by Amber Garza
“You’re right. It’s just that I’ve never talked about this with anyone outside of my family and Ryker.”
“Didn’t you say we’d have many firsts together?” I smile in an effort to lighten the mood.
“I did, didn’t I?” Beckett grins back, and it lights up his whole face. He touches my cheek lightly with the palm of his hand. “I can’t believe I’m going to do this, but I guess you do deserve an explanation for how I’ve been acting.” His hand falls away from my face, and he takes a deep breath. “Quinn’s my sister.”
It feels like the ground flies out from underneath me. I hold tightly to Beckett to keep from falling over. “I didn’t know you had a sister. I thought Tate was your only sibling.”
Beckett swallows hard, his gaze scouring the area around us. People are milling about. “Can we go somewhere else to talk about this?”
“Do we have time right now?” By the distressed look on his face I kind of feel bad for pushing him to tell me today.
“Yeah. Our set isn’t for a few hours.”
I nod, my curiosity winning out. “Okay.”
Beckett leads me to his truck. Once we are both inside he turns to me, his face a mask of despair. My chest tightens, and I know that whatever he’s going to say it’s going to be bad. I only hope it doesn’t ruin things between us. It should make me feel relieved that Quinn is his sister, not an ex girlfriend, but for some reason it doesn’t. It only widens the distance between us, because the fact that he has another sibling is a huge thing to have hidden from me. Snatching up my hand, he places it in his lap. Absently he strokes my flesh with his fingertips. I stay silent, waiting for him to speak.
When he does, it’s so soft I have to hone in to hear it. “I know I was kind of an ass when we first met.”
I’m a little taken aback. It’s not how I expected him to start this conversation. I have no idea what our meeting has to do with his sister, but I keep quiet and listen.
“The truth is that when I saw you, the only thing I could think of was how much you look like Quinn.” He keeps his eyes lowered, staring at my hand in his lap. “You have the same brown hair and eyes, a similar build. But it’s more than that. You’re innocent like her, sweet like her, talented like her.”
I smile at that. “If you love her so much, why would you hate that I’m like her?”
“Because it’s painful for me to think about her, and I didn’t want a constant reminder around me all the time.” He lifts his eyes to mine. “And because I failed her, and I didn’t want to fail you.”
Seeing the sadness in his eyes breaks me open. “What happened, Beckett?”
“Quinn was born two years after me, and she was like my little shadow. I kind of hated it. When I started the band she begged me to let her join. Of course I said no. Who wants their kid sister in their band? That wouldn’t be cool. But Quinn was stubborn, and when she wanted something she did whatever it took to get it. At one of my shows she met Dante. He allowed her to join his band, and pretty soon they hooked up.” His face hardens. “Dante’s a drug addict, and my sister started using with him. I tried to get her to stop, tried to get her to break it off with Dante. When that didn’t work, I went after Dante. I threatened to kill him if he didn’t leave my sister alone.” He shakes his head.
I reach out with my free hand and gently rub his arm. “Of course you did. You were trying to protect your sister.”
“That’s just it. I didn’t protect her. She found out about me going to Dante and she got so angry. She refused to speak to me again.” Anger darkens his eyes. “She died of a drug overdose less than a month later.”
I gasp, my hand flying to my mouth. “Oh, Beckett. I’m so sorry.”
He waves away my words. “I should’ve been there for her.”
“Beckett, none of this is your fault. She made her own choices.”
“She never should’ve been in this business, and she wouldn’t have if it weren’t for me.”
I palm the side of his face and force him to look at me. “You can’t put this on you. Your sister had a mind of her own. Just like I do. Just like you do. No one can make you quit playing, right?”
“I guess that’s true.” Beckett nods. “I just wish I could change things. Maybe if I had let her be in my band, or if she’d never been at my show. I don’t know.”
“You can’t torture yourself with what-if’s, Beckett.”
“It’s just hard not to.” He locks eyes with mine. “Dante killed my sister, Star, and there’s nothing I can do about it. I’ve tried everything. I even went to the police, but Quinn did those drugs willingly so they can’t pin it on Dante.”
“Now I totally get why you hate him so much.” I squeeze his hand. “And I promise I’ll never speak to him again. But, Beckett, you can’t spend all your time worrying about me. I’m not going to make the same mistakes as Quinn. And I’m not going to hurt you.”
“This is so hard for me, Star.”
“What is?” I whisper.
“Being with you like this. It was so much easier for me to have superficial relationships. I didn’t ever have to worry about getting hurt or losing someone again. Now that I’ve let you in, I’m terrified.”
“I know, Beckett. If it helps at all, I’m scared too.” A slight smile touches my lips. “But I think it’s worth it.”
“I hope so.” The pain in his face cuts to my heart.
I lean forward and press my lips to his. “It is. Trust me.”
28
Beckett
I feel lighter after talking to Star. The hard knot that always sits in the center of my chest seems to have loosened. The pain of Quinn’s death still lingers in my heart. I know it will never leave. That saying about time healing all wounds is bull in my opinion. The pain will never go away, but at least I don’t have to carry it alone anymore. When Quinn died, my family all grieved in separate ways. Mom retreated into her own world, Dad got angry with me, with Tate, with music. Tate was the only one who turned it into something good. It was the catalyst that helped him get clean and sober. I just pulled away from them all. It was easier that way. But as I walk through the crowds of people with Star’s hand tucked in mine, I realize that I finally have someone to support me. I thought once I opened up to someone like this it would be like they owned a piece of me that I could never get back. Instead, I feel I’ve been given an incredible gift.
“Are you okay?” Star’s voice is soft beside me.
“I am now.”
“Are you ready to perform?”
“When am I not?” I wink.
“It’s just that I feel a little guilty about forcing you to share all of that with me today. I mean, you should be focusing on your music.” She glances over at me, her face ravaged with shame. “I’m sorry I was so selfish.”
“Hey.” I draw her to me. “You didn’t make me do anything. Besides, I’m glad I told you. And I’m glad it was today.”
“Really?” She peers up at me through her dark fringe.
“Yes, really.” I kiss her on the forehead. “Now let’s go find the guys. We’re up soon.” I lead her through the crowd of people, bodies gyrating as they dance. Country music drifts from the stage. When I look up at the band’s name, I realize that we still have one band up before us. Grabbing Star by the hand, I lean in and press my mouth to her temple. “Dance with me, Star?”
She raises her brows in a question.
“We have time,” I whisper loudly into her ear to be heard above the noise.
Star nods with a sweet smile. I wrap my arms around her waist and draw her to me. It’s not a slow song, but I don’t care. I want to feel her in my arms. Her hips sway back and forth, her waist pressing against me every once in awhile. Her hair billows around her face with each sensual move.
I lean into her. “Have I ever told you how sexy you are when you dance?”
Star’s face turns crimson, and she shakes her head.
“Well, you are. Why do you think nature boy and
all his friends never miss a show?”
“You mean Forrest?” Star laughs.
“Hey.” I run my lips over her cheek. “Don’t make me jealous, Star.”
“There’s nobody you need to be jealous of, Beckett.” Her words tickle my ear. “Trust me.”
I trail kisses down her neck and relish the little gasps that emit from her throat. All around us couples dance and jump around. No one even notices us, and so I take advantage of the moment, pulling her tighter against me and running my lips up to her mouth. Covering her mouth with mine, I frame her face with both hands. Her fingers dance over my chest as she opens her lips to allow me inside. My tongue slides against hers, my hands caressing the soft skin on her face. I want to stay here forever, and never release her. My head swirls, and I feel a pang of disappointment as the song comes to a close. I draw back and look into her brown eyes. She smiles lazily at me, her heart shaped lips curling upward and the skin around her eyes crinkling. I marvel at how I could stare at her face forever and never get tired of it. I’ve never met another girl like her, that’s for sure.
A louder faster song starts, and the guy dancing closest to Star bumps into her. She staggers to the side. I hold out my arm to steady her, but my arm gets knocked away by someone’s back. Luckily Star regains her balance and doesn’t fall over. The scent of overpowering perfume washes over me, and before I can register what’s happening a girl’s arm snakes around my waist.
“Hey, Beckett. I was hoping you’d be here,” a low, raspy voice greets me.
I try to maneuver out of the girl’s grasp, but she only grips me tighter. Swallowing hard, I look around for Star. This is just the kind of thing that will piss her off, I know it. Ever since we started dating I’ve worked really hard at ignoring my fan club. I don’t even dare a peek at them after our shows.
“Where are you going? You certainly weren’t this eager to get away last time.”
Taking a deep breath, I glance up at the girl. I vaguely recognize her, but I don’t remember her name. Shame washes over me at the realization. Star really does deserve someone better than a guy who has spent the last several years using up women. Speaking of Star, where is she? When I once again can’t find her, my stomach drops. I imagine her taking in this whole scene and running off. Not that I blame her.
I shove the girl back. “Look, I’m here with someone.”
“You’re always with someone, baby. I know that. It doesn’t bother me.” The girl purses her over made-up lips at me.
“No, I mean I’m here with my—”
“He’s here with his girlfriend,” Star’s voice booms from over my shoulder. Her fingers lace through mine, and relief washes over me.
“Girlfriend?” The girl laughs. “Beckett doesn’t have girlfriends.”
I step away from the girl and look at Star. “That’s because I’d never met Star before. Now I have a girlfriend.” Nuzzling into her cheek, I speak into her ear. “And she’s the only girl I want.”
Star nestles into me as the member of my former fan club stalks away.
“I’m sorry about that,” I say.
Star just waves away my words. “I knew what I was getting into when we started dating. It’s not your fault.”
I wish I could agree with her, but that’s not entirely true. If only I’d always been the type of guy that Star could be proud of. But if there’s anything I’ve learned in this life it’s that you can’t change the past. So, I vow to myself that I will be a better man in the future. That I will be worthy of Star; that I won’t let her down.
When the announcer calls our name, I give Star’s hand an encouraging squeeze and then head to my microphone. After strapping on my guitar my gaze sweeps the crowd. I wonder if there are any producers or agents out there. My insides dance at the mere prospect. The drums start pounding behind me, so I reach down and strum my guitar. We play several of our fast songs and the crowd seems to like it. The sea of bodies gyrate and jump in sync just under our feet.
Turning to Star, I nod my head. Then I speak into the microphone. “Now we’re gonna bring it down for a minute.”
Star comes to stand beside me. I pull the mic off the stand and hand it to her. I can tell she’s nervous, but she gives me a brave smile.
“You’re going to be amazing,” I whisper in her ear before starting the song.
A flush creeps across her face and she brings the microphone to her glossy lips. When her voice sings out, an involuntary smile spreads across my face. Sometimes I forget how good she is, and then she reminds me. My favorite part of the song is the chorus when we sing together. With the microphone between us, I stare into her eyes and sing.
Pretty smile, innocent eyes,
Open and honest, not a disguise.
Scarred and bruised, innocence stolen,
Ripped away, my heart is broken.
I catch the slight moisture in Star’s eyes as she takes in the lyrics. The song has new meaning now that she knows the story. It has new meaning to me too. I give her a sad smile, savoring the connection and understanding between us. Star’s hand reaches out and brushes my arm. Her touch gives me strength, and it reminds me that telling her was the right thing to do. The song comes to a close, but I don’t feel like it’s over. I feel like everything in my life is just beginning.
29
Star
“I can’t believe this is our last night together for two whole weeks.” Beckett pulls me into his lap, wrapping his arms around my waist. The credits from the movie we just watched are playing in the background, and popcorn kernels litter Beckett’s coffee table.
“Sort of shoots down your whole ‘never going a day without seeing me’ idea, huh?”
“Well, it was an impossible dream.” He rests his chin on my shoulder.
“I could stay here and not go home for Christmas break.”
“Yeah, that’d be a great way to make your parents hate me already.”
“Good point.” My stomach clenches. I am not looking forward to telling my parents about Beckett, but I know I have to. “I wish I could take you with me, but I won’t subject you to two whole weeks with my wacky family. You’d break up with me for sure.”
Beckett steals a quick kiss on my neck, and a flush of desire runs through me. “I doubt that. I’m sure they’re as amazing as you are.”
I giggle. “No, I’m the only amazing one in my family.”
“I see my humility is rubbing off on you.” He nuzzles his nose into my cheek.
“Yeah, it must be,” I banter back. “What about you? Are you going to your parents’ for Christmas?”
He nods, his chin rubbing against my shoulder. “I think it will be good for us all to be together.”
I run my fingertips over his rough hands, tracing the lines in his flesh. “It will be hard, won’t it?”
“It always is.” The rawness in his voice causes emotion to well up in my throat. I swallow it down.
“Do you have a picture of Quinn? I’d love to see what she looked like.”
Beckett nods, and I slide off of his lap so he can get up. When he leaves the room I stretch my legs out on the couch and lean my back against the armrest. Sometimes it’s hard to believe that Beckett and I have only been dating for a short time. I feel so comfortable around him, yet he still makes my heart race and my palms clam up. He has the ability to make my head spin in his presence, and I wonder if it will ever change. I certainly never felt this way with Spencer.
When Beckett returns he has a photograph in his hand. I bring my legs up to my body as he sits beside me. My bare toes brush over his jeans. “This was taken a couple of years ago.” He drops the picture into my hand.
I lower my gaze, my eyes connecting with the glossy photo. “She’s so pretty.” Glancing up at him, I smile. “She looks a lot like you.”
“And you.” Beckett tucks his finger under my chin.
“Not really. We just have the same coloring.”
“It’s more than that.” Beckett
takes the picture back and stares at it, a wistful expression cloaking his face. “Quinn was the sweetest person I knew. There was an innocence and openness in her eyes that’s just like what I see in yours.”
“So what you’re saying is that we’re both naïve?”
“I wouldn’t say naïve. I would say that you aren’t jaded.”
“Not yet anyway.” I smile a little sadly, knowing that at some point Quinn had to have been tainted in order to take the path she did.
“You never will be if I have anything to say about it.” Beckett turns to me and kisses me softly on the cheek. Then he drops the picture on the coffee table. “Hey, I have something I want to talk to you about.”
“Okay.” I face him.
“I’ve been thinking about how awesome it was when we did those songs together at the festival.”
“It was.” A smile leaps to my face at the memory.
“I think we really have something together, Star.” Beckett reaches for my hand, rolls it between his fingers. “How would you like to be the lead singer of our band?”
“What?” I’m dumbfounded. “No, it’s your band.”
“I don’t mean instead of me. I mean with me. I don’t want you to just sing backup anymore. I really think we can get a recording contract if we present ourselves as a team – you and me together.”
My heart leaps in my chest. “I would love that.”
“Me too.” Beckett scoots forward, his head tilting toward mine. His hands come up around my face, and he crushes his lips to mine. I reach my arm out tracing my fingers up his neck and rest them behind his head. As I drink in the taste and feel of him, I know this is exactly where I belong.
“So, are you ever going to tell me about this new boyfriend of yours?” Mom stands at the stove, stirring a pot of noodles. Her brown hair frames her face in tiny curls, and an apron is tied loosely around her waist.
I sit at the barstool, my elbows propped up on the tile counter. “What makes you think I have a boyfriend?”
Mom swivels her head and smiles at me. “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe that huge grin on your face and the fact that you get a text every few seconds.”
