“But you would be?”
I swallowed, expecting to find a lump of fear lodged in my throat, but it wasn’t there. I took a deep breath, expecting my chest to feel tight with anxiety. It didn’t. It was as though my body, brain, and heart were finally in sync and all wanted the same thing: to build a life with Kendra and her daughter.
“Yeah, I think I would be.”
“There’s no room for doubt when you’re talking about a lifetime commitment, little brother. I know I don’t have to tell you that.”
“No, you don’t.” I wouldn’t become a husband or father until I was one hundred percent committed to being with them for the rest of my life. “When I’m in, I’m all in.”
“And you’re all in with Kendra?”
“This discussion seems a little premature,” I said, smiling at my brother’s persistence. “She’s not even divorced yet.”
“Jason can’t hold up the divorce forever. You give Kendra a good enough reason to get the ball rolling and you know she will.”
“Yeah, you’re right.” And suddenly our dinner tonight had a whole new purpose: to convince Kendra to sever ties to her old life so she could start a new one with me.
***
We talked and laughed over appetizers, but by the time they served the entrée, my stomach was in knots. I knew I had to talk to her about her divorce.
“You okay?” she asked, smoothing a hand over the silk floral dress I’d bought her. “You’re kind of quiet all of a sudden.”
I reached for her hand, trying to find the words to let her know I understood what I was asking of her. “I’m having a hard time with this, baby.”
She withdrew her hand from mine, looking dejected. “You mean you’re having second thoughts about us again?”
“No, God no.” My brain was so scrambled I couldn’t even remember the speech I’d rehearsed after my conversation with Brody. “I just… I don’t want to date another man’s wife.” I cursed myself when Kendra gaped at me. “What I mean is—”
“You see me as what, damaged goods?”
“No!” I cleared my throat when the diners at the next table glanced at us. “Don’t be ridiculous. I just mean that I want you to be mine.” I feared I may be digging myself a deeper hole until I saw the smile tugging at the corners of her full lips.
“Go on.”
“I don’t want to have to worry about Jason anymore. Whether he’ll pull some stunt to try to get you back, make your life miserable for dating me, or try to hurt you through Char because you’re seeing me.”
“I don’t want that either.” She glanced at the waiter, who frowned when he noted we hadn’t touched our food. In silent agreement, to stave off a visit from him, we both dug in before she said, “I’m as anxious for this marriage to be over as you are, believe me.”
“Then let’s find a way to make it happen.” I watched her out of the corner of my eye as I cut my steak. “There has to be a way to make him see reason. He’s had some time to get used to the idea of us as a couple. Maybe by the time we get home, we should consider talking to him together.” I knew it was a risky proposition, but we’d both tried talking to him alone, to no avail. Maybe a united front would help.
Kendra appeared thoughtful as she ate her penne. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea. I know what Jason’s like when he feels backed into a corner. He usually comes out swinging.”
I frowned at her choice of words. “He didn’t hurt you, did he?” ’Cause if he did, I’d have to hurt him.
“No, but he can be nasty, especially when he doesn’t get his own way.” She reached for her wine glass. “If he feels like he’s losing me to you, there’s no telling what he might do. I think we should just keep a low profile for a while, keep things casual. When Jason realizes I’m not going to take him back, he’ll find someone else and move on with his life.”
If I was married to a woman like Kendra, I wouldn’t want to let her go, either. But then I wouldn’t have been stupid enough to cheat on her in the first place.
“We could be waiting forever for him to come around on his own. I think we need to be proactive, to let him know we’re not going to let him call the shots.” I was used to being in control, especially in my personal life, and letting someone else, especially someone like Jason, make all the decisions, didn’t sit well with me.
“I hear what you’re saying,” she said, shaking her head slowly. “And believe me, I’ve considered pushing him. In fact, I feel I did during our last conversation, but getting lawyers involved before we’ve come to an agreement about how to proceed could be asking for trouble.”
“What kind of arrangement do you think you could live with?” I asked, topping up our wine glasses before the waiter could pay another visit to our table.
“Well, he’s living in our marital home. We bought and paid for it together, so he’d have to sell it to give me my share. Unless he plans to take out a second mortgage to pay me off, but he’s never given me any indication that’s his intent.”
I knew Jason wasn’t in an enviable position, but his was hard to feel sorry for him when he’d created this mess. Besides, if he hadn’t, I wouldn’t be sitting across from the most beautiful woman I’d ever met, contemplating our future.
“And how about visitation, child support, and alimony?” I asked, savoring my perfectly cooked steak. “Any thoughts about that?” I knew my questions were intensely personal, but if I was going to be her partner, I wanted to share her burden.
“Well, I make about the same as Jason,” she explained, moving her pasta around on the plate with her fork. “So, I don’t really need the alimony, but the child support would certainly help. As would the proceeds from the house. My parents have agreed to a rent-to-own on the house I’m living in, so at least I’m making an investment instead of wasting my money on rent.”
I didn’t know how I felt about her plan to continue being my neighbor. Naturally, I loved having her next door, but if we eventually decided to take our relationship to the next level, I’d want her and Char to move in with me. Or we could buy or build a bigger house if we decided to expand our family…
“You look like you’re a million miles away,” she said, smiling. “What’s on your mind?”
“The future. Us.” After preaching about taking things slow and being cautious, I didn’t want to scare her away, but I wanted her to know I could see our relationship going the distance. “I wouldn’t even be saying these things to you, but we’ve known each other a long time. It’s not like we just started seeing each other. I mean, technically, we did, but we have history, right?”
She seemed amused by my fumbling, but nodded. “What’s your point, Gabe?”
“I guess I was just wondering where you see this going. I mean, can you imagine getting re-married someday, having more kids?”
She tortured me by taking a slow sip of wine as she regarded me over the rim of her glass. “With you?”
“Of course with me.” The food was suddenly sitting like lead in my stomach as I pushed my plate away. “I know it’s too soon to start talking about making anything official, especially since you have a long road ahead of you with Jason. I just want to know that we’re at least thinking along the same lines.”
“I’ve had a thing for you ever since I moved in next door to you, Gabe Steele.” She huffed before smiling as she peered at me over her sinfully long lashes. “I felt like every time I flirted with you… you politely shot me down. Yet you’re asking me if I’m ready for this?”
I knew she was still concerned about my meltdown the other night, wondering if she could trust that I wasn’t going to waver again when we both had more time invested and more of an emotional stake in the outcome.
“I am ready. No question in my mind about that.” The waiter returned to collect our plates and we both agreed to coffee, but declined dessert. If I had my way, we’d be indulging in dessert back in our hotel room.
When she didn’t look convinced, I added,
“I had a talk with Brody today. He told me that he and Riley are expecting.”
She gasped, flattening her palm against her chest. “Oh my God, that’s wonderful! They must be so excited.”
“They are.” I shook my head slowly, waiting for the waiter to return with our coffee when I saw him walking toward us. After he’d left us alone, I said, “Hearing his news made me realize I want what he has, Kendra. With you.”
She swallowed, looking nervous as she added sugar to her coffee, stirring slowly.
“I know I’m coming on strong, and I’m sorry about that. I didn’t mean to blindside you, but I’d like to think we can be honest with each other. I don’t want to hold back with you. I want you to know what I’m thinking and feeling. Always.”
“I appreciate that,” she said, her eyes downcast as she reached for her cup.
“But?”
She licked her lips, looking apprehensive as her gaze finally met mine. “Marriage is a big step. Having kids together an even bigger one. It binds you to that person for the rest of your life, for better or worse.”
“And that scares you because of what happened with Jason?” Of course it does, idiot.
“Can you blame me?” she asked, sighing. “I loved him. I thought I could trust him, that we’d be together forever and he blindsides me with—” She shook her head emphatically. “No. I promised myself I wouldn’t hold the next man in my life accountable for Jason’s sins. That’s not fair.”
I appreciated that she wasn’t coloring me with the same brush as her ex, but I certainly understood her tendency to do just that. In her position, I’d probably feel the same way. “Our past relationships color who we are and how we think, babe. There’s no getting around that.”
“I guess you’re right,” she said, looking defeated as she eased back in her chair. “But I want to be happy again. I have been happy being alone, but the prospect of being happy in a relationship seems harder, scarier somehow.”
“No doubt.” It felt to me like we were running around in circles, right back to where we started: taking it slow. Yet I didn’t want to take it slow anymore. For once in my life, I was ready to barrel full steam ahead in a relationship.
“You look disappointed. I’m sorry. I know this probably isn’t what you want to hear, but I’m trying to be honest with you, Gabe. You deserve to have all the facts before you decide whether a relationship with me is worth the aggravation.”
“Then you still think I’ve got one foot out the door, that I haven’t decided what I really want?” In spite of the fact I’d been telling her every chance I got ever since I arrived. “Are you ever going to be able to take anything I say at face value?”
The last thing I wanted was to end this dinner, which was supposed to have been a turning point for us, on a negative note, but it was hard not to feel frustrated when she didn’t seem to hear a word I said. Or maybe she heard it, but she chose not to believe it.
“I just need a little more time to figure some things out.” She looked worried when I stood, tossing my napkin on the chair. “Where are you going?”
“I need to take a walk before I head up to the room, clear my head. I’ll ask them to charge the meal to the room, so you’re free to leave whenever you like.”
I could feel her eyes on me as I left, but she made no move to stop me. And I couldn’t help but wonder if that’s the way it would always be… me waiting for something that never came.
Chapter Thirteen
Kendra
Gabe had been gone so long I was beginning to wonder if he was ever coming back when I finally heard his key in the lock just before midnight. I felt terrible for setting him off at dinner, but the last thing I wanted was to lead him on only to disappoint him because things weren’t moving along as fast as he wanted them to.
He tossed his key card on the desk before taking in the sexy black lingerie I’d bought downstairs before returning to our room. I wanted to make peace… the only way I knew how. By showing him how much he meant to me.
“Hi.” I held my breath, waiting for his reaction. It had been a long time since I’d worn something sexy to entice a man, and then I’d been sure of a favorable reaction. This time, I could just as easily be rejected.
“Hey.” He toed off his shoes before emptying his pockets and slipping his blazer off. “I think I’m going to grab a shower.”
I bit my lip to refrain from asking him if he’d like some company. I was in love, not desperate. The realization hit me hard. I was in love with this man… and at risk of losing him if I didn’t say or do something soon.
“Gabe, about tonight…”
“Can we talk about this later?” he asked, scraping a hand over his face. “I’m pretty beat.”
I would have said sure, but the faraway look in his eye told me tomorrow may never come for us if we didn’t set things straight tonight.
I got out of bed and padded across the floor, fisting his crisp white dress shirt in my hands. “We need to talk now.” I molded my body to his to let him know there was more than one way to communicate.
“Fine.” He sucked in a breath, his hands still at his sides, as though he were afraid to touch me. “I’m listening.”
I knew there were a few words that would get his attention, and make my point loud and clear, but they were also the scariest words I could imagine saying. “I’m in love with you.”
His expression softened immediately, his hands coming up to frame my face. “What did you say?” His eyes narrowed as though he was sure he’d misunderstood.
“You heard me.” I curled my hands around his biceps, drawing strength from him. I was so scared I could feel my stomach quivering as I wondered whether I’d just made the biggest, most embarrassing mistake of my life.
He closed his eyes, touching his forehead to mine. “I love you too, Kendra. So damn much.”
I may have staggered back had he not been holding me, I was so weak with relief. “You mean it?”
“Of course I mean it.” His chuckle was breathy as though he were as nervous as I was. “I’ve been thinking it for a while now, just trying to find the right time, the right way to say it. I’d planned to tell you tonight, but I didn’t want to scare you off or make you think I was looking for more—”
I kissed him, partially to silence him and partially because I needed to feel his lips on mine, to remind myself that we were going to be okay. Things may seem confusing and overwhelming, but we had the one thing that could help us weather this crazy storm: love.
“I want you,” I whispered, slowly unbuttoning his shirt as my eyes travelled to his. “In every way. Every day.” I’d spent the last two hours imagining my life with and without him, every possible scenario playing out. And one thing was for sure, I didn’t want to contemplate a life without Gabe in it.
“I want you too.” He bent to kiss my shoulder, sliding the thin black strap down my arm as his tongue forged a path that led him to the slope of my breasts.
Pulling his shirt from his black pants, my voice suddenly breathy, thanks to the descent of his mouth as he peeled my lace teddy off, I whispered, “I want everyone to know about us. I don’t want…” My breath hitched as he dropped to his knees, easing the lace down my thighs. “Any more secrets.”
His grin was naughty as his lips skimmed my stomach before inching my black panties over my hips and letting them fall to the floor, binding my ankles. “I think we can have a few secrets, just between us. For example, no needs to know how it feels when I do this to you…”
I gasped as his mouth zeroed in on my core. My hands circled his head, looking for something solid to keep me from freefalling. My mind shut down completely as he worked his magic, forcing me to focus solely on the incredible impact he had on my body. All the tension melted away. Fear dissipated. I was living in the moment, enjoying every second as I surrendered completely, giving myself to him.
My body coiled tight, shuddering with anticipation as I spread my legs as wide as my panties
would allow. Closing my eyes, I focused on the sensations tearing through my body, fully experiencing the high without allowing my mind to wander to what tomorrow might bring. The only thing that mattered was happening here and now.
I finally cried out his name as he held me steady, kissing his way up my body. “You’re incredible,” he whispered, guiding us to the bed after helping me step out of my panties.
My laugh sounded broken and shaky as I tried to catch my breath. “I feel like I should be saying that to you.” I tried to keep my eyes open so I could watch him undress, but I felt so relaxed, so satiated, there was only one thing that could keep me awake now.
And he gave it to me, prompting my eyes to slip open with a smile teasing my lips as he entered me. “You make me happy.” It was intended to be a light statement, but I could tell by the way his eyes shifted from hungry to self-satisfied that it meant a lot to him.
“You make me happy too.”
I threaded my hands through his hair, kissing him slowly, thoroughly as he made love to me for what felt like the first time. Last time, there had been lingering uncertainty. This time it felt like we were finally in sync. Decision made. We were going back home as a couple, ready to tell the world that we were an important part of each other’s lives.
I had an inkling of doubt as I thought about my daughter, but Gabe kissed my neck, reminding me that he deserved my full attention now. Everything else would sort itself out in due time.
“I love you,” he whispered, pressing his lips to my ear.
I grinned from ear to ear before my mouth slipped into a circle when he thrust deeper, making me gasp. “I love you too. And this…” I said, gripping his shoulders as he plunged deeper and faster, taking me back to the brink. “God, I love this.”
I’d always loved sex and had been open to experimenting with my husband, but Gabe made me feel as though he had the power to introduce me to the kind of pleasure I hadn’t even known existed.
“Well, get used to it, ’cause I’m seeing a lot of this in your future.”
Gabe (Steele Brothers #6) Page 13
