by Carol Grace
He imagined many weekends like this, time for sailing, eating, and making love of course. He knew what she liked, he’d seen the look on her face, heard her sighs, felt her lips on his, her hands on his body. Why wouldn’t she tell him she’d stay?
They ate at the old kitchen table. Sabrina had thought it would be better than way, easier than going out but for her it was harder, because she had a glimpse of what the future could be. The future that was not to be. He’d made it clear he was not interested in marrying her or anyone. She understood why. He’d been burned badly. But it was seven years ago. Couldn’t he see she was nothing like his ex-wife? Didn’t he know she was the most loyal person in the world? Didn’t he know she had fallen madly, desperately in love with him? If he did, it didn’t matter, his answer was the same. Stay here as nanny and mistress.
After dinner she went to her room to get a sweater. They planned to watch the fireworks from the deck. She checked her computer to see if she had any messages.
Her step-mother sent this surprising note.
Sabrina, I broke my leg while hot-air ballooning in the Napa Valley last weekend and the doctor says I can’t move without help for weeks, maybe months. The only person who can run the office is you. Naturally you will get a substantial raise as well as a commission on each nanny you place. Your sisters have gone to Mexico to study Spanish, don’t ask me why. I expect you can find a replacement for the prince, but there is no one else to run the office. The business will be yours one day soon so it is a good thing that you take over for me now.
Sincerely yours, Bettina.
Sabrina almost laughed out loud with shock and amazement. She also felt a wave of relief. It was almost as if she’d gotten a reprieve from heaven and a reason to leave other than falling in love with her employer, although her stepmother was far from angelic. Bettina obviously hated giving up the job and hated giving it to Sabrina, but had no choice since her useless daughters had taken off leaving their mother to manage life on crutches and the business.
Back with Vittorio on the terrace, Sabrina couldn’t bring herself to tell him she was leaving. He’d be persuasive. He’d offer her everything but the one and only thing she wanted – him. She dreaded telling him and even more dreaded telling the girls. For once in her life she was thinking of herself first. She had to protect her heart from being broken again. That much was clear. One more time and she’d never heal again. She was leaving and not a moment too soon. She had Bettina to thank for giving her an out.
The fireworks were even more spectacular than last night. Maybe it was because Sabrina knew she’d never see them again, not here, not from this terrace. They held hands, they drank coffee from small cups that she made from the Espresso machine in the kitchen and they watched the sky light up with huge flowers bursting into bloom, rockets and showers of stars overhead, and listened to the booming sounds that drowned out her worries, at least for a little while.
“I hope the girls are seeing this display,” she said.
“I’m sure they are. The family will be down at the lake where the children run around playing games. I know, I was once one of those children. Angelo the cook always took us. Our parents stayed right here on this terrace enjoying adult pleasures like coffee.”
“Your parents, are they still alive?”
“Alive and living in Sicily where the climate suits them better.”
What she meant was are they still in love? Were they ever in love? Did he know anyone who is happily married? If so, why did he doubt he could be too?
Later she went to bed with him. She knew she should resist. She knew she should tell him. Tell him now. But how could she deny herself one last night with Vittorio. She couldn’t. She wasn’t that strong. She was weak. She wanted him.
She’d never seen his room before he carried her up the stairs. He didn’t ask, he just swept her up and took the stairs two at a time. When he finally put her down on the huge bed, she saw his room was done in earth tones, from the polished wood of the bedframe to the handwoven carpets in Berber design. The sheets were soft and cool on her over-heated body. After he’d undressed her in haste, her shorts, her shirt, her sweater and finally her mere wisps of fragile underwear as if he couldn’t wait another moment, she was so hot she felt feverish.
The only light was the fireworks, still booming and lighting the night sky with their brilliant colors. The wind blew the curtains aside and she remembered the flickering candlelight of last night. This was the last time. She made love to him as if there was no tomorrow and for them there wasn’t. He didn’t know it. She felt guilty about that. Not guilty enough to deny herself one last night of bliss.
They slept together, his leg wrapped around hers, his arms around her shoulders.
“In fact we don’t need a large bed,” he muttered. “Maybe we should just take over the tower.”
She smiled, but it was a sad smile because she knew what he didn’t know. They would not sleep together anywhere again. Tomorrow she would tell him.
The next day the girls came home, sunburned, excited, full of energy and surprised to find them out of their prison.
“What happened?” Caterina asked, hopping up and down, on one foot and then the other.
“How did you get out?” Gianna asked.
“We escaped,” Sabrina said. “Thanks to a delivery man.” She couldn’t help smiling at them, at their expressions of dismay and shock. Of course they shouldn’t get away with what they’d done, but she was in no mood to punish them.
“You deserve to be punished,” Vittorio said. But even he wasn’t able to be as stern as he wished. He’d never felt this way, that his life had turned around. He had Sabrina and the girls should be happy about that.
“Are you getting married? Will you be our mama?” Caterina asked, biting her lip, her eyes wide.
Vittorio met Sabrina’s gaze. What would she say? She would have an answer, she must.
“I can’t stay,” she said.
Vittorio stood and looked at her. She didn’t mean that. She couldn’t. Not after what they had. Not after this weekend.
“What do you mean?” he asked in a voice he scarcely recognized as his own. He was in a state of shock. He sent her a silent message. Tell me you don’t mean it, he telegraphed to her. Don’t let us down. We need you. We want you to stay.
“I must return to California. My step-mother needs me to run the nanny agency. I was never supposed to be your permanent nanny, just until we could find the right one.”
“But we want you. We don’t want the right one,” Caterina protested, stamping her foot on the floor.
“You are the right one,” Gianna said. “For us.”
Vittorio thought he couldn’t have said it better. She was the right one for all of them.
“You will be fine without me,” she said. “Now I must go pack. Maybe you girls can help me.”
Vittorio watched while the three of them walked up the grand staircase. He’d never felt so deserted in his life, not since Elena left. It had happened again, the woman he thought he loved was walking out on him. This time she wasn’t leaving him for another man, she was leaving him for a job. That was worse!
How could she do this to him and to the girls. He couldn’t believe it was happening. It must be a misunderstanding. Whatever she wanted he’d give it to her. He paced back and forth in the foyer until the girls came downstairs and went outside, talking to each other urgently and virtually ignoring him. If they could come up with something that would make their nanny stay, more power to them. He couldn’t take it another minute. He rushed up the stairs and burst into her room without knocking. She was standing next to her bed with a pair of shoes in her hand. She was wearing the same outfit she’d arrived in.
“What are you doing?” he demanded.
“Packing,” she said calmly. Her eyes were dry. Her voice was calm. If she was upset by her decision to leave, she didn’t show it.
“I know you’re packing, I want to know why.”
“Don’t say it’s because your step-mother needs you. We need you more.”
“Vittorio,” she said, setting the shoes into her suitcase, “we had a deal. You asked me to prepare the girls for the Academy. I failed. I’m honoring my side of the bargain by turning in my resignation.”
“I don’t accept it,” he said, bracing his arm against the door frame.
“You have to. You can’t lock me up in a tower and force me to stay.”
“I thought we made the best of our stay in the tower. You didn’t complain at the time.”
He was glad to see a flush creep up her cheeks. She couldn’t deny she was a partner in their lovemaking. And what a partner. She took matters in her own hands. She was everything he’d ever wanted in a woman, soft, sweet, tempting, and eager. He’d never forget the look in her eyes as she leaned over him, tasting, touching…
“I thought it meant as much to you as it did to me.”
“Of course it did. But it’s over. I didn’t do what you hired me to do.”
“You did more. You were everything I expected and more. You can’t just walk out on me, on us.”
She turned her back on him and went to the window. “I’ll miss you,” she said softly. “I’ll miss the girls and I’ll miss the lake, the beautiful lake, all one hundred forty-six square kilometers.”
“Then why…?”
“I told you.”
“I don’t believe you. There’s something else you’re not telling me. There’s someone else, isn’t there?”
She shook her head but she didn’t meet his gaze. She couldn’t.
“Very well,” he said stiffly. “When are you leaving?”
“As soon as I pack and say good-bye to the twins.”
“I’ll drive you to the ferry.”
In the garden Sabrina found the girls picking flowers. “They’re for you,” Caterina said handing her the bouquet of roses, lilies and sprigs of fragrant lavender.
“You can put the lavender in your underwear and it will smell nice,” Gianna said as she hugged Sabrina.
Sabrina felt tears spring to her eyes. She mustn’t cry. She must keep a stiff upper lip so the girls wouldn’t realize how she felt. She wondered if she could stay on as their nanny and not as Vittorio’s lover. She’d have to watch while he found other girlfriends. She’d have to stand by and pretend she didn’t care. It would never work. The girls would be all right. They were bright and full of energy. Best of all they had each other.
They had their father too. He’d be there for them, she was sure he would. Once again she was the nanny, expendable and replaceable. She’d done her work and now her work was over. She had a new job waiting for her, one with challenges and rewards. But never again would she take a nanny position. She’d pushed her luck just as far as it would go.
Falling in love with two employers was surely the height of stupidity. This time she’d really done it. Last time it had been totally one-sided. He’d never known how she felt, never even exchanged a single kiss. This time she’d gone off the deep end. She had tasted happiness, she had found ecstasy, she had found contentment and sheer joy and now it was over.
“Gianna, Caterina, you must be good girls. You promise me, won’t you?”
They nodded in unison. “What about the tower?” Caterina asked. “Didn’t it work?”
“We had a very nice time. Thank you for the picnic. But you must never lock anyone up there or anywhere.”
“But didn’t you fall in love with Papa?” Caterina asked anxiously.
“No,” Sabrina said. Sometimes a lie was the only way to answer a question like that.
Caterina’s eyes filled with tears.
“Don’t cry,” Sabrina said. “I’m very fond of your father. He loves you girls very much. You’re lucky to have a father like that.” She could only hope he would not continue to work round the clock and not put them in the care of yet another nanny or a wife who didn’t like them.
“If you won’t marry him, why can’t you still be our nanny?” Gianna asked.
“Because,” she said. Sometimes there was no answer that a child could understand.
“I’m sorry,” she said, then she turned and rushed out of the garden before they could see she was crying. As the tears fell so did the rain. Once again there were dark clouds over the mountains and thunder boomed and echoed against the tall peaks.
Vittorio was waiting in the car. She ran through the rain, dodging the fast-falling drops. She thanked him for waiting. He was tight-lipped and silent. He’d said it all. He wanted her to stay. But he wouldn’t say the words she wanted to hear. Wouldn’t say them because he didn’t know them.
“Where will you go?” he asked as the windshield wipers sped up in an effort to keep up with the rain outside. He pulled up at the fairy building and turned to face her. His expression was almost identical to the one he’d greeted her with the day she arrived. Angry, wary, careful and controlled.
“Back to California,” she said. But first to Rome. I want to see everything I can before I go.”
“The Sistine Ceiling, the Forum, the Coliseum…”
She nodded.
“By yourself?”
“I know what you’re asking. Am I running away with someone? No, Vittorio, I am not. I’m not Maddelena. Most women are not like her. It’s time for you to get over her. When most women give their word they keep it. When I fall in love, I give my heart and it’s forever.”
“Then you’re running away from someone, aren’t you? You’re running away from me. Why?” He glared at her, daring her to tell him the truth.
Why? Because you won’t marry me.
She couldn’t take any more of his questions, of the intense look in his eyes, the probing way he was staring at her. She’d been strong. She hadn’t changed her mind though every fiber of her being wanted to tell him she’d stay. That it didn’t matter what her position was, she loved him and that’s all that counted. She hated leaving him, his house and his daughters. But she had no choice. Not if she wanted to keep her sanity, her soul and her psyche intact. Before she changed her mind, she grabbed her suitcase from the back seat and jumped out of the car and ran through the rain to the building to buy her ticket. There was no time to wave, no need to say good-bye, and when she looked out, he was gone.
Vittorio drove slowly back to his house. Streaks of lightning split the sky and thunder crashed all around him. The weather matched his mood. He was furious. Angry at himself and at her. He’d made a mistake again. He’d trusted a woman. He’d offered her a home and a job. She liked his children and she seemed to like him if this weekend was any indication. He’d done everything he could to convince her to stay. She’d turned him down flat. If she wanted marriage, she knew better than to ask. He couldn’t take a chance on marriage. Not again. Not after what happened.
The twins were waiting for him. They ran out to the car to greet him getting soaked in the process. They’d never done that before, in rain or shine.
Back in the entry hall where the lights had gone out, they grabbed his hands, and they clung to his legs, and demanded to know what he’d done with Sabrina.
“Sabrina is going home.”
“Why can’t she stay here?”
“She can. I told her we want her to stay. But she wants to go back to California.”
“But why?”
Why. That’s what he wanted to know. What had he done wrong? What hadn’t he offered her that she’d accept? Marriage. It wasn’t a raise, it wasn’t a bonus or time off. It was a wedding ring.
“Was she angry because we locked you in the tower with her?” Caterina asked, her little face troubled, her bottom lip quivering.
“Don’t worry, it had nothing to do with you,” he assured them, removing his wet shoes and taking a seat in the great room. They jumped up onto his lap, both of them. Another first. He put his arms around them. It felt strange but good. It felt right.
“Did you have a go
od time in the tower?” Gianna asked anxiously.
“It was an adventure. No one was angry. Surprised, yes, but we enjoyed the picnic you packed for us.” And so much more.
“We thought you would fall in love with Sabrina.”
“Did you?” he said. Love, what was it? He thought he knew. He thought he’d loved Elena, but that wasn’t love, that was infatuation. Love was about trust. What he felt for Elena was lust.
“That’s why we did it, so you would love her and ask her to marry you and we would live happily ever after like the story she told us,” Caterina said.
“She loves you,” Gianna said. “Why don’t you love her back?”
Vittorio tried to smile at this question following their assumption. Of course that’s what they wanted to believe. “How do you know she loves me?” he asked. Despite his reluctance to believe them, a flicker of hope stirred in his heart. “Did she tell you?”
“She didn’t say she didn’t love you,” Gianna said, shifting from Vittorio’s knee to squeeze in next to him in his chair. “When we asked her.”
“You asked her if she loved me?” he said.
They said yes in unison as they did so many things. “She just got kind of red, you know, in her face. Then she said something about something else. But we knew, didn’t we Gianna?”
Her sister nodded vehemently.
“Where is she?” Caterina asked.
“She’s on the ferry, going to Varenna, then to Rome. She’s never seen the Forum or the Coliseum or the Sistine Ceiling, then she’s going back to California.”
“No, you have to stop her. Tell her we need her. We want her to be our mama.”
“She knows that.”
“But she doesn’t know you love her.”
“No, she doesn’t,” he murmured. “And neither did I.” But he knew now. It was so obvious. He’d never felt this way before, not even with Elena. Without her he felt empty and alone even with his two girls. The picture was not complete and wouldn’t be until he got Sabrina back.
