by Sheila Kell
“Yes, I did. I can’t be sorry, though. True, I’m sorry for what it did to my marriage, but you were created.”
Frustration welled inside him. Frustration for the life his mother had led. Frustration for the life he now had to lead. “Did you even love my mother?”
Nodding, Blake spoke softly, “I did love her.”
“Then how could you have done it?”
Blake shook his head and sighed. “Weakness and despair will drive us to do things we normally wouldn’t. I was a new senator—the youngest the state had ever elected. And, I thought I’d lost my rights to my kids. Then your mother made me feel like I was someone again. It was wrong, but it happened.”
“Did my mother love you?” Please God, say no. He wished he hadn’t asked, but he had to know.
His father nodded. “I think she did. But she loved the man who raised you more.”
Air released from his lungs on a rapid exhale. He’d needed to hear she loved Roger more. Only, he didn’t have nearly enough information to process everything to his satisfaction. And what would that be? No fucking idea. Gut wrenching pain exploded for his mother and her living so close to a man she loved while raising that man’s son as someone else’s. “Why did you push her to stay here? Didn’t you think it would be awkward for my mother and father?”
Taking a typical politician’s stance, he asked a question in lieu of answering. “Did it feel awkward growing up?”
He thought about it to as far back as he could remember. “Not that I noticed, but I was a kid. I didn’t pay attention to things like that.” The vise clamped around the part of his heart reserved for the love of his family tightened. “Why didn’t they tell me?” he croaked in palpable despair.
“Your mother didn’t want you to think less of her or Roger. The man loved you as if you were his own.”
As far as Trent was concerned, he was Roger’s. This man may have given him life, but Roger, his father, made sure his life was everything he needed. His heart swelled with love for Roger. Had he been put in that situation without a choice? No matter. Trent was glad he’d been there. No finer man would bear the title of father.
He clenched his hands into fists. He didn’t need Blake Hamilton or any fucking closure. There’d be no relationship.
Finding no need to forgive the other man who called himself his father, he lashed out, “You should’ve done like she asked and taken it to your grave.”
“Do you really feel that? Can you not forgive her for her own moments of weakness?”
The son of a bitch had no right to talk to him about forgiving his mother and her lie. “It’s none of your business how I feel about my mother. You don’t deserve that right.”
“Okay. Fair enough.” Blake cleared his throat. “Trent, I’ve watched you grow into a strong man, one I am proud to call son, even if you aren’t ready to do that. I’ll announce it to the world if you ever accept me. But you are going to get one father-son talk whether you want it or not.” He held up a hand to stop Trent from interrupting. “I’m sure if Roger was here, he’d deliver it.”
Unease crept up his spine.
“I understand you might be suffering survivor’s guilt.”
“I’ve conquered it,” Trent said quickly, too quickly. Hadn’t he conquered it? His talk with Mike had been a breakthrough for him. Yet something still seemed to be wrong.
Blake raised his eyebrows. “Really? I’m glad to hear it, but you’re still going to hear from me because your not wanting to tackle this problem between us might tie in. Before I was in politics, I spent a few years in the Marines. I understand all about the emotion of survivor’s guilt as I suffered from it myself after returning from my first real campaign overseas. This was years before the war broke out. We were on the ground—special forces—quietly trying to prevent an all-out war. We ultimately failed. There were always the questions, ‘if I had done this,’ or ‘if I hadn’t done that,’ that stream through your thoughts. One thing someone told me once that stuck was what if by doing, or not doing, what I’d done, would things have been worse?”
How worse could it have been? Les died.
The senator shrugged. “I always figured they couldn’t be since I survived and my friends didn’t. Then someone else told me something that I eventually took to heart. ‘Nothing can change what happened. You were given a second chance. Don’t let your friends’ sacrifice be wasted.’ Now, none of that will fix you, but it’s something to think about. From what I understand, Les willingly chose to tackle the terrorist, knowing the outcome. Sure you guys couldn’t talk it out, but he knew and acted. I met the man a couple of times. I think he’d kick your ass for not living a full life because he did what was necessary to save my granddaughter.”
Trent’s heart sat lodged in his throat. He could only sit and stare blankly at the fire. He wouldn’t allow Blake to be the reason he finally released all the welling turmoil of emotions within him. Rising abruptly, he said, “I have to go. I have something I need to do.”
Without speaking a word, Blake nodded and led him to the front door.
With nothing left to say and the stinging of tears at the back of his eyelids, Trent turned and left Blake standing at the doorstep while he briskly walked to Kelly’s car. Once there, it took two tries to select the right button to unlock it with the remote. He was so angry that once he’d settled into the driver seat, he slammed the door shut.
Emotion after emotion stormed through him—fear, pain, heartache, loss, love. Dropping his head in his hands, he allowed the tears to slide down his face. Before today, he’d never cried over what had happened to him, to Les or at learning his parents had lied to him all his life. Was this him finally grieving? Finally letting everything go? Whatever it was, he hated it.
It had to be more than that because he’d already made his peace with Les. At least he thought he had. Did living his life fully include trying to form a new relationship with Blake? It was the only other thing lying painfully on his heart.
Maybe it wasn’t the guilt, maybe it was just finally knowing the truth about his conception. Sometimes being an adult sucked balls.
After swiping his face with the backs of his knuckles, he slapped his hands against the steering wheel in frustration and then exited the car. Senator Hamilton stood on the doorstep as if he’d been expecting Trent to return.
“All right,” Trent said, “I’ll give you a chance, but you won’t replace Roger McKenzie so don’t even try.”
A slow smile spread across Blake’s face. “I’d like to know what you’re going to name that new grandchild of mine?”
Bewildered, Trent asked, “You do know that’s not my baby, don’t you?” It was his child as far as he was concerned, just not in the way Blake meant.
“But she’ll be your wife, won’t she? That makes the baby a Hamilton.”
Acceptance bled into him and repaired his heart. That had been the missing key. Whether he and Blake became close or not, he could return to Kelly ready to live a full life.
HE’D FINALLY DONE it. Trent and Kelly were meeting at the altar. Although, they’d almost not been able to get married at the church where she’d grown up attending because neither were attending a church nor had been. He’d felt helpless when Kelly had cried the entire day the pastor had to consider their request. In the end, he’d agreed as long as they sat through his counseling and attended church in the future. He could live with that since it made Kelly happy.
Standing with AJ by his side, at the front of the church, he waited for the love of his life. He’d been such an idiot not to notice her as anything more than a friend sooner. The light she brought into his world filled him with love, need, desire, and all the good possible. In his heart, he knew that he’d survived so they could be together. So that she could be his wife, and he could be a father to Ashley.
Both prospects excited him and improved his life, making him feel like the luckiest man on earth, one not to be tangled with because Kelly and Ashley were everything to him, and h
e’d do anything to keep them happy.
He almost laughed out loud. Love did strange things to a man.
As he gazed over the guests, his heart swelled with love and belonging. The entire Hamilton family had flown in for the event. Jesse and Kate sat with a cute Reagan and their fourteen-year-old adopted son, Jason. If the boy could keep his leukemia under wraps, he was destined to be a great quarterback. Trent wondered what Jesse would do once Jason was old enough to make his own decisions because while the boy loved football, he wanted to be part of HIS.
With Megan standing up with Kelly, Emily held a three-month-old Alex for AJ and Megan while Amber squirmed between her and Jake—who’d made it home from assignment. Somehow Trent doubted they would be there for the entire ceremony. He expected they’d be toting one or the other children outside when the little ones became too unmanageable to be still that long.
Down the pew from them, it still seemed odd to see Devon and Rylee together, but the love they shared bled into the room. He’d have never paired the two of them together since they were so different. It went to show what he knew about love.
The twins rounded out the guests on his side of the church. He wondered when love would hit them. The rest of the family was falling like flies. Not that that was a bad thing. Everyone seemed happy in their new lives. In fact, he couldn’t imagine his life without Kelly.
The men and Em had accepted his refusal to join them at HIS well. They’d, of course, left the door open for him, but after a few weeks of grueling ranch work, he knew he’d made the right decision. He loved working with the animals. Well, the cows weren’t too friendly, but riding with the herd to bring them to new pastureland hadn’t been so bad. Cold as fuck, but not so bad.
The ranch hands had taken well to his greenhorn ass soon to assume control.
As if on cue, AJ ribbed him. “I heard you got thrown from a horse.” He chuckled quietly.
Yes, he’d been thrown, and the ranch hands had laughed their asses off. They’d also helped him corral the horse and get back on it. “Fuck you.” He blanched and glanced at the altar to make sure the pastor hadn’t heard him.
“And the roping?”
Damn him. How the hell had he heard this? Mike. He’d forgotten they already knew each other. Damn him, too. “So what, I can’t rope a calf yet. I’m just starting.” Another thing the hands had laughed about, but they’d also been there ready to give instruction and advice.
He wouldn’t give up. This was the perfect life for him, and Kelly, who’d taken to writing a journalism book or something like that.
Still in awe that his little Ashley would own the ranch, he worked hard every day to make sure she’d have something worth being proud of. Although Mike’s health seemed steady, Trent felt it had to do with the impending grandchild being born and Luke’s return. His son had come back, hat in hand, with an apology and a plea to accept him for who he was. Trent had no idea what they’d discussed, but Luke had been brought back into the fold with the understanding the ranch was Ashley’s. Since Luke had been settled in to help manage the silver operation—and it appeared to be a big strike—he seemed happy enough. He’d been friendly with Trent and offered to help him however he could. Trent saw no reason to worry about him, but he’d still keep a wary eye out.
A hush came over the crowd, and Trent stiffened.
“Oh shit,” AJ said quietly, obviously not giving a shit he’d just cursed in church like Trent had.
Oh shit was right. Blake Hamilton slipped into a back pew. Once settled, he looked at Trent with a plea in his eyes.
AJ shifted beside him. “Do you want me to ask him to leave?”
Trent hadn’t invited Blake so he’d be within his rights to have him asked to leave. Blake being so bold as to assume he was welcome irked him. But he’d promised to try, and he guessed as a father, he’d go nuts if he couldn’t watch Ashley get married. He and Blake would never have a close relationship, but he wouldn’t deny the man a simple request that cost him nothing to give. “No, let him stay.”
To show his agreement to allow him to remain, Trent nodded at Blake. The man visibly relaxed as a smile spread across his face. Would Trent look so happy when Ashley stood up here? He sure as hell hoped so.
Music began to play, and the church doors opened. His heart pounded in excitement. Finally.
He didn’t pay much attention as Megan walked down the aisle in a lavender dress, carrying some flower he couldn’t identify. He only knew daisies and roses. What man knew them all? Besides a florist.
With a bright smile, Megan’s eyes didn’t leave AJ’s except for when she passed little Alex. She leaned over and gave him a kiss before she continued down the aisle. Once in place, she spun around and faced the door.
His palms turned sweaty and his pulse rate increased. Was he truly nervous? He couldn’t be. He’d been waiting for this day ever since he realized he’d fallen in love with her. In truth, he’d imagined them being married before, but those had only been snippets of a fantasy. The great thing was the fantasy was coming true.
Somehow in the back of his mind, he caught a change in the music, but his entire focus was on the doorway and a beautiful Kelly on the arm on her father. His breath caught at the stunning vision walking toward him.
Her belly had ballooned this past month, and she looked adorable in her white gown with lace covering the bodice. The rest of the dress in a white silk or satin—how the hell was he supposed to know the difference?—flowed down over her belly and to the floor.
As she passed her family—her mother and six brothers and sisters and some assorted spouses and children—she leaned down and kissed her mother who’d taken to sobbing as soon as Kelly had appeared in the doorway.
Stopping beside him, Kelly smiled, and he couldn’t stop himself. He reached over, lifted the veil and kissed her amidst gasps, laughs, and claps. It hadn’t been the soul-searing kiss he’d wanted to give her. Instead, it’d been sweet, soft, and without tongue. Holding back hadn’t been easy, but he’d somehow managed.
Her taste was something he’d never tire of, nor that of her soft lips. Nipping on them, he reached his hand up to cup her neck. When he heard a man clearing his throat, he froze.
“Mr. McKenzie,” the pastor said.
Realizing what he’d done, he pulled back, not ashamed, but a bit contrite for disrespecting the pastor. The smile and dreamy look on her face made it all worthwhile. “I’m sorry. She’s just so beautiful.”
“Let’s get this moving.”
Yes, he was ready to marry the woman he loved with all his heart.
THE CHANGING WEATHER drove Kelly nuts. At least today, she didn’t have to squeeze back into her jacket that she feared was done for the season. Her belly had stretched to the size of an overinflated basketball. Each night, before they slept, Trent had a talk with Ashley. Well, he talked. The little girl would sometimes kick, but Kelly didn’t hold her breath the baby understood what her new father said.
Leaning against Jesse’s SUV, outside the North Branch Correctional Institution with her husband and Jesse, Kelly swelled with pride. With her and Trent’s testimony of Reggie’s confession, plus the help of HIS investigations, Adrian had been cleared of all charges. They’d come to congratulate him on his release.
“How’s married life?” Jesse asked.
Kelly smiled and leaned closer to Trent. “It’s fabulous.”
Trent put his arm around her shoulder and kissed her briefly on the lips. “I couldn’t agree more.”
Jesse smiled but shook his head. “And you’re sure about this Montana thing?”
Grinning at Kelly, Trent answered his brother, “Yes, we are.”
They couldn’t get back there fast enough. But they wanted to settle this for Adrian. She wanted to be here.
“Kelly, make sure to take some video of Trent doing ranch work, especially after he’s ridden all day.”
She laughed. “I think I can do that.” The men had been all over him about his bec
oming a rancher, all stating they wanted to be present the first time he attempted to break a horse since he’d put that task off until necessary. That was an aspect of the business she didn’t look forward to him learning. But Mike said he’d learn everything to include mucking the stalls, which sucked, but he’d done it. A smile spread across her face. She’d definitely send back a picture of him mucking stalls.
“We’ll miss you here.” Jesse leaned around Trent to look at her. “Both of you.”
She’d miss her friends here also. Megan had been about as close as her sister had been growing up. “We’ll miss everyone also. You’re all welcome to come to the ranch.”
Nodding, Jesse leaned back against the SUV again. “I can’t say much for the others, but we might take you up on that. Kate and I think Jason and Reagan would love a few days there. After the fun Reagan had at the ranch after the wedding, that’s all I hear about.” It’d been great to see Jason riding a horse and enjoying himself at the ranch. Mollie and the other dogs and kittens had loved it when Reagan played with them.
Trent snorted. “I doubt Devon and Brad will want to come out for the horseback riding.”
She’d heard about how the two had been thrown while on a trail ride led by Les, and had sworn off horses. That explained why they’d avoided the animals when they’d come to visit for the wedding.
Jesse laughed. “Trying to get them back on horseback will be an epic chore.”
Learning more of Les and how Trent had suffered from survivor’s guilt, the more she liked the man.
The door opened and in the outer gate they witnessed Adrian with a younger version of him exit. Paul held the door open and gave Kelly a wave before closing it back. The two men walked through the outer area and went through the outer gate opened by a different guard.
Adrian approached them and went straight for Kelly. “I feel like I should hug you. You gave me my life back.”
With tears sliding down her face, she opened her arms and engulfed him in a hug. She didn’t care if it bothered Trent. She owed this man after almost crucifying him in the papers. Pulling back, she said, “A hug is good.” Wiping at her face, she continued, “This is my husband, Trent McKenzie.”
