Dancing Fawn

by Ginger Simpson

  Green Eyes brought a blast of cold air on her heels when Fawn invited her inside. She sat next to the fire and brushed stray snowflakes from her clothing. “My goodness, I do believe this is the coldest it has been since I have been coming to our winter camp.”

  “Is it snowing again?”

  “Only if you pass too closely under a tree.” Green Eyes chuckled.

  “I’m glad you came. Little Elk is hunting again, and I needed some company. I’m awfully glad he doesn’t mind traipsing around in the snow looking for food. I wouldn’t be very good at it.”

  “Me neither. Lone Eagle went too and took Little Cloud. I got tired of talking to myself.” She eyed the deerskin spread across Fawn’s lap. “What are you working on?”

  “Little Elk’s Christmas present.”

  Green Eyes fingered the fabric and inspected the decoration. “I am very proud of you. You have learned well.”

  “I had hoped to have all the beads and quills on by now, but I still don’t feel well.”

  “I wanted to talk to you about that.”

  “About being ill? I would have thought anything bad I ate would have passed through me by now.”

  “One would think that if that was the problem in the first place.” She smiled. “When did you have your last moon time?”

  Fawn rubbed the back of her neck. “I…I can’t recall.”

  “I thought about you after you left last night and remembered you had not mentioned visiting the women’s hut for some time. Think! When was the last time you bled?”

  “I really don’t know. I’m not very good at keeping track.” Fawn bit her bottom lip and searched her memory. “I think my time happened only once since I came here.

  Green Eyes raised a brow. “Describe how you have been feeling.”

  “Well, my stomach feels like it’s turning flips. The nausea is worse in the mornings or after I eat. Today, even the smell of cooking makes me sick.”

  Her friend clapped her hands. “Oh, Fawn. I think maybe, come summer, you will have a baby.”

  “A baby?” Fawn swallowed her shock. “But how?”

  “Oh, Fawn, do you really not know how babies are made?”

  “Mama and I never talked about such things.”

  “You have shared your blankets and body with a man, and he planted a seed in your woman’s place. From that seed your child will grow.”

  “But, what if I am not ready to be a mother?” Fawn gulped.

  “Well, my sweet girl, it is too late to wonder about that. You have several months to prepare, and I will be right by your side.”

  After the initial shock wore off, Fawn glanced at the shirt in her lap. “I have to finish this before Little Elk comes home. I had wanted this to be his surprise, but it appears nature has given me a bigger one to present.”

  After they finished laughing, the two women sat together and worked on finishing Little Elk’s gift. Fawn paused from sewing on a bead and touched her stomach. “I still can’t believe I’m going to have a baby.”

  “You are blessed by Wakan Takan. I so envy you.” Green Eyes sighed.

  “Thank you… but, but I’m scared.”

  “Do not fear. I will be here to help, and Rain Woman knows everything about birthing. She helped bring my child into the world, as well as half the children in the village. I will not lie to you. Giving birth is not easy, but you are strong and healthy. You will have a beautiful baby. Just look at how handsome the parents are.”

  Nausea struck again, and Fawn swallowed hard. “I may be strong, but I’m not certain about the healthy part.” She clutched her middle. “I don’t think I can handle being sick every day.”

  Green Eyes patted her arm. “The illness usually goes away after a moon or two. Then, you wait and watch your baby grow inside you.”

  “Am I going to be fat and ugly?”

  “No. A woman with child is beautiful and cherished by all. She carries within her a new life that will prolong the bloodline of the people. I truly wish I could give that gift to my husband.”

  Fawn’s hand clutched her throat. “But Little Elk isn’t my husband. Will I go to hell for letting an Indian bed me…I’ve heard that’s what happens?”

  “Surely, God will not judge you badly…especially when he is giving you such a gift.” She paused and patted Fawn’s tummy. “When will you tell Little Elk?”

  “I don’t know. How do I tell him?”

  Arching, Green Eyes massaged her back. “Do not worry. You will find a perfet time and place. Now, if we do not get busy on this shirt, Christmas will be here and gone.” Her gaze turned blank, and she fell silent.

  “What’s wrong?”

  Green Eyes shook her head. “Nothing. I was just remembering a Christmas many years ago, when I too, made a gift to surprise the man I love. Mine was a pouch, and Lone Eagle liked it very much…just like Little Elk will love this shirt.”

  She smiled, but her misty eyes revealed a sadness Fawn had never seen before.

  Fawn grasped her friend’s hand. “Have I told you how glad I am to have you in my life? I no longer have a mother to turn to, so I’m relying on you. My child and I need you.”

  * * *

  Leaving Fawn to finish the final touches on the shirt, Green Eyes went to prepare dinner for her husband. Fawn put her sewing aside and stretched her hands over her head to ease the cramp in the small of her back. Male voices sounded outside. She scurried and hid the shirt then retrieved the stick used as a spit. Her thoughts jumbled. How should she tell him about the baby? Should she wait? What if Green Eyes was wrong and there was no baby? Fawn pushed her muddled thoughts aside and speared a rabbit she had earlier cleaned.

  Little Elk slogged in, bringing a trail of snow with him. He removed his heavy coat and turned. Tiredness ringed his eyes with darkness, but his smile melted her heart. “Did you have a good day, my woman?”

  She lowered the spit to the two supporting sticks on either side of the fire. “Besides cleaning your dinner?”

  Taking his coat from him, she shook the remaining snow free and hung the heavy fur on the drying rack. “I also visited with Green Eyes. She has taught me so much about your people and their customs…as well as helping me perfect my sewing skills.”

  “My nose can tell you have already mastered your cooking skills.” He sat and watched her turn the browning rabbit.

  Droplets of grease fell into the flames, splattered and sent fiery fingers into the air. She gasped and jumped back. “A person could get burned that way.”

  He chuckled. “I am happy you move so fast. I much prefer my women with hair.”

  Fawn pulled her lips into a pout. “Here I nearly singe myself, and you make jokes. I may just shave my head to get even.”

  Her sense of humor was lost on him. He reared back. “You wouldn’t.”

  “I was only teasing you. I prefer myself with hair, too.”

  * * *

  Little Elk finished the last bite of dinner and leaned back with a contented look on his face. “If your cooking gets any better, I will be the fattest brave in the village.” He picked his teeth with a thin piece of willow bark.

  Fawn gathered up the remaining bones. “I’ll bury these in the snow tomorrow. There is nothing that could make me go out into the cold tonight.”

  Glancing at Little Elk, she pondered whether this would be a good time to bring up having a child. She cleared away the last remnants of dinner, wiped her hands and sat next to him. She clasped her hands together to quell their trembling. “Uh…Little Elk, how do you feel about having children?”

  He stopped picking his teeth and stared into space. “Every man wants a son of whom he can be proud. I am no different. I watch my friends with their children and hope someday I will be a father.” He turned to look at her, his brow arched. “Why do you ask?”

  “Just curious, I suppose.” Her palms dampened.

  “Do you wish for a child?”

  Not wanting to make eye contact, she stared into her l
ap. “Until recently, I hadn’t given it much thought.”

  “Then why do you bring up the subject?”

  “Well…” She played with her braid. “You know I haven’t been feeling well lately, and…” She gazed up at him.

  He stared at her with eyes wide as a new moon. “A-are you…”

  She grinned. “Possibly. Green Eyes reminded me that I haven’t been to the women’s hut in quite a while. If we have figured right, and the illness is truly what plagues an expectant mother, then by summer you will be a father.”

  He lunged from his seat and knelt before her. “I hope you do carry a child.” He took her hands in his. “Having a son would make me very happy.”

  “What if it’s a daughter?”

  He shook his head. “Oh, it will definitely be a son.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  A break in the weather came three days before Christmas. Fawn wrapped herself in her buffalo robe and ventured out, determined to find the perfect pine to decorate. Green Eyes met her at the edge of the compound, and they struggled to maintain their footing while slogging through the mounds of slush. Green Eyes giggled.

  “What’s so funny?” Fawn asked.

  “I was thinking back to my first Christmas here. I did this very same thing, only I was heavy with child. I was so young then, I had no idea that the pains doubling me over were only the beginning of giving birth.” She tightened her fur wrapper. “I was so frightened when the water sac burst. I felt certain I was dying.”

  Fawn gasped. “What water sac?”

  “Oh, I am so sorry, Fawn. I didn’t mean to frighten you. I forget you are even younger than I was when Little Cloud was born. I should have given you the opportunity to ask questions instead of assuming you understood what happens when you carry a child.”

  “I wouldn’t even know what to ask. Like I said, Mama and I didn’t speak of womanly things. My brother was older, so I don’t even have experience with younger children. I’ve seen expectant women before…been around them at church socials and on the wagon train, but having a child was the furthest thing from my mind. I’m scared.

  “Do not fear. I will tell you everything you need to know. With Rain Woman, Singing Sparrow and me by your side, everything will be fine. You need only concentrate on having a big, healthy son.”

  Fawn stomped her foot and almost lost her balance on the icy ground. “Why does everyone keep insisting I have a son? First Little Elk, and now you. What if I want to have a girl?”

  Green Eyes steadied her. “Do not be troubled. Men always want a son they can teach to hunt and fish. Having a man child is even more important to a Lakota father. Their people…our people have scattered to the four winds, fearing treaties and reservations, and following the dwindling buffalo herds to survive.” She stopped and smiled. “It is not so true in our tribe, but at the Sun Dance during the summer, I noticed far more women than men. Warriors die defending or trying to feed their families. Men want sons to carry on the bloodline, but if you have a daughter, I am certain Little Elk will pound his chest with just as much pride.”

  Fawn pulled her wrapper up over her nose. “I didn’t mean to raise my voice at you, and you’ve made me feel much better. But, can we get back to the reason we are out here in the freezing cold?” She hugged herself and scanned the area. “There are so many trees, but all are too big.”

  Green Eyes pointed. “Over there, how about that one?”

  “Oh, perfect.” She stood back and admired a small pine sheltered by two larger ones. “This is exactly the right size for our lodge.”

  * * *

  Fawn shook the small sapling free of excess snow and possible critters before taking the tree inside. She propped the pine against the interior wall then removed her buffalo wrapper.

  For days, she’d strung red berries on sinew and had fashioned a small star from leftover deer hide. Green Eyes had been anxious to help decorate but Rain Woman summoned her to help tend a sick family. Left alone, Fawn gathered her garnishing items together and hummed Silent Night. But her holiday spirit faded when nothing worked to prop up the little pine. Exhausted and disappointed, she sagged down on her sleeping mat, curled into a ball, and cried herself to sleep.

  * * *

  She woke to someone shaking her. “Fawn, wake up. Are you all right?”

  Her heavy lidded eyes focused on Little Elk. She rose on her elbow and squinted into the waning firelight, shivering. “I must have fallen asleep.” Her mouth gaped into a huge yawn.

  He sat back on his heels. “When I saw no light inside, I got worried. No fire on such a cold day is not a good sign.”

  She rubbed her eyes. “I guess looking for a tree was more tiring than I expected.” She yawned again. “But, I found one.” She pointed to the small evergreen leaning against the wall.

  “So I see.” He caressed her cheek then stood. “Let me stoke the fire. The chill is beginning to creep inside.”

  While he added logs and stirred the embers to life, Fawn got to her feet and picked up a cooking pot. She hung her head. “I’m sorry I don’t have dinner ready. I’ll fix something right away. Fine captive…or whatever I am…not only do I not have your dinner, I didn’t even keep the fire going.”

  “Do not apologize for resting. Remember, you carry my son. I will eat whatever you prepare. Besides, you are far more than captive. I consider you family.”

  Recalling an earlier conversation with Green Eyes, Fawn smiled sweetly. Let him wish for a son. What harm could come of it? But now he considered her family? She wasn’t sure what to make of that comment. Deciding not to pursue a conversation that might head in a direction she didn’t like, Fawn filled the cooking pot with water then turned to him. “After we eat, could you help me find something to support the tree? I wanted to have it decorated when you came home, but I couldn’t figure out how to keep it upright. My father always nailed a cross to the bottom, but….”

  Little Elk picked up the tiny tree and inspected its bottom. Wordlessly, he walked to the stack of firewood and selected a flat-sided log. While Fawn prepared dinner, Little Elk used his hunting knife and pared a hole in the center of the wood. She wondered why until he inserted the base of her Christmas tree into the hole and set it on the floor. He stood back and gestured, his chest puffed with pride. “There, your tree stands alone.”

  “Oh, how smart you are. This one isn’t nearly the size of what I’m used to, but it will do nicely. Would you like to help me decorate later?”

  His brow creased for a moment then he laughed. “Why not? I have decorated my face, my horse, and the lodge walls, but this will be the first time I have decorated a tree.

  * * *

  The adorned, yet forlorn-looking pine stood across the room. The leather star, far too heavy, hung midway down the tiny sapling. The red berries strung across the branches were pretty, but without popcorn, the tree lacked the festive look Fawn had grown used to.

  Tomorrow was Christmas, and although she fought to hold back memories of past holidays spent with her family, the aroma of Mama’s roasting turkey was so vivid Fawn licked her lips and imagined the scrumptious taste. Maybe Little Elk would have luck on his hunt and find a large hen for their dinner.

  Even if Little Elk failed to bring home a turkey, she did have a gift for him. The surprise she expected to see on his face warmed her as she folded his shirt into a tiny bundle and tied it with sinew. Using small pieces of greenery, she added a festive touch then put the parcel under the tree.

  Little Elk returned from his hunt with three rabbits. The look on her face must have reflected her disappointment as his shoulders sagged when he saw her. “I am sorry, but this is the best I could do. Turkeys are scarce.”

  She accepted the limp carcasses from him. “I’m the one who should apologize for the way I’ve acted. Christmas is really for children. Maybe it’s time I grew up and stopped acting like a silly little girl. Food is food and we should really be thankful for what we have.”

  He inched
closer and put an arm around her shoulders. “There is nothing silly or childish about wanting to hold onto memories. We will celebrate your special day for as long as you wish...although we may have to make a few changes.”

  She jumped up and down and clapped like a child. “Then I want to celebrate today. I cannot wait another minute.” She pointed at the sad-looking pine. “Your gift is under the tree. I made it myself, and I hope you like it.”

  Confusion clouded his eyes. “I am not familiar with this custom. Do I open it now?”

  She nodded.

  Little Elk stooped and picked up the deerskin packet. He moved to his usual sitting place, and supported by his woven backrest, unwrapped the package. Fawn set next to him, holding her breath.

  He unfolded his new shirt and held it up. His eyes sparkled. “This is beautiful. I will be happy to wear this and tell everyone my woman made it.”

  His smile was worth all the time she’d spent. “I’m so happy you’re pleased. Now, about —”

  Before she addressed his ‘my woman statement,’ he held up his hand. “Wait.” He laid his new shirt on his sleeping mat and ducked outside.

  Perplexed by his hasty disappearance, she twiddled her thumbs. He reappeared in a few minutes, carrying a cradleboard like others she’d seen on the backs of Sioux mothers. “Here is my gift to you,” he said, his breathing rapid. “Usually the women in the tribe give these to new mothers, but I had Singing Sparrow help me make the only thing I could think you might need someday soon.”

  Fawn’s eyes glazed with tears at such a thoughtful gift. She fingered the intricate woodcarvings and the expertly tied rawhide knots. Her chest warmed with love for the handsome brave standing in front of her. She gazed up at him. “Merry Christmas, Little Elk,” she said before the lump in her throat choked off her voice completely.