by Komal Kant
A slow smile spread across his face. “At least you didn’t get her pregnant.”
It was getting harder to hold onto a single stream of thought. Everything was fuzzy. I had to give Mr. Swinton the letter and get out of here. Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out the envelope and placed it on the desk.
That single movement made me cry out in pain and I fell to my knees.
“Lincoln!”
My head hit the floor.
A chair scraped back, there were hurried footsteps, and Mr. Swinton’s face came into my view. “Lincoln, hold on! I’m calling an ambulance.”
I felt him start to move away and quickly grasped his arm. There was a thrumming in my head that was growing louder and louder. It was a struggle to stay conscious, to hold onto life.
“Wait.” Darkness flooded into my vision, closing off the outside world. I stopped fighting it and shut my eyes. The voice that spoke was faint and distant.
“Give Hadie…the letter when I’m….gone…”
Chapter Thirty-Five
Hadie
Panic, like I’d never experienced before, seized ahold of my insides and strangled me until I felt like I was going to pass out.
Something was wrong with Lincoln. Something was very wrong with him.
Dad hadn’t given me any details over the phone, only told me to get to the hospital as quickly as I could. I was too shaken to drive so Mom was going with me. Her support meant so much to me and I didn’t think I would’ve made it to the car without her.
She held my hand as she drove along the familiar streets that led to the hospital. Once she pulled into a parking spot, I jumped out of the car and practically sprinted towards the emergency room. Mom was a few steps behind me as I reached the reception desk.
“Can I help you?” the lady asked in a bored voice.
I wanted to shake her, tell her to take this a little more seriously, but thankfully Mom spoke for us. “Yes, we’re looking for Linc…”
“Hadie, Susanne!”
At the sound of Dad’s voice, we both turned around. He’d gotten up from one of the numerous seats to the left of the reception desk, and was now walking towards us. He was pale and his face was free of that easy smile he always wore.
My heart sunk into the ground. If Dad was subdued then something had gone wrong. I prepared myself for the worst. I knew what the worst meant.
“Dad!” I ran into his arms and sagged against his chest, afraid to look into his eyes and see the truth in them. “Is…is…he okay?”
“I don’t know, sweetie. His parents and his sister are with him. They haven’t told me what’s going on.” Dad’s tone was grave and I could tell that he was worried.
I asked him what I really needed to know, what I’d feared on the drive over here. “Is he…still alive?”
Dad kissed my head and stepped back to hold me at arm’s length. His eyes were lifeless as he nodded. “Yes, sweetie, he was still breathing when he got here. He’s a strong boy—he’ll fight through this.”
Even as Dad said this, I knew he was only saying it to make me feel better. I’d heard the same resigned tone in his voice once before when my old dog, Ebony, had grown old and was having trouble walking. Dad had told me that she’d be fine, but the next day I’d come home to find her lying dead in her kennel.
I’d grown up knowing that Dad had lied to spare my feelings, but now that I was older he couldn’t pull that on me anymore.
“Tell me the truth, Dad,” I said fiercely. “I’m not a kid anymore. I deserve to know what’s going on.”
Dad sighed. “It doesn’t look good for him. He passed out in my office and he didn’t come to on the way over here.”
“Oh, shit! Shit, shit, shit!” I twisted out his grasp and looked over at Mom. “He has to be okay, he has to!”
Neither of my parents said anything as they led me over to the seating area and guided me into a seat. Their silence was freaking me out even more. Why weren’t they trying to reassure me that everything would be fine? That Lincoln would walk out of the emergency room by the end of the night with a smile on his face, chastising me for worrying about him?
“Because,” said a tiny voice in the back of my head, “they’d be lying if they said that.”
My worst fear was confirmed when Mom bent down on a knee in front of me. Looking into her eyes was like looking into a reflection of my own. The same chestnut-colored eyes stared back at me, laced with concern. Was that the same look that was in my eyes? Was she mirroring what she saw in me?
“Hadie,” she began, clasping both my hands in hers, “I know how hard this must be for you, but I want you to know that your dad and I are both here for you. We care about Lincoln so much. We can only hope and pray that he is with us for a little longer.”
I pressed my eyes shut but tears still squeezed their way out. “I just hate thinking about how much pain he’s in. I wish I could do something to help him. I don’t want anything to happen to him. I pictured him asking me to prom and dressing up in a suit and buying me a corsage. What if he doesn’t make it…?”
Mom brushed her fingers over my face and wiped away the tears. “Then you’ll be the strong girl that I know you are. You’ll go on living your life because that’s what Lincoln would want you to do.”
I nodded, because I knew she was right. Lincoln would want me to move on and find happiness. But how could I do that? How could I let go of someone who had had such an impact on my life and affected me so deeply? Lincoln had taught me how to live and how to see the beauty in the little things. How could I move on without the boy who had taught me all those things?
“I want to see him,” I finally said, opening my eyes. “I have to make sure that he’s alright.”
There was movement from beside me as Dad stood up. “I’ll ask the receptionist and see what she can do.” He stood up and walked back over to the reception desk and spoke to the lady in a low voice. I watched them anxiously, twisting the hem of my sweater until a few threads started to come loose.
Mom gently teased my hands away from my sweater and stood up too. “Do you want anything to eat or drink from the vending machine?”
Shaking my head, I continued to watch as Dad walked back over to us, a frown on his face. “The receptionist said she’ll send someone out to talk to us. Sit tight, sweetie.”
For the next twenty minutes, the three of us sat in the uncomfortable plastic seats and waited. In the meantime, I distracted myself by watching the people that were coming into the emergency room.
A young man hobbled in on one foot as he supported himself against a pretty lady. Then there was a screaming baby, who was so loud that its cries invaded my thoughts and I stopped worrying about Lincoln for the five minutes that the crying filled the emergency room.
Finally, a familiar figure came out of the double doors that led to the various rooms inside, and approached us. It was Mr. Bracks.
We shot to our feet and met Mr. Bracks halfway in the waiting room.
“Is he okay?” I demanded.
Mr. Bracks looked tired as he glanced at me and then focused on my parents. “He’s conscious, but not very coherent from all the medication they’ve given him. The doctors said he can’t leave the hospital tonight.”
“Will he be okay?” I asked.
“I’m not sure. This is the worst I’ve seen him in a long time.”
“Can I see him?”
He paused and stared at a spot just past my head, his lips twitching. “I appreciate everything you all have done for our son, but at this stage my wife doesn’t want Lincoln to have any visitors.”
This was obviously some sort of sick joke. “He’s my boyfriend,” I said, because that’s all I could think of to say and it sounded like a pretty reasonable argument to me.
Mr. Bracks looked tense as his eyes flickered to my dad. “Like I said, I appreciate everything you have done, but my wife thinks it’s best if Lincoln is given time to rest.”
“That’s fucke
d up.”
“Hadie,” my mom gasped. “Language!”
“That’s really screwed up,” I amended, and fixed him with a steely look. “What is this really about, Mr. Bracks? Is Lincoln not allowed visitors or am I just not allowed to see him?”
Mr. Bracks looked uncomfortable as he fiddled with his fingers. “You have to understand that my wife is still upset about the incident that took place at the school. She believes that Lincoln will make a quick recovery without your influence.”
Something Lincoln had previously said about his dad came back to me. “And what do you believe, Mr. Bracks?”
He seemed thrown off by my question. “I’m sorry?”
“What do you believe?” I repeated, placing both hands on my hips. “Do you think that I shouldn’t be allowed to see Lincoln?”
“I…” He hesitated, clearly not knowing what to say. “I…stand by my wife’s decision.”
I wanted to punch my fist into the wall. I wanted to cry as loudly as the baby had but I held my composure.
“Come on now, that’s ridiculous,” Dad said in his lawyer voice. “My daughter poses no threat to your son. She only wants to see him to make sure he’s fine, and I know that is something Lincoln would want too.”
Mr. Bracks’ eyes darted around the waiting room; he seemed uncomfortable with our insistence. “I’m sorry, there’s nothing I can do. My wife has made it clear that Hadie isn’t to be let in to see Lincoln.”
***
“That’s fucking insane!” Mariah seethed as she paced around my room, gesturing with her hands in frustration. “How can they not let you in to see your own boyfriend?”
Mariah and Estella had come over after school the next day to check up on me and see if I’d heard anything else about Lincoln. Despite my initial hesitance at opening up to Mariah, we had talked about our issues and I’d forgiven her.
Both Ray and Estella were equally as upset about the situation as I was. There was no way Mrs. Bracks could keep me from seeing Lincoln. Dad had called up the hospital, trying to see if they would let me into Lincoln’s room but so far he’d had no luck.
I was trying to deal with this obstacle as best as I could. I didn’t really have time to think about my feelings when all I could think about was Lincoln. I felt physically ill just from picturing him lying in the hospital bed. He must be going through so much pain and I couldn’t even be there for him when he needed me the most.
I felt like such a failure.
“Hadie did slap Becky,” Estella said in her soothing voice from where she sat on the edge of the bed. “I can’t imagine Lincoln’s mom being too happy about that.”
Ray shot her a glare and Estella quickly raised her hands in defense. “I’m not saying Hadie deserves this, I’m just saying that his mom is holding that against her.”
“Ugh!’ I cried, burying my head in my hands. “I wish I could do something other than sit around all day. I’ve been going crazy out of my mind wondering how Lincoln is. I hate playing the waiting game. What if something happens to him and I don’t see him before he…before…he…” My throat closed up and I couldn’t get the next word out.
It was difficult to imagine my world without Lincoln in it. He was such a big part of my life and I was going to struggle to come to terms with how my world was falling apart all over again.
It felt stupid to even think of Bennett, but a few weeks ago I’d thought that that was the worst thing that could ever happen to a person. I couldn’t have been more wrong. Bennett cheating on me was like an ant—small, insignificant, weak—and what Lincoln was going through was like a cyclone—huge, powerful, and destructive.
Lincoln’s cyclone had blown away Bennett’s ant.
“You’re a good person, Hadie,” Estella said, pulling me into a side hug so that my head rested on her shoulder. “You’ll get your chance to see him. He’ll ask for you, and his mother won’t be able to do anything about it. You’re the most important person in his life right now and everyone knows that.”
Her words were comforting and I absorbed them, wanting to believe that everything was going to be fine. I had to keep on believing. I had to have hope.
“Come on, you need to get your mind off this. Let’s talk about something else,” Mariah said, plopping down on the bed beside me. “Oh! Lana asked Estella about you today.”
I raised a brow but didn’t say anything.
“Well, she asked both of us, but Ray kind of shoved past her,” Estella said.
“She deserves it!” Ray said in indignation, rocking the bed as she slapped her palms down onto it. “She’s obviously asking around because she wants all the gossip on what’s going on with Lincoln.”
Estella bit her bottom lip, looking uncertain. “I don’t know…she genuinely seemed to be worried about Hadie.”
“Oh, Estee,” Ray said, lying back on the bed, “your goodness will be the death of you one day.”
There was an awkward silence.
Mariah gasped and then bolted upright, clamping her hands over her mouth. “Hadie, I’m so sorry! That was too soon! I didn’t mean to say the ‘d’ word! I honestly didn’t even think!”
“It’s fine.” I shrugged, brushing off the comment.
I knew she hadn’t said it with any malicious intent. That was just the way Mariah was, babbling on without really knowing where her mouth was going to take her. I couldn’t be mad at her for being herself.
“I’m not sure how I feel about Lana,” I admitted, rolling a strand of my hair between my fingers. “I don’t think I have any room left inside of me to feel anything for her. She couldn’t be further from my thoughts.”
And that was the truth. My lying, back-stabbing, cheating ex-best friend wasn’t a concern of mine anymore. Only Lincoln was.
“Oh, and Eddie asked about you too,” Estella added, when she was sure that I really hadn’t been upset by Ray’s “death” comment. “He wanted to know how you were doing. I told him you were dealing with everything as best as you could, and he said he’d check in on you to see if you needed anything.”
I couldn’t help but smile at the mention of Eddie. He was someone I could talk to without worrying about being judged. He was someone I could trust.
“I really like him. He’s a great guy,” I said absently.
Mariah and Estella looked over me and gave each other a quick look. Then Mariah cleared her throat rather obviously.
“What?” I asked, wondering what my friends were communicating to each other in the aftermath of Mariah’s weird throat clearing thing.
“Nothing,” they both said in unison.
I was definitely more than a little curious about what my friends were keeping from me, but I let it go. It didn’t seem important right now. Not when there was Lincoln to think about.
I had to see him. I had to see him before it was too late.
And then I was crying again, and my best friends wrapped their arms around me and tried to calm me down with words of comfort. It was nice to have them here to support me. It was nice to be able to tell them how I was feeling.
“The last thing I said to him was that he was an ass,” I sobbed. “What if that’s the last thing I ever say to him?”
Estella stroked my hair in a motherly way. “Hadie, it’s going to be fine. You will get your chance to see him. Everything will work out.”
As I snuggled into her, I hoped that Estella was right. I hoped I would get my chance to see Lincoln.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Lincoln
My lids felt heavy when I tried to open my eyes. It felt like something solid had been placed on them and was weighing them down.
All around me were voices and sounds that were indistinguishable. A strange, sterile smell invaded my nostrils as I took a deep breath. I had no idea where I was.
There was a steady beeping that sounded eerily familiar. I’d heard that sound before many times. It was a sound that belonged to a place that I hated going to. My insides turned to i
ce when my brain finally put the pieces together.
I was in the goddamn hospital.
Slowly, I opened my eyes. Everything was blurry at first, but eventually I could make out the shapes of some objects in the room. There was a chair at the foot of the bed that was occupied by someone I couldn’t distinguish just yet.
Trying to sit up was difficult, so I grudgingly continued to lie there. My movement must’ve roused the person in the chair, because they stood up and came over to me.
“Lincoln, you’re awake,” my dad said, sounding relieved.
I tried to speak but my throat was dry, so I just nodded my head once to acknowledge that I’d heard him.
“How are you feeling?”
“F-fine…” That was a complete lie. I felt like absolute shit.
My stomach was aching in places I’d never known existed and my movements were slow and delayed. It took me a few seconds to follow through with a single action. I was useless.
“…Water…” I croaked.
My own voice sounded strange and foreign to me. I didn’t sound like myself. My tone was weak, soft, and raspy.
“Yes, hold on. I’ll get you a glass. Let me just help you sit up first.”
Pain shot through my body as Dad placed his hands beneath me and shifted me up a little. Despite the pain that was terrorizing me, my body felt limp and lifeless. He propped some pillows behind me and then walked away to get the water.
“Here,” he said, holding out the glass for me.
Leaning forward, I took a good long drink from the glass as my dad held onto it until my throat wasn’t so dry anymore. I reclined against the pillows, taking in my surroundings for a second time. I was hooked onto the beeping machine which was monitoring my heart rate. There were tubes and IVs running from a bag of fluids and into me. I felt like I was half man, half machine. Finally, I looked over at my dad again.
“It’s good to see you alert, son.”
Alert? I sure as hell didn’t feel alert. Barely alive was more like it.
“How long have I…been here?” I still didn’t sound like myself. I sounded like an echo—faint, distant, and weak.
