“Hey, Giulio. The fabled Ruffino girl. Do you happen to know her name?”
He nodded and tapped the side of his head. “As a matter of fact, I do, because it’s the same as my godmother’s, God rest her soul.” Giulio crossed himself again. “Isabella. Isabella Ruffino.”
My vision went blurry as fury and pain ripped through me. Vaguely I heard Giulio saying goodbye, and saw him hurrying down the street. My hands clenched, crumpling the box in my hands, and I threw it into the trash, chest heaving as all the puzzle pieces clicked into place with an audible snap.
Isabella Ruffino. Sent overseas…Paris, no doubt.
Jesus Christ, she did me good. Everything between us had been an act. All fucking lies to get inside my head and my heart and destroy my family. I’d tripped up. No doubt about it. I let that body and that angel face blind me.
But no more.
Bella Ruffino had fucked with the wrong guy.
Bella
I woke up slowly, reluctant to leave the warmth of Colt’s bed. But as I lay there, my heart began to flutter in my chest with anxiety, and a sense of impending doom closed in around me. Touching my neck, again I had the sensation of a rope slowly tightening.
Panicking a little, I threw back the covers, and got up.
In the bright light of morning, the flowers seemed even more numerous, and a small smile formed on my face. Touching the lovely white blossoms that made up the lily-of-the-valley, I thought about how in France, come spring, it was tradition to give these very flowers to the one you loved. I was sure Colt must have known that.
You can do this. You have to do this. You love him.
Taking a deep breath, I straightened my shoulders. Then I got dressed, and went to find Colt. The apartment was empty except for Toro. He cocked his head, then followed me into the bathroom, and sat by my feet.
After splashing water on my face, I picked up the very towel I’d used to dry my tears the night before, and stared at it. You should have come clean then, screamed the voice in my head. My hands shook and I dropped it. I gripped the marble counter, wishing it was over with, and my breath went shallow.
Toro let out a whine and I glanced down at him. His big brown eyes focused on my face and he pawed my knee. Then, clearly sensing my distress, he snuggled closer, whimpering.
Patting his head, I forced myself to look back into the mirror, and practice what I was going to say. “Colt.” My voice sounded thin and weak. “All those times you asked me. No.” I paused. “You were always so sweet to worry about what was wrong… Christ.” I bit my lip.
“Colt, I’m a Ruffino. Sorry?”
Acid seemed to bubble in my mouth as I said it and I saw my cheeks pale.
Thinking about what I now knew about my family, I wondered how angry Colt would be.
Those ugly rumors that were true, the illegal sex slavery, Justin’s crimes, my father’s cruelty – the endless list of the Ruffino sins.
Then I thought about Brenna, how she was one of those sins, and she had still extended the hand of friendship. Her kindness and encouragement soothed me once again.
Colt’s got it bad. It’s all anyone can talk about.
Well, at least there was one good thing I got from my father. My strength of will.
I was a Ruffino, and a Ruffino didn’t give up without a fight.
Nodding firmly, I started over.
“Colt. This isn’t easy for me to tell you because it involves our families. My last name isn’t Lesaude. It’s Ruffino. And up until two days ago, I’d never known the full extent of what that meant in Ehlrich. I’m so sorry. I was sent overseas very young, hidden from this world. I made a terrible mistake in judging your family, and you. But I know the truth now…”
I trailed off, thinking that sounded better. The words were coming together now.
Setting my jaw, I stared at myself in the mirror. Hell no was I gonna give up Colt without a fight. This was the right path, the one where I followed my heart.
Last night had been so powerful. And Colt had felt it, too. I’d seen it in his eyes.
Maybe, just maybe, I had a shot of convincing him that I’d been truthful about the thing that mattered most. Toro lifted his head at that moment and I heard Colt enter the apartment.
“Let’s go, Toro.” My hands were shaking and I wrapped them together. Slowly I walked down the hall, feeling every footstep, every beat of my heart, every inhale, and every exhale.
Colt was standing in the middle of the kitchen as I walked in.
Suddenly it was as though a fist had reached inside my chest and squeezed. He’d completely shut down. His eyes were distant, his arms crossed, and a strange, cruel smile played around his mouth.
And I knew in that instant that there was nothing to tell. Not anymore.
Because he already knew.
“I’m sorry.” My voice shook. “I was just about to come and tell you…I know I should’ve already told you, but I tried and I couldn’t—” I was rambling and I swallowed. “Colt. I didn’t… I’m sorry. Up until—”
“Get your shit and go call someone who gives a fuck, Bella,” Colt cut me off, eerily calm.
Pain and dread pooled into my stomach. I clutched it, feeling sick. But I was also confused.
Of all the ways I’d expected Colt to react, this wasn’t it. It was like he felt…nothing.
Slowly, I said, “I don’t understand how you’re so calm right now. You have every right to hate me. I’d be furious if I were you. After everything between us—”
Colt chuckled darkly, and I stopped, watching as his smile twisted more. “You’re joking, right? Or do you actually wanna know?” He shrugged, dropping his arms, and stretching them in front of him. “I have to admit, I’m a little irritated that I let myself get suckered by the likes of a Ruffino, but it’s not like I actually cared about you.” Toro, who was sitting at my feet, whined a little. “Maybe the dog did, so I guess you suckered him too. But we’ll both get over it.”
Air was moving in and out of my lungs, blood through my body, but I couldn’t understand how. There was nothing left but a gaping hole in my chest where my heart had been. I stared at him.
“You look like I just slapped you, but what do you want me to say? You were a fine piece of ass, the finest at my club. I’d have liked to keep fucking you, but the ‘I love you’ thing was a little much anyway. This saves me the trouble of trying to shake you when I get bored. Plenty of other tail in this town. So you can go. Someone will be along soon enough to fill your place.”
His voice was so light, it was almost incredible how deeply it cut. Toro pressed himself into my legs, as though unnerved by his master. As for me? I guess my heart wasn’t gone after all. A hot dagger had stabbed right through it. Then, anger poured in, attempting to cauterize the wound.
“Take that back, Colt,” I said in a soft, dangerous voice.
“What?” He raised an eyebrow.
“You don’t mean any of that,” I said, now clenching my icy fists by my side. “What, you think I forgot what you said last night? The things you’ve done for me? I know you.”
“Oh really?” Colt put his hands behind his head and shrugged. “Like I know you? Think about it, Bella. We were both playing a part. Now our little play is over. I got what I wanted, and I’m sorry you didn’t, but them’s the breaks.” I had the sudden urge to slap him. “Listen, I’ll give you some credit, if that’s what you want. Somewhat impressive beginning, moderately entertaining act two.” He shot me a cold look. “Lackluster finale. It’s over. Get out. Now. And thank your lucky stars I don’t care enough to wring your fucking neck for trying to screw with my family.”
His words should’ve scared me, but despite what he thought, I did know him. I knew his heart and I knew his family, and he wasn’t wringing any necks in this room.
“I’m not until you take back what you just said to me.” Tears were welling in my eyes, but I was trying to grab onto that anger so I wouldn’t break into a million tiny pie
ces.
Colt let out a malicious laugh. “Like most women, you’re confusing sex and intimacy. You really are unbelievably naive for someone who tried to play me. And I don’t have time for your desperate attempts to keep up with these mind games. You’re out of your league, Rabbit,” he said dismissively.
“Take it back, Colt,” I said, my voice breaking. “Take it back and then we can talk about this.”
He tilted his head and smirked. But there was no humor in it. “No, thanks.”
“Colt, I didn’t know anything that was happening here. I was overseas. I was kept a secret, just as much as this world was kept a secret from me. Please, please hear me. I am begging you. You really just wanna throw what’s between us away?” The anger began to ebb. One of my hands found my throat, and I wondered how anyone could feel this much pain standing in front of the person they loved.
Looking me over, Colt laughed again. “That’s just it. I’m not throwing anything away. There was nothing there. Not a thing. It was all in your head.”
I stared at him in utter disbelief. The anger was gone. My entire body shook, pressure building in my throat, and the dagger in my heart twisted.
All in your head.
Toro whined, then pawed my leg, staring up at me. Without thinking, I let my fingers drag across his silky head, taking that small comfort.
“Toro, go lay down,” Colt said, his voice edged with harshness. The dog seemed to shoot him a long look before padding away into the living room. As I continued to stare at Colt, I saw a muscle flex in his jaw.
“Please,” I whispered. “I meant what I said last night. And you did too.”
Colt’s eyes glinted. “Keep telling yourself whatever you need to hear, but while you’re doing that, get the fuck out.” Where his voice had sounded so calm before, the harsh edges crept up more. Again that muscle in his jaw flicked. “Now.”
“You’re better than this,” I stammered out.
“Christ, you really like to drag shit out, don’t you? Listen, you were a fine piece of ass, a decent lay, and a pretty easy one at that.” I recoiled as though my skin had been laid open by a whip. “But ask yourself this. If I loved you, why would your last name matter?”
My lips parted as my mind went blank. Colt’s detached gaze was far worse than if he’d been angry. I was spinning through space, falling into the abyss below the hangman’s platform, and the rope was cutting off my air supply.
Both of my hands were at my throat now.
Whispers filled the empty void of my mind.
And it all came tumbling down.
Almost on instinct, I reached for him. Tears spilled down my face and my trembling fingers landed on his arm for a brief moment. He pulled away, turning his back on me. Vaguely, I realized he was shaking, but I couldn’t focus on that. I couldn’t think straight anymore. His words, his gaze, and everything else was thrashing through me like a beast in agony.
I forced myself to turn and found my way back to the bedroom. I scooped up my things, and rushed past him to the door. A minute later, I was outside walking to the bus, tears tracking icy paths down my face.
He didn’t care about me at all. He never did.
All those charming words… Mere ploys to get me into bed.
Because it was like Colt said, right? He would have been at least a little upset. He would have fought back, asked questions, demanded answers.
As I walked, I didn’t even bother trying to pick up the pieces of my heart. It was beyond any kind of repair, shattered to oblivion.
Memories speared through me and I stopped. Helplessly I looked around, as though someone would tell me what to do next. Then, closing my eyes, I remembered it all.
Our lunch at the bistro where we got drunk on wine, the Argentine tango, our bond over music, movies, and art. I’d daydreamed about the places we might visit. The things we might do.
The way we’d kissed, made love, and that powerful connection.
All lies.
Was anything in my life real? Was this my fate forever?
Unable to take it anymore, I sank to the ground, and wrapped my arms around myself.
Deep down, I’d always known it was wrong, and I’d spent the last month feeling sick with guilt over playing him the way I had. The thought had comforted me at the time.
Now it made me sick.
Little did I know the whole time I was being played by the master.
Chapter Twenty
Colt
Uncapping the bottle of scotch, I poured myself a glass, and squinted at the iPad screen. Out loud I muttered, “Payment not received? What the fuck?” Then I downed the amber liquid, poured another, and downed that too.
It burned my throat, dulling my headache, but not doing a damn thing about the ragged piece of steel currently skewering my dead heart.
It was midday, maybe. I was sitting at the bar in the club and trying to tie up a thousand loose ends. I hadn’t done payroll yet, and now a liquor shipment wasn’t coming in because I’d forgotten to send a check. Now we’d be out of booze soon and my staff was missing their paychecks.
Great.
And even though a girl was up on stage auditioning for headliner, I could barely bring myself to pay attention. My eyes were heavy, my body aching, and I couldn’t for the life of me remember the last time I’d consumed something that didn’t come from a bottle.
Whatever, I’d get food eventually. Once I could stop making stupid mistakes and actually run my business.
Also, unable to deal with the crappy songs these girls had picked, I’d plugged in headphones. I’d just needed something to help keep me focused and I couldn’t care less what came on shuffle. The music that poured out carved into my consciousness like a scalpel, and my hand started to shake.
Cold Hard Love. Tory Lanez. One of Bella’s songs.
Our songs.
Hastily, I put my glass down, trying to skip it. But my fucking fingers couldn’t seem to operate the buttons. Now it was like metal teeth were gnawing inside my chest and I almost expected to feel warm blood leaking across my cold skin. And then the memories started up again.
Tossing her hair, Bella danced across the stage of the Margari, smiling like she had a delicious secret. Then we were locked together on the floor, performing the tango. She was both annoyed and impressed with me.
And as much as I tried to crush it down, that time together in the dressing room filled my mind. The way she’d looked, the way our bodies came together, and the way she’d said my name.
As the song played on, my eyes closed.
Bella, drenched from the rain, standing on my doorstep. I was unsure of how she got there, but relieved she did.
Bella wearing bunny ears and biting her lip.
Bella sassing me in French, then Italian.
Bella’s face blossoming as we talked about our favorite places abroad.
Bella gazing around at the flowers in my room, her eyes shining.
I could still taste her sweet skin, smell her perfume, and hear her laughter.
Throat tight, I yanked out the headphones and resisted the urge to smash the iPad. I’d give just about anything to stop the endless loop of her running through my mind right about now.
You’d think after days of not sleeping, my brain wouldn’t even fucking work anymore.
But she haunted me, because that’s what Ruffinos did.
Persistent, unwelcome thorns tangling around people’s souls.
And right on schedule, I saw her face when I said those things to her. The green in her eyes drowning in tears, her hands at her throat, and her lips parted. Body curving in as though to ward off blows. Acting like I’d stabbed her right in the heart.
Never mind the fact that she’d been using me all along. And now she wouldn’t leave.
Leaning on my hand, I gritted my teeth as agony ripped through me.
She’d looked so broken. But more than that she’d looked stunned and disillusioned. Her sad, shaking voice now filled my
ears.
I love you.
Fuck. Even after I’d said all those terrible, shitty things to her, she’d said that. In fact, she’d acted so damn fierce, I’d almost believed her for a second.
Now the guilt washed over me and I rubbed my face. The liquor burned in my gut and I felt like I was going to heave. I’d said some awful things in my life, but I’d never destroyed someone quite like that. The ashes of those words were still choking me.
Swallowing hard, I now saw Bella with my family. Rage stiffened my entire body. While I was aching with despair, I was also full of rage. I didn’t know where my fury at her ended and my anger at myself began. I’d let her get so close. I’d almost fucked us all over.
It was disgraceful.
Me, the eldest son, the one who was supposed to keep an eye on everything, keep us safe, and have a sixth sense for danger.
Instead, I’d fallen in love with the enemy. Brought her to my grandmother’s birthday. Let her right in. Bought her a fucking ring.
My temper was kindling into an inferno again.
The outside door banged open, light pouring in as someone entered. The sound and the brief sunlight made my head ache sharply.
Glancing up, I saw it was Dante, who waved at me. Then he walked over to the stage. The girl was still dancing and I watched her with glazed eyes. Suddenly Dante was calling her over and she crouched down as he said something. Then, to my annoyance, she vanished.
“What the fuck are you doing?” I called out. “Auditions, hello?”
Dante hurried over, smoothing his mustache, and looking pensive. Sliding into the seat next to me, he looked me over, and wrinkled his nose.
“Hey, Colt. You’re, uh, fragrant,” he joked. “I like the new look.”
“Fuck off. So I didn’t take a shower or shave today,” I growled, irritated at his jauntiness. “Can you please go get her back here? I don’t have time for this right now.”
“Missed you at Maria’s recital the other night,” Dante said lightly, as though I hadn’t spoken. “We told her you were sick, don’t worry.”
Better to Eat You Page 55
