I stopped in my tracks and turned to her with a bitter laugh. “Like adults? Okay… here we go… this is me talking to you like an adult. I don’t love you, Alice. I don’t want you and I don’t fucking love you. I feel nothing for you. Is that adult enough for you?”
Her lip began to quiver and I somehow felt exhilarated at finally getting through to her. Revenge had never been my intent, but seeing her in emotional pain had no effect on me, because in threatening the woman I loved, she’d gone too far.
She shook her head. “You don’t mean that. I know you don’t mean that.”
“Alice, I’ve never meant anything more in my fucking life except for the time I told Mallory I love her with all my heart. Now there is a woman worth fighting for. There is a woman capable of genuine love and I don’t fucking deserve her. But do you know what? I’m gonna fight for her anyway. Because that’s what you do when you love someone. You want their happiness above anything. And that’s what I want for Mallory. I want to see her happy, not cut up over my fucking mistakes. And yes, you are one hell of a mistake, Alice. One I will never repeat again. Am I making myself clear enough?”
She nodded as tears spilled from her eyes. “I… I’ll go home.”
“Yes, go home and call your solicitor. And do me a favour, okay? Don’t come back again.”
~~~
Alice left the following day after one last-ditch attempt at getting me back. As she stood at the door with her bag, she asked me to at least think about us, but I just shook my head and closed the door in her face. I sat on my couch after she’d gone and stared at my phone. I was desperate to contact Mallory. I needed to know that she was okay. But of course if I called she’d more than likely hang up. In the end I resorted to cowardly tactics. It was unlikely she would ignore a text message—even if it was blind curiosity that made her read it. Picking up my phone, I began to type.
G: Hey, how r u? Am worried u will not come back. I miss u so much. Please just let me know u r ok.
I hit send and then reread what I’d written. Great, I sound like a pathetic loser. Way to get the girl, McBradden. My phone vibrated almost instantly and I dropped it through the sheer shock. After fumbling around on the floor and picking up the phone, I opened the reply.
M: Greg, I’m fine. Please just let me be for a while. I need some space, okay? Concentrate on your own life for a while and let me deal with mine.
Yikes, that’s harsh. But at least she replied, I suppose. I relaxed a tiny bit, knowing that she was okay and had arrived in Yorkshire safe and sound. All I had to do now was get her to come home so we could try and sort this mess out.
~~~
Pressuring her probably wasn’t the best thing to do, so I left her to it after that. But I did resolve to bloody go down there if she actually didn’t come home. I’d told her as much in the Foo Fighters song I’d put on her CD.
Working at the pub wasn’t the same without Mallory. Even before Alice turned up I’d see her briefly at shift changeovers. Now, being here without her was making me dread going in to work. I played a gig whilst she was away, and as I placed the chalkboard that she made for me outside the door of the pub, my heart sank. Once I’d walked back inside, my phone rang.
Fumbling it out of my pocket in the hope that it was her, I answered in a rush. “Hello? Yes?”
“Hi there, is this Greg McBradden?” a female voice—not belonging to Mallory—asked down the line.
“Yes, this is Greg. Who’s calling?”
“Great, my name is Cassandra Carlton. I’m one of the agents with Class Act Talent, or CAT as we like to say for short. My business partner and I have been informed about your shows by another of our artistes, and we’ve watched a clip of you online too, which impressed us. We’d like to come along and check you out with a view to contracting you for the venues we cover.”
Huh? What? Contract me? I suddenly realised that the conversation I was having was thankfully happening in my head.
“Greg?”
“Um… sorry… sorry. Yes, that’d be great. Thank you,” I finally replied with a pounding heart and a head full of disbelief.
~~~
A couple of days later and the call from the agent still hadn’t really sunk in. I kept replaying it over and over in my mind. As I stood drying glasses behind the bar, the door opened and I got a wonderful surprise.
“Mallory, you’re back!” My eyes widened and I wanted to dash out and hug her—but then the thought crossed my mind that she probably wouldn’t want that, and the joy of seeing her suddenly evaporated. “How long are you here for?”
“I’m not sure, Greg. Not yet. Can I speak to you in private, please?”
We stepped outside and I was dreading what she was going to say to me. “Is everything okay, Mallory?” Please don’t tell me you’re leaving now. Please.
“Greg, I’ve done a lot of thinking whilst I have been away.”
Okay, brace yourself, McBradden, here comes the blow. “I’m not going to like this, am I?” I cringed in readiness.
But she smiled. “I think maybe I was… too hard on you about the whole marriage thing. I don’t feel able to be anything more at the moment, and I doubt that I ever will now… but I think we can maybe be friends… if you want to?”
What? Really? Fuck, take what you can get, arsehole. “Mallory, I love you. I probably always will. It will be hard to be just friends, but I would rather have that than the icy chill between us.” I absentmindedly stroked her arm but she flinched. Why the fuck did she flinch? Did I really scare her that day at my house? Shit. Guilt shredded my heart and I wanted to apologise, but it felt too little too late; and she was offering me an olive branch.
“Well, as I said, friendship is all I can offer.” She went on to ask where Alice was and so I told her that Alice had gone home and that she wanted to make a go of things with me again.
“I’m fully aware of that.” Mallory seemed a little pissed off. “Did she not tell you about our cosy little chat in the ladies that last time you played? She accused me of breaking your heart worse than she had and pretty much warned me off you.”
What. The. Fuck? It was good that Alice had gone home because at that very second I was so angry I wasn’t sure what I would’ve done. “Shit! Really? Is that why you went—”
“Ha! Greg, I won’t be scared off by her or by anyone. I’ve become quite tough lately. I just needed a break. That’s all,” she said sternly.
The rest of the conversation was a little fuzzy in my head afterwards, as I was seeing red. But Mallory told me she was worried I would get hurt if Alice and I gave things another go, and she was right. I sincerely hoped at that point that Alice had given up on her stupid plot to win me back after the tongue lashing and home truths I dished her. But with Alice you never did know. The fact that she tried to warn off the woman I loved was enough to convince me that she wouldn’t give up easily. Mallory’s concern touched me but she did stress the fact that it was out of concern for me as her friend.
~~~
Later that day I was standing at the bar, a total nervous wreck. The agents from CAT were coming to see me, and I’d resorted to whiskey to calm my jagged nerves.
“I thought that stuff dried your vocal cords out,” Mallory said from beside me.
“Aye, but I’m a tad nervous tonight. Some guy put a clip of me on the Internet and this bloke from some entertainment agency is coming to see me play.”
“Wow, Greg. That’s brilliant.” She gasped. “What’ll happen if he likes what he sees?”
I pursed my lips, suddenly feeling a little embarrassed. She was reading more into this than necessary. “Ah… I won’t be famous or anything quite so crazy, but it could mean I get gigs farther afield. He has a list of places all over Highland that I could be booked for.”
Mallory’s gaze travelled to the door and I turned to see what she was looking at. The couple who had just walked in looked like undercover coppers, but I guessed they were from the talent agency.
Chapter Forty-Four
September 2011
After introducing myself to the agency reps, I took my place behind the microphone. My mouth was dry and my hands were clammy, making playing a little tricky. Every so often I had to wipe my palms on my jeans, which, I’m guessing, didn’t look all that great.
“Evening, all. Good to be here again and to see the place packed. I’m sure Stella is grateful, and I know I am. I’d like to start tonight off with a dedication to someone. She knows who she is. The words have to be said and I can think of no better way to say them… It’s a song by a band you may think obscure for a weeknight in a village pub, but the sentiment is important. It’s by Incubus and it’s called ‘Dig’.”
I gazed at Mallory as I sang and she smiled back at me in acknowledgement. It was like a secret message shared between the two of us, and although there were people present who had figured out what I meant, it didn’t matter. We shared the moment and that was all I cared about. The song told her how much I valued her friendship and that I would always be there for her like she was for me. And even though I was determined to have her in my life no matter how that presented itself, I still felt the pang of sadness that we would never be anything more. That we would never share any kind of intimacy again.
The rest of the night went by fast, but the crowd in the pub was appreciative and clapped in all the right places. The only bloody problem was every time I sang something they knew, they bloody sang along. I’ve always hated that, but their out-of-tune warbling made me laugh so I eventually forgave them.
Once the gig was over, I made my way back over to the agents from CAT. Cassandra was the first to speak. “That was fantastic, Greg. The crowd here clearly loves you.”
I felt my cheeks become warm and I rubbed the back of my neck. “Right… thanks. That’s great. Thanks—oh, I already said that.”
Cassandra laughed at my embarrassment. “We’d like to take you on. However, we understand about your boat business, so we can work around you.”
“Yes,” Hayden, the male rep, said. “There are lots of our venues that would appreciate your type of music and, forgive me for saying so, we think the female clientele will just adore you.”
I shook my head, not really understanding why he thought that. “Really? But I’m thirty-eight. Hardly a spring chicken.”
Hayden shook his head and waved his hands up and down ma body. “Believe me, I’m talking from experience here, you have that dark-and-mysterious charisma that women love. And I’m told that the whole rugged-good-looks thing is very in at the moment as far as female patrons are concerned, so I think you’ll do very well.” He raised his eyebrows as if to emphasise his point.
“Oookay. If you say so.”
“Oh, we know so, Greg. So what do you say?”
I lifted my hands out from my sides and grinned. “I say why the fuck not.” Whoops. I cringed. “Erm… sorry about my language.”
Cassandra stifled a giggle and blushed. “Oh, don’t worry about it. We noticed you like your expletives. The places you’ll be playing are strictly adults only, so it shouldn’t be a major problem. Obviously try not to swear quite so much when you’re representing us, but the odd naughty word can be forgiven.”
Hayden held out his hand. “Welcome aboard, Greg. I can see great success in your future.”
I shook both of their hands and they left. I was a little shell-shocked to say the least. This whole thing was surreal and taking me well out of my comfort zone, but what the heck, eh? Nothing ventured and all that bollocks.
I went back over to put Rhiannon away and Mallory appeared at my side. “Well?” She sounded excited, and when I looked up at her wide eyes I melted inside… again.
“They’ve taken me on!” I flung my arms around her and hugged her, lifting her off the ground. I couldn’t help myself, I was so damned excited. She didn’t pull away, so I took that as a good sign. In fact she hugged me back with just as much enthusiasm. It felt so bloody good.
“I’m so happy for you, Greg. How amazing.”
When we broke apart, I scratched my chin and pondered my next words carefully. “Look, I’ve something to ask you. Feel free to say no if it’s too soon to socialise with me again, but… I’m going to an open mic night at the beginning of October in Oban and I wondered if you’d like to come along. I’ve been before and there are some great performers on.”
Tilting her head to the side, she smiled widely. “I think I can safely say I’ll be there.”
My heart almost stopped. I thought fuck it and hugged her tight again with a racing heart.
October 2011
October in Scotland is a funny month. One year it can be gloriously sunny and the next bitterly cold. The start of this particular October was wet and dull. The only light at the end of the miserable tunnel was my night out in Oban with Mallory and I could. Not. Wait.
Mallory had been showing prospective buyers around her house, and I was selfishly hoping that none of them liked it. If I could prove to her that we could be friends, then there would be no reason she would have to go back to Yorkshire. Friday the seventh was the long-anticipated night of our trip, and I called to collect her at seven that evening.
The two of us had been getting on well. We were back to… hmmm… I was going to say normal, but I don’t think there was such a thing where we were concerned. As I drove through the rain to Oban, we chatted about music. It turned out that Mallory used to sing in a choir, and I was intrigued by that fact. The trouble was, it only made me love her more. Stupid images of us doing a duet in the pub played in my mind like some fucking sappy teen movie where we’d fall in love across the stage. It was all in soft focus as she gazed lovingly at me from her place beside me.
To top all of that off, she mentioned that she once sang “Martha’s Harbour” by All About Eve, and it was a song that I absolutely loved; it sent shivers down my spine. I had to manufacture a way to get her to sing it. I simply had to. Even if she did insist that I did nothing of the sort. My mind was working overtime.
Just like the last time I’d been to the place, it was heaving busy and the atmosphere was alive with music and voices. This was something I loved. I got such a buzz from being around musos with a penchant for performing. It made me feel alive. Being here with Mallory just iced the cake and put the fucking cherry on the top.
We grabbed a table and got some drinks. We listened to a few of the acts performing, and I slyly watched Mallory smiling up at the stage. Some young guy was singing “Yellow” by Coldplay, and her eyes were filled with tears as she listened. She’s just too bloody cute.
The next singer was a girl with long titian hair and vivid green eyes. Her resemblance to Mairi was staggering and I was suddenly mesmerised. Mairi couldn’t sing for toffee, but if she could have, I imagined that this was how she’d have sounded. I felt someone squeeze my arm and I glanced to the side to find Mallory watching me with a knowing expression.
I wiped at the moisture around my eyes and smiled. “I’m… erm… just nipping to the gents’. Won’t be long,” I told her as I stood and backed away, feeling a little silly for my outward expression of emotion over the complete stranger on the stage.
Once inside the men’s room I went to the sink and stared at my reflection. Being with Mallory just did something good for me. I looked so much more vital. Gone were the dark circles I’d been plagued with and now I looked like me again. She had well and truly saved me. I just wished she would let me do the same for her.
I splashed cold water on my face and took some calming breaths. I was about to put my plan into action, and I was fucking scared she’d slap me or be so angry that our fragile friendship would once again be on the rocks. On the way back to the table, I chatted to the guy taking names of performers and gave him the information he needed. He told me I was up next and so I dashed back to Mallory and grabbed her arm. She f
ollowed me with a frown on her face but didn’t ask questions, although I saw that she had plenty.
“You know you sang ‘Martha’s Harbour’ in your choir that time?”
She frowned. “Yes, yes, of course I remember. We were just talking about it.”
“Aye, well, I hope you remember the words, ’cause it just so happens it’s one of my favourites, and we’re just about to perform it live on stage.” I, of course, knew it like the back of my hand.
She pulled her arm to try and free herself from my grip, but I just grinned and held on tighter. Yep, she’s gonna fucking kill me. Her eyes widened. “You must be mad! There’s no way I’m—”
Too late. The announcer’s voice came over the sound system. “Ladies, gentleman, it’s time for a duet now. Next up this evening we have Greg McBradden accompanying Mallory Westerman as she sings ‘Martha’s Harbour’.”
She sat down on the stool beside mine and gawped open mouthed in the direction of the audience. The stage lights were bright and so she would be able to make out only shadows like I could. I began to strum the opening chords of the song and gazed at her encouragingly, hoping she wouldn’t freeze.
She closed her eyes and began to sing. She had an amazing voice. My heart and stomach flipped simultaneously and I almost fell backwards off my perch. I tried my best to focus on my playing so as not to let her down, but honestly I just wanted to stop and listen instead. My insides turned to mush. My God, can this woman get any more fucking perfect? Seriously, God, you’re having a laugh now with your bloody tormenting. I glanced skyward for a moment and then back to the angel beside me as she sang the song with such feeling that my stupid eyes began to sting again. This woman turned me into a bloody emotional wreck in the best possible way.
When the song ended, I placed my guitar down carefully and banged my hands together with the rest of the crowd. She was fucking awesome! My palms were red raw when I stopped clapping but I didn’t care. We stepped down from the stage and once again I placed Rhiannon against the wall. Scooping Mallory into my arms, I swung her around, kissing her cheeks and head. When I placed her down again, her eyes met mine and the chemistry between us literally took my breath from my body.
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