by Andrew Grey
“So did you get busy when you saw him?” Jacky quipped, and Marie slapped him lightly on the back of the head.
“This is a place of business,” Marie scolded and then leaned a little closer to Ryan’s desk. “Well, did you?”
“God, both of you,” Ryan said, exasperated. Marie and Jacky shared a look.
“He didn’t,” Jacky said and leaned away, probably in case Marie took another swipe at him.
“I actually came in here to discuss some work,” Marie said, and Jacky excused himself while Ryan and Marie talked over some plans for a few clients. Then Marie left and Jacky bounced back into the office and collapsed into one of Ryan’s chairs.
“You know I’d kick you out if you weren’t a client,” Ryan told Jacky with a glare.
“Yeah, sure,” Jacky began dramatically. “You love me and you know it,” he said as he leaned over and closed the door. “So what’s got you all tied in knots about this guy?”
“I wish I fucking knew. He’s hot as hell, but I’ve been around hot guys before.”
“Hello, of course you have, you’re one of them. Just because you’re oblivious doesn’t mean you aren’t hot. No, let’s stop beating around the bush; you’re all tied up in knots because of what happened back in college. You were a kid, and neither of you knew anything about boundaries. Besides, you weren’t even there when Benjamin tried….” Jacky paused, and Ryan saw him swallow hard.
“See, it even gets to you,” Ryan said, “and I was the one who read him the article.”
“Yeah, but you weren’t the one that told him to try strangling himself so he could get high when he came. That was all him and had nothing to do with you. I know you decided after that to live your life as vanilla as the next guy.” Jacky stood up and leaned over Ryan’s desk. “I have a news flash for you: you aren’t, nor will you ever be, vanilla when it comes to sex. You’re a Dom, like it or not. Nothing thrills you more than being in control and giving your partner everything they could want and more. That doesn’t mean you need to use whips or paddles, but it does mean you need to be in control. And you need someone who wants to give you that control.”
“Fuck, I know,” Ryan said.
“So embrace it, because let me tell you, there’s nothing more pathetic than a Dom who’s down in the dumps.”
Ryan rolled his eyes. “Let me guess—you’ve been saving that one for a long time.”
“Maybe,” Jacky said. “But it doesn’t make it any less true. And the reason you’re attracted to Dante is because you think he needs what you can give him. So be yourself and stop trying to deny who you are.”
“I know. I thought I could up until the moment I met Dante. Within seconds of walking into that hotel room, I knew I’d been fooling myself,” Ryan explained, glancing at his monitor before looking back at Jacky. “I’m not nervous about seeing Dante again or what we might do, I’m nervous that he might not be able to see past his own version of himself to who he really is.”
“You know there’s nothing you can do about that,” Jacky said. “I dated this closet case in college. Clive. British dude. The man could fuck for hours and still come back for more. Best sex I ever had,” Jacky said dreamily.
“Your point? Ryan prompted. “Besides bragging?”
“He was a dynamo in bed, but the rest of the time he was scared as crap that someone would find out about him. He never met any of my friends and eventually, granted, it took months, because, well….” Jacky got that dreamy look again. “I had to leave him because I couldn’t be his little secret. He kept saying he would tell his family, but he never did, and eventually he went back to London just as repressed and unhappy as he’d been when he arrived. Of course, part of that was him realizing what he’d lost.” Jacky examined his fingernails dramatically. “Anyway, I didn’t want to be his secret, and after a while the sex wasn’t worth it. I deserved to be a part of his life, not just his bedroom life. That’s part of what’s bothering you. Dante appears to be okay with being gay, although bull riders are notoriously homophobic, even if half the fans are as gay as you and me.”
“You’re getting off the point again, and I need to get to work,” Ryan said as he glanced at his screen and logged back in to check some quotes.
“Dante’s in the closet. Not so much about being gay, but about what he wants to do with it. Now, what happens in bed between two consenting adults is perfectly fine. It doesn’t matter and it’s nobody’s business—unless you want to let me watch.” Ryan rolled his eyes and thought about smacking Jacky if he didn’t stay on topic. “From what you told me, and I could be way off base, what he needs in bed is probably at complete odds with how he sees himself and the image he wants to portray to the outside world. He’s a bull rider, so he has to be strong and confident, in charge of everything.”
“Just like at the ranch and with his grandfather,” Ryan murmured. “That’s it. He’s in charge of everything and everyone in his life relies on him, but he has no one to rely on, no one to take care of him.”
“Yeah, probably, but you know it’s not that simple. That may be part of it, but what we like in bed can sometimes be as mysterious as why we’re gay, or why the bigger they are, the more helium in the heels. It’s true, but don’t ask me to explain it, and why Dante needs someone else to be in charge in the bedroom while he’s in control of everything else in his life doesn’t matter. He needs someone in charge, and you need to be in charge. So you’re good for each other. All you need to get him to do is realize it and accept it.”
“Easier said than done,” Ryan groused as he turned back to his computer. “I really have to get some things accomplished.” He could feel his workload increasing while they talked.
“I know,” Jacky said. “Maybe what you need to do is show him you think of him as a man.” Jacky pulled open the door and left the office.
Ryan began typing away, but as Jacky’s words settled into his brain, his typing slowed and then stopped. Maybe that was it. When he was at the ranch, he’d treated Dante the way he’d treated him in the hotel room, and while that might have been fine for there, it wasn’t okay to treat him that way at his own home. Dante was a man, and he ran that ranch while building a career and seeing that his grandfather was cared for. Dante was nothing less than Superman if he could manage to juggle all that, and he certainly deserved more than flirting and double entendres from Ryan.
“Sometimes, Jacky, you really hit the nail on the head,” Ryan said to no one, glad Jacky wasn’t around to hear, because Ryan would never hear the end of it. Ryan went back to work feeling a bit better, running over what he was going to do in his mind.
A few hours later, when it was time to leave the office, Ryan called Hy to double-check that he was expected. “Yeah, I’ll be waiting for you. Don’t eat before you come. I been cooking all day and I need someone other than Dante to eat it.”
“I won’t,” Ryan promised and filled his case with any papers he might need before heading down to the elevator. He met Marie, and they rode down together, saying good night before parting to go to their cars.
Ryan drove out of the city as fast as he could. He was starved, and the enticement of home cooking was enough to make his stomach sit up and beg. He hadn’t eaten a meal that hadn’t come from a restaurant in weeks. Fifty minutes after setting out, he pulled into the drive of the ranch. He parked, got out, and looked around the quiet yard. There was no one about, which was a bit of a surprise. The horses appeared to be outside, though, and two walked to the rail closest to the drive, probably to see what was going on. Ryan mustn’t have held much interest for them, because they lumbered away pretty quickly, returning to the grass they’d been munching on.
“Evening,” Hy said after pushing the screen door open. “Come on in. I’m just getting supper on the table.” Hy stepped outside a bit slowly and looked around. “You seen Dante?”
“Not yet,” Ryan answered, opening the trunk of his car. “Do you mind if I change before we eat?”
&n
bsp; “Hell, no. You gotta be sweating up a storm in all them clothes,” Hy observed accurately, and Ryan grabbed his small bag and closed the trunk before heading inside the house. “Bathroom’s first door on the left.”
“Thanks,” Ryan said and headed down the hallway.
“Dante said he was going to town, but that was a few hours ago,” Hy called down the hall as Ryan went into the bathroom and closed the door behind him. He quickly stripped off his suit coat, tie, and shirt, already feeling cooler. He opened his bag and grabbed his T-shirt, pulling it on, and then toed off his shoes and dropped his pants. He pulled on jeans and fresh socks before folding up his suit jacket as best he could. He pulled out his sneakers before placing his dress shoes, suit pants, shirt, and tie in the bag. Then he finished dressing, and while he was there, he used the facilities before leaving the bathroom.
“Thanks,” Ryan said before he noticed that Hy was talking on an old wall-mounted phone with the longest cord in history.
“What do you mean you won’t be here for dinner? I made your favorites and I asked you this morning,” Hy was saying, and Ryan continued through the house so he could put his bag back in the trunk. “Where are you?” Hy asked, and then he listened. “They’ll wait until tomorrow. Come on in here and eat. You can’t go without supper.”
Ryan left the house and put his things in the trunk. He had a feeling he was the reason Dante wasn’t there. As he stepped back in the house and closed the door behind him, he heard a crash echo through the house and raced for the kitchen.
“Are you okay?” Ryan asked, seeing broken plates littering the floor.
“Yes, damn it,” Hy said. “I thought today was one of the good days.” His hands were shaking as he bent down to pick up the pieces.
“It’s okay. I’ll help you,” Ryan said, watching as Hy’s entire body began to shake. Ryan guided him to a chair and found a broom in one of the closets, then began sweeping up the broken pieces.
“It’s hell being old,” Hy said. Ryan had wondered if he should call for help, but Hy seemed to have calmed down and the shaking tapered off. “There are more plates in the cupboard,” Hy said. Ryan found them and set them on the table. He also got out glasses. “There’s lasagna in the oven,” Hy said, and Ryan pulled the oven door open. “It needs a few more minutes,” Hy pronounced, and Ryan shut the door again.
The screen door banged closed and Dante strode in, hackles up and looking like he was ready for war rather than dinner. “What happened?” he asked a bit forcefully once his gaze settled on the trash, and the broken dishes on top.
“I got dropsy,” Hy said, and Dante’s expression shifted to concern. “I know I gotta be careful, but today’s been one of my good days.”
“It’s okay, Gramps. They’re only plates,” Dante soothed, but Ryan saw fear in his eyes. “Dinner should be done soon.” The energy and vigor that had been visible when Ryan first arrived slipped away fast, and Hy seemed to almost wilt like a cut flower in the midday sun.
“It smells good,” Dante said, opening the oven door. “Nobody makes lasagna like you.” Dante got some oven mitts and pulled the casserole dish out, setting it on top of the stove. He then closed the oven door, and the room filled with the scent of rich sauce and cheese. Ryan’s stomach growled, and they all heard it; both Hy and Dante smiled.
“I like a man who eats,” Hy said, and Dante helped him settle at the table once the lasagna had had a chance to rest. He then brought over the dish and cut pieces for each of them. Dante got a pitcher of water out of the fridge and poured glasses for each of them. Ryan began to eat and watched Dante begin as well. Hy tried to eat, but his hands didn’t seem to want to cooperate. Without a word, Dante reached over and cut Hy’s food into bites, and slowly Hy began to eat. Ryan made a point of not looking.
“This is amazing,” Ryan said, taking another bite as the sauce, cheese, and noodles slid down his throat in a burst of flavor. “The best I’ve had.”
Hy smiled slightly.
Conversation around the table was nearly nonexistent for a while, and Ryan didn’t push it. He finished his piece, and Dante gave him another. “So, you’re here to go over those papers?” Dante asked.
“Yes,” Ryan said, putting down his fork. “I thought I’d inventory them so you know what you have. I may need to take them back with me, but I won’t do that unless you know exactly what’s there.”
Dante nodded and turned his attention to his grandfather, who continued to eat slowly, his hand still shaking a bit. The soft expression on Dante’s face bordered on angelic as sympathy and deep love exuded from him. Dante cleared the table once his grandfather had finished eating and then settled back in his chair. “Do you still want to go over things with Ryan or are you too tired?”
“I’m fine. Go on and finish the evening chores while I talk with him,” Hy said, and Dante nodded. Ryan could tell he wasn’t pleased about being asked to leave, but Ryan kept quiet. Hy was his client, and Ryan needed to abide by his wishes.
“I’ll get the box,” Dante said as he stood up and then left the room. He returned with the shoe box and set it in front of his grandfather before leaving the room. Hy pushed the box toward Ryan.
“Let me get my bag—I’ll be right back,” Ryan said, and he hurried outside to his car, catching a glimpse of Dante as he went into the barn. He grabbed his case off the backseat and then hurried back inside. Together he and Hy went through the papers and certificates in the shoebox.
“I’m sorry to say that most of these aren’t worth much,” Ryan said as he held up a certificate for shares in a gold mine. “A lot of these were issued in the twenties and thirties, and the most valuable thing about them is the certificate itself. People frame them and hang them on their walls.” Ryan set the certificate aside and pulled out the next paper, which was more of the same. “I can check when I get back to the office just to verify, but I doubt there’s much value here.” Ryan could see that Hy was definitely disappointed.
“I wanted to leave something to Dante,” Hy said.
“We’re not done,” Ryan said as he pulled out yet another gold mine certificate. “Where did all this come from?”
“My wife’s family. She hung on to all this stuff for years,” Hy said. “I guess I should have known it was just junk.”
Ryan pulled out another certificate and set it with the others. “Where did her family come from?”
“St. Louis. My wife was born there, and we met when her family moved to the area. She was a little spit of a thing, but beautiful as the day is long.” Hy shifted in his seat and pulled out his wallet, showing Ryan a picture. “That’s her when we got married.”
“She’s beautiful,” Ryan said, stopping to look. He didn’t comment that she looked a lot like Dante. That, he kept to himself. Ryan reached into the box and pulled out the last certificate. This one felt different from the others, and Ryan was grateful it wasn’t another gold mine certificate, but he wasn’t immediately familiar with the company name.
“Oh,” Hy said when Ryan showed him the certificate, “they’re gone now too. I guess I should have known.”
Ryan gathered up all the certificates and organized them in the order of his inventory. “Here’s a copy of what you have. I’d like to take them with me and do some research just to make sure there isn’t something here. I doubt it, but it’s better to be safe than sorry.”
“Can you help me with the ranch too?” Hy asked, and Ryan sighed.
“I think you should talk that over with Dante.” Hy shook his head. “I’ll do what you want, but….”
“This place isn’t going to amount to anything ever again. It’s too small, and Dante doesn’t need to be saddled with it or with me. I think I want to sell it and then go into a home so he won’t have to take care of me all the time,” Hy said. “He needs to have a life of his own and not spend every waking moment taking care of this place and me.” Hy looked up from the table, and Ryan saw nothing but worry and pain.
“You
know I’m not a Realtor,” Ryan said.
“I know. But I own this place free and clear. When I sell it, I’ll need some sort of… something so I can get income from the money to pay for a home, and when I’m gone, Dante gets the rest.” Hy slowly got to his feet. “It’s not that I got that much time left. The doctors say maybe a year.” Hy slowly walked over to the sink. “And I don’t want you to tell Dante about this. I’ll tell him.” Hy glared at him to emphasize his point.
“Of course,” Ryan said. “But I think that maybe you should ask Dante what he wants.”
But Hy ignored him again, and before he could press it any further, the front door opened and Dante strode inside.
“How did it go?” Dante asked.
“Didn’t find anything, just like you said,” Hy replied a touch bitterly.
“I gave Hy an inventory of everything and I’m going to take these certificates back to the office to check them out, but I’m afraid he’s most likely right,” Ryan added, finding it difficult to look Dante in the eye at that moment. He’d promised Hy he’d say nothing about his plans for the ranch, but he also knew that when Hy told Dante, he would be very upset.
“Doesn’t matter, Gramps, we have more than enough to make it through.” Dante lightly patted his grandfather’s shoulder.
“I’m gonna go to bed. I gotta get up early,” Hy said, and then he shuffled out of the room and down the hallway.
“He’s been doing that a lot lately,” Dante said, following his grandfather with his gaze.
“He told me he doesn’t expect he has long,” Ryan said.
Dante nodded. “He was diagnosed with ALS.”
“Lou Gehrig’s disease?” Ryan asked, and Dante nodded.
“It’s been going through him pretty fast. A couple years ago, he could nearly keep up with me, and now he shakes and goes to bed early.” Dante gripped the edge of the table, his knuckles turning white. He said nothing, and Ryan turned away to give him some privacy. It took a minute before Ryan heard Dante breathe deeply. There was so much that Dante didn’t say, not that Ryan actually expected Dante to confide in him. Because he wouldn’t, no matter what Ryan wanted.
