by Celia Kyle
The only thing that smoothed her hurt at their fright was the fact that Chance’s strokes didn’t falter. No, they remained a steady, calming warmth. Hell, her bellows had Hawkins reaching forward and voluntarily touching her, his large hand gently squeezing her shoulder and remaining in place.
“This is what happens when you rush things. You’ll take the house down around you.” Whitney just wouldn’t quit.
“Look, I appreciate what you’re saying and I understand your worries. But what was the worst thing that happened when I kissed Chance?” Paisley didn’t really understand the problem.
Scarlet sighed. “You knocked a vase off the hall table.”
Paisley nodded. “Right. Where was the vase? Was it an expensive vase? Did anyone care about it? Hell, did anyone even feel anything?”
“Um…” Scarlet squirmed and then turned accusing eyes on Whitney. Actually, everyone turned accusing eyes on Whitney.
Which was not what Paisley wanted. “Look, I understand that you’re worried, but you gotta back off.” She gestured to Chance and then Hawkins. “There’s nothing that says these two running down the hall didn’t break that vase. So maybe give me the benefit of the doubt and trust us not to do anything that’d hurt me or anyone else in this place.” She reached up and squeezed Hawkins’ hand, savoring the small pulse of his magic that stroked her palm. She did the same with Chance, squeezing his thigh. “I know they won’t allow anything to happen to me and I know they don’t have ‘Paisley dies’ in their five year plans.”
“But…”
Emmett stepped to the Whitney’s side, followed by Levy.
“C’mon, baby,” Emmett murmured.
“But…” Whitney tried again.
“No. What happened to you and Lorelei isn’t happening with Paisley. Let’s go.” Levy wrapped his arm around her shoulders and slowly turned her toward the door.
Other murmurs came, soft words telling them that they were a shout away. That they shouldn’t hesitate to call if Paisley, Hawkins, or Chance needed help. That they were supportive, even if Whitney was a little freaked out… No one could blame Whitney. Her new pregnancy hormones were getting to her.
Apparently her cousin was pregnant with a little furbaby. The thought prodded Paisley’s heart, tugging at the maternal need that lived in nearly every woman. What would her baby look like? Chance? Or Hawkins? Not that Paisley was having babies any time soon. And definitely not with the two men who couldn’t get their heads on straight. One second they wanted her, the next second they didn’t, and that third second somehow involved them battering each other.
Paisley pulled away from Hawkins and brushed Chance’s touch aside so she could rise from the couch. Things were too jumbled in her head. Too many thoughts and worries bounced off each other until she wasn’t sure which way was up and whether she wanted to mate with Chance and Hawkins or not. When she turned to face the men, she catalogued Chance’s hope and Hawkins’… bottled frustration.
No, looking at them didn’t tell her a damned thing either.
“You two…” she huffed and tore her gaze from the men, “somehow think beating on each other is the answer to all of this.” She gestured to the three of them, making a wide circle. “Did you think ‘hey, lemme kick Hawk’s ass and everything will be all better’?”
Hawkins narrowed his eyes. “He wasn’t kicking my ass.”
Which had Chance rising to his feet and reaching for his partner, thumping him. “So not the point, asshole.”
“Children, I’m dealing with six-feet-tall, three-year-old children and I’m not trained to deal with kids,” she mumbled and turned away from them, ready to disappear into her room for a while. She wasn’t prepared to deal with Chance and Hawkins. At least, not while they were acting worse than the high school kids she taught every day.
Hawkins cleared his throat. “Who are you trained to deal with?”
Paisley stopped and slowly spun to face the two men. “Seriously?” She took a deep, calming breath. “Okay, I guess I assumed that Lorelei or Rebecca would have told the searchers more about me. Or that you would have pestered others for information about me at any point when we were apart.”
“Did you?” Hawk raised a single brow.
“Not the point,” she snapped. It wasn’t, right? They wanted her so they should learn about her. She wouldn’t address the fact that she wanted them and should have… asked about them as well. But it was so hard when all she could focus on was their bodies and the way she reacted to them. Dammit.
That had him grinning. Almost. The corner of his mouth twitched a little. “Oh, it is. I readily admit I’m an insensitive asshole. I admit that I’ve got issues with this mating. Hell, even with my partnership with Chance. I also confess that all I can think of is you, your body, and your smile when Chance can get you to grin. The last thing on my mind is what you do for a living.” He slowly rounded the couch, padding closer to her. “It’s really on how I can convince you to let me claim you.”
She let her attention drift to Chance and she noted the shock coating his features. She stepped away from Hawkins, putting more space between them. Now she remembered why the two men had been fighting.
“No,” she shook her head. “You don’t get to magically decide that you want me.”
“Wanting you wasn’t the question, Paisley.” He stepped forward and she held up a hand to ward him off.
“Oh, that is so the question. That is the question along with what’s up with your sorry assed connection to Chance. Those are very good questions.” Paisley ignored Chance’s wince. “And we deserve answers. This is supposed to be a trio. The three of us together against the world.”
“Not against the world because the world isn’t getting near you,” Hawkins snarled.
“Oh my God. Gah… I don’t…” She shook her head and focused on Chance. “Is this what you’ve dealt with all these years?” Then her attention shifted back to Hawkins. “Have you seriously been this stifling for years? You’ve really hidden yourself and pushed Chance away like that? And now you’re trying to shove that on me? Life is about living, Hawkins. It’s about risks and gambling. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t, but at least you tried.”
Paisley pointed at the ground by her feet. “I’m here. I’m in a strange world where men and women become werewolves, but I’m willing to throw myself into this. I’m willing to trust my family and really believe. Hell, my body and this magic is shoving me toward you two. So I’m doing it. I’m opening myself to the idea of mating two men, even though I was raised to find a happily ever after that only includes one guy.”
She pressed a hand to her stomach. She hated confrontation. She handled her students pretty well. They were younger than her and were forced to follow her rules. Grownups were a different story. “I’m not going to mate a man who can’t make up his mind. One moment you push me away. The next you tell me that you will mate me but it means living in a house surrounded by more guns than you’d ever need. And then I’m pushed away again. So, figure out what you want because I’m done with this tug of war. Chance wants me as I am. He’s completely open to me and is embracing our mating.” She gestured to the male whose kisses drugged her. “He doesn’t want me to hide from the world.” She sighed. “You need to decide if you can do the same. Or at least meet me half way. Because right now,” she shook her head, “right now, mating isn’t on the menu.”
Paisley kept her gaze steady on his. “I will have a full partnership, one that’s completely open, or I won’t have one at all. I deserve better and so does Chance.”
Hawkins snatched his attention from her, choosing to focus on the window and the landscape beyond. “Those are my only options. All or nothing.”
“Yes,” she whispered.
“And you feel the same way?” Hawkins spoke to Chance.
“Yes. Ten years, Hawk. Ten years of being a partner to a wolf who won’t trust me enough to open his mind.”
“You’re saying this b
ecause of what the others say. Because they give you shit about our pairing.”
Chance shook his head. “No, I’m doing this because someday our broken connection will get someone hurt. You or me or one of the other Wardens. Paisley is right.” Chance turned and fully faced Hawkins, and Paisley knew the man held onto control by a thread. “I’m not asking you to let me in today and I know Paisley isn’t asking you to suddenly change, but you pick a path and you stick to it. No going back. Period.”
The pain in Hawkins features tore at Paisley’s heart, but she wouldn’t call her words back. Giving the man an ultimatum was harsh. She knew that and knew it could backfire, but this was their future. A human relationship could withstand indecision while they figured out their lives. Wolves—Wardens and Alphas—didn’t have that luxury. The instinctual drive constantly battered and bruised them. Already she felt the pull to go to them both. To lay herself before them and mate with them.
But… a mating was for the rest of her life. Rest. Of. Her. Life.
There was no playing with that shit.
“I…” Hawkins snapped his mouth shut and his pain bowled her over, nearly bringing her to her knees. It was like a physical blanket, settling on her shoulders and sinking into her bones. She ached to call the words back, to swallow them down and welcome him with open arms. But she wouldn’t.
“I need to go.” He spun on his heel and stomped to the door, never looking back, never even glancing at her as he left.
Paisley expected him to race from their suite and slam the door, the wood banging against the door frame. Instead, he gently tugged the panel closed, the sound hardly a whisper as the latch caught.
Silence reigned, enveloping them in a blanket of quiet.
Until she finally shattered the stillness. “Was that a mistake?”
Chance didn’t answer.
* * *
It wasn’t like Hawkins to keep still. His wolf didn’t like remaining in one spot for too long. It was always conscious of danger, always on the lookout for others who could harm them or the ones they cared about. He wouldn’t think about love. That word was so far in the distance that he hadn’t even gotten a glimpse of the emotion in… ten years.
Ten years ago when Micah fell beneath a rogue’s claw. Hawkins was pretty proud of the fact that the bitch hadn’t lived much longer than Micah. His partner released his last breath and then Hawk took his rage out on the wolf. There hadn’t been much left when all was said and done.
Yeah, he’d loved Micah. Not a romantic love, but as a brother. They leaned on each other, relied on each other, and there was no closer relationship than a Warden and his partner. He’d had that with Micah. Their minds were one and the same, thoughts flowing from one brain to the other in an instant. Sometimes Hawk felt as if they shared one psyche.
They had when his partner experienced that first painful scrape of claw in flesh. For a moment, Hawk thought he’d sustained the injury, but it didn’t take long to realize blood didn’t pour from his abdomen. No, it gushed from Micah’s.
God, it’d burned, searing and hot as the agony delved into every part of him. He was mentally tied to Micah and every single hint of that hurt filled Hawkins as well. He reacted in an instant, ending the life of the wolf he battled and quickly rushing to Micah’s side. He got there alright. Right when Micah’s opponent delivered the blow that eventually killed his partner.
As Micah crumpled to the ground, pain filling him, Hawk used the adrenaline entrenched in his blood to give him extra strength. Enough to nearly rip his opponent’s head from his body. The attacker’s clawed, furry paws clasped his neck, but Hawkins knew the bitch was no longer a threat.
Which left him to face Micah. He dropped to his knees beside his prone partner and Hawk couldn’t figure out what to mend first. His healing magic was marginal at best, but he could keep Micah together until help came.
“Hawkins…” Micah rasped, blood peppering his lips with that single whisper.
“Shut it, Micah. I’m working here, huh?” He forced himself to grin, to pretend his partner wasn’t too damn close to death.
Micah chuckled, more of that red fluid marring his mouth. “You’re a bossy asshole.”
“Yeah, you knew that before we paired up. Makes you the idiot.” Fuck, the rogue’s claws dug deep into his partner, starting at Micah’s hip and sliding through flesh until he got to his friend’s rib cage. Blood flowed freely from the wound and he didn’t even want to think about the organs that’d been marred.
Micah’s voice filled his head. Too many for you to heal.
Can’t shut up, can you, fucker? Hawkins tried to keep the fear from his partner.
Not gonna happen. We both know I’m dying. Closest healing Warden is a good hundred miles away. Not even the Ruling Wardens can pull that off.
“Fuck you, Micah.” Hawkins wouldn’t admit the truth and instead, focused on one vein at a time.
Nah, I’m good. I like my ass dick-free. Unlike some rumors I heard about you… Which one was it that talked about having a strap-on?
Hawk remembered the chick. He also remembered running away as fast as he could.
Bastard.
Micah chuckled, bubbles of blood slipping from his mouth. We’re done, Hawkins. You know it.
Hawkins felt each word like a blow to the gut, the strikes hitting home and then reaching up to squeeze his heart. He’d spent years with Micah at his side and now…
It’s not done until I say it is.
Bossy asshole.
“You know it.” He forced a grin to his lips, feigning a lighthearted attitude.
Coughs wracked Micah, body trembling with the force, and more blood flowed from his partner’s wounds. He fought harder, dug deeper into the well of his magic, and tugged even more power. It was slowly draining him, easing him closer to that dangerous point where he had to decide between life and death. If he released too much, if he drained himself of every ounce of his powers to save Micah… He’d be killing himself.
Hawkins thought it was an easy trade.
It’s not, Hawk. It’s not…
“Amazingly enough, it’s not your choice.”
“Is…” Micah breathed and then he whispered a few other words that made Hawk wish he didn’t have a heart. Because then it couldn’t break. “By forest and fang, I release you Hawkins Tolerin Rowe. By blood and bone, I release you Hawkins Tolerin Rowe. By…” Hawk slapped his hand over Micah’s mouth, halting the words that would tear them apart. But he hadn’t counted on Micah using their tie against him. Hadn’t anticipated his partner delving into Hawk and forcing him to finish the rite.
So when it was completed, it wasn’t Micah’s voice that rang through the house. No, it was Hawkins’. “By magic and soul, I release you Hawkins Tolerin Rowe.”
In that instant Micah disappeared from Hawkins’ life. Not from just his mind, but his world as well.
Gone. Thirty words and their life together ended. Not when they were too old to climb the stairs. Not when they were surrounded by family and friends.
No, it ended walled in by a dozen rogues, blood in the air and agony hovering over them.
Over.
Ten years later, the pain was still sharp. Sitting on a bench in the center of the Alpha Compound’s garden, he still felt every chunk of agony Micah couldn’t hide from him.
The severing of the connection was the worst. His partner used their pairing against him. Controlled him with that deep tie. He didn’t want that to happen again. Didn’t want to be emotionally destroyed for his own good.
He couldn’t chance it.
The crunch of gravel, shift of rocks on the path, reached him, but he didn’t bother turning his head to see who approached. He sensed Chance nearing him. They may not have a connection all the way to their souls, but he was conscious of his partner at all times.
“You left her alone?” Hawkins murmured.
“She’s still in the house. Went to take a bath.” Chance chuckled. “I wasn’t invi
ted. So I thought I’d check on you.”
He shrugged. “I’m fine.”
“You’re not. You never have been.”
Another shrug. “Okay, I’m not fine. But there’s not much that can be done about that.”
“You could quit feeling sorry for yourself. Or push all that pain to the back of your mind and live a little. Shit, I’d settle for therapy at this point and I know Paisley would, as well. Effort, Hawkins. That’s all we want. A little effort.”
Effort? Living was an effort.
Chance lowered to the bench. “Ten years, man. Ten years you’ve been alone.”
“Not alone enough.” He snorted. “You’re still here.”
Hawkins ignored the scent of Chance’s pain and remained silent.
“Yeah,” his friend nodded. “I am. Until you sever the bond between us. I am.”
Hawkins furrowed his brow and finally focused on his partner. “What makes you think I will?”
Chance met his gaze. “You won’t let it firmly form.” Chance shrugged. “I just assumed you’d break it at some point. I can only give so much and when you don’t take it, I have to figure you don’t really want to pair with me.” He shook his head. “I sound like a woman with all my talk about feelings, but it is what it is. You don’t let me in so you’ll get rid of me. I think Paisley feels the same way. We’re not tight, not a strong pairing that can support her and shoulder the addition of her abilities to our ties.” Chance tore his attention from Hawkins. “I talked to Emmett and Levy. It’ll hurt a little, she’ll try and drain us if she gets pissed, if something or someone tries to come after us. She takes every ounce of our magic that she can. If we aren’t solid, the mating won’t work.”
Hawkins huffed. “It’s a few bites, Chance. She just has to accept me as I am.”
His partner shook his head. “No, that’s not all it is. She’ll balance us, Hawkins. That means she’s stretched between us, a part of us individually as well as us as a whole. But we’re not a ‘whole,’ are we? I want her more than anything I’ve ever desired, but I can’t have her alone. Even if she accepted you, we couldn’t have her together, either. Our magic, untethered by our ties, would tear her apart.”
