by Stacy Borel
He didn’t even turn in my direction. He had the volume up so loud I wondered if he could even hear me. And I assumed he probably couldn’t see me just based on the thickness of his glasses that were sliding down his nose.
“Hello?” I repeated a little louder this time.
Twisting in his seat, the man startled a bit at the intrusion. Pushing his spectacles up his face, he coughed and said, “Oh I’m sorry, miss. I didn’t hear you come in. How can I help you?”
“I need a room for the night.”
He dug around in a drawer and grabbed a sheet of paper, sliding it across the counter to me. “Is it just for one night?”
“Yes, sir,” I answered politely.
As I filled it out, he attempted to make small talk. “Where ya from?”
I hesitated. “Maine.”
“Maine, huh? I’ve always wanted to visit Maine. Heard the trees are beautiful during the fall. The missus and I just never seem to make it out of our recliners to go anywhere. So, are they as beautiful as they say?”
“They are something to be seen.” Truth be told, it was my favorite time of the year. I loved to go camping at Acadia National Park, which was renowned for their fall colors.
He smiled warmly at me. “Alrighty, here’s the cost for one night.” He pointed at the rate, changing the subject. Good, at least it wouldn’t even make a dent in the cash that I brought with me. “If you’d just sign here and initial here. There’s no smoking in the rooms. We serve coffee and donuts in the morning starting at six, and it’s a first come, first serve basis. Checkout is at eleven, and if you need anything at all, I will be here all night.” I signed the paper, gave his pen back, and counted out exact change. Handing me an actual key, instead of a card, he said, “Here you go. You’re in room 215. Enjoy your stay, miss.”
I had my only bag slung over my shoulder and walked up the metal stairs to my room. Once on the second floor, I was only a few rooms down. As soon as I opened the door, a pungent smell of old cigarette smoke assaulted my nose. Ugh, clearly they used to allow smoking inside. Oh well, I wasn’t going to go ask for another room as I could only assume they would all be like this. Turning on the lamp that was just inside, it barely illuminated the small space. There was a dresser directly in front of me with a box television sitting on top of it, similar to the one in the office. A full-size bed was on the opposite wall with an ugly floral bedspread covering it. One nightstand was beside it, closest to the door, and another table was next to the window that looked out over the parking lot. Old green carpet lined the floor, and there were a few small darker lined patches, which were clearly permanent stains. I made the decision right then and there that I’d keep my shoes on while I walked around. A bathroom that could only fit one person was to the right and was stark white. Sighing, I closed the door behind me.
Sitting down on the bed, I slipped off my shoes and pants. The comforter felt itchy on my bare legs. Scooting back, I kicked the covers off and kept only the sheets. The room’s temperature felt comfortable enough that I wouldn’t need a blanket anyway. Flipping on the television, I scrolled through five channels before it rolled back around and repeated itself.
“Okay, clearly they don’t have HBO,” I grumbled sarcastically.
I laid there for about an hour mindlessly watching some weather channel from Alabama. Why they had their news airing all the way up here, I didn’t know. But after hearing the anchorman talk about sunny skies and temperatures being in the mid-seventies while it was currently in the low thirties where I was at, I decided it was dampening my already blasé mood. I powered down the boob tube and stared up at the ceiling, thinking about this trip and what I was doing. Driving directionless for the next few days seemed even more pointless than the whole trip. I really didn’t care if I made it all the way to the west coast of California, but once I got there, then what? Turn around and go back home? No way. I did not intend to go back to that life. Not while I was on this crazy-ass mission to figure out what had happened to me.
With heavy eyes and a pillow under my head, I figured tonight wasn’t the best time for me to decide. I’d sort it out in the morning. Placing my hands on my stomach and crossing my legs at my ankles, I shut my eyes and exhaled all of the sorrow of the day away.
The next morning the sun peeking through the break in the curtains beamed directly on my face. I stretched my arms high above my head and yawned out loud. I’d slept like shit. The bed was too hard, and the room got a little too cool for my liking. However, I refused to get the blanket I’d kicked off because I had no idea what could possibly be on it. I could only imagine that it was similar to the carpet, so I passed and stayed curled in a ball in an attempt to stay warm. Even though I was in no rush to get back on the road, I decided to get up and start getting ready. Outside the sun might have been bright without a cloud in the sky, but the wind was blowing and goosebumps formed on my skin. California might not be such a bad idea, after all.
“Morning, miss,” a slightly overweight woman greeted from the same spot the man had been last night. The shift must have changed.
“Mornin’,” I answered groggily.
Nobody else was in the office fighting over the donuts that I’d assumed came from the gas station across the street. Passing by then, I grabbed a Styrofoam cup and filled it to the top with coffee. I normally took it with cream and sugar, but today felt like the kind of day that would require it black. I sipped it and almost cringed. It tasted like mud. Oh well, I didn’t see a Starbucks anywhere close, and this would suffice to keep me awake for the next ten to twelve hours.
Setting the key down on the desk, I asked, “Is there anything else I need to do if I’m ready to check out?”
She smiled at me warmly. “Nope, you’re all set.”
I nodded, unsure of what else to say, so I took my coffee and walked out to my Rover. There was morning dew on the vehicle, and I had to let the engine warm up before I headed off down the road. Today, I decided would be the first day in figuring out where I wanted to go and trying to understand what happened to me over the last year. Maybe part of discovering what happened would also lead to who I was now. ‘Cause frankly, I hadn’t the slightest clue who Chandler Owens was any longer.
IT WAS MY FOURTH DAY on the road and I was pushing my way through the mountains of Wyoming. I’d been taking my time the last couple of days, stopping in small towns and at tourist places along the way. Iowa had a small Amish community I wanted to explore. I gorged myself on their homemade food and pulled over to the side of the road to watch their cart and buggies go by. On my way through South Dakota, I stopped to see Mount Rushmore and hiked a couple of trails in the area. Truth be told, as impressive as it was, I was more excited to see all the baby chipmunks running around than I was with a carved rock on a mountain face. After leaving there, I shot down to Yellowstone and found my way to Old Faithful. Figured I wasn’t living if I hadn’t seen a geyser shooting hot water out of a hole in the ground at least once in my life. I had no idea that it would smell so bad.
Nothing had really changed in the days that I’d been gone and put the miles behind me. I wasn’t anywhere closer to figuring out why I chose to make this road trip than the day I got in the car and started this whole mess. The only new discoveries I’d made were that I figured out I loved ranch flavored sunflower seeds, chewing the same piece of gum for more than two hours gave me a headache, and I could probably sing every current song word for word in every genre of music that was popular right now.
Yesterday, when I’d stopped for the night, I decided I needed to call Sydney and check in with her. When she picked up on the other end, she was damn near frantic.
“Chandler? Hello? Chandler? Where in the hell are you?”
“Calm down, I’m here.”
“Where’s here?”
I wasn’t going to answer that. “How’s everything going there?”
She didn’t say anything for a couple of seconds then she responded. “It’s not good. Seth
has been going out of his mind asking questions about you. He’s convinced that I know something. He even flew home two days ago, thinking maybe you just weren’t answering your phone again because you were mad at him.” Technically, I was, but I wasn’t going to tell her that. “When are you coming home?”
“Not for a while, Syd.” I sighed into the phone.
“How long is a while?”
“Not sure.”
“Look, I’ve known you long enough to know that there is something more going on here that you’re not telling me. My best friend wouldn’t just up and leave everything behind because she was looking for an adventure.” Her tone was gentle yet firm.
“I don’t know what it is that you want me to tell you,” I replied.
“Was Seth hurting you?”
“What? No, of course not.” The fact that she even asked me that took me by surprise.
She lowered her voice as if there were other people around. “I’m serious. Is he abusing you? ‘Cause, I swear to God, if he’s hit you, I’ll tear him apart limb from limb.”
I almost wanted to laugh at her assumption. “Sydney, he’s not hitting me. I promise.” And frankly, if he were, I’d be the more likely one of the two of us who would tear him apart. “There’s just been a lot going on for me. Between battling depression, the fights that Seth and I have, and just wondering what I’m doing with my life, I’ve not felt like myself. Something needed to change.”
Silence greeted me again. “What kind of change do you need?”
“If I knew the answer to that, I wouldn’t be out on this crazy-ass trip.”
She sighed heavily. “Okay. I don’t know how much longer I can hold them off. Seth will be getting your dad involved soon. And I imagine if he finds out that you’re missing, I’ll be the first person he comes to. You know I can’t lie to him.”
Resigned, I said, “That’s fine. And I don’t want you to. You can’t tell them much anyway, and I’m keeping it that way. I won’t place my burdens on you any more than I already have.”
“You’re not a burden, and you never have been. Can you at least tell me that you’re safe?”
“Yes, I’m safe.”
“Do you have plenty of money?”
Now this question I did laugh at. “I have more money than I’ll ever need.”
“When are you going to call again?” Her sadness seeped through the phone.
I felt tears pool in my eyes. “Not sure. A couple of days, maybe a week.”
“I miss you, Chandler.”
“I miss you too, Syd. Love you.” I hung up the phone before she could say anything else.
When I hung up with her, it was then that I figured out where I should go. Back when I was a kid, I used to spend every summer at my grandparents’ house. They owned a cabin in the woods, not far from the small town of Big Sky, Montana. Montana was located just north of where I was, and I figured it would be a good resting place to attempt a new method of clearing my head. I had some of my fondest memories there and remembered being carefree and happy. When Grandma and Grandpa passed away, my dad had demolished their smaller three-bedroom home and replaced it with a much larger five-bedroom one. I loved the property it sat on and I’d always said I would buy it from him when I’d inherited my trust. But on graduation day, he handed over the papers to the house and said it was mine. I hadn’t thought about it for years, nor had I attempted to visit it since my last summer there when I was sixteen. Grandpa was the last person to live in it, but when he was gone, I knew being there wouldn’t be the same. Even though there was a brand new house on the land, the feeling wouldn’t be the same.
Making a decision on a direction was kind of invigorating. Traveling from state to state might seem like a good time to some but not to me. Not when I was completely and utterly alone, nor when I felt as lost as I did. I was excited and nervous about seeing the new place my parents built. I hadn’t seen it yet, but I was hoping Dad kept some of my grandparents’ favorite things intact. He’d said he had taken part of the door frame where my measurements were marked from the old house and put in the new one. Grandpa had liked to see how I much I grew from summer to summer. He also had a wood shop off the garage where he built things like old navy boats and airplanes. Dad said he decorated the house with some of the pieces. I knew seeing all of it would make me feel nostalgic.
I’d planned on stopping overnight just south of the Montana border to get some good rest before going the rest of the way. The temperatures were dropping as I climbed in altitude. There was fresh snow on the ground and new powder falling from the sky. I knew the plows wouldn’t be out in full force this late in the afternoon this high up in the mountains, and they would need some time to clear the area where I was headed.
I cracked the window, letting the brisk air from outside seep in and blow around. The smell of pine invaded my nose, and for a brief moment, I closed my eyes and breathed in deep. God, I loved it up here—where you can be by yourself and be the version of you that you didn’t let anybody else see. It was freeing. I was in the middle of singing loudly to a song when I saw something up ahead on the road. I squinted my eyes trying to see what it was, but all I could make out was a dark colored lump.
“What on Earth?” I said curiously.
It definitely was too big to be a large rodent or dog. Not that there would be a dog wandering around out here by itself. However, it was too small to be a bear or deer. I’d inadvertently eased my foot off the gas pedal as I drove closer to it. I rolled the crack in my window back up, not really sure why, it just seemed like the thing to do. Whatever was in front of me seemed to be setting off some sort of internal alarm. I was on one of the few straightaways, but the heavy flurries coming down obstructed my vision.
“You’re being ridiculous, Chandler. It’s probably nothing.”
No, definitely not nothing. As I got closer and things came into focus, the object was moving. Straining my eyes even harder, I saw what it was. There was a person walking in my lane. They had a backpack hanging off their shoulder, khaki pants, snow boots, and a sweater with its hood up covering their head. Who in their right mind would be walking out in this weather without a coat, let alone in the middle of nowhere? We were a good forty miles from any town and the gauge on the Rover said it was twenty-eight degrees. Whoever it was must’ve heard my vehicle approaching because they turned in my direction. As if time slowed down, I completely removed my foot from the gas and allowed the car to decelerate on its own. It was a man.
“Holy shit,” were the only words I was able to form.
His hood rested low, casting a slight shadow over his eyes. Dark hair spiked out from underneath it. When the man was facing me completely, he stuck his thumb out, striking a hitchhiker’s pose. What on Earth? I had always been the type to help someone in need; even if that meant I gave them the shirt off my back. I couldn’t possibly leave this person stranded in the middle of the woods like this; not when there wasn’t a car in sight and probably wasn’t one for miles. But I also couldn’t pick him up and take him with me either . . . could I? I’d heard the horror stories on the news about how someone would pick up a hitchhiker on the road, only to be found later, dead in some neighboring town and their vehicle was stolen. I knew better, I really did. But in a split second of needing to do something so crazy and spontaneous, or anything to make me feel more than like I have for so long . . . I stopped.
My heart was pounding in my chest as I watched him sling his bag up higher on his shoulder and make his way to my car. “Oh God, oh God, oh God,” I repeated. What did I just do? I totally just invited a complete stranger to come hop in my Rover and what . . . ride off into the sunset? Jesus Christ, what was I thinking? What if he looked weird? What if he tried to hurt me? Maybe I should pat him down first. No, that could be weird. Okay seriously, like that was any weirder than picking him up in the middle of the woods? While my inner dialog was going nuts, the stranger knocked on my window. I was still facing forward, too scared to turn
in his direction. He wanted me to roll it down or maybe unlock my doors, but I was frozen. Okay, but would it really be that weird to pat him down? I mean, it was for my safety and all. No way was I letting ol’ Crazy Pants in here for the next hour or two without me knowing he wasn’t armed. There, it was settled. I’d ask to frisk him. Between the heart palpitations and the panic, I’d started to sweat. I should roll the window down. Just then, the hitchhiker knocked on the glass again. As I twisted toward him, my hand reached up and pushed the button to crack the window. I allowed it to go down about two inches before I released the button.
“H-hello sir. Do you need a ride s-somewhere?” I stuttered.
In that very moment when he lifted his head and his hood pushed back just enough for me to see his face—my whole world stopped. This guy wasn’t weird looking at all! No, as a matter of fact, he was breathtaking. His angular jaw was shadowed by a dark dusting of hair that made him appear rugged and harsh. He had full lips, the lower one being slightly more plump than the upper. The stranger’s nose was straight and perfect, and his cheekbones were high and prominent. But none of that compared to his eyes. His eyes were what caused a little fluttering of butterflies in my stomach to stir, and my heart to beat harder than before. Long eyelashes fanned around the most incredibly rich color of brown I’d ever seen in my life. The shape of them, and how he was staring at me, had me swallowing hard. He wasn’t giving me a curious look. No, I would describe it as feral.
“Actually, I do,” he replied.
His tone was low and resounded through the car. A small bead of sweat trickled down the side of my brow. This was it. If I unlocked the door, I was stuck in this small space with him for at least an hour. Nowhere to go and no place to hide if things got uncomfortable. However, if I chose to step on the gas and drove away, I would feel like the world’s biggest asshole and would probably wonder about him for a long time after. I had two doors in front of me and one of them was the wrong choice. Taking a deep breath that expanded my whole stomach, I did my best to calm my nerves and decide.
