by Mary Leo
“Is that where you’re going to meet Dickey?”
She leaned in closer. “Yes, but I’m not supposed to tell Nick. Somehow Dickey found out he was hanging around here and he told me not to say anything to him about where I was going.”
A little warning flag sprung up in my head as she gathered her things, placed a five spot on the table and stood.
“Where in Glen Ellen?” I stood with her.
“Jack London Saloon. He gave me the street it’s on, London Ranch Road, but no actual address. Do you know where it is?”
I couldn’t let her go alone. “I’ll take you.”
She looked hesitant. “I don’t know if I should. He specifically told me to come alone. That he had a big surprise waiting for me. I couldn’t hear him too well. Our connection was bad. He said he was coming down with laryngitis, so he could only whisper.”
“I bet,” I said.
“Why? Was my honey-bear sick last night?”
“Deadly. I better take you just in case he needs to see a doctor. I know exactly where to find the closest Urgent Care.”
At least this part was true. I’d been to the one in Rohnert Park on several occasions. Mostly brought there by other people who thought I was going to die from all the alcohol I’d consumed.
“Okay, but if he gets mad at me you’ll have to tell him this was your idea, not mine, ya know?”
“Got it covered,” I said.
Nick joined us at the door. “I have something I have to do. I’ll catch up with you later.” And he hurried out.
Ten minutes later, Jade, Lisa and I were in Lisa’s now somewhat oil-free BMW driving up Highway 12 on our way to Glen Ellen. The black leather seats gleamed, and even with the open windows the car still had that lovely musky olive oil scent.
Yet another use for our oils.
Regrettably, not everyone in the car was enjoying the musky moment. Lisa seemed content enough, but Jade still wore a scowl. She had tried to argue away Lisa’s joining us, but there was no way to win an argument with Lisa once she set her mind to something. Besides, her car was much more comfortable than my pickup.
The drive from Spia’s Olive Press to London Ranch Road usually took about twenty minutes in light traffic. I knew this because Jack London Saloon had been my bar of choice since I turned twenty-one. They made a mean Sex with an Alligator. No skimping on the ingredients. The bartenders poured a generous shot of Midori into a shaker along with sweet and sour and ice. They shook that up and poured the chilled mixture into a cold martini glass, and added a float each of Chambord and Jagermeister. I could usually do three or four of these along with several shots of tequila in one night. That was on a good night when I didn’t want to get too drunk.
The taste and sensation of it swirled around in my memory as we drove closer to Glen Ellen. I didn’t like going anywhere near the saloon and usually stayed as far away from it as possible, but there was no way I could let Jade go alone. Way too dangerous for her. I was going for the safety-in-numbers routine.
Besides, I needed to see for myself who had made the phone call. I figured it had to be either the killer, or an accomplice. After all, it took a lot of muscle power to move that millstone, even if the killer used our forklift; it still took a lot of effort.
Of course, I didn’t know exactly what I would do once I cornered the killer, but I figured Lisa would know what to do when the time came for physical action.
Lisa and Jade sat in the front chatting about Alcatraz Island and the Al Capone years, while I sat in the back alone with my thoughts. I wasn’t paying attention to their conversation, too busy going over the list of possible suspects, Uncle Benny taking slot number one because of that codicil. He especially had motive now that he was sleeping with my mom, a vision I didn’t want to dwell on. The one problem to that scenario was her setup. Why would Benny set up the woman he was sleeping with? That made no sense. Still, did anything ever make sense with these Wise Guys?
Cousin Jimmy stood at number two because he still followed orders, and would have no problem with slicing and dicing Dickey then spreading him around. I’d heard stories about Jimmy, and although he was never indicted for murder, I suspected he was a good little enforcer to the rest of his crew. It wouldn’t surprise me if he had been the Dickey impersonator on the other end of Jade’s call.
Uncle Ray came to mind next because of Val’s hatred for Dickey; Ray could easily shoot Dickey to avenge his wife. Valerie was a powerful force and for all of Ray’s bravado, Val was the master of that household.
Then there was always Hetty and Babe, two women who truly had motive and opportunity.
And I couldn’t rule out Maryann just because of her peculiar accordion connection with Dickey. Who knew what secrets that woman could be hiding?
My head was spinning with various compare scenarios when I felt a slight smack on our back bumper.
“What the hell?” I said as Lisa swerved toward the ditch on the passenger side of the road.
“I got it,” she croaked then sped up. She pressed a button on the car door and her seat automatically adjusted, along with the steering wheel, and side mirrors. I wondered if this feature came standard.
Lisa sat up straight, locked each hand on either side of the wheel then gazed in the rearview mirror. “Prepare for evasive action,” she ordered, voice laden with authority.
“Evasive action?” I didn’t know if she was kidding or completely serious.
“Yes. When you’re being pursued while in a car do not allow the pursuer to gain the upper hand. Be prepared to take evasive defensive action. This is a contest of both wills and skills.”
I tightened my seat belt.
Apparently, she’d already written this section of her book.
I really needed to catch up.
“Shouldn’t we just, like, stop?” Jade spluttered, leaning forward in her seat. “Share information? Ya know, call the police? Do all those accident things?”
“Not a chance. That guy’s been tailing us ever since we left the orchard. I think we’ve got something personal going on.”
I turned to grab a better look. “This is so not good.” A black Tundra was gaining on us.
“But who . . . are you sure?” Jade asked.
“Positive. My radar’s been up for the last ten minutes, but I didn’t want to alarm you guys. He fits all the criteria for a road warrior: no plates, smoky windows, aggressive driving and I can’t shake him. This bad dude is nothing I can’t handle.” Lisa focused on the street and cars ahead of her. “I’ve been through the Bob Bondurant Tac Mob course. I know exactly what to do to avoid the kill zone. This fool is messing with the wrong chick.”
“The kill zone?” I asked.
“Any place your attacker tries to trap you,” Lisa calmly said.
“Anyone you know?” I asked Jade, not wanting to think it might be the killer giving us yet another warning. Or was this warning meant specifically for Jade? After all, Lisa and I had already gotten the finger . . . so to speak.
Jade twisted around and stared at the Tundra, then shook her head. “No. Like, I don’t think so, but I can’t see his face too well. And nobody I know would hit our car like that, or wear those awful shades. Those are, like, so last year.”
I turned and caught the double-C logo for Chanel on the sides of his shades. What guy would wear big Chanel glasses with a cowboy hat? And didn’t he have a mustache?
Something very odd was up with this bumper dude, but I didn’t have time to think about it because Jade was still talking. “This is so not cool. I mean some of my friends are crazy, but not this crazy, ya know? Besides, I didn’t tell anybody I was coming to Sonoma. It was a spur of the moment kind of decision. I’m supposed to be at work today.”
“Can’t this thing go any faster? He’s going to hit us again.” I said, bracing for the next impact. The Tundra couldn’t have been more than two feet from our back bumper. I glanced back trying to make out the face, but the window was too dark and t
he sunglasses too big.
It suddenly occurred to me that maybe I’d been seeing a lot of this Tundra lately. Who the hell owned it and why were they following me?
“Traffic’s too heavy. Prepare for impact,” Lisa yelled.
The second bump was harder and threw us into oncoming traffic. Lisa swung the wheel to the left and managed to somehow avoid the other cars. My blood thrummed through my veins as I braced my hands on the back of the front seat. Probably not the best idea, but what did I know of car chases and evasive defensive action.
Suddenly we were driving on the opposite shoulder, which wasn’t wide enough. Dirt and gravel flew up alongside of us. Horns blared, Jade screamed, I held on while Lisa remained totally focused on her driving.
“Everybody hang on,” Lisa warned as she maneuvered the car over ditches and gravel. We were fast approaching the end of said shoulder, and a deep drop-off loomed before us. Jade’s eyes went wide. I put my head down, closed my eyes, and held my breath, hoping for the best. All I could think of in those few seconds of terror was how I couldn’t die yet. I needed to have sex with Leo one more time.
Adrenalin rushed through my veins. The car lurched back onto the tarmac, and lost traction for a moment. My stomach spun and I had that sick falling feeling. When I looked up we were headed straight for a tour bus.
I couldn’t help myself. The yell just seemed to happen without my being conscious of actually making a sound. Jade’s frantic voice mixed with mine and we were a chorus of panic.
“You son of a bitch,” Lisa roared as she swung the car out of harm’s way. The bus driver laid on his horn, but kept right on going.
I swear we missed the bus by inches.
Once we crossed back over to our own lane, we were directly behind the black Tundra. The driver immediately hit the brakes causing his backend to fishtail. Lisa veered onto the shoulder to avoid hitting him, drove down the embankment onto a dirt service road passing rows of grapevines and the Tundra.
Luckily, the service road forked and she made a sharp right onto a dirt feeder road that led into the orchard. We were going so fast we took out some vines along the way, but the good news was the Tundra was no longer following us, and the airbags didn’t deploy. By the time we came to a complete stop we had managed to take out almost an entire row of vines.
Then there was silence—street silence—but our car still made little pinging and ticking noises as if it had been just as scared as we were and needed a moment to calm down.
One by one we slowly exited the car and sat down in a row, next to the fallen vines. The car was cloaked in a thick layer of dirt, leaves and scattered vine limbs. We were no different. Dirt caked in the corners of my mouth, my eyes and I could feel it tickling my nose. I spit out torn leaves and pulled a twig out of my ear. Lisa was in worse shape. The leaves had managed to cling to her hair in such a way that she no longer had actual hair, giving her that coveted mythical goddess look.
Jade was totally covered in dirt and twigs.
We looked like children of the grapevines.
That’s when I started laughing, really laughing. That kind of nervous laughter that makes your eyes water, your cheeks ache and your belly hurt. Soon Lisa stepped back, took a look at me and let it rip. We were hysterical.
Jade didn’t get it. Didn’t get the fact that we had almost died, but because of Lisa’s determination we were still taking in air.
After a few minutes, Jade said, “Holy shit! And I thought driving in the city was bad. Does this happen, like, all the time? I mean, I’m glad you were driving, ‘cause I would have been dead a long time ago, ya know? Look at me.” She held out her hands. “I’m shaking.”
“Believe me, you’re not the only one,” I told her, rubbing my arms. Then the three of us held onto each other for a long time.
“Is everybody all right?” Lisa asked when she finally pulled away.
Jade nodded.
“I think so,” I said. That’s when I noticed the blood on Lisa’s shirt, actually it was my white shirt, but that was beside the point. “You’re bleeding.”
I visually checked her over, while she quickly ran her hands down her body.
“Nothing’s broken. I seem fine,” she said. “Except for this.”
Blood oozed from a nasty gash on her thumb. I instantly knew where this was headed from all those scraped knees she had as a kid. Lisa had a stomach like a rock when it came to other people’s blood. It was her own blood she could never handle.
I ran over and caught her just as she passed out in my arms.
The big lesson of life, baby, is never be scared of anyone or anything.
Fear is the enemy of logic.—Frank Sinatra
TWELVE
Where Everybody Knows Your Name
Two hours later we were still in the ER of Sonoma Valley Hospital on Andrieux Avenue, a few blocks from Highway 12. When Lisa collapsed, Jade called 911, which, along with the quick response of the Sonoma PD, eventually alerted Nick who then phoned Leo, who phoned my mom. Once that happened it was like a dam broke and the news of our accident traveled so fast that by the time the ambulance arrived at the hospital, most of my family stood waiting outside along with Leo and Nick.
Nick ignored us and went right to our driver. I couldn’t hear what they were saying because my mother trumped all other sounds.
“Oh my God, are you girls all right?” she yelled when the back door of the ambulance swung open. Both Jade and I had sat on a side bench during the short ride, while Lisa was prone on a gurney. “This is crazy,” Lisa said. “I feel great. I can walk.”
But the paramedics would have no part of it. None of us was allowed to walk into the hospital.
“We’re fine, Mom,” I said, as a male nurse ushered me into a wheelchair.
“Did they catch the bastard who tried to run you off the road?”
“Not yet,” I told her.
“Damn bastage. They should cut off his balls,” Val said.
“Drastic,” the nurse said behind me.
“Not enough,” Val countered. “If it was up to me, his dick would come off in the process.”
The nurse fell silent.
“Glad to see you girls are all right,” Federico said. “Good thing Lisa was driving.”
“Yeah,” I agreed. “Good thing.”
Leo came up alongside me, and took my hand in his. I held on tight, happy to see him despite his lying, although his concern was truly touching. “I’m here if you need anything.”
“I’m okay. Really,” I told him.
I wasn’t used to Leo caring about me. This was a new feature to his otherwise closed personality.
“You girls don’t look so fine,” Aunt Hetty said, her hair standing straight up in fuzzy tufts, lipstick smeared in the usual manner. Why the woman even wore lipstick remained a mystery. “You look like hell.”
“Thanks,” I said, wanting to say so much more.
“Wow! I’ve never been in a wheelchair before,” Jade announced as another nurse secured the foot rests. “Interesting.”
Aunt Babe came up on the other side, and walked with me as my nurse pushed me toward the glass ER doors. “You can tell me the truth, doll. How ya feeling?”
“I feel all right. A little unsteady, and uncomfortably dirty, but okay, considering.” It was the truth. I guess what was really bugging me at the moment was the whole idea of someone trying to run us off the road. I wanted to tell Leo all the details about the Tundra dogging me, but I couldn’t take the chance it would get back to Nick.
“That’s good to hear, doll.”
“That don’t mean nothing,” Uncle Ray said. “You could have internal injuries. All that bumping can move things around on the inside.”
“I can assure you, nothing moved,” I told him, still clinging to Leo’s warm hand. The nurse ignored everyone and kept moving me closer to the doors.
Uncle Benny chewed on his stogy. “You are going to be fine, Mia. These doctors are the best. Do not wor
ry about a thing. I will see to it that they take good care of you girls.”
A tall female nurse waiting at the door rolled her eyes.
My mother leaned over to Jade who was coming up alongside of me. “Do you want me to phone anyone, dear?”
Jade shook her head then gave it a second thought. “You might call Dickey for me.”
All family members within earshot of that little statement backed off, except my mom. She leaned in closer to Jade and said, “Now’s probably not a good time.”
Jade’s forehead furrowed. “I tried to get him a couple times on his cell, but the call went straight to voice mail. Would you please call the Jack London Tavern in Glen Ellen and see if he’s there? It would be nice if he could come and get me, ya know?”
Mom patted her hand. “I’ll see what I can do.”
After that little reality reminder my family did their thing and let the ER staff do their thing. Even Leo let go of my hand and I wondered if someone had told him about Dickey.
But I immediately thought better of it. He wasn’t family. Murder would never go beyond family.
As it turned out Jade had a nasty looking bump on her forehead, which required an MRI, and I had somehow managed to wrench my left shoulder, which required a CT scan. Fortunately, for us both there was no major internal damage, just some superficial bruising that would heal in a week or so. A shot of something took care of my shoulder pain, and Jade was told that her bump would probably turn a bit yellow and blue, but wouldn’t leave any kind of scar.
Jade and I were released with a “To Do” list, and pain medication prescriptions from the doctor, but Lisa remained behind a curtain somewhere. Most of my family, except for my mom and Aunt Babe, left when they learned all was well. Leo offered to blow off the rest of his day and spend it with me, which was something he would never have done in the past, but I didn’t want him around. Way too much to discuss with Lisa.
After much discussion, and his mini-conference with the doctors on top of the millionth assurance that I was fine, he agreed to let me go home and rest. We would catch up at the Martini Madness Ball the following night, my first Martini Madness Ball in over two years. I was hoping to come out of it in one sober piece.
