Martin sighed. “You’re right. That’s exactly how they would have reacted. Belinda, I’m so sorry, although sorry seems inadequate to how I feel.”
Belinda brought his hand to her cheek. “What’s done is done. What hurts me so and what I have tried to put out of my mind is that basically we traded a lifetime of happiness for one night. If we had just waited . . .”
Martin stared at the floor with tears in his eyes. Then he began to cry. His chest heaved with deep heavy sobs. His hands covered his face. Belinda stroked his back and watched silently as Martin released years of sadness and perhaps shame and guilt.
“I’ve missed you so,” he said amid the sobs.
5
Hallway
Caroline saw Danny first, walking down the hall in her direction. She waited in a side hall, grabbed his sleeve as he passed and pulled him away from the crowd. She put her arms around his neck and hugged him. “I am sooo sorry about yesterday. Is your mother okay? Are you okay? I never did find out exactly what happened. I was so mad at my daddy that I left and started walking home. He caught up with me and literally threw me into the car. We had a big fuss. I mean a big fuss. I hate him so,” Caroline said. It all came out in a rush.
Danny hugged her back and smiled that slow smile of his. “It’s not your fault, Caroline. I’ve known how he is for a long time now, so, hey, no big surprise to me.”
Caroline squeezed him tighter. “I can’t stand for you to be hurt. You’re so sweet.”
“Don’t say that too loud. You might ruin my reputation,” Danny said with a grin, then seemed to catch himself and lowered his head.
Caroline grabbed his chin and lifted his head. “How many times do I have to tell you that your lip is not that noticeable? Now stop it. No one even notices or thinks about it anymore . . . except you. If you‘d stop acting self-conscious, it wouldn’t even be an issue,” she said, a scolding tone in her voice and eyebrows raised.
“Yeah, I’m a real ladies’ man. I hear people talking, Caroline. Whispering behind my back.”
An indignant expression came to Caroline’s face, and she put her hands on her hips. “Uh huh, if you’re so unpopular, how is it you have a date with Teresa Woods for the dance Friday night?”
Danny looked surprised. “Wow, word sure gets around fast.”
Caroline gave him a worried look. “Sure she’s not a little too hot for you? Not good looking hot, but, oh, you know what ‘hot’ I mean.”
Danny couldn’t resist teasing her. “Well, maybe that’s the ‘hot’ I’m looking for,” he said with a confidence the expression on his face belied.
Caroline’s mood changed abruptly. Her tongue began running around and pushing against the inside of her cheek, a quirk she’d acquired long ago and that only occurred when she was really worried or nervous. And she had more on her mind than Teresa Woods this morning. She decided she wasn’t ready to talk with anybody about it, even Danny.
“Caroline.”
“Caroline,” Danny said again a little louder.
Caroline looked up. “Oh, sorry. I was just thinking—”
“Yes, I know,” Danny said and chuckled. “You were doing your tongue thing again.”
Caroline punched his arm. “You just watch yourself. I’ll see you later,” she said and pecked him on the cheek. “Oh, and you’d better mix a little algebra into your thinking before Friday too. Call if you need me, but don’t wait till Thursday night. I want to get some sleep.” Caroline said the latter with feigned annoyance, but there was some truth to it. She’d been Danny’s unofficial tutor since shortly after that eventful day in the third grade.
She couldn’t figure it out. He knew things she’d never even heard of, probably because he read all the time, all types of books except of course those on the subjects he was supposed to be studying. But he was always on the cusp of failing one or two classes, and she would have to rescue him with all-night tutoring sessions, sometimes several nights, depending on how far behind he was, which further befuddled her. He learned in a few nights what had been taught in several weeks of classes.
As they grew older, Caroline would tell Danny which girls had a crush on him, and he would do the same.
Danny knew Caroline didn’t really disapprove of Teresa Woods despite her facetious warning. If she had, her usual disapproving response would have been to pay the girl in question a vaguely flattering compliment, something along the lines of, “Oh her; yes, she does well in English class.” Danny could only guess at Caroline’s real reason because she would never say anything bad about the person.
Caroline’s thoughts were elsewhere as she walked past a doorway and collided with another student. She fell backwards, her books tumbling to the floor.
A strong hand reached around her waist and pulled her upright.
It took a moment for Caroline to regain her senses. She looked into hazel eyes that, presently, seemed amused.
“I’m so sorry,” Caroline said to the young man, who stood calmly, still holding his books in one arm.
“No harm. You’re in a hurry, I suppose.”
“Not a hurry, no. Thinking about something instead of watching where I was going.”
Caroline waited for a response, but he just smiled and looked at her calmly.
He reached out his hand. “I’m Richard Turner. The new guy.”
Caroline took the offered hand, which was strong and rough, surprisingly so since he was so well dressed and groomed. He didn’t look the type to have rough calloused hands. “Yes, I know who you are. Benton’s rather small as you know. You’re the first new person in quite a while.”
Caroline didn’t add that what she meant was that he was the first interesting new person. Good looking, seemingly self-assured, and drove a new Mustang convertible.
“I’m sort of used to it. My father works for Raytheon, and we’ve moved around quite a bit. Being the new guy seems more the norm than anything.”
“Oh, that’s terrible. Not having friends, I mean. I mean . . . not that you don’t have friends, but that you don’t have long-time friends who you’ve grown up with. I would really miss that.” Caroline felt pangs of sympathy.
“That’s very empathetic. I appreciate you saying that, but I guess one doesn’t miss what one hasn’t ever had. I’ve felt pretty bad having to leave a few people. But we stay in touch. Of course, it’s not the same thing. Knowing people for years must be very special.”
“Have you made any friends here yet?”
“No. I’ve learned not to be pushy. When people get over whatever they go through when someone or something different comes into their lives, they’ll let me know.”
Caroline didn’t quite know what to make of that. She offered her hand again. “Well, you’ve just met someone who’s over whatever it is you’re talking about,” she said with a grin. “I’m Caroline.”
Richard grinned back. “Richard Turner,” in case you didn’t get it the first time. His grin was disarming.
A hand from behind gripped her arm with alarming strength. “You don’t need any new friends, Caroline,” a husky voice said.
Another meaty hand shoved Richard against the lockers. “I’d better not see you touch her again, shaking hands, picking up books—I don’t care what it is. You two ain’t friends. Ain’t gonna be friends. You got that?” Thurston Howard said, glaring at Richard.
Richard regained his balance and faced Thurston, who weighed 220 pounds and was six feet three-inches tall. He played linebacker for the football team, and his nasty streak wasn’t confined to the field.
“I said, you got that?” Thurston poked Richard with his finger as he spoke, but Richard just returned Thurston’s glare with a calm expression.
Caroline twisted out of his grasp. “Let go of me. You’re hurting my arm.”
Thurston let go and nodded toward Richard with his strong and slightly whiskery jaw. “Don’t be gettin’ all huggy huggy with the new boy here then. Let’s go. You can walk me to my class.”
Thurston grabbed her arm again and steered Caroline away before she had a chance to say anything else to Richard.
They walked in silence until well away from Richard, then Thurston began messaging Caroline’s arm. “I didn’t hurt you, did I, baby?” he asked in a tender tone. Tender for him, that is.
“Of course you did, Thurston. You don’t know how strong you are. Or don’t care,” she added after a moment’s reflection.
Thurston banged a locker with his fist. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Caroline stopped dead in her tracks. She took a deep breath. This episode made the decision she worried about earlier easier to deal with. She knew she had to do it. “I mean that I want to break up, Thurston. It’s not about what just happened. I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. I want to date other people. This is our last year in high school, and I want to date other people.”
“So the new boy turned your head, huh? Fancy car. Smooth talking.”
Caroline smiled. “Thurston, I just met ‘the new boy.’ I don’t even know him, much less thought about going out with him. No, I don’t have anyone special in mind. I just don’t want to be obligated, to be tied down.”
Thurston exploded again. His fist slammed into the lockers again. “You can’t break up with me, Caroline. We’re supposed to be together. We belong together. You’re the best looking girl in school, and I’m the best looking—”
“The best looking guy,” Caroline interrupted. “That is sooo you, Thurston.”
She laid a hand on his shoulder. “Thurston, it’s really not anybody else. You’re sweet,” she lied, “and we’ve had fun, but I never made any promises to you. I really do want to date other people. You can do the same. Lots—”
“I don’t want to date other girls. You’re my girl,” he said, taking a step closer, his face an inch from hers and spit flying from his mouth. “You’d better not try dating anybody else; I’m telling you,” he said grabbing Caroline’s hand and wrist, squeezing it so tightly the hand turned red. He twisted her wrist a final time then slung her arm away and stalked off, his fists denting lockers along the way.
Caroline’s tongue ran rings around the inside of her mouth as she collapsed against the locker. She was afraid he would react like this and blamed herself for the bad timing. She should have waited or done it earlier.
She was already thirty minutes late for her next class. Might as well not go, not for the last 30 minutes. She sagged against the locker and thought about what Thurston might do.
She was still leaning against the lockers lost in thought when the bell rang and classes let out. It was lunchtime, and she ambled toward the doorway. She had to get outside, get some air.
Her legs unconsciously took her toward the cluster of trees on the other side of the parking lot. The cars hid her from view when she plopped down on the soft grass and folded her legs beneath her.
Thurston was crazy. He fought with the other boys all the time. Beat them up was more like it. Hardly anyone was as big as him, and the ones who were didn’t have anything like his personality. He bullied everyone. How had she gotten into this mess? Why did she ever agree to go out with him the first time? He’d charmed her, that’s how, she remembered. Sweet at first. Or made her think he was, under the tough exterior. He really knew how to get his way. On their first date, he told her about how much money he’d spent on concert tickets for the show the next weekend. She’d already mentioned how much she liked the band. He catered to her. Held open the car door. Brought her flowers. Never talked about himself, just seemed concerned with her.
Gradually, the doors stopped being opened. Her opinion mattered less and less. She was stupid if she didn’t agree with him. Disloyal if she didn’t want to go where he wanted, such as some car race or fighting match in Atlanta. All of a sudden, she was dumb, a loser, someone who couldn’t think for herself. She’d never measure up to him. She’d better let him make all the decisions. Little by little, she went into a shell but put on a front for her friends. He took pleasure in embarrassing her in front of them, humiliating her. He had a manner, something that intimidated the others to keep them from coming to her defense. Some indiscernible way of making others think they needed his approval. She supposed underneath it all was his threat of physical violence. People were just plain afraid of him.
A book of matches landed in her lap and made her jump.
“Hey, gorgeous, got a light?”
Danny leaned against a car, grinning.
Caroline leaped from the ground and ran to him. Her arms encircled his neck, and she began sobbing.
Danny massaged her back and stayed quiet until Caroline’s tears began to slow. “Who’s messing with my girl,” he whispered, cradling her head against his.
“Oh, it’s that Thurston,” she replied in a hopeless tone, her voice still shaky.
“I thought y’all were tight.”
“No, Danny, it’s been bad for a long time. You just haven’t been around to see it,” she said, meaning that, besides their own special relationship, she and Danny didn’t hang around with the same group of people.
“Well, why didn’t you tell me? You know you can come to me with anything. I would you.”
“Yes, yes, I know. I mean, I would, but it’s not like that. I didn’t know myself. Not until recently. I’ve been so down in the dumps and working so hard not to let anybody see it, that I just got lost myself.”
“Then I heard something on TV, read something; oh, I don’t know, just lots of things came together, and I realized something: I had become a victim.”
Danny grabbed her shoulders, and his eyes flared as they pierced hers. “What do you mean? You’ve never been a victim in all the time I’ve known you.”
“I know. I know. It hasn’t seemed that way. And it wasn’t, to a certain extent. What I mean is that you know how my daddy is always bullying people around and being the big show? Belittling other people to make himself feel bigger?”
Danny looked into Caroline’s red-streaked eyes, glistening from the tears. “Yeah, I think I’ve got a handle on that.”
“Well, I’ve been reading and listening to people on TV, and they say people who come under the influence of people like that seem to self-perpetuate that life and end up with people who are just the same, who abuse you and make you feel small.”
“Caroline, you’ve never seemed small to me. You’ve always seemed better than anyone else. Not that you act that way, but just that you are.”
Caroline hugged Danny tighter and nestled her chin over his shoulder. She felt safe, and held him for a moment.
“Think about my daddy, Danny.”
She waited a few moments. “He remind you of anyone?”
Danny was pensive for a few moments. “I know you’re thinking about him and Thurston, but I just don’t see the connection with you.”
“It’s not really me. But Daddy treats Momma just like Thurston treats me. And I let him, or have let him. I won’t put up with it any longer. I can’t let that happen. It happened too easily. I felt it happening, but I didn’t know it was happening until I woke up one day.”
“The funny thing is that I don’t even blame Thurston; I blame myself for falling into his trap.”
Danny thought a moment. “I’m not so sure you’ve got all of this right, Caroline. Part of it maybe. Of course, I’ve never seen the abuse, and I’ve certainly never seen or felt you seem small.”
“I’ve never felt small, Danny. But I’ve been letting Thurston treat me small. He intimidates me somehow, and I finally came up with enough courage to break up with him. That’s what I was thinking about when you teased me about my tongue.”
Caroline drew back her head and looked in Danny’s eyes. “I think he’s half crazy. I don’t know what he might do.”
Danny squeezed her hand and grinned. “Hey, next time he bothers you, just tell him you kicked him off the team.”
The dam broke, and Caroline laughed.
“He’ll run ar
ound pounding his chest for a few day, and, when people get tired of his act and don’t pay attention to him anymore, he’ll move on to something else. Heck, he might even try playing the victim himself, hoping to make you feel guilty.”
“You really think so?”
“Sure. It’s all about control. That’s his power. Once he sees he can’t buffalo you anymore, he’s lost his power, and he can’t stand that; he can’t handle that. Just make sure you don’t give in to his tantrums ‘cause, like I said, he’ll be pitching a few fits for a while ‘cause he can’t have his way. If he bothers you or frightens you, come get me; I’ll deal with him.”
“Gosh, Danny, he’s a lot bigger than you are,” Caroline said, suddenly afraid for Danny.
He just winked at her. “Let me worry ‘bout that.”
The talk with Danny helped, and Caroline went to the rest of her classes. She even managed to answer, “Yes, we broke up,” without feeling shaky again when several of her closer friends asked.
By the end of the day, she noticed students whispering to one another whenever they saw her and knew that word had, indeed, spread fast. That brought some of the agitation back, worried about another confrontation with Thurston, but not as much as earlier in the day.
Caroline drove home, went straight to the swimming pool and began swimming laps. The old pool—the size of those at most hotels—had been torn up when Caroline joined the swimming team at ten years old. Jessie put in a monster thirty yards wide and forty yards long just so Caroline could swim laps.
And Caroline didn’t disappoint. She’d spent five years on the swimming team, coming close to winning state titles in three of the fours years the Benton team made it to the finals. She finished third in the 100-yard freestyle and fifth in the 100-yard butterfly. As she grew older, she discovered a passion for helping the younger kids, teaching them to swim properly, and helping them gain confidence in the water. She stopped competing and now just worked with the kids.
She’d grown quite fond of hearing “Miss Caroline” ringing in the air as, one after one, the children called her to show off how well they could swim.
Three Sides of the Tracks Page 4
