"His practice is full. His nurse told me that I have a perfectly competent doctor and suggested I stick with him."
Cathy extended her hand to Karen, partly to help her from the chair and partly as a gesture of compassion. "I'll keep trying. Don't give up."
"I won't. I've been praying that you'd be the one to deliver my baby. God will take care of this."
Cathy bit offthe reply that was on the tip of her tongue. With words of assurance that sounded hollow in her ears, she left Karen and turned her attention to Milton Nix.
Jane met her in the hall and held out an EKG tracing."Mr. Nix is in exam room one."
Nix looked up when Cathy walked in. "Did that fancy test help you find anything that Doc Gladstone didn't figure out with his stethoscope?"
Cathy studied the tracing, looked at the chart once more, and made a decision. "I'll want to see what the blood chemistries show us, but at this point I think you're doing well. Your beta-blocker is okay, but I want to make a slight change in your other heart medicine. I see that your prescription has been for the brand-name drug, Lanoxin. I suspect that Dr. Gladstone wrote it that way years ago and just never changed it. If I write the prescription a bit differently, the pharmacist can give you a generic form and save you a little money."
Cathy could see Nix's lips open, then shut. If he had any complaints, he kept them to himself. He probably wasn't anxious to have anything changed in the regimen he'd been following for years, but this wasn't really much of a change. Besides, she figured the "saving money" part would win him over.
She reached for her prescription pad and dug into the pocket of her white coat. Where did that pen go? "Excuse me. I can't find my pen. I'll be right back."
Nix reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out two ballpoints."Here. They've got the bank's name on them. When you're through, leave 'em in the waiting room. Maybe I'll get some return on my investment for this trip after all." She might have been mistaken, but there seemed to be the ghost of a grin on his thin-lipped face as he handed the pens to her. Two in one day. That must be some kind of a record for Milton Nix.
She wrote the prescriptions exactly the way she'd been taught: carefully, with attention to legibility, calculating the number of pills that should be dispensed, double-checking the directions. She added refill instructions and signed the prescriptions before tearing them offthe pad and handing them to Nix.
"Just follow the directions on both of these, and call me if you have any questions."
As she passed the prescriptions to Nix, she noticed that the ink in the pen she'd been using was blue. She'd need to make sure she didn't use Milton's pens in the office anymore. That was another thing her mentors had emphasized. Use black ink. It photocopies better and gives a neater appearance. She could hear the voice of Dr. Seldin, the chief of internal medicine, saying, "If you're sloppy in little things, you'll be sloppy in the big ones too. Take the time to do it right."
Cathy sat staring into space, the phone receiver in her hand. When a strident stutter tone shattered the silence of her office, she replaced the handset. Idly, she noted that her hand was steady when she did so. Her surgery instructors had always said she had good hands, even under pressure. She wished her mind were as steady right now.
Two phone message slips. Two calls. And, just when she thought the situation couldn't get worse, she sank further into the pit of anxiety and depression that had held her for these past several months. Josh would have a field day with this.
"What's wrong?" Jane paused in the door, a chart in her hand. Cathy shook her head. Uninvited, Jane eased into the chair across the desk. "You want to talk about it?"
Cathy reached for the soft drink sitting on her desk."Those message slips you gave me? The first was from a sheriff' s deputy. About my accident." She lifted the can to her lips, found it empty, and tossed it into the wastebasket under her desk.
"Did he find the other driver?"
"He said that since there's no evidence of a collision and no witnesses, he's writing it offas driver error on my part."Cathy sighed. "Actually, he reached that conclusion right after he arrived on the scene, but Will pointed out the skid marks and pressured the deputy to at least look into it."
Jane leaned forward. "Will that affect how your insurance company handles the claim?"
"No longer an issue. If my insurance had been in force, this might have raised my rates. But the second call was from my agent. The company just notified him that my last premium check bounced, so apparently, my policy wasn't in force at the time of the accident." Cathy squeezed her eyes closed for a moment. She wouldn't allow herself to cry in front of Jane. "The agent was nice. He said he'll make calls to some people higher up in the company. He'll try to get them to reinstate the policy. He even said he'd talk with the owner of the dealership that's renting me a car and see if he'll discount the bill since I may be paying it out of my own pocket."
"So you're driving without liability coverage?" Jane's voice was calm, but Cathy saw the concern in her eyes.
"The agent's given me temporary coverage. But this is something else I've got to straighten out." Cathy shrugged."I need to make one more call."
Jane took the hint and tiptoed out, closing the door softly behind her.
Cathy fanned out the three message slips like a bridge player studying a critical hand. Sheriff. Insurance Agent. The last call from Dr. Marcus Bell was marked "Urgent." She punched in his number.
"Thanks for calling back," Dr. Bell said.
"I hope it's good news, Marcus. I could use some."
"Actually, it is," he said. "The credentials committee will consider your request for hospital privileges tomorrow night."
"Finally." Cathy saw a glimmer of hope through the gloom that had surrounded her for so long. If she could expand her practice, the extra income might help solve her rapidly multiplying financial worries.
"Would you like to attend the meeting? If you want me to, I'll arrange it."
Cathy turned that thought over for a few seconds. Would her presence improve her chances of a positive response? It couldn't hurt. "Yes, please."
"Great. They meet at six in the conference room," Marcus said. "Would you like to have dinner with me afterward?"
Cathy experienced a return of the guilt she'd felt after turning down Marcus's previous dinner invitation. He'd tried not to show it, but she'd seen the hurt in his eyes. And he seemed like a nice guy, one who might turn out to be a friend-maybe more than a friend. Her lips formed a "Yes," before she stopped herself. Hard on the heels of the tiny flutter she'd felt at the prospect of dating Marcus came memories of her past relationships. No, she wasn't ready to take a chance.
"I'm sorry, Marcus. I want to meet with the committee, but can I take a raincheck on dinner?"
Jane took the chart Cathy handed her, filed it with a flourish, and said, "That's it. You're through for the day."
Automatically, Cathy looked at her watch. Three o'clock. Another light day spent doing insurance physicals, caring for emergencies other doctors couldn't see, refilling the prescriptions of some of Dr. Gladstone's patients who'd decided to give Dr. Sewell's daughter a chance since their faithful old GP was retiring. She knew her bank balance-knew it to the penny-and if her practice didn't pick up soon, Milton Nix's bank would bring in an auctioneer and sell offthe office furniture and equipment she'd gone so deeply in debt to buy.
Not only that, today another patient had told her, "Dr. Sewell, I don't believe those rumors I've been hearing. You're a good doctor." There was no longer any question in Cathy's mind. Someone in town wanted her gone.
Should she make the call? See if the job offer at the medical school in Dallas was still open? No, she couldn't. Going back to Dallas would mean leaving the refuge she hoped to find here in her hometown. Going back to Dallas would mean taking a chance on seeing Robert, having to interact with him. Going back to Dallas would mean returning to the scene of her greatest humiliation. No, Dallas held too many memories. She'd stay h
ere.
A chilling thought struck her. Could Robert be behind all this? His father had both wealth and influence, and Robert was already on his way to achieving that status. It wouldn't be beyond either of them to call in some favors, spread a little cash around, and make her life miserable.
She tried to be logical about it. Why would Robert try to force her out of Dainger? Out of spite? Maybe. He didn't want her back. The newspaper clipping was proof enough of that. But if she returned to Dallas, he could "arrange" to bump into her from time to time, just to rub it in. But surely even Robert wouldn't go that far. Would he?
She shucked offher white coat and tossed it into the laundry hamper, grabbed her purse and briefcase, and headed for the door. She paused at Jane's desk. "I'll be on my cell phone if you need me. See you tomorrow."
"Are you going…?" Jane left the question dangling. Cathy chose to ignore it. "Remember, I have an appointment in Fort Worth tomorrow morning. I'll be in about ten."
She'd have to make arrangements about a car, but for now the rental was still hers. Cathy sat in it with the motor idling, uncertain about her next step. Emotions and thoughts tumbled about in her head. She didn't want to think about her folks. Didn't want to relive those events. But Josh kept telling her that she had to face it. She had an appointment with him tomorrow, and she knew he'd probably mention it again. Maybe today was the day.
Cathy backed out of her parking spot and set a course that she knew she could never forget, no matter how long she was gone from Dainger. Away from the professional building that Jacob Collins had built to house his pharmacy and a few doctors' offices. Jacob, her high school classmate, now her landlord. She wondered how he'd react if she was unable to pay the rent this month or next.
She drove carefully-her mind consumed with thoughts of the past-up the short hill to the Y intersection, where a right turn would take her to Fort Worth. She turned left, then right, then left again. Soon she was on the edge of town, passing the homes of Dainger's more affluent families.
Milton Nix lived there. The open doors of the double garage revealed a midsize gray sedan and a dark SUV. Cathy replayed Nix's visit in her mind. Had she missed anything? She wanted all her patients to do well, but she especially needed the goodwill of the banker.
That rambling ranch house belonged to Judge Sam Lawton. The garage doors were closed. A Ford pickup, its original dark blue faded in spots, stood in the drive. In the yard, two young Hispanics wielded a leaf-blower and string trimmer. Given Sam's age, she guessed he'd stopped doing his own lawn work. Apparently, he could afford it. Cathy had heard rumors that Sam put away a good bit of money before the voters turned him out of office, money that didn't come from his salary as a county judge. Apparently, small towns had their share of under-the-table deals and influence peddling.
The next house stood out from its plainer neighbors, its magnificent architecture set offby a striking landscape. A small red Cadillac stood in the driveway in front of the closed doors of a three-car garage. Whoever lived there certainly had money. When she saw "Collins" on the mailbox, Cathy decided that either Jacob was more successful than she thought, or his wife had pressured him into that expensive showplace. Cathy wondered idly who Jacob had married. She'd have to ask around.
The sunny day and mild temperatures combined to relax the muscles in Cathy's shoulders as she rolled slowly along the narrow road. She let her mind wander, putting faces with most of the homes, remembering happier times growing up here. She'd wanted for nothing. Ran with a clique of girls from upper-class families. She grimaced when she realized what a spoiled brat she must have been.
There it was around the next corner: a modest one-story house built of white Austin stone, surrounded by two acres of green grass and spreading oaks, bordered by a white-rail fence. There had been a time when she knew every inch of the property, knew the best trees to climb and the hiding places where no one could find her. She couldn't read the faded letters on the mailbox, but Cathy remembered when it said "Sewell" in shiny black letters. There was no sign of activity at the end of the gravel driveway. The doors to a detached, two-car garage were closed.
Cathy stopped at the entrance to the drive, her car's right wheels on the gravel shoulder of the road. She sat in silence for several minutes, her mind flitting back and forth like a hummingbird. Then, movement in the rearview mirror caught her eye as a black SUV raced over the hill. Cathy watched in horror. The vehicle veered to the right on a collision course with the rear of her little rental. She rammed the car into gear and screeched into the driveway, scattering crushed gravel in her wake. The SUV sped by with no signs of slowing, and she felt her car rock with the force of its passing. Was this the same SUV that had driven her offthe road once already? Was it more evidence of a plot against her, or was this another sign of paranoia?
Cathy shivered. It took her a moment to gather her thoughts. Finally, she looked up the driveway at the house. This was no longer home. She knew where she had to go. It was time. Her decision made, she took a deep breath and eased her car out onto the road.
A half-mile later, Cathy pulled in under a metal arch and navigated down a patched and pothole-scarred narrow lane. She let the car creep along as she searched for familiar landmarks. The names were hard to read, but finally she saw it ahead. Cathy parked, locked the car, and followed a dirt path, beaten down by the tread of many generations of feet.
When she found the large granite slab, she dropped to her knees on the green grass in front of it. Despite the sun she felt on her back, the stone felt cold as she let her fingers trace the letters carved deep into it: SEWELL. Her shoulders shook. Finally, she sobbed, "Daddy, I miss you so much. And I'm so very sorry."
Cathy's expectations had stemmed from cartoons she'd seen in The New Yorker. She'd lie on a couch, pouring out her soul as she sniffled softly. The psychiatrist would stroke his pointed beard and murmur, "I see. Very interesting."
But there were no couches in this office. Instead, she sat in a padded leather armchair. A small, round coffee table holding a box of tissues separated her from Dr. Josh Samuels, who occupied a similar chair to her left, angled slightly so that they might have been host and guest on some TV talk show. Only the framed diplomas and certificates on the wall behind the littered desk gave any hint of what went on in this room, that and the faint aura of dread and apprehension that lingered in the air.
Josh-he'd corrected her the first time she called him Dr. Samuels-did have a beard, but not the pointed Van Dyke variety. Instead, his neatly trimmed full beard, black with a smattering of gray, stretched from ear to ear, forming a marked contrast to his shaved head. Cathy had never seen him wear a suit and doubted that he owned one. He wore a white dress shirt, its button-down collar open at the neck, with the sleeves folded back two neat turns. His khakis were starched and creased.
Halfway through today's session, during one of the pauses that Josh never seemed to find awkward, Cathy leaned forward and blurted out, "I went to the cemetery yesterday."
"And?"
"I cried. I talked with my folks. I told Daddy how sorry I was."
"About what?"
She wanted to tell Josh that if she knew the answers to all his questions she wouldn't be sitting here with the clock ticking away another fifty- minute hour. She wanted the psychiatrist to unlock the twisted dreams that made her wake up in a cold sweat. Most of all, she wanted to ask him if he thought she was crazy.
"I don't know. I suppose that, in some way, I feel responsible for their deaths."
Josh crossed one leg over the other, displaying worn white Reeboks and a hairy calf above tan crew socks. He laced his hands together over his knee and leaned forward. His expression invited comment.
"I've told you some of this," she said.
"Tell me the rest."
Several sips of water from the glass in front of her didn't ease the dryness in Cathy's throat.
"I was in my final year of medical school, home for Christmas vacation. They tried to hid
e it, but it was obvious that my folks weren't getting along. My mother dropped some hints that she thought my dad was unfaithful. I saw she'd become extremely distrustful. She was suspicious of him, of his time away from home, his contact with female patients. All my life, I'd thought that my father could do no wrong. But I loved and trusted my mother. I didn't know what to think. Finally, I couldn't take it any more. I told them I was going back to Dallas, and I didn't want to talk to them again until they worked it out."
"And?"
"Daddy called me in May, the day before I was scheduled to graduate from Southwestern Med School. I hadn't even sent them an invitation, but he had friends at the school, and he found out the details. He said Mom had been having some… he called them emotional issues, but he thought they were under control. They wanted to see me graduate."
The therapist focused his unblinking gaze like a laser beam.
Cathy felt as though there wasn't enough oxygen in the room. She took several deep breaths. "I was thrilled. Daddy said they'd see me after the ceremony."
Josh made a faint motion with his hand that Cathy knew meant, "Go on."
"The rain started after they left Dainger. The Highway Patrol said it came down in sheets, a typical Texas spring storm. Daddy had been delayed with a patient. He was afraid they'd miss the graduation, so he was driving too fast. He came around a curve, lost control, and the car skidded into a bridge abutment. He and Mom were killed instantly."
"And you're angry?"
"Yes!" she exploded. "At God, for letting it happen. At my parents for not having the perfect marriage I thought they should have. At Daddy, for putting his practice before his daughter so he had to hurry to make up lost time. And… and at myself, for making it such a big deal that he drove like that to keep his promise."
"And you feel guilty?"
She reached for a tissue. "Yes. The guilt of their deaths has been like a fifty- pound weight on my shoulders ever since."
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