by SJ McCoy
He drew her against him again. “I’m sorry I messed up last night. I was scared. I wanted to tell you how I felt and I messed up.”
She leaned back to look up into his eyes; they were such a beautiful green and so full of warmth and tenderness.
“I said I didn’t know if I could be what you need.”
She nodded sadly. She didn’t need reminding of that.
His arm tightened around her. “What I didn’t get to finish, what I was about to say, was that I want to be.” He glanced at the children and slid the second quesadilla onto another plate. Once he’d set that on the table, he came back and wrapped both arms around her. “I want to be what you need.” He tilted his head toward Mateo and Maya, who were eating hungrily. “And now that I’ve met those two, I’ve fallen in love with them as well, and not only do I want to be what they need, but I believe that I can be.”
She just stared up at him, hoping that she’d heard him right and that she wasn’t imagining him saying what she wanted to hear.
His smile faded. “If you want me to be?”
“Oh, my gosh, Wade! I do! I … when you said that last night, I agreed with you because I wanted to let you off the hook. I didn’t want to try to tie you into something you don’t want.”
He dropped his head and brushed his lips over hers. “I do want. I want you. I want them. There’s still a lot to figure out. We still have a lot to learn about each other and about our new kids.”
She brought her hand up to cover her mouth and tried to blink away the tears. “Our kids?”
He nodded happily. “Yeah. That’s what I want. I’m not a fool, Sierra. We’re going to have a long road ahead of us and it will probably have more than its share of bumps. But I love you and I love them, and I know we can make it work, if you want to.”
“I want to.” She wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tight. Her heart felt like it might overflow with happiness. “Wait!” She leaned back to look at him. “What did you just say?”
There went that smile of his. “You mean the bit about how I love you and I love them?”
“Yes! That. Oh, Wade.” She rolled up on her tiptoes and pressed a kiss to his lips. “I love you, too.”
“You do?” He was smiling, but she could tell he was cautious. “You don’t have to say it if you’re not there yet.” He winked. “I’ll be happy to work on making you fall for me.”
She laughed. “I’ve already fallen. It might have been that first night that you found me by the side of the road.”
His arms tightened around her. “I don’t care when it was, I’m just happy that you’re there.”
“Mr. Wade.”
They both turned to Mateo, who was actually smiling at them.
“What’s up, son?”
Sierra couldn’t help but read too much into his use of that word. It was just a term of endearment, of course. But now she could see it coming true.
“Thank you, Mr. Wade.”
Wade let her go but kept hold of her hand and took her with him when he squatted down between the kids’ chairs. “You’re welcome. Did you get enough? Do you want more?”
“No. Thank you. I will clean the dishes now.”
“Oh, no,” Sierra began, but Wade shot her a look.
“Thank you, little man. If you can just put them in the sink, that’d be great.”
As Mateo headed for the sink, Wade put the lids on the salsa and the sour cream, then smiled at Maya. “Do you want to put these in the fridge for me?”
The little girl smiled at him and slid down from her seat.
Sierra felt like the luckiest girl in the world. She’d been worried that he didn’t want kids and that he probably wouldn’t know how to treat them. Instead, it was turning out that he was much better at it than she was.
Chapter Twenty-Two
“Mr. Wade, Mr. Wade!”
Wade couldn’t help grinning when Mateo came running to greet him the moment he walked through the front door. “Hey, little man. What’s all the excitement about? Where’s your sister?”
Maya came trotting after her brother and held her arms up to Wade. He scooped her up and sat her on his hip, ruffling Mateo’s hair with his other hand. While Maya was openly hungry for all the affection she could get, he knew that Mateo did his best to hide his need, even though he longed for love just as much as she did.
“And don’t you think it’s time you called me just Wade?” He’d tried to get them to call him that since the first day, but Mr. Wade had stuck. At least, that was what Mateo insisted on calling him. Maya had yet to utter a single word. He believed that she’d get there with time.
Mateo just shrugged. “Can we go to see the horses?”
Wade smiled. He’d promised that he’d take them out to the barn when he finished work. He tapped his watch. “Is it time yet? Are you ready to go?”
Watching Mateo check his own bright blue watch and Maya copy her brother to look at her own yellow one wiped the smile off Wade’s face. He’d given them the same tracker watches as he’d given Sierra. And he’d shown them how to press the button three times to send out an alert if ever they needed help. He’d intended to make it seem like nothing out of the ordinary – but the look in Mateo’s big, wise eyes had told him that the kid understood. Wade hated what he knew of their past. Their father had worked for one of the big cartels. Their mom had been murdered to teach him a lesson, but apparently, he hadn’t learned it well enough, and he’d been shot execution-style to set an example.
Maya smiled and nodded eagerly, bringing Wade back to the moment. He couldn’t change their past, but he intended to do everything he could to give them a better future. And right now, that meant taking them out to the barn to see the ponies.
Sierra appeared in the doorway from the kitchen and greeted him with a smile. He went to her and dropped a kiss on her lips. Maya wrapped her arms around them both and Mateo stood close, leaning against Wade’s leg.
Wade felt as if his heart might overflow. This right here was his family. This sweet woman whom he’d known for less than a month and these two kids he’d known for less than a week. It should feel wrong. It had all happened way too fast, but it was right, he knew it was. No amount of time would change what he felt for the three of them – well, he knew that with time his love would only grow. He couldn’t help but compare what he had now to what he’d had with Josie. He’d been with her since high school. They’d been together for five years before they got married and even on his wedding day, he hadn’t felt the way about her that he felt about Sierra. He used to tell himself that it was because they’d been too young. But he knew better than that now. He hadn’t felt this away about Josie because she hadn’t been the one for him.
Sierra leaned back and smiled at him. “If you’re going to the barn now, I’ll see you back here in a little while.”
“I thought you were going to come?” Mateo and Maya had both fallen in love with the horses, and to Wade’s great pleasure, Sierra had, too. She’d been cautious at first; she’d told him that she’d never really been around animals before. But she was making up for lost time. She and the children had been out to the barn every day, and she’d been taking them to Janey’s place to see the stray mama dog and her puppies. Wade was a little leery that she might end up bringing the whole litter home when they were ready.
“I was, but I have to go over to the bakery. Spider kept some of the C-O-O-K-I-E-S for me specially, and I haven’t had the chance to go over and collect them yet.”
Wade grinned. He loved the way she’d taken to spelling out words that she didn’t want the kids to hear, but he had the feeling that Mateo understood what she was saying anyway. “So, how about we all go over there first? We can pick those up and then go out to the barn together.”
She looked hesitant. “Do you think we should?”
“Yeah. I do.” Dax had left after a couple days, and before he’d gone, he taken Wade aside. Not to give him the kind of warning and talking to
that Wade had expected – about how he’d better be good to Sierra. Instead, he’d told him that he could see how good he was for Sierra, and for the children, too. Wade had reassured him that he planned to take care of all three of them for as long as Sierra would let him – and that if he got his way, that would mean for the rest of their lives. Dax had simply laughed and told him that he didn’t need to say it. That he made it obvious in everything that he said and did. He’d pulled him aside to explain his concerns. He was still worried about Jared. Not that he would harm Sierra, that wouldn’t get him anywhere, but that he might try to kidnap the kids and ask for a ransom.
Wade still wasn’t sure how he felt about that. He wanted to think that Dax was just looking for worst case scenario because that was what he was used to dealing with – he was a freaking SEAL after all. But whether the threat was real or not, Wade and all his brothers were treating it as if it were. It was why Dax had reassured the kids that whenever they left the ranch, one of the MacFarlands would always be with them.
As he thought about it now, Wade decided that a quick visit to the bakery would be a good way to build their confidence. He wanted them to get used to having as normal a life as possible. And so, he looked down at them. “What do you say? Do you want to all go to the bakery together?”
Two eager smiling faces nodded up at him and burrowed their way even deeper into his heart. Sure, it was still early days yet, but one day soon, he and Sierra needed to sit down and talk about the future, their future as a couple and as a family.
Mateo tugged at his hand. “Let’s go.”
He chuckled as he caught Sierra’s eye and murmured, “I think he knows how to spell.”
Mateo grinned at them. “Cookies!”
~ ~ ~
Sierra held Maya’s hand as she pushed open the door to the bakery. Wade followed close behind with Mateo. This should probably feel strange, but it felt good – and right. She and Wade might both be fair while the children had olive skin and dark hair, but the outward appearances didn’t undermine the deep bond that they were all forming. They were becoming a family, and she couldn’t be happier.
That first night the children had arrived, when Wade had told her that he loved her, he’d stayed the night at the big cabin with them – with her, in her bed. Dax had said that if they were a couple, then it was better that the children should see them that way from the beginning – and of course, he was right. And so, Wade had stayed that night and every night since. They’d continued as they were before except now, they were living in the big cabin instead of the small one, and they had two children instead of it being just the two of them.
The atmosphere and the smell of the bakery hit her as she walked in; she loved this place. It always made her smile. She stopped halfway to the counter and the smile died on her face. A woman had turned to look at her. It was the same woman who’d been here the first time Sierra had come in – when Spider had given her cookies for Wade. The woman who’d been bitching about getting her coffee and who’d looked at Sierra as if she hated her.
Right now, the woman looked at her as if she wanted to kill her. She looked down at little Maya and then past them to Wade and Mateo, who had come up beside Sierra. She looked back at Sierra with pure venom and then turned and smiled at Wade.
He put his arm around Sierra’s shoulders and pulled her into his side before proceeding to the counter. “Josie.” He gave her a slight nod before turning away to look at the board.
Spider came to greet them with a smile. “Hey, guys. It’s good to see you.” He let himself out from behind the counter and came to squat down in front of the children. “You must be Mateo and Maya?”
Sierra was surprised that neither of them seemed to be afraid of him. Perhaps they were used to muscles and mohawks and tattoos. From the little she knew about the life their father had been living, they were probably used to seeing the worst of humanity. Although he might look tough, and she hadn’t known him for very long, Sierra knew that Spider was one of the best humans she’d ever met. It seemed that the children could sense that, too.
They both smiled at him, and Maya nodded.
“We live with Sierra and … Wade now,” said Mateo.
Sierra glanced at Wade; he looked as thrilled as she felt that Mateo hadn’t called him Mr.
“So, I heard,” said Spider. “That’s awesome. You guys are lucky. They’re good people. Kind people. You’re going to be okay with them.”
Sierra’s eyes filled with tears when Mateo looked up at them and nodded. “I know.”
Wade squeezed her hand. He’d told her that Spider had spent most of his childhood in foster care but had never found a family to call his own. He’d aged out at eighteen and been homeless for a while before he found his feet. If anyone understood how the children might be feeling right now, she’d guess that he would.
She smiled at him gratefully. “We’re doing our best. We might not get it right all the time but,” she looked down at Mateo and Maya, “we love you both very much.”
She felt as if her heart might explode when Mateo smiled back at her then at Wade and said, “We love you.”
“Oh please! That’s crazy!”
They all turned to see Josie glowering at them. Maya ducked behind Sierra’s legs and Mateo put himself in front of her. Wade put his arm in front of all of them and stepped forward.
“No one asked for your opinion.”
Josie let out a bitter laugh. “Maybe not. But I’m giving it anyway.” She turned to Sierra. “It won’t last, so I wouldn’t get too used to it, if I were you. He doesn’t want kids. Ask anyone around here. He might be putting up with them for now, but it won’t last, you mark my words.”
Sierra glared right back at her. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. He might not have wanted children in the past.” She couldn’t resist adding, “He might not have wanted them with you. But I can assure you, he’s not just putting up with Mateo and Maya. He loves them.” She was shaking when she finished. But she was proud of herself for speaking up. She knew Wade wouldn’t raise his voice to Josie, but the children needed to know that she was wrong.
Josie laughed again; there was no humor in it, only bitterness and anger. “You keep telling yourself that. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” She turned and stomped out, leaving them all staring after her.
~ ~ ~
Wade was shaking as the door slammed shut behind Josie. She could hate him if she wanted, he didn’t care about that. But how could she be so damned cruel? How could she talk like that in front of the kids?
He looked down at them. Mateo had wrapped his arm around his sister, and they were huddled together, just like they’d been the first time he saw them. Shit! They needed to know that they were loved; that they were wanted. The last thing they needed was damn Josie – or anyone – casting doubt in their little minds.
He squatted down with them and wrapped his arms around them. “She’s wrong, you know. I love you guys, and nothing is ever going to change that.”
Mateo looked up at him, and the doubt in his eyes slayed Wade. “Why did she say you don’t want children? Who is she?”
Wade took a deep breath and closed his eyes. When he opened them again, Mateo and Maya were both watching him fearfully. He hugged them to him and then leaned back so that they could see his face as he spoke.
“Her name is Josie. I was married to her.” He watched surprise register on both their faces. He wondered sometimes how much Maya understood, but she seemed to be following him just fine.
“She was your wife?” asked Mateo.
“Yes. She was. A long time ago.”
Mateo’s eyebrows drew together. “Do you … have children with her?”
“No. No, I don’t, little man. That’s why she said I don’t want children. Because I didn’t – with her. That’s why we’re not married anymore. She wanted children, and I didn’t want to have children with her.”
“Why?”
Wade blew out a si
gh. He was going to tell the truth. He had to. He’d let Josie’s version of events be the one that people believed all these years because it hadn’t mattered to him what people thought. Now, it mattered, it mattered very much; not what people might think, but what these two little people in front of him thought. Still, he wanted to choose his words carefully. “Because … as you just saw, she’s not always very kind. What she said just now was mean, it was mean to you guys, and it was mean to Sierra.”
“And to you.”
“I’m not worried about me. What’s important is that I always knew that she could be that way, and I didn’t want to have children with her because I wouldn’t ever want my children to be treated that way.”
They both stood very still watching him carefully, and he was aware that Sierra and Spider were listening closely, too.
“I didn’t want to have children unless I knew that I could give them a happy home where they would feel safe and loved by both me and their mom. I knew that I would never be able to give them that with her.”
Mateo nodded with way more wisdom than his years.
Wade caught hold of Sierra’s hand. “Things are different now. With Sierra I know that we can give you a happy home where you’ll always feel safe and loved – by both of us.”
“You really love us?”
Wade had to swallow. “I do.” He glanced at Sierra. “We do. We haven’t known you guys for very long but that doesn’t make any difference. We love you and we always will.”
He was overcome with emotion, but Mateo still had questions. Wade could see it in his eyes.
“Go ahead. Ask me anything.”
“You love Sierra?”
Wade smiled up at her. “Yes, I do.”
“But you’re not married?”
Wade caught hold of her hand. His heart was hammering in his chest; he’d been working his way up to this. He wanted her to be his wife, but he figured that since he’d only met her when she was running away from her wedding, she’d need some time before she considered marriage again. But this felt like a pivotal moment in their life as a family. “Not yet.” He raised his eyebrows.
