“…another great success in the efforts for betterment of our Fatherland. The jobless rate is down from over thirty percent to ten percent in less than three years, since our Führer Adolf Hitler took over. . . “
She turned off the radio again. “I’ll vomit if I have to hear more of this. They claim all the credit for the good things, while they forget to mention how they achieved it.” She talked herself into a heated rage. “Do you know why the unemployment rate is dropping so fast? I’ve seen it with my own eyes. They’re firing all the Jews, and taking them out of the statistics. And they’ve fired many married women who have a working husband. Fine way to decrease unemployment!”
“And don’t forget the additional five hundred thousand men they’ve put into the military,” Q added with an amused voice.
Hilde glared at him. “How can you take this so lightly? That’s not funny.”
“It isn’t. But it won’t help to get all enraged. On the contrary, it will make us vulnerable. Remember, it’s best to keep a low profile. I wouldn’t want you to make the acquaintance of a Gestapo officer.”
An icy chill traveled down her spine. While nothing official was known, there had been rumors about what kind of things happened during a Gestapo interrogation. Things she didn’t even want to imagine, much less experience.
“You’re right,” she said and fell into silence. “But I still don’t get it.”
“What don’t you get?” Q asked.
“Why the French and British don’t mind that Hitler reunified the Saar Basin with the Reich.”
“They mind, but they’re trying to appease Hitler at this time. They’re hoping that by giving him what he wants, he won’t ask for more.”
“Do you think their strategy will work?”
Q shook his head, “No. I think that decision is going to come back to haunt everyone in Europe and prove to be a huge mistake in years to come.”
Hilde lapsed into silence and worried about her own problems. She hadn’t seen her father in almost five years. How different would he look? And her sisters?
Her thoughts wandered back in time to the day when he’d returned from the last war and had found his daughter living with his mother while his wife was sharing bed and table with another man. The humiliation and anger on his face had been deeply ingrained into her soul.
Back then, she’d mistaken it for disapproval of herself. And for most of her life she’d encased this hurt, grief, and guilt in her heart. Even though her grandmother had many times explained it wasn’t Hilde’s fault, she hadn’t believed one word the good woman said. It was her fault – and hers only – that both her mother and her father had abandoned her. She just wasn’t worthy of being loved.
Tears sprang to her eyes at the memory. Even when he’d come back from war, she hadn’t understood why he’d left her with her grandmother. She loved her grandmother dearly, but she’d longed to live with her parents. Like any five-year-old girl would.
It wasn’t until much later that she understood he hadn’t been able to care for her and leaving her with his mother had been his only option. There was no way a single man recently returned from the cruelties of war and working all day could take care of a child on his own.
It wasn’t until 1920 when her father married Emma that he brought eight-year-old Hilde home to live with them. She’d suddenly had a family again, but it wasn’t the family she wanted. To give her step-mother credit, the woman had tried her best to be a mother to Hilde. But she’d been hurt and refused to give even a little bit.
Things worsened with the birth of her first half-sister, because the baby reminded her every day that Emma was only her step-mother and her own mother had gotten rid of her.
That was the toughest time she’d faced in her life and she shuddered at the memory. She vowed to never abandon her own children, should she be blessed with any.
Hilde sighed, and Q reached over to touch her thigh. “Hildelein, don’t worry. Everything will work out.”
She turned her head and gave him a smile. “Yes, it will. I love you.” I am so deeply, crazily in love with you, it’s almost frightening. It was a feeling she’d never had before and it consumed every part of her. She wanted to belong to him. She wanted him to be her family and longed to experience the blisses of marriage.
“I love you too.” He kissed his forefinger and then tapped it on her lips. “You’re going to be just fine. Remember, I’m here with you all the time.”
Hilde sighed in relief. Since she had started going with Q, she had become so accustomed to having his reassurance and loving presence in her life. He was her family. Her best friend. Her love. He was everything she could ever have wished for in a man. Q would never hurt her. Or abandon her.
Chapter 26
Q grew increasingly worried about Hilde the farther they traveled from Berlin. Since leaving the city, she’d been unusually quiet and pale. Now, he asked himself if he’d pressured her too much into reconciling with her father and she wasn’t emotionally ready.
Her inner turmoil was palpable inside the confinement of his small car, and all he wanted was to make her pain go away. Just how?
When Hilde sighed again, looking out the window, he glanced over and noticed her trembling hands. At the next recreation area, he left the Autobahn.
“Still nervous?” Q asked as he pulled the car to a stop.
A single tear slid down her cheek and he brushed it away with his thumb before he exited the automobile and helped her out. “Come here,” he said and embraced her in his arms. They stood still for a long time until he sensed the tension in her body easing.
“Are you all right?” Q asked.
“I guess I am. Just very nervous.” Hilde tried a small smile.
“Everything will be fine. If your father was still angry or resentful, he wouldn’t have sent such a joyful and welcoming letter.”
“I keep telling myself that.”
“Well, start believing it.”
She laughed. “You make it sound so simple.”
He kissed her nose. “It can be, if you’ll allow it.”
Pulling him close, she listened to his heart under her ear. “How do you always know the right words to say?”
“Because my heart is connected to yours, and it hears what you need.”
She melted. Simply melted against him. Yes, she could do this, with him by her side.
After a while, Q led Hilde back into the automobile and started the engine. “Ready to tackle the dragon?”
Hilde giggled. “Well, yes.”
Q leaned over for a kiss and said, “That’s much better.” Then they continued their journey to Hamburg. A short while later, they stopped in front of a modest single-family house in the suburbs.
Two teenage girls were sitting on the front porch, rushing into the house before Q and Hilde managed to get out of the car. “Papa. Mama. They’re here!”
“I guess someone has been waiting anxiously.” Q chuckled.
“Sophie and Julia. They’ve grown so much.”
As soon as Q opened the car door for Hilde, her father appeared in the door. He was a handsome man with greying hair at his temples and bushy grey eyebrows. Q instantly liked the man.
“Hilde, I’m so happy to see you!” He strode towards them, pulled her into his chest and hugged her tight for several long moments. Q could see Hilde’s eyes watering and when her father released her, he squeezed her hand in a reassuring gesture.
Hilde made the introductions, “Father, this is Wilhelm Quedlin.”
Her father shook Q’s hand. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Herr Quedlin.”
“Herr Dremmer, the pleasure is all mine, but please call me Q.”
Carl Dremmer looked from Q to his daughter and said, “I see. Q it is then. Please come inside.”
Her sisters rushed forward to greet them and Q had to hide a grin when they seemed to remember they were supposed to behave and slowed down at the last moment to shake his and Hilde’s hands with a
curtsy.
Only then did he notice a woman in the background, who’d patiently waited her turn to greet their guests. “Welcome home, Hilde.” She stepped forward, smiling away the slight tension he noticed between the two women. Sophie and Julie came to the rescue, cutting the welcome short by grabbing Hilde’s hands and pulling her with them back into the house.
“Please excuse the manners of my girls, but they’ve been anxiously waiting since the day we received Hilde’s letter. But you must be hungry, please come in.”
Q retrieved their luggage, and soon, the whole family was sitting around the table drinking coffee and eating homemade strawberry cake. After coffee the women disappeared into the kitchen to wash the dishes and prepare dinner.
“Want a drink?” Carl Dremmer asked Q, escorting him into his office.
“Yes, please, Herr Dremmer.”
“Nonsense. Please call me Carl.”
“Thank you for the warm welcome, Carl.”
“No, it’s I who should be thanking you for being such a positive influence on my daughter.” His voice showed no trace of emotion, but the tic in his eyelid revealed how much the man had suffered by being estranged from his oldest daughter.
“You’ve met my ex-wife?” Carl asked.
Q chuckled. “Yes. She’s interesting, to say the least.”
Carl made a face. “That’s a nice way of saying…well, enough about her. I hope I never have to cope with her again. But please tell me something about yourself.”
The two men chatted for a while until Q cleared his throat. “Since we’re alone, there is another reason I wanted Hilde to reconcile with you.”
“Oh?” Carl asked, looking interested.
“Yes. I want to ask for your daughter’s hand.”
“Yes! A thousand times yes,” Carl agreed with obvious joy and winked at Q, “under one condition.”
Q swallowed hard. “Condition?”
“You have to promise to visit more often.”
“I can promise that.”
They left the office, Q’s heart beating fast at the prospect of a future with Hilde by his side.
Chapter 27
Hilde enjoyed getting to know her sisters again, and when Emma appeared in the doorway, she was humbled by her step-mother’s capacity for forgiveness. She hadn’t thought it would be so easy to catch up, but it had been, even though she’d hurt Emma a great deal when she was a teenager.
“I can’t believe how much the girls have changed,” she told Emma as she helped put dinner on the table. So many things had changed in the last five years, but the house was still very much the same.
Her father was beaming from ear to ear when he and Q stepped out of his office, and Hilde wondered what those two had talked about. Emma apparently had also noticed his good mood and pulled her aside before everyone sat down to dinner. “Hilde, please don’t leave your father again. It nearly broke his heart when you left after the quarrel. He hasn’t been the same man since then.”
Hilde’s eyes filled with tears. Everything had suddenly become too much. “I can’t stay, but I can promise to keep in touch and visit more often.” She met Emma’s eyes. “Thank you for putting up with me and for taking such good care of my father.”
Emma hugged her. “You’re very welcome.”
“I’m sorry I was such a brat.”
“You were a hurting teenager. But let’s not talk about the past.”
Hilde laughed, feeling her heart ease even more, and they joined the rest of the family in the dining room. Later that night, Q was assigned Julia’s room while Hilde joined her sisters in Sophie’s room. The three girls giggled and chatted until very late that night, and Hilde felt as if she was on a sleepover with her girlfriends. Except that her younger sisters peppered her with questions about Berlin and her life in the capital.
“What’s the city like?” Julia asked, her eyes bright with excitement.
“Are there lots of cute boys?” Sophie chimed in.
“What do you know about boys?” Hilde asked with a chuckle and tried to recall what she’d been like at this age. She felt sure boys hadn’t even been on her mind.
“Tell us what it’s like,” they begged.
“Well, the city is big. There are motion-picture theaters and the opera. Concerts and parades.”
“That sounds so exciting. Can we come visit you?”
Hilde started to give an immediate “yes” but paused before saying more cautiously, “I’ll speak with Father about it. Maybe you could all come for a visit?”
Much later, when her sisters had fallen asleep, she lay awake. The girls were young and naturally assumed that everything was bigger and more exciting in the capital. She’d thought the same thing at their age, but in reality, her life was rather normal.
Work. Going out with Q. Motion pictures or the theater. Once in a while a trip to the Baltic Sea. Those were the most exciting things she could think of.
The next day, Hilde’s heart warmed at the way Q interacted with her youngest sister, Sophie. They were becoming best friends. When Sophie came running over to her, Hilde smiled, “You and Wilhelm are getting along.”
“Wilhelm?” She wrinkled her nose. “He said I could call him Q.”
“That’s what all of his friends call him.”
“You’re so lucky, Hilde. He’s so handsome and intelligent, and he has an answer to all of my questions.”
“Don’t be a bother, all right?” Hilde warned her, worried Q might become annoyed with all of her questions.
“Your sister is so cute and very curious,” Q told Hilde a while later.
“She informed me you are very intelligent.” Hilde grinned.
Q chuckled. “It’s not hard to appear intelligent to an eleven-year-old. But she’s so interested in everything going on, I have to keep reminding myself not to say anything political. She’s much too young to be involved with those things.”
“I agree. Thank you for watching out for her.” She slung an arm around his waist. “She should have a carefree childhood and not be bothered with those things.”
Later that day, she and Q were talking with her parents about the changes the Nazis had made to the education system. “It’s not really about learning anymore. The education nowadays consists mainly of drilling in the National Socialist philosophy. And they added a new subject. Rassenkunde.”
“Ethnogency? As in theory of the races?” Q asked with raised eyebrows. “In school?”
Carl nodded. “Yes. They come home with all kinds of bullshit ideas planted in their heads. And I can’t do anything about it. I can’t complain or correct them, because if they were to say the wrong thing to their teacher, they would get in trouble.”
Emma sent her husband a stern look. “It is as it is. We should be grateful they are such good girls.”
“I’m still worried about them. Since Julia has joined the Bund Deutscher Mädel, which is Hitler’s version of a girl’s club, she’s talking all the time about how important sports are to prepare young men and women for war. At least Sophie is too young, so I’ve been able to keep her out of the BDM for at least another year.”
Hilde swallowed and pressed her fingertips to her temples. “They’re preparing the children for war?”
“All signs are pointing to war,” Q confirmed.
Carl made a face as if he’d swallowed a lemon. “I’m afraid sooner rather than later. Thank God, I’m too old for that. My experiences in the last war are more than enough for a lifetime.”
Emma interrupted the discussion. “The girls should be home any minute. Have you heard Sophie sing?”
Carl beamed with pride. “She’s very talented and has a great voice.”
“Father, Q plays the transverse flute. Doesn’t Sophie have one as well? Maybe the two of them could play some music for us?”
“That’s a wonderful idea. Q, do you mind?”
“Not at all.” Q headed indoors to find the flute and his musical partner, who had just arrived
home. Fifteen minutes later, Q and Sophie were making beautiful music together while the rest of the family listened.
Hilde fell more in love with him as each moment passed. My father likes him. Emma and my sisters like him. Even my mother likes him, even though her reasons have nothing to do with his character and everything with his material worth.
The weekend passed far too quickly, and soon, she and Q were headed back to Berlin. In the car, they recounted the past two days, laughing over her sisters’ antics. Q squeezed her hand. “Hilde, I really liked your family. From now on we should visit them more often.”
“Yes, we should do that. This weekend was fun.”
Q was silent for a few minutes and then spoke, “I enjoyed getting to know your father, and I asked him for your hand in marriage when we were in his office the day we arrived. He said yes, so I was wondering if you would marry me?”
Hilde’s eyes widened as she looked at him and then laughed. Q had just asked her to marry him in the most un-romantic way she could imagine. But this was him. Practical. Result-oriented. She wasn’t surprised at all, or disappointed that he had proposed to her while driving his automobile.
She squeezed his thigh. “Yes.”
Q smiled at her and said, “We can start making plans as soon as we get back to Berlin. First of all, we need to find a flat that is big enough for both of us.”
“That sounds wonderful. What about our honeymoon?” she joked, but Q furrowed his brows and answered, absolutely serious.
“I’ve thought about that, too. What do you think, if we take a sabbatical to travel across Europe? Three months shouldn’t be a problem. I’ve saved some money and you could ask for unpaid vacation–”
“Q, don’t you think we should actually get married first?” She laughed at him.
He glanced over at her. “If you insist. But I’ve never been happier. I want to live life to the fullest with you. The sooner, the better. You never know how long it will last.”
Chapter 28
Life picked right back up and Hilde and Q started making a list of the things they needed to do before they could get married. Find an apartment. Apply for a marriage license. Organize the reception. Prepare for the honeymoon.
Unrelenting: Love and Resistance in Pre-War Germany Page 13
