by Blair Grey
But no, I had to go and ruin this by pressing him about the future.
“Well, you mentioned something about moving in with me,” Will said quietly. “I’ve been throwing that idea around in my head. Your father is probably going to hate it, and I’m not sure if we can get him to agree to it, but I can’t say I’m opposed to it.”
“You’re not opposed to it, but you don’t sound too interested in it, either,” I said, trying not to sound bitter. “Look, I know this is just convenient for you. And the sex is good, but I know there’s nothing more to it than that. I just can’t help wanting more, I guess.”
Will sat up, staring at me. He reached out and caught my hand, staring down at our linked fingers. “I don’t want to lose you,” he said, his voice raw with honesty. He paused and then shrugged, glancing quickly up at my face before looking away again. “I don’t know what’s going to happen when we go back home. I don’t know what Ray thinks about all of this. You know him better than I do. But I do know that I don’t want to lose you.”
My breath caught in my throat for a moment. That was almost as good as admitting he had feelings for me. I swallowed hard, squeezing his hand. “You’re never going to lose me,” I promised him. “No matter what happens.”
Will stared at me and then slowly brought my hand up to his mouth, lightly kissing my wrist. Then, he released me. “We should grab some dinner,” he said.
“Yeah,” I agreed, relieved that we’d had the conversation, even if we hadn’t really resolved anything yet. “Let’s get some food.”
We got dressed and headed out into the cool night’s air. I twisted my fingers into his as we walked, wanting to stay close to him. He smiled down at me, but he seemed distracted. I couldn’t help feeling disappointed.
35
Will
We spent Sunday cuddled up in the hotel room together, watching shit on TV and generally just having a lazy day together. I couldn’t stop thinking back to the conversation we’d had the previous night. God, Belle had looked so serious when she told me she liked me. That I was never going to lose her. I wasn’t entirely sure what decision we had come to, or if we had come to any decision at all, but things felt easier around her after that.
I couldn’t stop wondering if maybe this wedding wasn’t such a sham after all. If somehow, we could make things work between us.
I was still trying to figure out exactly what I wanted. That was part of why the conversation had been so difficult the previous night. Belle seemed to know just what she wanted. She seemed to have thought all of it through already, from moving in with me on through the rest of our lives. The trouble was, I just couldn’t tell exactly what she was going for.
I couldn’t stop wondering if she was only interested in moving in with me because she wanted to get out from under Ray’s thumb or if there was something more to it than that. But I couldn’t think of a way to ask her about it without admitting that I was starting to develop some pretty serious feelings for her as well.
And what’s more, the whole Ray thing was a huge obstacle we still had to tackle. Continuing any sort of relationship between us would mean admitting to him that I had fallen in love with his daughter, that we had consummated our marriage. But I couldn’t just pretend I’d only fallen in love with her because of this fake marriage because of this trip to Texas. I’d have to come clean to him about before, too.
I had no idea how he would take that. And I wasn’t sure I wanted to find out.
We headed over to Greg’s office on Monday.
“Ah, the lovebirds,” he said as we walked in. “How was your weekend?”
“It was great,” Belle said, grinning at him. “Will took me to the amusement park.”
“Good choice,” Greg said, nodding at me. He handed out an envelope. “There’s the check, as promised. It turned out that the real value of your grandmother’s estate was slightly more than what had originally been calculated, so it’s slightly more than what was written in the will I had shown you previously.”
I opened the envelope and pulled out the check, my mouth falling open when I saw the sum. Shit. That was almost more money than I knew what to do with. That gave me plenty of money to cover Red Eyes’ losses as well as put me through school as well as… Well, I could do whatever I wanted, really.
An image formed in my mind, of Belle and me. We could have a real wedding, the fairy-tale wedding of her dreams, in front of all our friends and family. And then we could put a down payment on a house. I loved where I lived currently, but I couldn’t stop thinking about how good it would be to find a place together. Maybe a larger place, where we could get a dog and have some children.
Wait, children? Had I really just thought that?
I glanced over at Belle, and even though I knew she couldn’t read my thoughts, I started to feel a little guilty. Here I was, planning out our lives together, and for all I knew, she only wanted to move in with me for a few months, to set some sort of precedent, and then we’d get divorced, and she would move into a place of her own.
The thought felt like bands tightening around my heart, but I tried not to let it show.
“Well?” Belle asked, raising an eyebrow at me. I flipped the check around so that she could see it, and she gasped. “Oh, Will,” she said. “You’re going to have no problem going back to school, are you?”
I grinned at her, shaking my head. “Or affording that nice, proper honeymoon that you were after,” I said mischievously.
Belle laughed and shook her head. We both thanked Greg and then headed out of there. I used my phone to cash the check immediately, not wanting to risk something happening. Maybe Greg would somehow find some other loophole, some other hoop that I had been meant to jump through.
I didn’t really think that would happen; I knew the guy knew what he was doing. But this was a lot of money. An absolute game-changer.
“Lunch before we get on the road?” I suggested.
“Sounds good,” Belle said.
We sat across from one another in a little diner down the road from our hotel. “We’re going to have to talk to your dad when we get back,” I said slowly. I couldn’t hide this from Ray anymore. God, he’d probably take one look at me and realize everything.
“I know,” Belle said.
“I think we should tell him everything,” I said. “That this isn’t entirely fake. That we’re in a relationship.”
“I know,” Belle sighed. “I agree with you. I’m just sorry that things have to be so difficult.”
“Don’t be,” I said. “It’s not your fault.”
“I still can’t help feeling responsible,” Belle said. “If you had fake married anyone else, you wouldn’t have to deal with my father. Or if I hadn’t come over with dinner that time. I’m the one who started all of this.”
I shrugged. “I haven’t exactly been complaining. And I knew what I was getting involved with before we started all of this,” I pointed out, even though admitting that didn’t make me feel any better. I still felt as though I had betrayed Ray in the worst way possible.
Besides, what was I supposed to say to him? “Your daughter is just so smoking hot that I couldn’t keep my hands off her for the two days that we were in Texas”? Something told me he wouldn’t really appreciate that. So did I go back further than that and admit we had started sleeping together even before the fake marriage? He wouldn’t appreciate that, either, especially when I admitted that I was the man he had suspected she was dating and that I hadn’t told him that.
I had pretty much lied to him. It was a lie of omission, sure, but it was a lie all the same. This to a man who had taken me in when I had nowhere else to turn.
“I don’t think it’s going to be that bad,” Belle said.
I snorted. “You don’t? Do you know your father?”
“He said something before we left,” she insisted. “Something about how if there was one person in this world that she would maybe consider allowing me to date, it was you. I th
ink he’s probably going to be glad when he finds out that you’re the person I’m interested in. Better you than anyone else.”
“He’s going to think I made up this whole wedding thing just to get close to you, though,” I pointed out.
“No, he won’t,” Belle said, shaking her head. “Come on, that would be crazy. Besides, you got the money. Clearly, it was a real thing. And he’s going to owe you a favor after you bail out Red Eyes.”
“This is more than just a favor,” I said, rolling my eyes. “Besides, you make it sound like you’re condoning my buying you or something.”
“That’s not what I’m saying,” Belle said, sounding frustrated.
I was starting to regret having this conversation with her. As much as I didn’t want to give up this thing I had with her, she was never going to understand how I felt about betraying her father’s trust. She wasn’t part of the motorcycle club, even if Ray was the president of it, and she couldn’t understand the bond that I had with the other members, Ray in particular. As far as she was concerned, this was just a matter of telling her overprotective father that I wanted to date his daughter, simple as that.
It was so much more than that, though. “I don’t know… I just don’t have a good feeling about this,” I said.
“I’ll be right there with you, though,” Belle promised. “We’ll tell him together.” Her eyes twinkled. “He’s not going to kill you right in front of me; I don’t think. He’s always wanted to keep me out of the more violent things that the MC gets up to.”
“That makes me feel so much better,” I said. But I couldn’t help grinning at her. “So we tell him that we’re in a real relationship and that you’re moving in with me?” I asked, just to clarify.
Belle looked away. “If that’s okay with you,” she said quietly. “Or I don’t know; maybe we should just tackle one thing at a time. Get him used to the idea of us being together before we spring the idea of me moving in with you.”
I stared at her for a long moment. It seemed like now she was going back on what she’d said the night before. Like maybe she was having second thoughts. I couldn’t help feeling disappointed in that, even though I was also sort of relieved that I wasn’t going to have to tell Ray I was kidnapping his beloved daughter and whisking her away to live with me. Maybe she was right; maybe it was too soon for that.
“Are you still thinking about getting divorced?” I asked.
Belle gave me a surprised look. “I wasn’t thinking about it,” she said. She shrugged. “Seems like a lot of hassle for no reason. It’s not like there’s someone else that I’m looking to marry. We might as well stay husband and wife, at least for now. Until we see where this is all heading.”
I was surprised at how relieved I felt about that. I didn’t like the idea of us getting divorced. It almost felt like we were breaking up that way. And even though this had just been a fake marriage, all for the sake of getting that inheritance money, I couldn’t help liking the fact that we were married. We were committed to one another, in some way, for better or for worse.
In sickness and in health, and all of that.
Still, it was one more thing I was sure we were going to have to fight with Ray about. He would feel like I had tricked him or somehow tricked Belle. He would feel like I had broken his trust. And I hated that.
“It’s going to be okay,” Belle said softly, and I looked up at her. “He means well, and I know he knows you’ll be good for me,” she continued.
“I hope you’re right.”
For a moment, I had that same feeling, like Belle had something she wanted to say but was holding herself back. I wanted to press her, to ask if maybe she had real feelings for me, if maybe she wanted more than just a simple relationship just as much as I did. But our food arrived just then, and I let it go. One thing at a time. Tell Ray about our relationship first. Then figure out where to go from here.
The ride back to New Mexico was long. I went a little faster than I had on the way over to Texas, but it still seemed like the road stretched out forever. But when we arrived in Las Cruces, I immediately started wishing that we were still out there on the road, cruising along. Because now, back here, I had to face Ray. And I wasn’t sure I was ready to do that.
I drove slowly up the street to Ray’s house, overly aware of Belle’s arms around my waist, of the ways in which we had explored each other’s touch over the last few days. It seemed like we had been gone forever, but it wasn’t long enough when I saw Ray standing there in the doorway of his house, watching as I parked the bike.
“Welcome home,” he called.
I felt dread settle in the pit of my stomach. That was the moment I realized I couldn’t be this selfish, that I couldn’t take his daughter away from him like this. That I wasn’t ready to face his wrath. He had been so good to me, helping me out when I was first getting started in the MC, and now helping me again, by letting me marry his daughter just so that I could get my hands on my inheritance.
Sure, this helped him as well. He needed the money to keep the MC running. To keep the Unknowns from running us all out of town. But he didn’t need to lend me his daughter to do it. He could have suggested someone else. I was sure I could have found someone else to stand in for my wife if I had really tried to.
The only reason Ray had let me use Belle for this was because he trusted me to keep his daughter safe. And I had failed at that. I hadn’t been able to protect her from myself, to keep her clean of my carnal desires.
I walked slowly up the front walk behind Belle, feeling like I might be sick.
36
Belle
I spent the whole ride back to Las Cruces kicking myself for not telling Will what I was really feeling. Of course I wanted to move in with him. Of course I didn’t want to get divorced. I loved him. I was surer of it than ever. But I was afraid that if I said those words, that would be the end of this thing between us, and I didn’t want that to happen.
At least we were going to talk to Dad about our relationship. I didn’t think I could keep it a secret anymore. As soon as Dad asked me how the weekend was, I was going to tell him all about it. Maybe not all about it. There were certain things he didn’t need to know about. But he would be able to tell that I liked Will. That I had had a good time with him, in more ways than just having fun at the amusement park together.
There were other things I wanted to talk to Will about, too. That was a lot of money he’d been handed. He could easily cut ties with Red Eyes and still never worry about money again. I wanted to ask him what he was planning to tell Dad in terms of all that. If he was planning on taking my advice and just telling Dad that he was going back to college for now, or if he was prepared to tell him everything, how he wanted more with his life and how he wanted out.
If we were going to tell Dad about our relationship, I couldn’t help thinking that telling him all about the money and about Will’s plans for the future might be a good idea. Dad would have to accept the fact that Will was going to be able to take care of me, even if I had some problem with taking care of myself.
But I didn’t feel like it was my place to press Will. I didn’t feel like it was right to tell him he had to confess those things to my father, not if he wasn’t ready for that step just yet. Not if I hadn’t told Will that I loved him and that I really did want to be with him forever.
Because that was the big takeaway from this weekend. Sure, it had been our honeymoon of sorts. I was under no illusions that maintaining a “forever” relationship was going to take some work. I knew there were going to be things that Will did that drove me nuts. Neither of us was perfect. But at the same time, I felt like I wanted to make that commitment to him. It might be too soon in terms of the relationship that we had, but at the same time, we’d known one another for half of forever, by now. My whole life, practically.
We drove up to the house, and Dad was waiting in the doorway as we approached. “Hey, sweetheart,” he said, wrapping his arms around me. “H
ow did it go?”
“Great,” I said. I glanced over at Will, who was carefully not looking at me.
“I’ve got all the money I promised Red Eyes,” Will told Dad. Of course he’d want to get business out of the way first. Set the scene, remind Dad why we had gone to Texas. Remind him that he had just done the motorcycle club a big favor and that Dad couldn’t be too mad at us. But I was still impatient for him to get down to the real business. To let Dad know we were in a relationship.
I wasn’t sure what would happen, but I imagined Will whisking me off to the mother-in-law house afterward, having his way with me right next door, in the house that had so often been like a cushy prison for me.
That wasn’t what ended up happening, though.
We headed inside, and Dad didn’t stop me as I followed the men into the living room. I had half expected he would, in some attempt to keep me out of Red Eyes business. But he seemed to realize that I knew all of this information already.
“I’ve already cashed the check. It’ll take a couple days for the money to be in my account, but then I can sign it over to you,” Will said. “There’s plenty in there, enough to cover Red Eyes’ needs and more.”
“Are you sure that you really want to spend your money like this?” Dad asked.
“Of course I do,” Will said, looking surprised. “The MC is the only family I’ve ever had. Of course I want to do this. I’ll help out in any way I can.”
Dad stared at him for a long moment, and for a second, I thought for sure that he was going to call Will’s bluff, to admit he knew Will didn’t want to be part of the MC any longer. That he wanted to do more with his life. But then, he just shrugged.
“Excellent,” he said. “We’ll figure things out with Cameron. Make sure that the club pays you back once it starts making money again.”
