But the closer the date came, the more he grew quiet and withdrawn. Hilde had asked him several times if he was nervous, and each time, he nodded and changed the topic. Because the truth was, he felt guilty. He was torn…between his love for her and his need to protect her.
In the two years they’d been together, Q had never once mentioned his “other” activities, because he thought the less she knew, the better it was for her. He had become overly careful in his intelligence work, but if he were found out, he’d be hauled away without a trace. And Hilde would have no idea what had happened. She might even believe he’d abandoned her.
The thought tore him apart. His deception was tearing him apart. The lying had to stop. He couldn’t base his marriage on a lie.
Two days before the settled date, he decided to come clean with her and said, “Hilde, let’s go for a walk.”
She nodded and he took her hand, walking with her until they reached the park. “Q, what’s wrong?” she said, her face a mask of fear and uncertainty.
God help me. I hope I’m doing the right thing.
“I need to tell you something. Please, listen to all of it, and then, if you don’t want to marry me, I’ll understand. But I love you so much, I cannot base our marriage on a lie.”
The panic on her face sent shock waves of pain through his body and he hurried to explain himself.
“I’ve been secretly working with the Russians by giving them technical knowledge and gathering intelligence for the last several years.”
***
“What did you just say?” Hilde’s veins filled with ice. As he repeated the statement, she studied his handsome face, and suddenly, his behavior over the last weeks made sense. She’d suspected there was more to his unusual withdrawal than nerves, but never in her wildest imagination had she imagined he was actively working against the Hitler regime.
“Q…I…what?”
“Hilde, I didn’t want to tell you. I thought I was protecting you, but then I realized I had to trust you enough to tell you my biggest secret.”
Hilde looked at him, but instead of the tall, thin man she’d fallen in love with, she now saw him being hauled off by the Gestapo. Tortured. Humiliated. Locked away in one of the camps for political prisoners. A place from which no one returned.
Her eyes filled with tears. “Why?”
“I had to do something. This was my way of fighting back. At first, I thought I could help prevent war, but now I just hope to make it as short as possible.”
“You know what will happen…”
Q squeezed her hands. “I do know. It’s a risk I’m willing to take, but not one I expect you to shoulder without having time to consider it.” He released her hands and stepped back. “I understand if you want to break our engagement. It would break my heart, but I love you so much, I don’t want to put you in danger.”
“Q…”
He looked deeply into her eyes and she could see all his love for her, and deep down, she saw the unrelenting spirit, the drive to do the right thing. That was why she’d fallen in love with him, but would she be able to withstand the constant threat? Could she be as unrelenting as he was?
Q watched her closely. “Hildelein, if you want me to, I could stop my scouting work. For you.”
A million thoughts and feelings attacked her mind and body. The minutes passed and she still wasn’t able to form a coherent thought. “My love, I need to sleep on this. It’s too much to take in right now.”
He nodded. “I understand. Let me take you home.”
Hilde stopped him. “Q, I love you, I really do, but I need to be alone right now.” She kissed him goodbye and walked away without looking back.
Hilde tossed and turned most of the night, knowing he’d expect an answer the next day. Her love for this man was overwhelming, more than she’d thought she was capable of. But what he was doing was dangerous. And not just to him. If she married him, the Gestapo would never believe she wasn’t at least passively involved in his illegal activities.
Should she still marry him or not? Was he worth risking her life for? As she headed to work the next morning, she still didn’t know the answer.
Chapter 31
After Hilde left, Q wandered aimlessly through the park. The leaves on the trees had turned into the most beautiful shades of yellow, orange, and red. The last rays of sunshine bathed the landscape in a golden glow, but he couldn’t enjoy this beautiful October day.
He’d dropped a bombshell on his beloved Hilde by telling her his secret, and now all he could do was wait for her to make the most difficult decision in her life. Alea iacta est. The die is cast. Now it was her turn and there was nothing he could do about it. Her decision might break his heart or change the course of his life.
A few hours later, his mind was still in turmoil. On the one hand, he felt relieved that she knew the truth and he didn’t have to lie anymore, but on the other hand, his words had caused Hilde so much pain. Even though the image of the agony in her eyes when he’d come clean about his subversive activities haunted his mind, he would do it all again.
He loved Hilde so much, and if she decided she couldn’t go through with their wedding now that she knew, he would understand. It would break his heart, but he would understand. The image of a future without Hilde in his life made him groan, but that wasn’t his choice to make.
With nothing else to do than wait, he returned home, but didn’t manage to stay there for long before he walked out again into the clear and cold October night. A perfect half-moon rode the sky and dampened the shine of the stars. The golden moonlight shone bright and clear onto the quiet capital while he wandered around most of the night, thinking about what was important in his life.
The answer to that question had changed over the last few years. Before meeting Hilde, it was his personal mission to try and prevent the war from occurring. But Hilde had taken up so much space in his heart and his life that his priorities had changed. He had to keep the love of his life safe. Even if that meant protecting her from himself.
As he passed an immense chestnut tree – the chestnuts already fallen to the ground and the leaves about to follow them soon – his mind recognized the inevitable end to all life. Why am I living in this place and at this time? Why not thirty years ago? Or thirty years in the future? What is the reason of my being? What will be my legacy?
Questions only time could answer. Time that was moving all too slowly today.
When the sun rose over the morning mist, he finally went home and climbed into his bed. In the afternoon, he headed to the insurance office, anxious to see Hilde and find out her decision.
When she came out and walked toward him, his heart jumped with joy only to miss a beat the next moment when he noticed a furrow between her brows. Hilde greeted him with the same full-blown smile and passionate kiss as always, which he took as a good sign.
“Feel like taking a walk?” he asked.
“Yes. Let’s go to the Zoo,” Hilde suggested and he grinned. The immense Berlin Zoo park had become one of their favorite places in the city to take it easy and relax.
Q clasped her hand in his own. The park was only a few blocks away and soon they were strolling under chestnut and linden trees. She eventually pulled him to a stop, glancing around to make sure they didn’t have unwelcome listeners.
“Hilde…”
“Q…”
They both chuckled at having spoken at the same time. She bit her lip and tried again, and it took all of his self-control to stay quiet and listen.
“Yesterday, what you told me was shocking. Not because I don’t approve of your doing those things but because I could only see the potential threat.” She raised a hand and cupped his cheek. “It was a difficult decision and I’m well aware of the implications, even for my own life. But try as I might, I cannot get around the fact that I love you and don’t want to live one minute of my life without you.”
Q waited, holding his breath as she tried to finish. “And I d
o want you to continue fighting the Hitler regime, because it’s the right thing to do and I’m actually proud of you.”
She smiled at him and relief flooded his system.
“We will marry tomorrow,” she continued,” and stay together until death do us part. Come hell or high water. The rest we’ll figure out. Together.”
Q was so relieved, deliriously happy and stunned into a momentary silence. When that moment passed, he swept her up into his arms and kissed her passionately. He swirled her around, lifting her up, and making her giggle in response.
“You’ve just made me the happiest man in the world,” he said, setting her back onto her feet and kissing her once more.
Hilde looked at him with love shining in her eyes, “I love you, Wilhelm Quedlin.”
“And I love you, Hilde Dremmer. I promise to always love you, no matter what.”
Hilde leaned up on her tiptoes and kissed his lips. “So, are you ready to get married tomorrow?”
Q nodded. By tomorrow at this time, they would be Mr. and Mrs. Wilhelm Quedlin. They were finally getting married and all his dreams would come true.
***
Hilde and Q still have a long journey to go during this war. Book 2, UNYIELDING, was released on the 80th wedding day of my grandparents (the real life persons this story is based on), October 24, 2016.
Coming soon….. CLICK HERE to get an email reminder when I release a new book and to receive exclusive background material about the true story behind this book.
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Thank you for taking the time to read UNRELENTING. If you enjoyed it, please consider telling your friends or posting a short review. Word of mouth is an author’s best friend.
Thank you,
Acknowledgements
Writing this book was a long and rewarding journey, and I couldn’t have done it without help. First of all I want to thank my terrific cover designer Daniela from www.stunningbookcovers.com. She has made a wonderful cover for me, while putting up with my endless change requests and a process that took more than a month to finalize the cover.
Then I want to thank my awesome editor Lynette, who was the first person to read the rough outline of this novel and who loved it from the first moment. Without her encouragement I might have abandoned the unfinished work.
Thanks to A.Z. Foreman of http://poemsintranslation.blogspot.de/ for allowing me to use his translation of the poem of Lorelei:
The fairest of maidens is sitting
So marvelous up there,
Her golden jewels are shining,
She's combing her golden hair.
She combs with a comb also golden,
And sings a song as well
Whose melody binds a wondrous
And overpowering spell.
In his little boat, the boatman
Is seized with a savage woe,
He'd rather look up at the mountain
Than down at the rocks below.
I think that the waves will devour
The boatman and boat as one;
And this by her song's sheer power
Fair Lorelei has done.
(return to text)
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Unrelenting: Love and Resistance in Pre-War Germany Page 15
