Mama Ange closed her eyes, looking exhausted all of the sudden.
“I wish I could.” Her eyes opened again and she looked immeasurably grieved. “But I would not ask that of him. These were things set in motion a long time ago, which very few Capestranas have escaped. Choices made by my first husband, then by me… ‘The sins of the father.’ Or in this case, the mother.” Mama Ange sighed.
“I don’t understand,” I said, staring at her.
“When Axe is ready, he will explain.” She wiped at her eyes. “But know this. I have never seen Axe so full of joy, of life. I’ve been so very worried about him this last year, but now I feel that fear disappearing. Before you go any further, though, you need to understand.”
Mama Ange focused on me intently and the rest of the world melted away.
“If you want to be with a Capestrana man, you must do what Angelino asked of you. You have to accept him as he is, not try to save him or change him. And when you commit to a man like Axe, you commit to his whole family. In Sicilian culture, that is how it is. It’s a very serious thing, and with the Capestranas especially. Trust me, I know. I married into this family. I chose to accept my first husband as he was. I loved him.” She hesitated for a long moment and I could feel my heart pounding in my chest.
“But such a commitment. It comes with a heavy burden,” Mama Ange whispered solemnly.
Inclining my head, tears falling fast and thick, I fell into her open arms, sobbing quietly. Axe’s grandmother began stroking my hair and humming as I came to grips with what she and Axe were telling me.
I had to make an impossible choice.
Either I accepted Axe—all of him. The danger, the lifestyle, his protection, his family…all of it.
Or, once this mess with Ruffino was over, I walked away.
It was that simple.
So why did it seem like the most gut-wrenching choice I’d ever been faced with?
Chapter Seventeen
Axe
Leaving Mama Ange’s house had been harder than I’d thought it would be – we’d left nearly two hours later than I’d meant to. Everyone was upset. Even though I’d explained till I was blue in the face to Mama Ange, Beppe, and Trina that the Feds had set us up in a safe house – they’d argued with me for nearly an hour to stay.
We’d been eating dinner when my phone had blown up with texts with an address and a complex door key code, followed by a long-ass novel from Mike about meeting Brenna’s doppelganger tomorrow.
So Mama Ange had sent us off with plenty of leftovers, hugs, and kisses. Even the dogs had howled at our goodbyes, and Trina had to shut up Teddy to keep him from following us.
It was after nine when we pulled up to the safe house. It was on the other side of Ehlrich and seemed fine – just a normal looking place in a quiet neighborhood. No one visibly guarding the place, but that was probably intentional. Overall, it seemed like a good spot to lay low and not get noticed. There was no question, I’d have preferred to have Brenna surrounded by ten thugs strapped with Oozies somewhere a thousand miles away, but you can’t always get what you want. Tomorrow, God willing, this would all be over.
We’d barely stepped inside when I saw a low-slung sports car roll down the road and shook my head with a grin. I knew that car.
Mama Ange had sent one of the boys to watch over us.
Family. Couldn’t live with ‘em…
We set down our bags and locked the doors. Then, I texted Mike and my family to let them know that we’d arrived safely.
Everything was going exactly according to plan, but something was nagging at me, prickling along my neck. I sternly told myself it was just Mama Ange and Trina making me worry. If a Capestrana wasn’t nervous about working with the Feds, that would be weird.
I stood in the middle of the hallway, gazing up the stairs.
“Axe?” Brenna asked.
“Yeah, what?” I asked, trying to snap out of it.
“I just… kinda wanna change. And you’re blocking the way. Are you okay? You’re kinda glaring at the stairs.” Brenna’s tone was quiet and subdued, even as she tried to tease me.
“I’m fine,” I grunted, handing Brenna her bag.
She gave me a strange, almost forlorn look, then opened her mouth to say something. But then she closed it and vanished upstairs. I wandered around the house, checking things out, and trying to quash the uneasy feelings that kept cropping up.
Finally I went upstairs too, and dawdled in front of her door. More than anything I wanted to sleep next to Brenna tonight. But I had no idea if we were sharing a bed or not since our fight. I had no clue where we stood.
If we stood anywhere.
And even though I’d apologized, Brenna hadn’t been herself. She was quiet, pale, and withdrawn – and her gaze kept returning to some lost place a thousand miles away. The twins’ antics with the dogs had barely brought a smile to her face – which prompted Trina and Mama Ange to fuss over Brenna all evening, while exchanging worried looks behind her back.
Rapping on her door, leaving my bag in the hall, I slowly entered when she answered. She had changed into baggy sweats and a tank top and was standing in front of the mirror, brushing her long hair. Her eyes seemed big and fragile as she met my gaze in the glass.
“Will you sleep with me tonight?” I muttered. There was no point in beating around the bush. We’d been through too much for games and who knew what might happen tomorrow?
“Um… I…” Her hand began to shake and she put the brush down, not looking at me. “I-I don’t know if that’s a good idea, Axe.” Brenna’s voice was like a caress and a blow at the same time.
“Why not?” My stomach clenched and I stepped closer to her, wishing like hell I could wipe the sadness off her face.
“Oh, Axe.” She looked at me, tears gemming her eyelashes. “I-I don’t know how…”
My heart was cracking in my chest, as some instinct warned me not to push her, but I ignored it and took her by the shoulders, turning her to face me. “What’s up? Why’re you crying?”
“I have to tell you something.” Brenna gazed at me steadily, her tears now slipping down her cheeks. “I want to stay with you but tonight…” Her lean throat worked as she swallowed audibly. “Tonight would be the last time.”
I let out a long hiss of pain. “Do I get to know the reason why?”
Brenna put a hand on my face. “I’m so sorry, Axe. I-I can’t accept it. I know you asked me to, but I can’t. This world you live in… Your family, this lifestyle…”
“Are you serious? After everything, after meeting them – you still think my family is nothing but a bunch of mobsters? No better than the Ruffinos?” I demanded, pulling away from her. I so wasn’t ready to hear this shit right now.
She wet her lips, her expression a mask of pain. “You were honest with me, I’m trying to do the same.” Her voice scraped against her throat. “I’ve been through hell this last year – It’s not you. I just don’t want to be in this world ever again.” She paused, struggling and sniffling. “And, I know this sounds crazy after knowing each other for such a short time, but, Jesus, Axe.” She shrugged and let out a sad little laugh. “I want kids one day. I can’t be with a man who’s going to be out there, taking risks, breaking laws, always with a target on his back. It would kill me. So no, I don’t think you’re some gangster, and I love your family. But not enough to stand by every day and watch you put yourself in harm’s way.”
Her words fucking hurt, because they were true, but, selfish bastard that I was, I wanted her too much…wanted this too much to give up without a fight. “It’s not always like this. Our world isn’t what you think. At least let me explain.”
And I want kids, too.
I held that part in because it seemed almost cruel at this point. I scrubbed a hand over my jaw and bit back a snarl.
Jesus, when had our lives turned into a low-budget Shakespeare tragedy?
Brenna held up her hands and shook her head. “There�
��s no point. I don’t want to be woken up in the middle of the night by a phone call saying you’re gone. You died by a bullet or something worst. Every time you left me, I’d be worried sick.”
Brenna’s eyes were shining with tears and she stepped towards me, taking my hand. She pressed it to her face. “Please don’t try to change my mind. Because you could, but damn it, it wouldn’t be fair.”
God, she had never looked so beautiful to me.
Taking a deep breath, she met my eyes and tried to smile. “We have tonight. And I love you. You have my heart, my body, my soul. I wish it were different. But I know I can’t do this. I’m so sorry,” she whispered.
She loved me.
Just the day before, I’d thought if I heard those words from Brenna, I would have said them back. Handed my twisted heart to her on a platter.
But I was stunned into silence. Visions of Brenna in a white dress, children with her eyes, and a house in the mountains – all vanished. Nothing but absolute agony and devastation filled me.
I didn’t want her or our future family at risk. My grandmother lived that life. She’d paid the price for it. A heavy one. I still remembered the dark days of the funerals over the years – the gray faces of my family, their haunted eyes. I didn’t want that life. That constant dread, always looking over your shoulder, worrying about your loved ones. My mother was murdered when I was sixteen. Gunned down, doing a favor for the family. I didn’t want to ever go through the pain of losing the woman I loved, like my father did. It almost killed him – never mind the rest of us… They didn’t let us see the body. We never got to say goodbye.
I promised I’d do anything for this girl. If it took walking away from the family to have her?
I’d walk away.
But I didn’t tell Brenna any of that.
Don’t try to change my mind, because you could.
Until the Ruffinos were put away, I had nothing to offer her. No promise I could keep. No safe haven. Once this was over, we’d have time to work it out. Until then, I just had to believe she loved me the way I loved her, and take this time with Brenna and make it count.
Running my hand over her hair, I tipped her head back, and we looked at each other. Brenna’s face was still sparkling with tears, but she’d stopped crying. There was a resigned, defeated look in her eyes – along with fiery passion – and the truest, deepest kind of love.
I leaned down and took her mouth, my chest aching.
Never had a kiss been so bittersweet.
Chapter Eighteen
Brenna
At first Axe kissed me slowly, as though savoring the moment, cupping my face in both hands, and his touch was gentle, deliberate…
But in the blink of an eye, he wrapped his arms around me, and our kiss became frenzied.
Wild.
Everything.
Heat flared deep in my belly and between my legs. When he broke away from me, we were both flushed, and breathing heavily.
Axe stared at me for a long moment like he wanted to say something. But then he just grabbed my hand and pulled me across the hall – picking up his bag along the way.
He led me into the master bedroom, slamming the door shut behind us before letting go of my hand.
The room was dim, dappled in moonlight. I barely got a look at it before Axe’s hands were around my waist. He picked me up and set me on the edge of the mattress. It was so high off the floor, we were almost at eye level. Gazing at him, unable to break eye contact, I could see his face was tense, his eyes smoldering. In that moment, I resolved to put all the pain and despair inside me into this night. I wouldn’t think about tomorrow. Or a life without Axe.
I’d think of only this.
Like he’d read my mind, his mouth slanted over mine, hungrier and more desperate than ever before. I kissed him back in the same way, committing it all to memory.
Every last touch. His scent. The heat of his body.
I moved my hands down and slid them up into his shirt, feeling his warm skin underneath my cold fingers. Axe let out a small puff of air as I reached higher, exploring the broad muscles of his hard back, and then he sighed, pulling away.
Taking a deep breath, I dragged off his shirt, and stared at him. He was so gorgeous it made my heart ache – so strong and tough – a study in contrasts with his hidden-away but soft heart.
“Axe,” I murmured, running my hands up the solid planes of his abs, smoothing them over his chest, and up around his neck to his face. His eyes closed under my touch and he kissed my palm.
For a moment, time seemed to stop, and I just gazed at him, in awe and heart-wrenching adoration.
This was real.
I love you. I love you so much.
Then Axe opened his eyes and looked at me – his hazel eyes wavering between wild lust and anguish – his jaw set, brow drawn. He closed his fingers over the hem of my shirt, sweeping it over my head, and then unclasped my bra. His breath came out in a gasp as my breasts slipped forward, nipples peaking in the cool air.
“Perfect,” he whispered. But he didn’t touch me there. Not yet.
He reached into my waistband, tugging my sweats off. When he saw I wasn’t wearing any panties, he groaned, then pulled me to him, kissing me again.
I locked my legs around his waist and let out a moan as he rubbed against me, his hard length straining against his jeans, causing sweet friction between my thighs. My mind was getting foggy as he trailed his soft lips down my jaw and neck. Slowly, he continued down to my shoulder, before closing his teeth over my collarbone lightly. I gasped, arching against him.
“So fucking hot,” Axe murmured, now making his way down my chest, to my stomach, and then twirled his tongue around my belly button. A moan fluttered from my lips as he pushed me back on the bed, and leaned over me.
“What’re you doing?” I asked, propping myself up on my elbows, and watching as his head moved lower and lower. Now he was between my legs and a shiver shot up my spine.
Axe bit the inside of my thigh and I clutched at the blankets, mewling helplessly. “I need to taste you,” he said in a low, sexy voice.
A warm breath blew on my hot, aching center and my hips bounced up off the bed, as I tried to pull away. It was too much. Surely, if he put his mouth on me, I’d literally ignite into flames.
“No, what are you… Oh!”
Axe’s tongue slipped inside me and I cried out, writhing on the bed. Without thinking, I tried to lock my legs together. To keep him there or hold him still, I couldn’t say. But Axe wasn’t having it. He spread me wide to his molten gaze and pinned me there with his broad shoulders.
Sparks of heat and pleasure raced over my skin – but it was still too much and I gripped the blankets in my fists as his tongue laved me without restraint, working that bundle of nerves over and over. It was building so fast… too fast…
“Ah, fuck. Fuck…” The rest of my words trailed off into moans as Axe nipped at me then, moving his tongue faster now. Harder.
My body was starting to spasm under his touch and he urged me on, the vibrations of his low groans rumbling through me. He slid one finger in now, too, curling up, and hitting some secret spot inside me. And I shattered under his touch.
Arching up and crying out his name – I felt like an inferno blazing into the sky. My body clutched at his finger, my thighs clamping over his shoulders as wave after wave crashed over me. His movements slowed and then ceased as I fell backward onto the mattress, limp and gasping.
Wrecked. He’d wrecked me for anyone else.
I pushed the thought aside viciously. No one was going to take the rest of this night from me. Not even myself.
I pushed him to stand and leaned closer to the massive length pressing against his jeans. Jesus, he was huge. But I finally got what he meant by wanting to taste me…
“I want to do that to you,” I said, fighting the heat blazing in my cheeks. “But I’m not… I don’t know how.” I licked my lips, staring at him.
The hunger on his face only fueled my determination as I slipped off the bed and dropped to my knees. My hands were shaking as I undid his pants and slid them down.
Nervous, yet brimming with excitement, I pulled down his boxers, and freed his rigid shaft. It bobbed forward, massive and thick, tip glistening. I glanced up at him, suddenly unsure. What if I did it wrong? What if--
“Ah, yeah,” Axe groaned, fisting a gentle hand in my hair. “Fuck, you look so hot. I can’t wait to see your sweet little mouth wrapped around me.”
I hesitated another moment, then wrapped my hands around the base of him, and touched my tongue to the smooth head of his cock. A masculine, salty taste filled my mouth, and Axe groaned deep in his throat.
Something wicked and powerful came over me, and I began to bob my head back and forth, licking and tasting him.
Axe let out another profoundly male groan, bolstering my confidence as he guided my head along his length, murmuring encouragements. Impossibly, his cock seemed to swell even more within my mouth as I worked him.
I felt like I was almost in a trance, so deep into him and the taste and feel of him that it was like a dream. Everything else faded away until I was nothing but my senses. The smooth, velvety texture of him in my hand, the sharp tug of his fingers in my hair as his motions grew more frantic. The sound of his breath growing harsher with each passing second. The taste of the hot, pearly liquid in my mouth.
“You gotta stop. I’m gonna come, Bren. You gotta stop,” he commanded.
But I kept on, drawing him deeper, murmuring in satisfaction as the head of his cock battered the flesh at the back of my throat. I dove deeper, gagging but going back for more, desperate to consume him.
My world spun as he dragged me up by the shoulders and flipped me onto the bed, ass up.
“I want to feel that pussy squeezing me when I come, pecorelle. I want to feel you go over the edge with me,” he ground out.
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