by Gina Shafer
“How’s it going?” I ask when I reach the front yard. Soren and Lincoln choose to train outside on most days. Lincoln says it opens Soren’s mind when walls don’t box him in. I’m still unsure of Lincoln and his motives, but Soren seems to trust him, so I keep that part to myself most of the time.
“Hey, Dad,” Soren says. He seems worn, tired. “Same as always.”
“Maybe you should take a rest for a couple of days, Soren. This can’t be good for you, working yourself so hard.” I try my best to sound less concerned than I really am. I don’t want Soren to think I’m treating him like a child. Although, in my mind, he still kind of is. I still want to treat him like the five-year-old I left. I’m sure he knows this, but I won’t stop trying to hide it.
“I’m good. Really. Just a little tired. We’ll be heading in for breakfast soon anyway,” he says. I’m clearly dismissed. That’s another thing that’s hard for me to accept about Soren training with Lincoln. They never do it in front of anyone, even me. Something about that really perturbs me, but still I say nothing.
“See you in a bit then,” I call out and march back into the house. Now I feel restless. I hate it. I stride right back to Karina. She’s not going to like this.
“Find anything yet?” I ask. Shit, I’m annoyed at myself for asking this question twice within a five-minute span.
“No, Elijah. Damn it, leave me alone to…” Karina never finishes her sentence. My stomach flips over on itself when I catch the look on her face when she peeks over her computer.
“Holy shit, I got it!” she yells, clapping her hands together. “Come look.” She motions for me to come sit in the chair next to her, pointing to her computer screen.
On the screen is a typical email page opened up. It looks pretty unspectacular, but the information written within is exactly the break we’ve been looking for. Dates and times for the shadow-walkers attacks against the Sicarri and us.
“This is from upper-level demons… how would they know where and when the shadow-walkers were going to attack?” Unless…
“They’re working together, Elijah…” Karina’s voice is incredulous. This is not something we were expecting.
“Look, there are dozens of emails, some even from Abe himself. Why would they be working together? Is the Sicarri that much of a threat?” she asks, her eyes running rapidly over the words on the screen.
“Do any of them say where they’ll be?” I ask her. I’m hoping they do, so I can show up and break open their skulls with my bare hands. My hatred for the demons peaks at this moment. They were behind everything, responsible for deaths even though they had us under the impression we had a pact with them. No dead Sicarri, no dead upper-level demons. I want to scream. I want to break things. Instead I grip the back of Karina’s chair, squeezing until I hear the wood creak beneath my fingers.
Karina must feel the heat radiating off my body in waves because she looks to me for the first time since I sat down.
“I’ll find out,” she says softly as she places her hand on my thigh. This calms me, just like she knew it would. We’ve grown closer every day since the attacks and she’s learned how to work around me, as I have her. I simply grit my teeth, tensing my jaw, and nod once.
I stand quickly and march toward the front yard, remembering that my son is out front with one of those bastards… one that once openly claimed to work for Abe. He must know something about this.
Fuck this.
“Elijah!” Karina calls from behind me, and I hear her footsteps growing closer, but I ignore it. I kick open the door, and it gives easily. My eyes immediately swing to Lincoln and his face drops to the ground. He fucking knows. I’m so angry I feel like my body is floating across the front lawn.
Suddenly, I’m in front of him, gripping his shirt within my palms. My face is mere inches from his.
“How long have you known about the attacks?” I spit into his face. He does the courtesy to flinch under my gaze.
“Dad, what the hell is going on?” Soren asks. He’s confused and frantic, trying to put his arms between Lincoln and me, but I’m immovable. I won’t back down this time.
“Elijah, calm down,” Lincoln says quietly, damn near sinking into the grass.
“Calm down? Why the hell would I calm down when you’ve been working against us this whole time? You’ve known all along about where Abe is going to be. You just sat back and watched us search for something you knew the answer to!” I yell.
“What does he mean?” Soren asks, his eyes moving to Lincoln.
“Yes, I knew. But by the time I figured it out, it would have been too late. There was nothing I could do. I promise that they’re hasn’t been a moment since I joined you all that my allegiance has not been with Soren… with you, Elijah.”
Honestly, this surprises me. I hadn’t expected him to answer this way. Denial, that’s what I was prepared for. But this, it stuns me enough that I let go of his shirt and stagger back a couple of feet. I glance to my left and notice that Marcel, Xo, Karina, Micha, and Scarlett are gathered on the porch. None of them are willing to come between Lincoln and me, none of them would stop me from killing him.
I swallow hard past the lump in my chest.
“Explain,” I demand.
“I received word from one of my contacts that attacks would be happening against the Sicarri. I didn’t have much to go off of, and I wasn’t sure when until last minute. I’ve been left out of the loop more and more since I joined with you. The upper-level demons are quick to mistrust, and my alliance with Soren has planted a seed of doubt in them,” he quickly blurts out. It’s odd to see Lincoln like this. He’s usually so rehearsed, so well put together. To have him stuttering, unsure of himself, throws me off even more.
“Do you know where they’ll be?” I ask through clenched teeth. My fists flex at my sides. I’m barely reigning in my anger.
“I…” Lincoln stutters once more and shifts his eyes to Soren.
“So help me, Lincoln, if you don’t tell me what you know right now, I will rip you apart,” I spit.
“There’s an old abandoned airplane hanger a few hours out. That’s where they meet up,” he says and flicks his gaze once more to Soren. They share a knowing look, but before I have the chance to question him on it, I’m interrupted.
“When?” Karina calls from the porch. I take a step closer to Lincoln, my body itching to take him down. I want to burn him until the embers turn to dust in the sky.
“Two nights from now,” he answers.
“And how can we believe you?” I ask. I have no trust for the soul-less demon standing in front of me. Lincoln opens his mouth to speak but is interrupted before he gets a word out.
“He’s telling the truth, Elijah.” Karina speaks softly from the porch. “I just read it,” she adds.
Damn. I really wanted to kill him.
Vara thought she was pregnant again.
She isn’t.
Part of me was so upset as we both stared down at the negative line on the pregnancy test. I would love for Soren to have a sibling, maybe one day have a little girl with curly red hair to bounce on my knee.
But, a bigger part of me wasn’t so upset. It was relieved. Relieved that we wouldn’t have to raise another baby in this hell. It wouldn’t be fair. No one deserves this life.
Vara held my hand as the tears fell from her eyes and she buried her face in a cold washcloth after, saying that her eyes were red and puffy and she didn’t want me to see her that way.
I’m not sure why I felt like she was lying, or that she was hiding something, but I shut the bathroom door quietly and let her have her space.
Right now I’m supposed to be working out, but I haven’t been able to drag myself off the floor of the garage to do so. I’m sitting in the corner, clutching this damn journal, because it’s all I can do. I could never tell Vara about my relief that she isn’t pregnant; I can’t face Soren when he gets home from his lessons. I’m stuck here with this paper and binding.
Vara says that it’ll all be okay. That one day we’ll figure out the answer to all of this stuff with our magic. That one day maybe we’ll even be able to practice with magic again and things will go back to normal.
I don’t have the heart to tell her that I don’t believe her. I nod my head every time she starts with her optimism. I have a feeling she doesn’t need my agreement anyway, that she says those things more for herself than anyone else.
None of this is going to get better. It’s either them or us.
I close my journal and sit motionless; the sound of my breathing is louder in my ears than any other noise in the room.
I lift my head to watch Ted and Marcel, deep in discussion about our plans to confront the demons.
These past two days have dragged. We’ve gathered every resource available to us, tapped every bit of support, left no stone unturned. We’re prepared, or at least as much as we can be without the support of the Sicarri. They’re still trying to get on their feet after the attack. They couldn’t offer us any fighters, not wanting to leave the warehouse completely open for another attack, but we have much more gear and weapons than we had going in.
“Alright, listen up. Karina is going to brief us all on what to expect when we arrive,” Marcel announces. It’s only a few hours before we leave, and most everyone is keyed up. The energy of the group is electric. We’ve all gathered around the living room, waiting to hear what the mission entails.
“Okay, everyone. This should be pretty simple. Abe is supposed to be coming in for a routine visit. He is due to land about ten minutes before we arrive, so we should be catching him just as he deplanes.” Karina stands to the side of the room, pointing to a projector screen lit up on the far side of the room. Images of the airplane hanger flood the wall in front of her.
“How many demons should we be expecting?” Ted asks.
“Are they heavily armed?” Xo inquires.
“No more than ten to fifteen. He travels with light security during these routine visits. I’ve scoured through the satellite images from the last seventeen times that he’s been at this location, and there were never more demons than that. They don’t seem to be bringing the big guns. Concealed pistols from the looks of it,” Karina answers. She’s impressive, I think. Watching her deliver this brief only makes me want to stop her, drag her upstairs, and shove my cock so deep inside her that she can feel me in her stomach. Her eyes shift to mine, and for a second I feel like she can hear what’s going on inside my mind. When her eyes flick away, I shove down my thoughts so that I can hear what’s being discussed. This is important, Elijah.
“Where are the main guard posts?” Marcel asks.
“They usually keep it low key on the outside. From these photos, there are usually only two guarding the front entrance, and one at the back. It seems as though they don’t want to make a spectacle of themselves. A large force would certainly draw attention and Abe likes to be secretive,” Scarlett adds, looking down at her notes and then back to the projector screen. So, there wont be much standing in our way.
“And once we take those ones out, we’ll only have to get through the ones on the inside to get close to Abe.” Micha gives voice to my thoughts.
Karina nods and continues on. “Abe will be vulnerable as long as we can get to him before he escapes. We need to split up, half of us on one exit and half on the other. Don’t let him escape,” she says, adding extra force to her last words.
“Anything else?” Marcel asks. Karina looks to Scarlett quickly, checking to see if there is anything that she wanted to add. When Scarlett shakes her head softly, Karina simply says no and moves to shut off the projector screen.
Karina has spent so much time under the light of her computer, checking for any information that could be important to us. When she finally walks close to me, I see dark rings lining her eyes. She must be exhausted. I’ll admit I’ve been pushing everyone pretty hard, but I haven’t been met with any resistance.
“Do you want to get some sleep before we head out?” I ask her, interrupting her discussion with Marcel. She’s most likely to deny, but that doesn’t stop me from asking.
“Actually, yes,” she says unexpectedly. “Can you lie with me for a bit?” she asks, rubbing her eyes with her hands curled into a ball.
How can I say no to that?
“Yeah, just let me talk to Soren for a minute. I’ll meet you in my room.” I give her a pat on the head and she heads for the stairs.
“Soren!” I call out, my eyes still trained on Karina’s retreating figure. When I hear nothing, I go in search of him. I suddenly realize that I haven’t seen him since this morning.
I’m surprised when I finally find him sitting in the old shed where he told me he first found Willow. She’s lying in the dirt next to him, and they both have their eyes closed. Soren’s head is resting against the metal, his body slouched slightly in a sitting position. I stop for a moment, just watching.
My eyes gloss over when I’m impaled with the many memories I have of sitting in Soren’s quiet room. Watching him with his eyes closed. Watching him dream. The day I left, seeing those lashes sprawled across the pale lavender skin beneath them. Kissing him goodnight, over and over and over again. The love I have for my son completely splits me in half. I’m standing there, in the dirt, underneath the old shed, laid bare.
And then he opens his eyes.
“Hey, Dad,” he says, like he doesn’t know that my world was just shattered by the immense amount of love I have for him. My son. My blood.
“Hey. Did you miss the brief?” I ask, trying to keep the rawness from my voice.
“Yeah, sorry. I just wanted some alone time for a minute. I’ll catch up with Karina on the drive,” he says.
“Oh. Okay, that’s fine,” I manage to get out. My voice comes out not at all how I want it to. I know he senses something is amiss because he sits up straighter, and his throat moves roughly with a swallow. He’s mentally preparing himself for the worst. He thinks I have bad news?
“I just want you to know, there isn’t a day where I don’t wish I could go back and spend every minute of every single day with you. If I could, I would never leave your side. I would teach you, guide you, and make sure you know you are loved. And even though your mother betrayed us, I will never betray you. Soren. It’s you and me, okay? You got that, son?” I wasn’t expecting to pour everything out like that, but after it’s over, I’m glad I said it. Except now Soren is looking at me like I’m insane.
“What?” I ask him, suddenly completely embarrassed.
“Thanks, Dad, but I kind of already know all that already.” He laughs.
I can’t help but smile. That is exactly what I needed to hear.
Willow raises her head and groans, like all of our talking is interrupting her sleep.
“Don’t worry, Dad. We’ll be fine.”
I want to ask him what he means by that. He and I will be fine? The Sicarri? All of us? I open my mouth to speak, but Soren has already leaned his head back against the tin wall and closed his eyes. I decide to leave him be and go find Karina.
She’s already asleep, curled up on top of the sheets when I enter my bedroom. It looks like she just plopped down on top of the bed and fell asleep without adjusting anything. I’m glad she decided to get some sleep before we leave. I sit in the chair in the corner of the room and grab my journal sitting on the small table next to it, thanking the guys for adding to the furniture day by day. I write while I watch Karina sleep, taking comfort in the deep breaths escaping her parted lips.
Dare I say it, journal? Dare I say that I feel a slight tingle of happiness? That it doesn’t feel like my world is covered so completely in dark grey clouds?
No, I won’t say it.
But that doesn’t mean that I don’t feel it.
For the first time in a long time, I feel like we’re getting somewhere. The Sicarri with me are more prepared than ever. We’re ready to attack Abe’s compound, we’re ready
to start winning again.
Winning.
Isn’t that an abstract thought? In all reality, I guess just because we defeat Abe, it won’t necessarily rid us of all of our problems with the demons. No, I’m not so naive that I think all will be okay after our mission. But it will change things. The demons will know that we’re a force to be reckoned with again. They’ll be afraid, and that’s just where we want them. Afraid of their next move, afraid that we’re going to be right there waiting for them when they step out of their doors.
And we will be.
I’m tired. I finally set down my journal and decide to get some sleep. As I lie down next to Karina, I do my best not to shake the bed and wake her. I wrap my arms around her small body and fall asleep too. This time, I don’t dream.
I wake when I feel someone nudge my arm. When my eyes adjust to the light in the room, I see Marcel, who’s already in full gear.
“We’re about an hour from heading out, Elijah. Everyone is almost ready,” he whispers. I feel Karina stir next to me and I nod to him in thanks. I hear his boots retreat from the room as I rub the sleep from my eyes. I didn’t mean to sleep quite this long, but damn did it feel good.
