would go through with it. I had almost hoped she would kick them out and call me, but she didn’t and now I had to accept that she didn’t want me as much as I wanted her.
I would never sleep with her again because I wanted her too much and I needed more than she could give. When I walked away from her, I realized how much it sucked to be on the receiving end of someone’s lack of interest. I thought about all the women I had so casually thrown away after I was done with them. Mostly, I thought about Cecelia. It was ironic that I had thrown Cecelia away and now a woman named Cece was doing the same to me. I would almost say they were the same woman if it weren’t for their different looks, personalities, and last names. Karma was a bitch sometimes.
I remembered Monday morning that Cece had an appointment at the police station. I tried to forget about i
t and went to work, but I couldn’t concentrate. I kept wondering if she was okay as she described her attacker. I must have been a glutton for punishment because I grabbed my keys and headed to the station. When Sean called and said Cece had walked out and wasn’t holding it together, I was glad I had come. When I parked in front of the station, I searched for her car, but she wasn’t by it. My eyes scanned the sidewalk and I ran to her, just catching her before she stumbled into the street. She was a wreck. Her breathing was ragged and she couldn’t seem to focus.
I took her back to her place so her co-workers wouldn’t see her like this. There was no way she would want anyone to see her this freaked out. I called her boss and let him know she was in no condition to go in after the stress of giving her assailants description. He was very understanding and told me to have her let him know when she was ready to go back. I called in to work and let Ryan know what was going on. My assistant could have my projects spread out to other people for the day. We were waiting on the call from Cassandra and until then, all our other projects were already moving.
I went in search of Cece and found her snuggled up on her bed, staring out the window. She looked so vulnerable sitting there in her sweats and I noticed she had removed her makeup and pulled her hair up. She looked younger and more innocent this way. Something nagged at me, but I couldn’t figure out what it was. I stared at her a minute, trying to figure it out, but I couldn’t make the connection in my brain.
She turned her gaze to me and regret shown in her eyes. I didn’t know what to say to her. I wished I could turn back the clock, but that wasn’t possible. I was man enough to admit that I was hurt by what went down last night, but for now, I would help her through today and then move on.
“Logan, can we talk for a minute?”
“Sure.” I walked towards her and sat down on the edge of the bed. It was too close to her and felt too intimate, but before I got a chance to move, she started talking.
“I’m sorry for what happened Saturday night. The things I said were cruel and if I could take them back, I would. You didn’t deserve that from me after everything you did for me.”
I nodded. “I’m sorry I tried to tell you how to deal with what happened. Obviously, you knew more what you needed than I did.” I couldn’t help the bite that came out in those words and I saw her flinch back slightly. God, I was being an ass. “Let’s forget about it. What’s done is done. Time to move on.”
She looked down and fidgeted some more. The tension was thick in the room, as neither of us knew how to move on. An apology was nice, but it didn’t change the way things were between us.
“What would you like to do today?”
Tears welled in her eyes as she looked at me. She was trying to hide the hurt I had inflicted, but she was doing a shitty job. I hadn’t meant to get any digs in. She’d had a rough enough day, but the damage from Saturday was still raw and I didn’t feel totally in control right now. I had too many emotions swirling and I had a feeling it would be hard to control. Staying here with her might not be such a great idea, but it was too late to back out now.
She swiped at her face and shrugged. “Honestly, I just want to lounge around all day. I think I’m gonna sleep, so you should probably just go and do something productive with your day.”
There was no bite to her tone, just finality. She was dismissing me and ending this awkward tension. I should take the out and leave. I should, but I promised Vira that I would make sure she was okay and I hadn’t even been here a half hour yet.
“How about you get some sleep and I’ll just hang out in the living room for a little bit.”
“That’s really not necessary. I’m a big girl and I’ll be fine on my own.”
“Humor me.”
She turned away from me and laid down in the bed, effectively shutting me out. I closed her door and went out into the living room to watch some TV. Normally, I would get some work done if I was at home for the day with nothing to do, but I didn’t have any of my stuff with me.
About an hour later, I went to check on Cece. She was sleeping, but it didn’t look peaceful. She was frowning in her sleep and she kept shifting. I thought about waking her up, but if she was fine, I would feel like an ass. This morning must have taken it out of her because she slept well into the afternoon. I had put together some dinner for her and was just sticking it in the oven when she came out of her room. If anything, she looked worse now than before she went to sleep. She had dark circles under her eyes and she still looked exhausted.
“Maybe you should take another day off of work. You look like you’re still pretty tired.”
“I’m fine. I’m just a little hungry.”
“Well I put together a casserole for you. It’ll be ready in forty-five minutes.”
“Thank you. That was very nice of you.”
Silence stretched between us, making us both very uncomfortable. I was ready to leave. I’d had enough of babysitting for one day. If things hadn’t gone down the way they had, I’d stay with her as long as she needed and probably insist on sticking around longer. But things had ended badly and while I didn’t wish her ill will, I had no desire to stick around someone that could treat me like crap when I was trying to help. I understood why she did what she did, but that didn’t make it alright in my book.
“I’m gonna head home. Will you be alright here?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. Are you sure you don’t want to stick around for dinner? I mean, you made it.”
“No, that’s okay.” I picked up my jacket and headed for the door. “I have stuff to do. Don’t forget to lock the door when I leave.”
I opened the door and then walked out, waiting until I heard the lock click in place before heading down the hall. When I got in the truck, I called Sean for an update.
“Sean, give me some good news. Tell me you have a lead on this guy.”
“Sorry. We’ve got nothing. We ran his sketch through the database, but we haven’t gotten any hits yet. We sent out an APB, but we haven’t heard anything yet. How’s Cece holding up?”
“She slept all day. You should have seen her when I found her. She was practically in the street and she was hyperventilating. I don’t know how she’s gonna make it back into the office.”
“You never did tell me what happened between the two of you.”
“I’m aware.”
“That was my way of politely asking what happened.”
“Yep. I’m aware.”
“But you aren’t going to tell me.”
“Nope. Just leave it alone. What’s done is done and nothing’s gonna change that. Just keep me posted on what’s going on with the case.”
“If you two are done, then why do you care?”
“Because I’m not an asshole.”
I hung up the phone before he could say anything else. I didn’t need my friends asking a lot of questions. In their eyes, I was already a screw up. I’d had the hottest fucking girl in the world and I had screwed it up big time. I wasn’t the only one to blame, but I put the wheels in motion. A huge part of me wanted to run back to her and make everything better for her, but I wouldn’t be the idiot that pined away after a girl that had no interest in me other than sex.
✯✯✯✯✯
I threw myself into work throughout the week. I tried my best not think about Cece and wonder what she was up to. That was difficult to achieve considering that I called Sean every day to find out if there was anything new on the case. He’d taken the police sketch to her workplace and shown it around the building, but nobody recognized the guy. Then, he went by her apartment and showed it to the building manager and they’d agreed to hang the sketch in the lobby along with a notice to call the police if he was seen.
Still, none of this made Cece any safer and I didn’t think I would be able to sleep well at night until this guy was caught. As much as I tried not to care, she had gotten under my skin and I was hooked. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do about that fact. Unfortunately,
Sean knew my secret. He hadn’t come out and said it, but the way he talked to me suggested that he was well aware of the depth of my feelings for Cece.
Sean called me on Friday while I was at the office. I was in a meeting and it bugged the shit out of me that I couldn’t get up and leave to call him back. If he was calling, it meant he had something and I was dying to know what that was. As soon as I left, I went to my office and called him.
“Sean, tell me you have good news.”
“I don’t have good news per se, but I do have a possible lead. I showed the sketch down at the club and the bartender said that he’s usually there on Friday and Saturday nights. He didn’t have a name, so I have nothing to go on, but I was thinking that if this guy really wants Cece, maybe we could draw him out.”
“You want to use Cece as bait? Are fucking kidding me? No. No way. There’s no way she’ll be able to go to that club knowing that he’ll be there.”
“She’d be okay if you were there with her. I already got approval to take a few officers to the club on Friday and Saturday to be there, if Cece is willing to work with us. This is our best shot at catching this guy.”
“Don’t they have video feed at the bar? We could find him on video and track his credit cards…”
“He always pays in cash. Logan, we have no other way to track him.”
I was quiet as I thought about it. I didn’t want to put Cece in any danger, but it might be more dangerous to leave this psycho on the loose. Even if he never came after Cece again, she would always wonder if he was watching her, and as long as he was free, he could do the same or worse to other women.
“Alright, I’ll talk to Cece about it, but if she doesn’t want to do it, I’m not going to try to persuade her otherwise.”
“That’s all I’m asking. Let me know what she says. We could go tonight if it works for her.”
Logan Page 13
