She pulled out one of the kitchenette's chairs and dropped her purse onto it. Then, she tugged off her jacket and unwrapped her muffler as she headed toward the coat closet. With her jacket and muffler hanging over her arm she opened the door. Selecting one of the hangers Gramma knitted, she draped her coat and twirled the muffler, then hung everything up.
When she closed the door, she stayed there, hand on the knob. Her head was down.
Mom was giving something a very theatrical thinking-over.
Her hand dropped away from the door and hung at her side. Her other hand came up to her top lip, the way she does and she rubbed it. Then, mom turned to me, not saying anything. Not yet.
"Hi mom." Was all I said. That's all she needed.
"Yes."
Yes?
"Hello. Susie."
Okay. That's better. But, hello? Where was her normal hi, honey?
She looked at me but more like in the direction of me, not at me directly, instead, over the top of my head.
"Mom. So?"
"So." She made a umphfing sound, walked to the refrigerator, and pulled out a bottle of wine!
"Mother. What gives?"
As she poured the ruby fluid into her glass and she started to giggle.
She took a sip and snickered and at the same moment, she sprayed her wine out of her mouth and all over the cupboards. Red dripped down the maple doors and off onto the counter. Like that was the funniest thing she'd ever seen, she blurted out into laughter. Again.
Thank God she'd swallowed.
"You know, that Matthew (why always with the Matthew?)," she got out between chuckles, "he sure likes you... a LOT."
"K." I slumped into a chair with one leg bent under me and the other toeing the floor. "What about it."
"Well!" She said it like a movie star coming down a long ramp of carpeted stair in an old musical. It almost sounded as if she would break into song. "He was there. At the meeting." Her eyebrows lifted. "He's a brave boy, that one."
"What happened?"
She giggled. "Look. I'm tired." She gulped down every last drop of wine in one go. "Whew. I'm beat. It's late. I'm heading to bed. We can talk about it tomorrow. K?"
"Fine, oh, Star of the Theat-a!" I made a sheesh sound and she left the kitchen.
What a weird-o mom was turning out to be.
SIXTY THREE - It Was a Mice & Men Day
We didn't walk to school together because Matt left school before me the day after the parent-teacher meeting. So, I walked alone that morning.
Mom hadn't left yet. She called into work and told them she would be late. She was still in her white double-knit terry robe, the one that felt like kitty fur, and that you could sink your fingers into.
She kissed me on the forehead and then both cheeks. Her nose was cold as it pressed against my skin. Mom pulled back and said, "I love you so much." Her blue eyes glistened as clear as the sky behind me out there on the porch.
But, as quickly as I noticed her pretty eyes, I was distracted from them.
It reverberated, the noise did. Mom giggled at my reaction.
"That's weird."
"Yes. Now, off with you." I sort of skipped off the steps into our snowy front yard. The snow blazed like a hundred thousand diamonds someone had dumped onto our property. "And, Susie?" She called, making me stop and turn around. "You have a remarkably wonderful day."
"K. Mom." I turned to leave and under my breath said, "What-ever."
The reverberation grew louder as I passed, and spit, in front of the cemetery.
It was completely, one-hundred percent, recognizable about a block away from school. The voice blasted through a bullhorn, calling students to gather.
It was Matt.
When I entered the Ronkonkoma High gates he was saying something about a formal apology.
"Mrs. Morlson, here, would like to speak now." Matt's voice thundered out. Mr. Haggerty stood back, closer to the concrete planter that lined the walkway to the school's doors.
A pack of no fewer than two hundred of my closest (literally) classmates formed a bank in a semicircle watching Matt. As I pushed my way through the crowd, she began to speak into the bullhorn.
"Um." Blaring reverberation oinked at the crowd and every single hand raised up to cover their ears. "Uh. Sorry." Then to Matt she said, "I can't do this." And tried to step away.
When I got to the front line Matt was grabbing her by the arm tugging her back. "Yes. You can. Or else." He said.
Matt and Morlson stood shoulder to shoulder and about the same height. In fact, he might've boasted an inch over her. He looked regal there. Somehow, without me noticing, Matt had grown into his lankiness.
A smile made my lips break over my shiny steel braces. I was staring at Matt in awe.
"Yes. Um. Well. Uh." Morlson was stalling. Matt nudged her with an elbow. Her eyes looked as if she might've stabbed roasted marshmallows into them. They were swollen and oozy. Like maybe she'd contracted conjunctivitis, or something.
"Yes. Um. Well." Her head waggled. "Per my agreement with Mr. Haggerty, Mrs. Willa Speider," I shot a look at Matt who was staring, well, really beaming at me, "and Matthew here, I have to," Matt flipped a look at her that meant business. Morlson cleared her throat, looked at her feet and said, "I mean I want to" [stall] [stall], "formally," [stall] [stall] "apologize," she looked at me once and then as if staring into the sun her eyes crunched, "to, um, Miss, um, Speider there." She pointed the bullhorn at me. "There. I did it." She said to Matt but he wanted more from her. He shook his head and restrained her from trying to get away. "Oh. Fine! To Susie Speider for calling her a cheat and a liar. There." She said the words as fast as she could then leapt off toward where Mr. Haggerty stood, passing him and darting toward the glass doors of the school.
But, she stopped before going inside. Morlson wasn't finished. She turned around and came back. She bellied up to Matt and snatched back the bullhorn.
"Oh and one other thing. I wish you people would quit calling me Queen Morlson. There. That's all. Good. Bye."
At first, there was a void as if the time warped then split and rolled in on itself, backwards.
Then, the crowd erupted.
I couldn't move my arms. People jiggled them but it was like they had no muscles anymore.
I couldn't speak. I could only stare at Matt who had come to my rescue, in, like the biggest way ever.
He walked over to me. The crowd was still going ballistic whooping and screaming and ooo-ooo-ooo-ing, chanting Matthew Matthew Matthew. Like he was their new hero. He was my hero.
And, when he pulled me into a hug, I knew he was mine.
But, all our happiness and joy ended when David and Joe came up to us. They yanked Matt's arm and he let go of me. Matt's face went slack. Mine too.
"Brother." I blew out in disgust.
The entire student body was there. Mr. Haggerty watched on and took one cautious step toward us.
Cinda and Melinda stood behind the boys. They glared at Matt and then turned their venomous gaze to me.
I glared back.
Then, David pushed his hand out, to shake Matt's. Matt looked at me, astonishment soaking his eyes.
Matt acted gentlemanly and grabbed David's hand, giving it one solid pump down.
Joe was next. He held out his hand too for Matt. Matt obliged him as well.
Then, Cinda and Melinda followed suit.
Tanya walked up next and stared at Matt with zero expression. "You're gonna do great on the outside." She said flicking her head toward the school's gates and referring to after graduation. Then, she looked at me.
"Hi Tanya." I blushed. Tanya is like a goddess to me.
"Kid?"
"Yeah?"
"Keep thinking up words. We have big plans for you. Big plans." Then, she hugged me. "I'm gonna miss you, kid. You're, like, part of the reason I make it to school each day."
My jaw dropped. I was flabbergasted. I couldn't speak. Then, she added, looking back to Ma
tt. "Nicely executed, Matthew. Nicely executed."
When she past us, I watched her walk away. My skin prickled. And, when I turned back, it was as if, suddenly, the entire school had formed a line to shake Matt's hand. The line curved to the right and then to the left around the main building and off to who knows where.
He started to giggle at first. Then, he got teary but kept laughing as people kept grabbing his hand, his arms, patting him on the back, telling him, "Good job, man." And, "Way to go, Matthew." "You're the main, dude, Matt!" Someone yelled a few bodies down the line of students.
Matt kept wiping at his eyes and grabbing hands, shaking so many hands that day. So many. And, all day long, when people would see Matt, they yelled, "Right on, Matt!"
They'd even say to things to me, like, "Hey Speider, your boyfriend there's got one set on him!"
Which, well, God. Gross, but, hey. It was cool, right? I mean. It made me smile.
I couldn't believe our day would've ever turned out so awesome. Mom knew. Mom was there with Matt, Mr. Haggerty and Morlson the night before.
And, Matt? Well, he was a star.
SIXTY FOUR - The Definition of the Word
The roasted nutty smell of coffee infused the kitchen. "This is the thing I've learned." Mom said as we sat sipping our coffees, me, with a load of agave nectar, like two full dripping teaspoons, goat's milk (to cream it up) and a chocolate spoon mom had been saving for a special occasion. I guess this was it. Mom's was creamy with half and half--ONLY, PLEASE!
Mom continued. "What I've learned is words can work for you and they can work against you. They can help and they can harm. When I learned I could control my words, could control just blurting out something,"
Then I interrupted. "You mean like having sex with Matt. That kind of control."
"That's different."
I huffed and let her go on. She and I were having a lovely moment and I didn't want to spoil it by saying the wrong thing. Again. But, I also had to believe that human nature is human nature and we make mistakes. The Bible says that we're not perfect. Boy. Oh. Boy. How true is that! And, human nature will be a thing we can either be proud of or embarrassed by. I'm shooting for proud. Not just for me to be proud of myself, but for my mom to be proud of me and, hopefully, my dad too as he watches over me like my own special guardian angel.
"That's different and you will learn why someday when you have children of your own."
OMG. Mom was using all of the parental cop-outs this morning. I giggled at her.
"You will have children, Miss Susie. And, when you do, they will be the light of your life. The thing you would die for. The thing you love more than anything else, even your husband. Dare I say it. But, it's that deep of a love." A thin glimmer of moistness trimmed her lower lid and I looked down into my nectar of a drink I'd made for myself.
I took another sip. "Mmm."
"Yes. Well. You shouldn't have more than one cup a day. Especially with your meds."
She got up to pour herself another cup, filled it with creamer and then came back to sit with me.
"Although," she said, "since the doc lowered your dosage again, one cup shouldn't hurt you but, Susie, promise me this sweetie," I shook my head even before the thing I would promise was out of her lips, "if you start believing you're a spider again, will you tell me?"
"Yes, mom. I will. Promise." I made a little X over my heart and kissed my fingers.
Mom smiled and sipped her coffee. She pulled back fast. "Ooo. Hot."
I took another gulp.
Mom then slurped hers like she was drinking soup out of a cup. Gross.
"Mother. Please." I rolled my eyes. "Manners."
"Sorry." She got up again. "That's another thing." She headed for the refrigerator. "Bacon and eggs?"
"Sure!"
She pulled out the fixings.
"What's the other thing, mom?"
"Oh. Yes. Sorry. I forgot." She turned and made a funny scrunched up face. "That's not good." Then blew out one big laugh. "Mom's losing it, Susie."
"Mom. Get on with it. The other thing?"
"Well. Those eyes of yours." She turned face front to me, placed one hand on one hip and leaned against the sink next to the bacon, the eggs, the sack of sliced whole grain bread, the butter, the peanut butter and the jam. "Those eyes are your give-away."
"My give-away."
"Mm hmm. You approve and your eyes light up but when you disapprove, you roll your eyes. Your facial expressions, like your words can undo a person, Susie." She turned back to the food and began opening the bacon first, because, as you know, you start food first that takes the longest to cook.
But, this morning was lecture morning so I just let mom go on. "I'm not saying that you shouldn't be expressive. No. Just watch when you're being judgmental with people--in your words and in your face? K?"
No. Duh. But, I didn't flinch. I didn't move. Not moving allowed me to hear her words. Hearing her words allowed to contemplate why she was lecturing, in her oh, so sweet-natured way mom has about her. And, it struck me that she probably had tons of info I could employ.
I mean, old people are like that. You know. Full of experience and info.
"K?" She prodded after getting lost in my thoughts.
"K. Mom." And, it was as if dad had grabbed my hand at that moment and led me to her 'cause I put my arms around her as she began preparing our breakfast. "I love you mom."
She giggled. "I love you too, my Susie. Miss Susie Speider."
"Can I help?"
"Sure! Crack the eggs in this bowl. Four. And, then beat them. Here. Here's the whisk."
And morning went that way, without a glitch. We cooked breakfast together for the first time in a long time.
SIXTY FIVE - Onward & Upward
So, hey. All that was, like, five months ago. Now, everyone at school is getting psyched for end of the year, when seniors graduate, when summer starts and when the promise of a new school year lingers lazily in the backs of our logy vacation-soaked minds. What, with wild currants in blossom and big billowy clouds lofting by. These kind of days always make me want to daydream. I love summers in Ronkonkoma.
I go over to Matt's almost every week to help him and Paul. Mom wishes I'd spend more time helping her but what's a good Samaritan to do. We can only be spread so thin.
The doc adjusted my meds AGAIN! That was mom's doing. After reading my diary and sort of, like, bouncing and flailing around the room for a while, she called the doc. He said that even a slight dose overage of Concerta can create weird side-effects in people, INCLUDING. O.M.G...HALLUCINATIONS!!!
After hearing about my diary entries the doc lowered the dosage, making me swear to drink at least "eight ounces of water to avoid getting all that stringy saliva" that would collect in my mouth and on my lips. So gross. He blamed that on dehydration.
Who knew? Not I. I'm still just a kid. But, now I drink about fifty gallons every night with my pill. I sleep better too. My grades have held out at A's which is so incredibly cool that my chances of getting into the U have, like, shot up way to "Oh! Yea! You're gettin' in!" levels. I'm so psyched.
Plus, everything turned out perfect-a-mundo. Mom's topsy-turvy-ness smoothed out. She cries less often about dad. Me too. Like, we still miss him more than anyone could ever know but the pain doesn't feel like a cactus behind my heart now, more like a softball--thick and sad like that.
Paul and I had a long talk. He explained to me what mom couldn't seem to. Isn't that the way? Like, mom is mom and so I don't want to have to listen to every single lecture she has for me. Her messages can get delivered so much better from someone else sometimes, you know. He and Matt visit us regularly. We even go for walks. Sometimes me and Matt walk way ahead of them. They need their space as much as we need ours.
And, HOLD THE SAXOPHONE! Even Mrs. Toadmeister Morlson seemed to figure it out. Even if she hasn't, at least she smiles at me now, like I'm her new BFF, gah. I passed her science class with a B--pretty great, consideri
ng. She kind of has to be nice to me now, 'cause if she goes on the attack again, it's bye bye Morlson.
That's basically what Haggert told my mom that day she came home from work early the day after Morlson tried to kill my spider.
See, I found out later that Matt had gone back to school to have his own little chat with Mr. Haggert. He told him how Morlson seemed to have it out for me, that I had been working with him and that Morlson had been messing with people's grades. Matt specifically, told him, as evidence for his statement, that Cinda's paper about incubating eggs had incorrect information but it was Matt that Morlson gave a lower grade to. Matt went onto say (and I swear, he should go into law school, he's so smart), that if his statement proves correct, that Cinda's paper was graded higher not on merit but on popularity that ALL of Morlson's grading should be examined.
I asked him later, "Did you actually say that?"
And, Matt said, "Yes. Just like that, that ALL of Morlson's grading should be examined!" Roar.
I swear it made me ROFLMBO.
Matt stood up for me. That exalted him to as-close-as-one-can-get-to-Bieber level and now me, Ricki, Jamie and Matt all hang out together although I think Matt wishes it was just the two of us sometimes.
He kissed me for real last week. Just after my braces came out.
It was right after our first real kiss that I stuffed Justin's photo into my pajama drawer. I kissed his photo for the last time, then, too.
See, Matt made me smile for him and when I did (baring my new perfectly aligned set of choppers at him), he laid one on me.
It wasn't so bad. I mean, I still acted like he should never do it again. But, then, as soon as I objected he did it again.
"What did I just say?"
"Shut up."
"Shut up? That's not how you..." smooch.
"Matt. Stop it."
Smooch.
"Stop."
Smooch. Smooch. Smooch.
"Okay. Mom's gonna figure out we're not studying." Smooch.
"Stop."
Smooch.
Smooch.
Smooch.
And it kind of went on like that the entire rest of our tutoring session. Yeah. I still tutor him. I don't mind so much anymore either. And, yes, we're kind of girlfriend/boyfriend. The kissing kind of continued too. It's goes on like that too whenever we get together without Ricki and Jamie.
Spider Brains: A Love Story (Book One) Page 17
