Lee found himself smiling. “You know the recipe by heart?”
Wren’s grin swirled his insides. “You think I’d grow up with Mamaw Gigi without learning it?” He watched her add the sugar and cocoa before carefully shaking a tiny heap of salt into her palm. She sprinkled it into the milk and dragged her whisk over the bottom of the pan. “Mamaw adds a little vanilla extract, though.”
Lee crossed to his spice cabinet and took down the miniature bottle. “Here.”
Smiling, she took it from him, and Lee watched her eyeball a dash of it. The rich aroma of chocolate and vanilla filled his kitchen, teasing him.
She is my home. Lee gripped the edge of the counter. My God, what will I do without her? Swallowing hard, he turned away from the stove and busied himself by setting out two mugs.
When steam piped from the milk, Wren turned off the flame, tilted the saucepan, and filled both mugs.
“Should we go sit in the living room?” Lee asked, feeling like a man facing the gallows.
Wren nodded, her expression even, and the fact that he couldn’t read what was behind it made his forehead mist with sweat. He followed her into the living room and watched her choose a corner on his sofa. Lee hovered a moment, unsure how close he should sit — how close she’d want him if she was about to break his heart — but in the end he sat beside her. Not close enough to touch, but close enough so that he wouldn’t regret missing the chance to be near her if it was his last.
Wren held her mug in both hands and gave him a wary look. “What’s wrong?”
Lee took a deep breath. “Nothing,” he lied. If she had to tell him that he couldn’t be with her, that she needed space to heal, he wouldn’t let her feel responsible for hurting him. If he could, he’d lift each of her burdens, and he’d certainly claim responsibility for his own heart.
He sipped his hot chocolate. “This is delicious,” he told her truthfully. “Mamaw knows her stuff.”
Wren huffed a laugh. “Well, she knows food.”
“What else is there?” Lee joked, almost cheering himself when Wren laughed again.
“Boy,” Wren said, shaking her head. “She was mad at me today.”
Lee blinked. “Mamaw?” Wren’s grandmother was a spitfire, but it was hard to imagine her truly angry — especially at Wren.
But she nodded and took another sip of cocoa. Then her eyes met Lee’s. “She doesn’t really understand what I’m going through.”
Lee’s body went still. His blood may have even paused in his veins.
“But you do.”
Lee swallowed. There were a million things he could say — about how he was trying to understand, about how he’d support her through anything, about how much he’d read on cases like hers. But he didn’t want to be her doctor, and he didn’t want to smother her, so he kept his mouth shut.
“A few minutes ago, I said I didn’t really have a choice,” she said, frowning.
Lee’s heart started to pound.
“But that’s not really true. I have a choice, but it’s really no choice at all. It’s something I have to do.”
I will always love you. I’ll wait for you forever.
“What do you mean?” He forced out the question, but even then, his voice came out a whisper.
She studied his face a moment, and then she set down her mug on his coffee table.
Lee set down his own before he could drop it. Here it comes. Be strong for her.
Wren reached for the top of her blouse, and to his astonishment, she undid the first three buttons. She drew open the blouse to reveal her phoenix.
“Cherise asked me about this the other day,” she said, blushing. “I got it when I turned twenty-four, to mark the fact that I’d officially outlived Laurie. But Cherise told me that if I let everything that happened to me shut down my life, then, in a way, I hadn’t outlived anything. I’d still let all of that shit kill me.”
Lee watched her eyes pool with tears, and she brushed them roughly away, giving a frustrated shake of her head.
“So there really isn’t any choice, because it’s either life or death,” she said, talking over the break in her voice. “Laurie chose death, and I’ve been pissed at her my whole life. If I choose death, too, I’ll never forgive myself.”
Her eyes swam with tears, but they blazed with strength and determination. The woman across from him could create beauty and care for the elderly and heal the addicted and overcome evil. He’d seen it all with his own eyes. She could best him at ping-pong, spur his lust all night, turn his house into a home, and make a mean fried peach pie.
“And if you never love me back, I’ll lead a long and lonely life.” The words were out before he could call them back.
Wren’s eyes flew open in shock. “What?”
Lee shook his head. “Ignore me. It’s a side effect of the awe. Please continue.”
She watched him for a moment, a mystified look warring with the beginnings of a smile. “I… I have a long way to go. It’s not just a matter of choosing to be okay,” she said, balling one hand into a fist and planting it in the palm of the other. “That’s what Mamaw wants. That’s what Cherise would want for me, but at least you understand that it takes work. Don’t you?”
The way she tilted her head was almost a plea, as if she needed him to understand. And he did. He understood all too well. It would take work. It would take time, and Lee would give her that time. And the space.
“I do.”
The plea became a look of raw, unguarded yearning. “And you still want me… even though I’m such a mess? Even while I work through all this?”
Lee’s mouth fell open. “Wha — God! Yes!” He shot forward and grabbed her hands. “You mean — like right now?”
“Yes?” Wren hedged, eyes wide.
Lee’s smile almost hurt, but he needed to be sure. “You want to be with me — have me in your life — now?”
“I know it won’t be easy, but it’s life or death. Phoenix or ashes. Lee or regrets.” Wren shook her head, but her smile grew. “It’s not a tough call.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
WREN FOUND HERSELF in Lee’s lap, his smile lighting up her world.
He caught her mouth with a kiss before pulling back to look in her eyes. “I thought you were going to send me away again.”
She ran her fingers down his cheek, loving the masculine smoothness of his skin, the line of his jaw. The last few hours had forced her to see what she’d tried to ignore. Even if she gave up on herself, Lee Hawthorne refused to give up on her.
So she damn-well better try.
“No, I’ve learned my lesson,” she said, shaking her head. “No more sending you away. I’d like you to stay right here with me — if you’re willing.”
His arms encircled her, his touch tender but insistent. “You know I am.”
Keeping her palm to his cheek, she moved her thumb over the softness of his lips. She needed to say it aloud so neither of them could hold any illusions. Her scars ran deep, and she couldn’t pretend otherwise. “I have a long road ahead of me.”
He kissed her thumb and spoke against it. “I’ll walk it with you. We’ll take our time.”
For the first time in her memory, it seemed like the horizon of her future rolled out before her with unlimited and happy possibilities. The feeling of promise, of rightness, grounded something deep in her gut. It wouldn’t happen right away, but she could see a time when she might be able to have what she never thought was possible. Peace. Absolution. Acceptance.
Because why couldn’t she have these if the impossible had already happened? Lee loved her. He knew the worst of her secrets, and he hadn’t run. Not even when she’d pushed him way. Instead, he’d marshaled an army and mounted an attack on her demons.
“What you did for me…” Wren began, but the words caught on the lump in her throat.
Lee squeezed her shoulders, patience and peace in his eyes as he waited for her to continue. “No one’s ever done anything like th
at. Don’t get me wrong. Mamaw, Cherise, Rocky, and Shelby, they’ve all been there for me. Always. But bringing them together to try to help me… and finding Evelyn…”
Wren was struggling to make herself understood, to try to put in words how it felt like he had redrawn the earth and the sky and the seas to make the world new — all for her. It was that huge.
“I’ve never felt so loved.” She let herself mirror the smile that spread across his face as she linked her fingers behind his neck. “Lee Hawthorne, meeting you was the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
Right then, she shouldn’t have been afraid to say the three words that could have left no doubt about what she meant. And she wanted to say those words, but even though she knew — and felt — how much Lee loved her, coming out and saying them still took courage, and she was fresh out.
So when her words failed her, Wren put her mouth to better use. Rising up in his lap and tugging him down to her, she kissed him with the force of four days of longing, one month of loving, and nineteen years of loss.
Slipping her tongue past his lips and earning a moan from his throat, she kissed him with all the love he deserved. And he deserved everything. She snaked her fingers through his hair, letting her nails run over his scalp, and she felt him shiver against her.
Lee’s ready response was all she needed. Shifting in his lap, she put a knee on either side of his hips and gently pressed into him until he reclined on the arm of the couch. His hands moved down her back and landed on her behind. He tugged her closer, and this time she shivered as her soft sex ground against his hard length.
“God, I’ve missed you,” he murmured into her mouth.
She nodded, seeking his tongue again before coming up for air. “Four days never seemed so long.”
He swallowed more of her kisses, panting now. “Never again, okay?”
The anguish in his words pierced her, and she held him tighter. “Never again.” It was a promise. One she wouldn’t ever break.
Wren slipped her hands under his shirt. She savored the contradiction of his smooth skin and solid muscle that flexed under her palms as he shifted beneath her. His own hands moved under her blouse and seared her with their heat and hunger.
And heat spread up her torso and down to her thighs. The blouse needed to come off. She sat up, pressing her core even deeper onto him, and they both groaned. A ridiculous amount of buttons stood in her way.
“Help me.”
“Yes.”
Four hands conquered a dozen buttons, and her blouse hit the floor. Lee’s shirt was easier, joining hers in a matter of seconds. He sat up and lifted her, sweeping under her knees until he cradled her again.
“What are you doing?” she asked, breathless.
Lee stood with her. “The last time you were in your underwear in my house, my parents barged in. I’m not letting anything like that happen again.”
“Good point.”
He carried her across the house and closed his bedroom door behind them. Lee eased her onto his bed and held her by one ankle, standing over her.
“I feel it’s only fair to warn you that I’m about to kiss every one of your tattoos,” he said, slipping off one of her boots.
She propped herself up on her elbows to watch him.
He ran his hands up her calf and frowned. “Tights? Oh my God, Wren. Don’t ever wear tights. It’s a crime to cover your skin.”
The other boot dropped to the floor. He reached under her and grabbed the band of her tights and panties. “These are going away and never coming back.”
He peeled her free to the sound of her giggling. His smirk was nothing short of delicious. “You think I’m joking.”
She laughed outright. “That lacy black bra, I can handle,” he said, his eyes blazing with lust. “For a little while anyway.”
Lee ran his hands up and down her legs before taking a foot in each. He lifted her left and planted a kiss against it. “I love these bluebirds,” he said, moving to her right. He kissed the bluebird but then rotated her foot, bringing her arch to his lips.
She gasped when his teeth grazed the flesh, and her elbows gave. “Lee…”
“Mmm,” he murmured, pleased. “Should I bite all of your tattoos?” His lips swept up to the feather on her left calf, and she trembled when she felt his teeth. She closed her eyes and drowned in sensation.
“Peacocks… sparrows… love birds…” He moved up her legs, kissing and nibbling, while Wren panted. “Who knew they’d taste so good?” Lee pushed her across the length of the bed, climbing on between her knees. He flipped up her skirt, cool air biting her naked flesh and making her gasp again.
She opened her eyes and locked them with his. His half-wild look made her want to pull him down to her, but Lee had other ideas. He never took his eyes off her as he dropped his mouth between her legs.
“Oh God, Lee.” Her fingers found his hair as her control shattered, the pleasure condensing thought to all but a single word. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.
His tongue and lips and teeth knew the word, and they taught it to her flesh, and womb, and heart.
As he kissed her, his hand swept up her belly and snuck under her bra. With one squeeze she gave a cry that wasn’t a cry it all. It was animal, a call to her mate, because she needed him inside her. Now.
“Lee… please.” She tugged on his hair and gave thanks when he climbed up her body. He stretched across her to reach his bedside table, and Wren wasted no time unfastening his jeans and shimmying out of her skirt. As soon as her bra came off, Lee freed himself from his jeans and settled between her legs again.
When he tore open the condom, she took it from him. Their eyes met as she reached down for him, and his lids half closed. She caught her breath as she rolled the condom down. She wanted a clear head so she could focus entirely on the feeling of him entering her.
Because having Lee Hawthorne inside her meant she was the luckiest woman in the world.
She positioned him just against her, and Lee stroked her cheek, the look in his midnight-blue eyes telling her he thought he was the lucky one. And with that look, her courage returned. Because she couldn’t wait one more second.
“I love you, Lee.”
She said the words she’d never uttered to anyone, and at this triumph, her smile broke free. But it was nothing compared to Lee’s. In milliseconds, it evolved before her eyes. A surprised smile first, quickly becoming one of realization, before surrendering to boundless joy.
“Oh my God, Wren. I love you, too.” He was kissing her all over. Her mouth. Her cheek. Her neck. Her eyes. “I love you more than anything.”
Wren wrapped her legs around him. “Show me.”
The breath of his laughter tickled her face. “With pleasure,” he said, kissing her lips again. He drew back and looked into her eyes before pushing inside her, and even though it felt incredible, and she wanted to close her eyes, she kept them open and watched the tremor pass over his face.
“God, you feel so good,” he said, his eyes half-lidded.
She ran her hands over his shoulders, loving his powerful beauty. The feel of him above her, inside her, gave her power, too.
“You make me strong,” she told him, angling her hips and inviting him to move.
He did move, but he shook his head.
“You’re the strongest person I know,” he muttered, kissing her jaw.
She might have argued, but his body demanded that she concentrate on the growing fire that he stoked inside her. Every one of her nerves seemed to ignite, and with each of Lee’s thrusts, a ripple of flame rolled over her.
He moved deeper, and Wren tightened against him, savoring each flicker of heat.
The fire had to build and burn itself out or she’d never survive, so she reached down and grabbed his buttocks. Lee’s groan marked his quickening pace. The heat doubled, tripled.
“I’m going to catch fire,” she cried, throwing her head back to arch against him.
“Let me help you,
” Lee panted, slipping a hand between them.
One touch was all it took. The conflagration started where they joined, but it spread up and down her body, consuming everything.
Wren cried out his name, wanting him to hear everything in her heart as she combusted. He called her name back to her as he surely caught fire, clasping their bodies together and together and together.
Minutes passed, their recovering breaths the only sound, but they were far from still. Lee’s fingers trailed up and down her arm, and Wren pressed slow kisses against his neck.
“That was hot,” Lee said, rolling them over so she lay above him.
Wren rested her head on his chest and nodded, not yet ready to speak. The cool air in the room licked her skin, bringing her back to life and restoring her strength.
“You okay?” Lee asked, lifting his head to check on her.
Wren smiled. “I’m much better than okay.”
Lee tucked one arm behind his head and ran the other up and down her back. “Better than okay?”
She slid a hand under her chin to gaze at him. “Way better.”
He grinned. “Explain.”
“Well,” she said, bobbing her eyebrows and catching her breath at last. “I’m totally in love with you, and I have been since the day you stole Victor from me…” She paused to wait for his response, but Lee shook his head.
“I’m ignoring that little jab so you’ll keep talking about how much you love me.”
“Right. Yes. Well, I do love you, and I’ve never been in love, and, so far, you’ve taught me that it’s pretty great.”
His grin turned smug, and he nodded proudly.
“Of course, this is only my first try,” she teased. “So, who knows? The next one might be—”
She saw Lee’s eyes go wide before his arms came around her, and he silenced her with a kiss. She snickered against his mouth at first, but he pressed on, parting her lips with his tongue and entering her mouth, kissing her slowly. Deeply. Thoroughly. Kissing her until her heart stirred and her body simmered.
“You,” she promised, panting again. “I’ll love only you.”
“Good,” he said, catching a lock of hair and tucking it behind her ear. “Because I’ll love you for the rest of my life.”
Leave a Mark Page 30
