As we settle in the room, Jax can’t seem to shut up or stop asking questions that I don’t want to answer. I finally make my escape and go downstairs to the patio to sit by the pool. It’s quiet now. Still. Only the lingering smell of sunscreen and chlorine fills the air. The sun sets a bright orange fire along the horizon as night swiftly approaches.
I’m not surprised when Sid finds me after an hour or so. He grips his cane as he walks toward me. The bandage on his head is stark against his now sallow complexion.
He sits beside me and releases a long breath. “I need you to tell me what happened, Aidan.”
“I’d rather not talk right now.” I’d rather pretend it never happened at all.
“Your sister’s birthday is tomorrow.”
“That doesn’t matter anymore.” I can’t help the bitterness in my voice. “It’s done.”
“So this was about her.”
I rest my head in my hands with a groan. “This was about a million things I can’t understand. Like why I was born in the first place, or why my mother made some mystery deal with a demon that’s now being paid off by my little sister who didn’t do anything to deserve her fate except to be born.”
“I know this is difficult—”
“No. You really don’t.”
“Aidan, I want to help. We have to figure this out.”
I lean back, looking up at the sky. “I’m done trying.”
“But the scrolls said—”
“I don’t give a shit what some ancient scroll says. She is my sister. I love her. And she made a choice.” Just like my mom.
“If the door is opened, Aidan, it will be more than your sister’s soul at stake.”
“If the door is opened?” My frustration turns to rage. “I’ve spent my whole life trying to save people that didn’t want to be saved! I’ve done everything to stop something that was inevitable. And I failed. Every. Time.” I take in a shaky breath. “If it’s the end of the world, there’s nothing I can do anymore. I’ll watch it burn.”
I expect him to argue, to fight and say I’m wrong, but instead he leans back, looking a hundred years old. After a few minutes of silence he says, “I’m so sorry. I’ve been a fool. A prideful fool. The way I’ve gone about this was all wrong. Please believe I never wanted anyone to be hurt. I wish I could’ve helped you save your sister, stopped what happened today. If I’d only gone through the front door instead of the yard, maybe . . .”
The smell of his guilt filters into the air like a muggy fog. My anger dissipates a little. “You wouldn’t have been able to stop it,” I say.
He shakes his head. “I should’ve told you right away, told you everything. Maybe then you would’ve trusted me more, and maybe I could’ve helped your sister.”
“No. She made her choice.”
“I truly am sorry, Aidan,” he mumbles again.
We sit there together, both of us lost in what might have been, if only . . .
I don’t dare think about what will be. If those scrolls really were referring to Ava, it seems fitting for the end to begin now. I can’t even fathom my life if she’s truly lost to me. And she knew it was coming. She’d known since that day in the trees, when I went to her after I’d saved Rebecca—she knew everything had changed.
I wanted to save her. To protect her like Mom told me to. Instead, all I did was watch her fall.
An hour or so later Sid stands up, telling me he has to go sleep in his shed, but that if I need anything I should call him. He says he’ll be back at the hotel in the morning, and we’ll talk more then and make a plan, but I have no idea how that’ll help. He hands me his key card.
“I may return in the morning to use the room,” he explains, “but there’ll be an extra bed in there if you want it.” And then he walks away.
I decide to call Rebecca’s ER nurse at the hospital and take her up on her offer for information. It’s only been a few hours, but my nerves won’t let me relax. When the woman gets on the phone she says she remembers me and that she told Rebecca’s dad that I called 911 and saved her life. Not true, but whatever.
“Her father will be here in the morning from Paris,” she says, sounding motherly. “If you’d like, I can give him your number, in case he’d like to thank you personally.”
I’m not sure what to say. “Um . . . sure. Yeah, I guess that’s fine.” Probably not, but I don’t want my connection with Rebecca to be severed. Thinking about that now makes me panic.
“She was asking for you,” the nurse says.
“When can I see her?”
“I’m not sure, sweetie. That’s up to her father.”
“Then tell her I’ll come to her as soon as I can.” I wish I knew when. It suddenly seems important to keep her close.
I thank the nurse, hang up, and walk through the lobby, heading for the front of the hotel. I leave through the tall glass sliding doors, walking past the valet staff and up the street toward what looks like an outdoor mall. Maybe the crowds will help me hide from everything in my head.
The sounds of a concert filter out from across the street where there’s an outdoor stage. Hundreds of partygoers in expensive clothes crowd the sidewalks. The city is full of color and light, as if nightfall actually brings it to life. Excitement has a savory zing to it, like a warm summer night. Joy, an earthy urgency that catches you by the heart and makes you feel like dancing. And lust . . . lust is a rich spice that fills the head, making you drunk on the aroma. It all swirls in the air, coating me, and I welcome it.
There’s a demon hunched in a shadow across the street, but I can ignore it this time. I’ll be just another body, another face in the masses. I can pretend I’m not the boy who can see a lie in your eyes or smell your emotions. I’m not an experiment of fate—the boy who can touch demons. Or the boy who may have a half-demon sister.
I am No One.
“Aidan,” comes a male voice in the crowd. I turn and see Connor and Kara walking toward me through the mass of people.
They look like a couple. He has his arm on her shoulders.
It’s hard to look at them.
Kara doesn’t seem to want to catch my eye; she gazes off into the crowd as they approach.
“Hey, you okay?” Connor asks, sliding his hand to hers.
I pause, studying Kara. “Sure.”
“We’re heading back. Do you want to walk with us?” he asks.
I shake my head. “I just left. Getting air.”
Why won’t Kara look at me? She keeps her eyes down or on the people passing by.
Connor nods. “We’ll see you back at the hotel, then.”
“Kara.” I say her name so she’ll have to acknowledge me.
She blinks up at me. And that’s when I smell it, even over the mass of sensory input from the people around us—her fear. It’s in her eyes, too.
“Are you okay?” I ask.
She swallows. Gives a shaky nod.
“She’s fine,” Connor says.
I act like he didn’t say anything and move closer to her, ready to ask again, to hear her say it herself, but she steps back a little, and my gut sinks.
“Why don’t you walk back with Aidan,” Connor says to her. “Then you guys can talk.”
Kara looks like she’s going to protest, but instead she says, “Sure,” through clenched teeth.
Connor leans over and gives her a kiss on the cheek. It feels like he’s trying to make a point. When he glances at me I know I’m right—he smells like a protective brother as he walks by and disappears into the crowds.
I start walking, and she falls in beside me. “So how are you feeling?” I ask, even though I already know.
She shrugs.
There’s an ocean of unsaid things between us suddenly, and I have no idea why.
I stop walking and turn to her. “Kara, pl
ease.”
She bites her lip.
This afternoon she was offering to have sex with me, and now she’s not talking to me. “What’s going on?”
Her eyes turn glassy. I can’t help touching her, running my fingers over her arm, trying to draw her out.
Warmth tingles at my fingertips, and her body sways toward me, almost involuntarily. She’s so lovely. Her dark hair framing her face, the colorful lights of the city casting a soft glow on her skin.
I move closer and whisper, “I’m sorry.” Because I feel it needs to be said. My being in her life nearly got her killed. And it makes me crazy thinking of her lying there so vulnerable, with Demon Lester ready to cut her open.
I felt crazy with fear when he sliced into Rebecca’s arm, but Kara . . .
I killed for Kara.
The realization comes in a rush, washing over me. “I can’t lose you,” I say, feeling breathless. Just the thought of her slipping away too makes me frantic.
Her eyes lock with mine.
“I need you.” I reach up and touch her face, running my thumb over her cheek.
Her brows draw together, like she’s confused. Or in pain.
A tear slips down, wetting my palm.
But then she’s moving in, curling her light-blue energy around me. Her lips meet mine, her breath hot in my mouth. Her fingers twist in my shirt, pulling me closer.
I grip her face, her hair, drinking her in, so familiar, so real it hurts.
Kara releases a small sigh, like she’s relieved, and pulls away, but I don’t let her go. I keep my arm around her, holding her to me, and kiss her nose, gently.
“I thought you wouldn’t want me now,” she says, her voice shaky.
I lean back to see her face clearly. “What? Why?”
She hesitates like she doesn’t want to say it. “I was going to help you save your sister.” Pain fills her features again. “But now that might not be possible. And you don’t care about your powers or your destiny. So you don’t need me.”
“I didn’t kiss you because I wanted some mystical power, Kara. I did it because I wanted to kiss you.”
“But the curse is what makes you want to kiss me.”
As true as that is, it doesn’t represent everything I feel about her. “It’s not that simple, and you know it.”
“I’m not playing games anymore, Aidan.”
“Is that why you were afraid of me when you saw me walk up?”
She bows her head, embarrassment filtering between us. “I was afraid you’d leave. That you’d want to forget all this ever happened.”
I can see how she’d think that. I haven’t been Mr. Congenial over the last few hours. And I’m not even sure what comes next for me. My sister just ran off with a demon and might be ending the world. Oh, and I killed someone. “I’m just processing, Kara. It has nothing to do with you—or how I feel about you. That hasn’t changed.” If anything, it’s only intensified how I feel about her. I don’t want to let her go.
“How do you think I felt when Connor kissed your cheek?” I ask. “I wanted to break his face.”
Her lips tip in a half smile. “Connor just wants to protect me.”
“From me.”
“From what you’re doing to me.” She says it so quietly I wonder if I heard her right.
“What am I doing to you?”
She leans into me and rests her forehead on my chest. “You’re making me fall for you.”
I wrap my arms around her and pull her closer, feeling her fear, her vulnerability. I have it in me too: the awareness of being dragged into the current, taken against all sense into this place I’ve never been. “I know,” I say, pressing my lips against her hair.
It’s terrifying.
FORTY-THREE
We walk for a few more minutes in silence, but soon end up turning back and heading for the hotel again. I follow Kara to her room, across from Sid’s room and three down from the one I’m supposed to be sharing with Jax. We pause. She doesn’t reach for the door. She leans against the wall instead, looking exhausted.
I shift my feet, wondering if I should just say goodnight and keep walking. I’m standing on another ledge, deciding if I want to leap. God, I want to kiss this girl. But mostly I just don’t want to hurt her. And part of me knows that I will if I’m not careful.
I can’t see the next step, that’s part of the problem. Where will I live, how will I survive, how should I—how can I—go on now that Ava’s gone? She was my purpose. She was everything. Now I’m cut loose. But then that could be a reason not to care about the consequences and just leap for once.
“Holly’s in the room,” Kara says, glancing up at me. “She’s probably not asleep yet.”
“I should go back to my room.”
She nods.
We both agree, apparently. Now’s not the time.
But I don’t leave.
Her finger brushes against my hand. A current runs up my arm, and I hear her breath catch, like she felt it, too.
“I should go,” I say, thinking of the key in my pocket and wondering if I should mention it.
She licks her lips. “Yeah.” She moves closer, her heat filling the small space between us, but she shoves her hands in her jean pockets, like she’s having trouble keeping them to herself.
I reach out and brush my fingertips over her knuckles, and the feel of her skin is like heaven. I decide to claim it. “I have Sid’s key.”
She looks at me with wide eyes, realizing what I mean.
My touch runs along her arm to her elbow, strengthening the current between us even more. She sways into the energy with a small sound in the back of her throat, and I lean closer, every muscle in my body tight, every molecule screaming at me to grab her and drag her across the hall to the empty room.
The door opens with a loud click, and Holly pokes her head out. “What’re you two up to?”
We blink at her, both of us a little dazed.
“Should I vacate so you two can DIY?” She pushes her reading glasses up her nose. “I can study in the hall.”
Kara rolls her eyes and then slips past Holly into the room. Disappearing.
Shit.
I squint at Holly in annoyance. “Seriously?”
“What? I’m just trying to help.” She snorts, obviously aware of the help she’s not giving.
I recall all the other things she’s been “helping” with lately, and I push the door open and invite myself in.
“Hey,” she says as I walk past her, “this isn’t going to be a threesome, buddy, NFW.”
“I’m heartbroken.” I pull a chair from the desk and sit down, making myself at home.
“What the hell?” She gives me an annoyed frown.
“Oh, I just thought you could tell me what happened between you and my sister and Lester.”
Her eyes bug out of her head. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me, Holly. Come on. There’s no point in hiding it now. I mean you’ve done such an awesome job of sneaking around and screwing me over that there’s no way for me to fix any of it, so your wicked plan is safe.”
“Hey! That wasn’t my wicked plan. It was your sister’s.” She points at the window like Ava’s out there beyond the dark glass. “I never would’ve helped her if I knew it meant Lester was gonna be . . . ya know.”
“She’s just a kid,” I add, even though I’m aware that’s not true anymore. “You should’ve talked to me.”
“She said you’d freak.”
“For good reason!”
Kara sits on the bed looking like a child who’s watching her parents fight.
“Sure. Like I’m psychic.” She shakes her head, obviously not seeing the full picture. “That first night when you all went on the job and you told me to babysit her, we girl bonded about how she want
ed to find her mom. I felt bad for her. She’s really sweet when she wants to be.”
My heart sinks, thinking of Ava talking to a perfect stranger about our mom. How lonely and desperate she must’ve been.
“And then,” Holly continues, “the real shit happened the next night or so. Your mom came to me in a dream.”
“What?”
“It’s my thing, ya know. Ghost dreams.” She motions like I should get it. “So anyway, your mom’s ghost came to me and said to get a message to Ava. So I gave her the message, and—”
“What was the message?” I ask, interrupting.
“To come find her at this cave.”
Kara and I share a look. The ocean cave. I was right: Ava had been there, looking for my mom.
“In Malibu?” I ask. “Is that when you said you were going to the beach?”
“No, when I said we were at the ice cream store-slash-beach, that was the second time—can I just tell the damn story, please?”
I lean back in the chair and groan.
“So,” she continues, “I gave your sister the message about the cave, and she pleaded with me to take her to this place that she said was a bookstore, and it had to be a secret. But it turned out to be some sort of creepy witch den with potion stuff and animals. She bought a bird and a bunch of tiny bags of herbs and candles, and then we went to the cave her mom talked about in the message, and she did some ritual that was supposed to tell Ava more stuff about her mom—at least, that’s what she said, but then it ended up being completely insane. She pulled the tiny bird from the box and held it all sweet, chanting, then stabbed it in the heart with a needle.” She gives me a confounded look. “Stabbed! She, like, killed the bird! Bleck!” She visibly shivers. “Then she did some sort of magic thing that had her trying to talk to a spirit, but she couldn’t hear what it said, so that’s why she needed Lester.”
“To channel the spirit.” Kara looks at me as the pieces start to click into place.
I suddenly feel like vomiting.
Holly nods in agreement. “Yeah, she kept saying she was feeling muddled energy in the cave.” Holly starts pacing. “So she asked Lester to help her—that was the ice cream day. Your sister told him she’d help him practice his ability if he’d help her talk to her mom. But the cave was way creepier the second time. The smell of these flowers growing around the cave was making me gag.”
Darkness Brutal (The Dark Cycle Book 1) Page 31
