“Exactly what you all think happened. We had a fight. She broke up with me and left.” He shook his head and scrubbed his hands over his face. “I really don’t want to talk about—”
“You’re going to talk about it, so cut it out,” Dane said. He angled his chair more toward Pierce. “Look, what Dad did was inexcusable, that goes without saying.”
“He was in rare form,” Charles added. “Even for him, that was monstrous.”
“But the worst part is,” Tess said, “the things he said obviously got to you, because you’ve been a wreck ever since.”
“You drove Abby away over it,” Dane guessed. “Didn’t you?”
“Christ, how he attacked her,” Pierce said in a low voice. He winced, then raked both hands through his hair. “He doesn’t even know her, and he fucking attacked her to get to me, and it worked. I went for the bait, just like he knew I would. But Abby was shaken up. I should’ve . . . I should have protected her. Gotten her out of there as soon as he started his crap, instead of engaging . . . I was too focused on fighting him, when I should have been thinking of her.” He dropped his head into his hands. “But he was right about some things, you know.”
“The hell he was,” Dane scoffed.
“Like what? Tell us,” Tess said.
“Like how I’m just like Mom.” Pierce’s hands rubbed over his scalp before he lifted his head to murmur, “He’s right about that. We’re both reckless. Thumbed our noses at the Harrison legacy. Promiscuous. Self-absorbed.”
“Yes, all that’s true,” Charles said. All three of his siblings shot him death looks. “Sorry, but it is. I hate that Dad called her a slut, but she did have affairs. Lots of them. And she’s been married three times. She, uh . . . she got around, let’s face it.”
They were all quiet, the sad truth stinging each of them.
“And you did . . . similar things,” Charles said, trying to be more tactful. “You are reckless sometimes. And you rejected the Harrison name and all that goes with it, and you’ve been pretty self-absorbed for as long as I’ve known you.” Charles didn’t seem at all fazed by the violent looks Pierce shot his way. “But not recently. Since you’ve been back, this time? You’ve been different. You still have that . . . edge. You always have, you always will. But not all the other things. You even got into a real relationship, with a great woman, instead of doing . . . what you usually do with women.” His brow arched as if to punctuate his point. “You’ve mellowed out. Grown up some. It’s been interesting to see. I’m sorry it took getting raked through the tabloids and losing your career to do it, but you’ve really changed, and it’s noticeable. To me, anyway.”
“I don’t know whether to be insulted or take that as a compliment,” Pierce said.
“It’s the latter,” Charles said. “And while I’m at it . . . here’s what’s really ironic.” He shifted in his chair, crossing one leg over the other as he continued, still gazing at Pierce. “Yes, you remind Dad of Mom, and that bugs the shit out of him. But really, you’re just as much like him as you are like her. Maybe even more so. And neither one of you realize it.”
Tess snorted. “God, that’s so true.” Dane smirked and nodded in agreement.
“The hell I am!” Pierce snarled. “I’m nothing like that bastard.”
“Really?” Charles’s brows lifted as he resumed his train of thought. “You’re both strong-willed as all hell. You’re both born fighters. Tough competitors. Driven. Don’t care about what might get in your way, you just steamroll over it if you have to. Because you both need to win.”
“Absolutely,” Dane nodded, his mouth still twisted in a smirk. “All that is what made you such a great football player. But here, with Dad, that’s also why you grate on each other so much. You’re too much alike, in all the toughest ways. And you both need to come out on top, but only one of you can. So it becomes like a game of one-upmanship.”
“It’s true, Pierce,” Charles said. “You’re just as much like Dad as Mom. So just own it.”
Mind reeling, Pierce processed the words. Jesus, they were right. Why hadn’t he seen that before, when it was so clear to all his siblings? Denial, anger, stubbornness, who knew. And it explained so much, really.
Tess touched his forearm and asked, “Keep talking. What else did he say that you think he was right about?”
“That I purposely dated married women. I don’t know how he knew about that. But I can tell you Abby didn’t know about that. And she . . . didn’t take it very well.” Pierce grimaced as he recalled the stricken look on her face. “Especially since I was such an asshole when I explained it in further detail.” He looked around at his three siblings. They were all watching him, listening, trying to help him climb out of his hole. It made him want to spill his guts.
He was so tired of fighting the world alone. And for once, he didn’t have to.
It all came pouring out of him. “When she came back, after Julia took her out of there? I’d been stewing about it all . . . plus, by then I was drunk, along with angry, and embarrassed . . . and I kept thinking about how he said she’s too good for me, and thought maybe he was right.”
“He was so wrong!” Tess demanded. “Come on.”
“Was he?” Pierce looked at her straight on. “I did do some . . . disreputable things, shall we say, in my twenties. Hell, up until recently. I did sleep with a lot of women, and some of them, I knew they were married and didn’t give a shit because it made things easier for me. I did party too hard, drink too much, get into brawls, and toy with women. I was wild, and self-centered, and looking for trouble . . . every bad thing Abby read about me.”
“Was,” Charles said softly. “Past tense. Right? You claimed you’re not like that anymore. That you’re in transition, that you’ve changed, and are still trying to change. So, are you?”
“Yes,” Pierce said. “But no one fucking believes me.” He scowled as the frustration surged inside him, a bubbling, liquid heat. “Growing up, no one here ever thought I was anything but trouble. I went and made a life for myself in England, but I made mistakes, did some dumb shit. And the press was always on my back, making up stories and blowing things out of proportion.” His mouth twisted as he swallowed back the anger that threatened to break through. “And when push came to shove, and all that shit went down with the Huntsmans, none of my teammates stood up for me. Most of them didn’t even believe me when I said I’d never slept with her. They laughed, brushed it off, and shut me out. And that cut deep, I admit it.”
He took a deep breath, trying to keep calm. Abby’s face floated back to the surface, like a dream. “And now, Abby . . . I thought . . . I thought, over our time together, she saw the real me. The one I’d been . . . hiding, I guess. She liked me for me, and I was grateful for that. It meant something to me. And she’d even grown to trust me—which is really something, because thanks to other assholes in her past, her trust issues have issues. But when I saw the look on her face, and then some of the things Dad said . . .” His throat felt tight, and he swallowed hard. “In my fucked-up state of mind, and with half a bottle of whiskey in me by the time she came back out to find me, I thought I’d be doing her a favor by letting her go.”
“Oh Pierce,” Tess sighed. “How’d I know you were going to say that?”
“I didn’t want to expose her to any more of this fuckery we call a family,” Pierce railed. “So yeah, I started mouthing off. The whiskey didn’t help, of course. But you know what? She saw right through me. She knew I was lashing out to push her away, because she’s so damn smart. And that . . . freaked me out. So I went right back into asshole mode, and goddammit, I let her down. She needed to hear something reassuring, needed me to give her something to go on, and I didn’t. Then I made it worse . . . said things I shouldn’t have, and don’t think I can fix.” The muscle in his jaw jumped and his chest felt tight as he stared at the floor. “Of course, now she won’t talk to me. I tried to push her away, and it worked. I’ve lost her. And I’m fucking
miserable about it.”
“God, you’re stupid,” Dane sighed.
They all gaped at him. “Gee, thanks,” Pierce snapped.
“You’re an idiot. That woman stood up to Dad for you,” Dane reminded him. He leaned in, resting his forearms on his knees. “When he started in with her, she was standing there in shock, just totally blindsided. It was awful, painful to watch, I agree. She was obviously thrown at first . . . and yet, she came back and gave it right back to him, with some serious steel. She stood up for you. That’s one gutsy badass you’ve got there. And you pushed her away.” Dane arched a brow with a sardonic look. “You didn’t do it to spare her from our family. You did it to spare yourself; you quit before you could get fired.”
“Yes,” Pierce said, his jaw clenching. “Okay. Yes, that’s what I did.”
“So stop feeling sorry for yourself,” Dane demanded, “and look at why you really did it.”
“As crass as he’s being at the moment,” Tess said, throwing a sharp look his way, “Dane’s right.”
“Really?” Pierce spat, looking around. “Okay, you’re all in my head. You tell me why I ‘really did it,’ even though I just fucking told you why.”
“You’re afraid,” Tess said softly.
“Seconded,” Charles remarked.
“What she just said.” Dane nodded and sat back in his chair. Pierce just blinked, listening.
“Know what scares you?” Tess went on. “Having a real relationship. You’re thirty-one years old, and you’ve never even liked any woman enough to want to be with her all the time. You don’t just lust after Abby, you genuinely like her. She’s important to you. And you know she’s been hurt before. So you’re afraid of disappointing her. You’re afraid of the real commitment that you want to make for the first time in your life.” She shook her head and added, “You’re in love with her, and that terrifies you. Look at you, you’re a mess! You’ve been torturing yourself from the moment she left.”
“You’re wallowing,” Charles said, “even though you’re the one who drove her to leave. Time to face it all, and own it.”
“What they both said, all of it.” Dane stared hard at Pierce. “So okay, you fucked up. Now go fix it. Do something other than drinking yourself into a coma.”
“Shut up,” Pierce growled, but there was no fire in his tone. They were all right, and he knew it. They’d nailed it on every point. God, he was stupid.
Tess took his hand and said softly, “She’s the best thing that’s happened to you in a long time. Fight for her. Grovel if you have to. But fix it, before it’s too late.”
Pierce closed his eyes and breathed deeply. Misery kept twisting through his insides, and the new realizations were messing him up even more. They were right. His brothers and sister saw deeper into him than he did. And Abby had too. “I think it’s already too late,” he murmured, his stomach doing another flip. “Since I saw her at practice on Monday night, I’ve sent texts and called every day. She won’t answer. Total silent treatment.”
That made him remember; he grabbed his phone off the coffee table to glance at the time. “Shit. I have to go to practice in a few hours, the last one for the season. But I don’t want to make it any worse, for her or for me. I don’t want to go, but I can’t do that to the kids, they count on me.” He tossed his phone onto the couch, sighing in disgust as he added softly, “Her silence is killing me. And her eyes when she looks at me. I can’t take looking at her and knowing I hurt her like that. I hate that I hurt her like that . . . and that we’re over. And it’s all my fault. It fucking hurts.” He shook his head at himself. “God, I want her back.”
“Tell her all that!” Tess insisted.
“She won’t let me,” he said. “When I tried to talk to her on Monday night, she shook me off and walked away. Stood near the kids on the team, like a shield, so I couldn’t get her alone. Yesterday I sent her flowers, at school, and she fucking sent them back!” Aggravation seared through him again, and he grunted, “God, I sound pathetic. I am, aren’t I?”
“No,” Dane said. “You sound like a man in love who’s wrecked that he messed up and lost his woman.”
“C’mon, Pierce. Man up,” Charles said. “What I said before about facing your fears? Start now. Do yourself, and Abby, a favor. Put on your big boy pants, and figure out what you really want.”
“He knows what he wants,” Dane said quietly. His stare held Pierce in place as he continued, “But you saw our parents implode, and thanks to Dad, you never felt like you had a safe place in your own family. And also, I think you never . . .” He hesitated a few seconds before he ventured, “I don’t mean to go all psychobabble on you, but I was thinking about it on the way over here. I think you’ve never felt worthy of real love, because you’ve had so little of it in your life.”
Pierce gaped at his brother. His chest was tight, and he rubbed frantically at his sternum. His throat was too tight and his stomach was flipping. His whole life, in a few short observations.
“I recognize it,” Dane continued softly, “because when I got involved with Julia, she was very much the same, for very similar reasons. I mean, how can you ever feel worthy of love from outsiders if you never felt it from your own family? Right?”
Pierce felt cold. Cold and clammy and like he might tear up.
“So. You were already feeling vulnerable when you came back to New York. Then you fell for Abby, and those feelings were new to you, and you were just starting to get a handle on them . . . and then you walked into Dad’s ambush. The things he said hit hard because deep down, you were afraid he could be right.” Dane stared harder. “He wasn’t right. He was dead wrong. But until you believe that, you’re going to keep letting him get to you, and you won’t be able to stay with Abby, or any other woman.”
“Jesus Christ,” Pierce breathed, dropping his head back against the cushions.
“Dane, you missed your calling,” Tess said. “You should’ve been a psychiatrist.” She turned to Pierce and rubbed his shoulder, and her voice softened with affection as she said, “You’re worthy of love, honey. We love you. We always have.”
“We may not have shown it enough when we were all kids,” Charles admitted. “I’m sorry for that. But we do love you, Pierce. You always say you hate ‘the family’. That’s not fair. Hate Dad. But not us.”
“We’ve got your back,” Dane said. “If you weren’t sure of that before, we’re telling you that now, straight out. We’re here, aren’t we?”
Pierce felt a sting behind his eyes. Looking between his two older brothers, he was so overwhelmed he couldn’t speak.
“And you’re worthy of Abby,” Tess said.
Pierce’s eyes slipped closed. It was a lot to take in. All he could do was nod in agreement.
“What you did? Julia did that to me,” Dane said. “Julia had a shitty past that did a lot of damage, so she tested me over and over. But I didn’t give up. She was too special. She was worth it. I needed to help her see that she was . . . everything. She is my everything.” Dane’s brow lifted as he said firmly, “So, go fix it with Abby. She’s pretty special, right? Don’t give up. Not if you want her. Not if you love her.”
Tess moved into Pierce’s side and gave him a quick hug.
“Do you really love her?” Charles asked.
Pierce rubbed his face with both hands, forcing himself back to a functional state despite the soul-shaking epiphanies. “Yes, I do.”
“Does she know that?” Tess asked.
“No.” Pierce’s head dropped back into his hands as a fresh wave of self-loathing washed over him. “I only really realized it on Saturday night . . . at the party. Like, literally a few minutes before everything blew up sky high.”
“Oh honey,” Tess cooed with empathy, giving his shoulder a squeeze.
“So tell her!” Dane commanded. “Stop beating yourself up, and do something about this. You fucked up. You’ve owned it, now fix it. Throw yourself at her damn feet if you have to.”
>
Pierce lifted his head to glare scornfully. “Shut up.”
“No, I won’t. You’re one of the most driven people I’ve ever known,” Dane said. “Take that drive that got you out of your father’s house at eighteen without looking back. That tenacity I’ve seen you with on the pitch. That fire, focus, and train it all on doing whatever it takes to get Abby back.”
“Whether it’s with Abby,” Charles interjected, “or another woman in the future, if you don’t face your fears, you’ll just repeat your pattern and keep pushing them away. And then you’ll end up like Dad: alone and bitter, with major regrets.” He took in the looks of surprise on all three siblings’ faces, but continued. “Because Dad knows, though he’ll never admit it, that it was his doing; that he drove Mom away. It was his fault the whole cycle started, by how he treated her, ignored her—and deep, deep down, under the nasty bluster, he knows it. He was afraid to face all that. He still hasn’t. That’s why he’s so bitter.” He speared Pierce with a searching look. “Is that what you really want? To end up like him?”
“Charles,” Tess said, a soft reprimand.
“It’s true,” Charles replied. “I’m trying to help him.” His locked gaze with Pierce’s didn’t break. “You’re thirty-one years old. It took you thirty-one years to find someone you truly love. You think that happens every day?”
Pierce’s mouth went bone dry as he looked back at him. He shook his head.
“If you really love her,” Charles said, “do something about it. Face your fears and get your shit together with her, since you’re already crazy in love with her.”
Someone Like You Page 26
