“You know she’s a big girl, right?”
“Yes,” Rebecca said, on a sigh.
“And you know it isn’t up to you to decide if she’s making the right decisions for her life, right?”
“Yes.” Grudging.
“Rebecca.” Zoe waited until Rebecca met her eyes. “You’ve gotta let this go.”
Rebecca’s voice was a whisper. “I know.”
“It’s driving you crazy, and ultimately, she is not your responsibility.” Zoe’s words were gentle—and true—but still hard to hear.
Rebecca swallowed hard, looked out the window.
“Want my advice?”
Forcing a small smile onto her face, Rebecca nodded. “Please.”
“I say focus on you. Get back on the dating site. Find things to keep yourself occupied. The bride class is just about over, right? So you won’t have to see her as often, and she’ll gradually fade away. Just take care of this girl.” She tapped her forefinger on the back of Rebecca’s hand. “I happen to like this girl. She’s going to make some woman ridiculously happy. Soon. I know it.”
It didn’t help a ton, but it did help a little. “Thanks, Zoe.”
“Absolutely.” Zoe sat back in her chair, sipped, then a big grin split her face. “Now, do you want to hear about my worst call so far today?”
“Yes, please.” The change of subject was good. Not 100 percent effective, but it was good. Zoe was an animated storyteller, hands waving all over the place, her brown eyes widening, and Rebecca couldn’t help but laugh. Which was also good. It kept her mind off tomorrow. Because tomorrow was the day she needed to start really letting go of the woman she cared too much about…the woman she couldn’t have.
How the hell was she going to do that?
Chapter Twenty-One
February was easily Rebecca’s least favorite month of the year. The holidays were long over, spring was still three months off, and she wasn’t a skier or ice skater. In her opinion, there was nothing to look forward to that might ease the harsh cold of a northeast winter any time soon. Yeah, she intensely disliked February.
This lunch had been nice, though. Not stellar. Not life-altering. But nice. Rebecca watched as Stacy, her latest internet date, headed for the ladies’ room. She was thirty-six, a broker, and seemed like a normal, intelligent woman. She was attractive and amusing, and lunch with her had been enjoyable.
The past couple of months had taught her not to expect anything more. If she had a nice time, some nice conversation with a woman who held her attention, she’d been given strict instructions from Zoe not to write that off. In fact, she was supposed to set up a second date, right then and there, if possible.
Rebecca had done that twice so far. This was her second date with Stacy, and Rebecca thought it might be time to move from coffee and lunch dates to dinner, which was more intimate. She pulled her phone out to check her calendar for the weekend and wished she was a bit more excited, instead of feeling like she was following a schedule of events somebody else set up for her.
“Rebecca?”
“Hm?” Rebecca looked up and into blue eyes. Not just any blue eyes, though. Blue eyes she knew well. Blue eyes she’d memorized. Blue eyes she’d missed. “Spencer. Hi.” She sat up straighter, and the smile broke across her face with no permission from her. All on its own, just parted her lips, showed Spencer her teeth, made it alarmingly obvious how happy she was to see her.
Spencer gestured to Stacy’s empty chair. “I don’t want to interrupt. I just…” She jerked a thumb over her shoulder. “I was sitting over there and saw you, and…” Her voice trailed off for a beat, and she cleared her throat. “I wanted to say hi.”
“I’m glad you did. I haven’t seen you in a long time.” The truth was, she hadn’t seen Spencer since that day in the gym. The day she’d told her not to get married. Spencer hadn’t come back to finish the bride class. Any time Rebecca asked Sherry if she’d seen Spencer in spin class—and she didn’t ask often because she didn’t want Sherry’s judgey looks—she was told no.
“Yeah, I know.” Spencer looked down at her feet, then up and out the window past Rebecca. “I’m sorry about that. I meant to text you. I needed…do you…I just…” A beat went by before she wet her lips, then returned her gaze to Rebecca’s, snagged her eyes and held them. “Can we get together some time? I…” She looked down again, then back up, but didn’t say any more.
There was something different about her. Rebecca couldn’t put a finger on it, but it was there. A new shine. A polish. A surety. Before she knew what she was doing, Rebecca said, “I’d like that. Very much.”
“I’m sorry, am I interrupting?” Stacy’s voice startled Rebecca. And Spencer, too, if the slight flinch she made was any indication. She pointed to the chair where Spencer stood.
“Oh. No. Sorry.” Spencer stepped to the side to allow Stacy access to her chair. “I was just saying hello to my…” Her smile was genuine and it made Rebecca feel warm. “Trainer.”
Stacy studied Spencer as Rebecca watched with interest. They looked at one another, the smile on Stacy’s face slightly forced. Spencer’s smile was unassuming, but there was a flicker of something in her eyes that Rebecca couldn’t quite place.
“Spencer Thompson,” Spencer said, holding her hand out to Stacy.
That yanked Rebecca out of her analysis, and she winced. “I’m so sorry. Stacy, Spencer took a class of mine at the gym last year. Spencer, this is Stacy, my—”
“Date,” Stacy supplied, before Rebecca could finish her sentence.
Spencer nodded, seemed to not miss a beat, and they shook hands. “It’s nice to meet you.” There was a quick moment of slightly awkward silence before she continued. “Well. I’ve got to run. It was good seeing you, Rebecca. And nice to meet you, Stacy.” She turned and left, her heels clicking on the tile floor as Rebecca followed the exit with her eyes.
“Looks like I nipped that in the bud,” Stacy said, her expression satisfied.
“I’m sorry?”
“I saw how she looked at you.” Stacy smiled, gave a shrug. “I needed to mark my territory.”
Rebecca blinked at her, brow furrowed, mind boggled.
* * *
“I don’t think she was trying to turn me off,” Rebecca said to Nick later, as he sweated profusely on the stair climber and she stood next to it poking buttons and changing the resistance.
“Cut it out, goddamn it,” he said, through heaving breaths. His gray tank top was drenched, as was his face, which he mopped with a white gym towel. “Nah, she probably wasn’t.”
“But that’s what happened,” she said. “She called me her territory. I felt like a tree she was about to pee on.”
Nick chuckled. Or tried anyway, given how out of breath he was. He climbed in silence for another three minutes before he reached the twenty-minute mark and Rebecca told him to ease off. He stepped down, wiped his face again, then turned to her. “And what about the other one?”
“The other one what?” Rebecca asked, feigning confusion. She knew exactly what other one he was talking about.
“Spencer.”
“What about her?”
They were headed toward the free weights, but Nick stopped and gave her a look. “Really? We’re gonna play this game?”
Rebecca sighed. “I don’t know about her. That’s the truth.” And it was. Coffee had been several hours ago and she’d taught a Power Fit class and met with four different clients, but the entire time, Spencer had been on her mind. Again. Just like that. Sometimes, in the forefront, super-prominent, with her beautiful smile and those ridiculous eyes. Other times, she hung out in the background and gave Rebecca a little wave if her thoughts drifted close.
“You wanna meet up with her?” Nick asked, as he situated himself in front of a mirror, a dumbbell in each hand.
“I don’t know.” Again, the truth. “I mean, nothing’s changed, right?”
Nick shrugged, then began curling the weights. “Ma
ybe. Maybe not.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means you don’t actually know.”
“You know, call me crazy, but it’s sounding to me like you actually want me to contact her.”
“Do you want to?”
“God, I don’t know, Nick.” Rebecca could feel her frustration mounting. She’d felt it all day, which she didn’t understand.
“You want to know my thoughts?” Nick said, and then grunted, the weights becoming harder to lift.
Rebecca sat down on a nearby bench, mentally counting his reps. “Do I have a choice?”
“Nope.”
“That’s what I thought. Two more, by the way.”
Nick finished his reps, dropped the weights, and grabbed his water bottle. “I’ve known you for how long?” He took a swig of water and Rebecca did the math in her head.
“Twenty-two years? Twenty-three?”
“Right. And I’ve seen you through a lot of ups and downs with chicks.”
Rebecca nodded and didn’t bother to correct his descriptor. This time.
“And in all those years, I never saw you as…” He squinted as he looked off into the middle distance as if searching for the right word. “Affected. As you were by this girl. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. I honestly don’t. Me and Michelle have had many conversations about it.” He looked at Rebecca then, and she could feel the love he had for her. “I know I pushed you the other way before, but…I’m not sure you should let her pass you by without being completely sure. You know?” His voice went soft. “I don’t want to see you miss out on somebody that might be your Michelle.”
To say Rebecca was surprised would be an understatement. Nick was not an emotional guy. He didn’t share feelings. In fact, he liked to pretend he didn’t have any. But the softness in his brown eyes in that moment touched Rebecca deeply. So deeply that her vision blurred.
“No. Cut that out,” he said, pointing, and swung his towel playfully at her.
Rebecca laughed and caught the one tear that had spilled over with a thumb. “Sorry. Crisis averted.”
“Thank fucking Christ,” he said. “There’s no crying in the gym.”
“Oh, trust me,” Rebecca said, standing and pulling herself together. “There’s plenty of crying in the gym. Plenty. Come with me and I’ll show you.”
There was no more talk of Spencer for the rest of Nick’s workout. In fact, they joked a bit more than usual; Rebecca was sure Nick was trying to lighten the mood just a bit. It worked. By the time he high-fived her and headed to the locker room, she felt a lot better. And even more confident as she scrolled through her contacts to find Spencer’s name right where she’d left it three months earlier, and stared.
What the hell should she do?
* * *
Travis’s birthday was February fourteenth. Spencer’s parents always said he was their Valentine baby, and every year, they threw him a combination birthday/Valentine’s Day party to celebrate. He requested the same thing each time: cheeseburgers, fries, and half-moon cookies frosted with hearts instead of the traditional half-vanilla, half-chocolate.
They’d finished dinner and the Thompson family was now sitting around the dining room table having cookies before Travis opened his gifts.
“Did your girlfriend at the bakery make these for you, T?” Mary Beth asked him, as she bit into the cookie he’d given her.
Travis’s blush crept slowly up his neck until his face was a deep red. “She’s not my girlfriend,” he said unconvincingly, giving his shoulders a shrug and ducking his head a bit.
“I don’t know. I don’t think she makes birthday heart cookies for just anybody.”
His blush deepened, which made his sister grin.
“Mary Elizabeth, stop teasing your brother.” Their mother said it like she was talking to two elementary-aged children, must have realized it, and shook her head, an expression of quiet happiness on her face.
“No, it’s okay, Ma. I can take it.” Travis took a huge bite of his cookie.
Mary Beth threw Spencer a look and whispered, “He loves it.”
“He does,” Spencer agreed. Being teased about his bakery crush was one of Travis’s favorite things.
“This one came in the mail today from Uncle Andy and Aunt Jeannie,” Margie said as she slid a gift toward Travis. Her sister and brother-in-law lived in Phoenix, but always sent birthday and Christmas gifts for Travis and his sisters. Travis shoved the rest of the cookie into his mouth and reached for the brightly wrapped package. “Chew that,” Margie ordered, holding tight to the box.
“How’re you doing, kiddo?” Mary Beth took advantage of the distraction to focus on Spencer, who didn’t really want to talk about it.
“Fine.” Shrug. She watched Travis but could feel Mary Beth’s eyes on her. They stayed long enough to make Spencer squirm, and she looked at her in defeat. “What?”
“You don’t seem fine.” There was nothing but love and concern on her sister’s face. “You seem sad. And a little lost.” Under the table, she grasped Spencer’s knee, squeezed. “Talk to me.”
Travis’s whoop of joy over the video games he’d opened gave her cover.
“I ran into Rebecca the other day.”
“Really? Where?”
“Coffee shop. I think she was on a date.” Spencer worked hard to say it nonchalantly and was pretty sure she failed.
“Was that the first time you’ve seen her since…” Mary Beth let her voice trail off, leaving the sentence for Spencer to fill in however made her feel the least terrible.
“Since I’ve been single? Yeah.”
“Did you talk to her?”
“I did. I asked if we could get together some time.”
Mary Beth gaped at her; Spencer could see it without even looking, and it caused one corner of her mouth to tug up in a half smile of self-satisfaction. “Wow,” her sister said. “I did not see that coming.”
“I know, right? Neither did I. It just kind of…slipped out.”
Mary Beth squeezed Spencer’s knee again. “What did she say?”
“She said she’d like to, and then the date came back from the ladies’ room, and it got all kinds of awkward. I ran out of there like I was being chased by zombies.”
“I can shoot zombies now,” Travis said, holding his game up for Spencer to see.
“Good. You can protect me.”
“You got it.” He held up a hand and she slapped it.
“Have you talked to her since?” Mary Beth asked, as Travis ripped open another gift.
Spencer shook her head. “Chickened out.”
“You want to know what I think?” Mary Beth asked.
“Does it matter? You’re going to tell me anyway.” Spencer wrinkled her nose in fun.
Mary Beth glanced at the table where Travis had finished with his gifts and was talking animatedly to their father. She pushed her chair back and said quietly to Spencer, “Come with me.” Spencer followed her, brow furrowed, until they were in the kitchen, just the two of them. Mary Beth turned to face her, put both hands on Spencer’s shoulders, and told her, “I think you’re ready.”
That surprised Spencer. She wasn’t sure she agreed. She didn’t feel ready. At all. “You do?”
“I do. Because I’ve observed something.” When Spencer didn’t comment, Mary Beth seemed to take a different tack. She dropped her hands from Spencer’s shoulders and instead twirled a hank of her sister’s hair around a finger. “How long were you with Marti?”
“About two years.”
Mary Beth nodded, still twirling, seemed to watch her own hand as she searched for the right words. “In those two years? I never once saw you as relaxed and just…you as you are now. Not once.”
Spencer’s eyes widened in yet more surprise. “What the hell are you talking about? Relaxed? I’m not relaxed. I’m a mess. I’m sad. I feel…lost. I…” She shook her head, not wanting to list more. When she turned her gaze back to Mar
y Beth, her sister was smiling, and she lifted her hand, rested her palm against Spencer’s cheek.
“Yes. You’re all of those things. But you’re also you. You’re back to being the Spencer who calls me a couple times a week and comes to family dinner and stays. I know you’re sad, honey, but that’ll pass. And to me, it’s worth it just to have my little sister back. I missed her.”
Spencer’s eyes welled.
“Therefore…”
“There’s more?” Spencer said, in a feigned horrified protest.
Mary Beth laughed. “Therefore, I think you should find out where Rebecca is.”
Spencer grimaced.
“Can’t hurt, can it? I mean, if she’s not interested or she’s got somebody now, you’re no worse for wear. Right?”
That was true. It was a reasonable idea. A super-intimidating and terrifying idea, but a reasonable one.
“Spencer, you didn’t finish your cookie.” Travis bounced into the kitchen like he bounced everywhere, a grown man who walked like a happy toddler. He held out the remaining half of Spencer’s cookie, but stopped when he saw her face. “Why are you crying?” he asked, his voice going soft, concern evident on his face.
“I’m not,” Spencer said, wiping her cheek and sniffing. “I’m okay.”
“You promise?” he asked, his innocent eyes wide. “I don’t want you to be sad anymore. It makes me sad when you’re sad.”
“It does?”
He nodded, his expression serious, and Spencer held her arms open to him.
As he stepped in and let her hug him, she said, “I promise to stop being sad very soon. Okay?” She felt him nod against her shoulder. Then he pulled back.
“Here.” He held the cookie out again. “Mom says you have to finish what you started.”
Spencer looked at the offering, reached her hand out to take the cookie as the words resonated.
You have to finish what you started…
The Shape of You Page 23
