“Where are you from?” I ask curiously.
“France. I’m a student transfer, but if all goes well, I’ll stay on for college too.” She pauses. “I just love it here. My parents are very strict, so I have more freedom here than I’ve ever had.” Her cheeks are flushed, and I love how passionate she is. “I’m Sophia, by the way.”
“Jill,” I reply. “I’d love to travel. I’ve been all over the States, but never overseas.”
“Oh, you need to.” She grins. “Travel is the best. It’s something everyone should do while they’re still young enough to enjoy it.”
The thought of spending a year or two overseas experiencing another culture excites me. I’d love to take a year off before college and travel. But now I have more important things to consider—like Eli. I can’t help but wonder if things like this are going to exacerbate the different stages of life we are at. What if he’s not interested in doing the things I yearn to do? What if he feels like he’s holding me back? I swallow, an even worse thought creeping into my mind.
What if I feel like that?
Class finishes and we stand up. I have a free study period, and I discover Sophia does too so we head to the library.
“So, who are you staying with while you’re here?” I ask as we fall into line, walking across the school grounds.
“I’m on my second family, would you believe?” She laughs. “This couple is great. I had issues with the first so they moved me.”
“So, which colleges are you applying for?” I ask, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. Opening up to people doesn’t come easily for me, but I’m finding her easy to talk to. My pulse quickens as I spot Eli walking in the other direction toward us. I give him a small smile and he nods.
“Ah, American boys are so cute, no?” she whispers. “Though he is no boy. Colleges—I’m applying to some all over the country.”
I laugh off her comment about Eli and keep asking her questions. By the time we reach the library, I feel as though we’ve known each other forever. The last time I clicked with someone this easily was Alice. Well, not including Eli.
Yawning, I stretch my arms behind me as my brain begs me for a break. I pull out my phone and see we have been studying for nearly two hours. Shit. I’m surprised by the amount of studying we’ve actually managed to get done.
My phone rings on the table in front of us. Eli’s name shows on the screen. Sophia glances at the vibrating phone before my fingers can quickly reject the call. I’m shaking, because I don’t know if she saw his name—not that she’d recognize it or anything, but it still feels like a close call. But then again, when you’re dating someone you shouldn’t, everything does. The last thing my new ‘friend’ needs to know is that I’m fraternizing with a fucking teacher.
“Boyfriend?” she asks.
I blush and nod. “Yes.”
“I need to get myself some American boys, no?” She giggles.
I laugh, because she’s already reminding me so much of Alice.
“Is he cute?”
“He’s cute,” I admit. “And sweet, and sexy, and hot.” We dissolve into laughter, earning us a glare from a nearby teacher. “Do you want to get a coffee? I think my brain is going to fall out if I do any more studying right now.”
“Sure.” She nods, her cheeks pink. “I’d love that.”
“Considering you’re kind of new, like me, I’m guessing you don’t go out much?” She licks the froth off her latte as she waits for me to answer.
“Not really,” I admit. “I’ve moved so much, because my Dad is in the military, that I find it hard to connect with people. It’s easier to lose myself in books and focus on the friends I do have, if that makes sense?”
“It does.” She smiles. “But that doesn’t mean it’s healthy. Everybody needs, how do you say it . . .” She thinks for a moment before deciding on a word. “Entertainment?”
I laugh. If only she knew just how much entertainment I was getting from Eli.
“Your boyfriend doesn’t live around here?”
“Why do you say that?” I ask curiously.
“Just a feeling.” She shrugs. “I’ve watched you in class and you’re very quiet—almost sad. Like you are missing someone?” Her blue eyes twinkle and I laugh.
“It’s hard not seeing him whenever I want to,” I say. I’m careful with my wording, because I don’t want to lie to her. “You must miss your family, being so far away.”
“God, no.” She rolls her eyes. “My parents smother me until I can barely breathe. Back in France, I can’t even go to the bathroom without them knowing first.”
I can’t imagine my parents being so strict—or trying to sneak around with Eli if they were. There aren’t too many occasions where I’m thankful Dad is away so much or that Mom’s been working so many double shifts.
Sophia makes eye contact with the cute waiter who clears our empty mugs. We stand up and she leans over and hugs me. I’m surprised, until I remember that’s probably normal where she’s from.
“I’m so glad we’re friends, Jill. And just when I was beginning to think all American teenagers were unfriendly.” She laughs and I snort. That wouldn’t be far from the truth. My mind wanders to Jamie. Perfect example.
“Not all of us are,” I grin. “I’m glad to have met you too.”
We walk outside and I wave her off, and then head home in the opposite direction. I’m daydreaming, lost in my own little world, when my phone rings. Smiling as his name flashes on my screen, I press answer.
“Hey. Sorry I hung up on you before. I was with a friend.”
“The same friend that thinks I’m cute?” he asks and I laugh. He heard that? I wonder what else he overhears. On second thought, I don’t want to know.
“There’s a line, Mr. Anderson, and you’re close to crossing it. Surely one teenager is enough for you?” I joke.
He groans. “Holy shit. I’m that guy.”
“That guy?” I repeat, laughing.
“I’m glad you find this so funny, but I’m a twenty-five-year-old dude who is excited his girlfriend is turning eighteen. I’m teasing you because your teenage friend think I’m cute.” He sighs dramatically. “I’m that guy.”
“You’re excited about my birthday?” I repeat.
“Not the point, but yeah. Aren’t you?” he asks, his voice husky.
I grin. He has no idea how much I’m looking forward to tomorrow.
“I honestly can’t wait.”
Chapter Eight
Eli
What the fuck have I gotten myself into?
When Jill reminded me that I’m ‘that guy,’ I kind of freaked out. Because it made me realize just how much I’m risking on this relationship. I’ve spent so much time and directed so much anger into making sure I don’t repeat what my father did, and what do I do? Go and sleep with a fucking student.
I’m sure if the secret ever got out and I was put up against a panel, I could argue that we knew each other before I was her teacher. In fact, I could prove it. But it still makes no difference as to how the education board would see it, or how Mom would see me become the person I said I’d never be.
There lies another problem: how I’m going to explain this to Mom, I have no idea. I can hide it for a while, but eventually, if it does go somewhere, people are going to find out. I can’t see Mom being supportive of Jill after what Dad put her through, let alone understanding my position.
Neither Mom nor Dad ever sat down with me and explained what happened all those years ago. The information I have on his affair I’d pieced together myself. I laugh, because it’s funny that despite my years of ignoring my father, neither of them thought it a good idea to tell me everything that happened.
I need answers. My feelings toward Dad, this whole thing with Jill—I’m not going to be able to move past it all until I know exactly what happened back then. Picking up the phone, I hesitate. Do I call Mom or Dad?
Mom would be easier to talk to, but I don’t wa
nt to bring up bad memories for her. Even though she’s moved on and put it all behind her, she’s in a good place now. On the other hand, I’m not sure I can deal with whatever Dad has to say without wanting to punch the shit out of him.
“Eli.” The fatigue evident through his voice takes me by surprise, and a wave of guilt hits me. Should we be having this conversation when he’s clearly not well?
“Dad, hi.” I hesitate, debating whether or not to continue. He’s not stupid, though; he knows something is wrong by the simple fact that I called him. We haven’t spoken outside of necessity for years.
“Eli, is everything okay?” Concern laces his voice, and I sigh. I can hear the panic in his voice already, so I may as well just get this over and done with.
Running a hand through my hair, I clear my throat. “Why did you cheat on Mom?”
“Shit,” he curses under his breath, and I know to him it probably feels like it has come out of nowhere, but it hasn’t. This moment has been building up inside me for years. I’ve wanted to confront him for so long, to find out what it is I don’t know about what happened. My anger feels as raw as it did back when I was ten, trying to overhear my parents arguing in the bedroom.
“This is over and done with, Eli. Can’t we just move on?” he asks, his voice strained. “Why now?”
“Move on?” I laugh bitterly. “You robbed me of my teenage years for a quick fuck with a teenager.” I sit down on the edge of the sofa. My hands are shaking; I’m struggling to contain my anger. “You have no fucking idea what you put me through, Dad. What you put Mom through.”
“I ruined everything, I know,” he says.
He thinks I’m being dramatic.
“What’s this about? Why now? Is this about you and Jill? God, Eli, tell me you’ve stopped seeing her,” he sighs.
“It has nothing to do with Jill and everything to do with what a cunt of a father and husband you were,” I growl. I’m angry now. “You’ve fooled the girls, but not me. I saw a side to you they didn’t.”
I shake my head, because he really has no idea. Nothing is ever his fault. The years of verbal abuse, the constant reminder that I’d never live up to his expectations—I could handle all that because that was just who he was. But what he did to Mom was the final straw.
“Seven failed suicide attempts, Dad. Years of finding her passed out on the sofa with an empty bottle of vodka by her side. I had to work, study, and care for her when she couldn’t force herself out of bed in the morning because you couldn’t keep your fucking dick in your pants.”
“Your mother . . .” His voice trails off, then he sighs. “Your mother had problems long before I cheated on her, Eli.”
“You’re right, she did. Even more reason why you should have known better.” My words are harsh, but I don’t care. All the anger pent up inside me is flowing out and I have no idea where it’s going to stop. “I need to know everything, Dad.”
“Okay,” he mumbles.
My heart pounds as I wait for him to continue.
“I was a part-time lecturer at the University of Colorado, as well as keeping my principal duties at school,” he says. “There was a girl. Nineteen. Her name was Cecily. We just clicked. It was innocent at first, just talking. But then the conversations got more flirtatious.” He swallows.
“Did you stop for a moment to think about Mom? Or me?” I ask, raising my voice.
“I loved your mom more than you’ll ever know. Hell . . . I still do,” he growls. “But your mom and I were going through our own set of issues. I regret it every day of my life, Eli. I can’t change what happened though. I don’t expect you to understand. The thing about fucking up is you don’t realize it until it’s too late.”
Jill springs into my mind. My God, do I know. She’s the first thing I think about when I wake up, and she invades my dreams every night. What if I were in Dad’s position? Would I have cheated on someone else with Jill? How can I know that?
“Fucking years, Dad,” I yell. “I put up with years of shit from you, then living with Mom’s alcohol abuse and her depression. All because you decided to waste your family to dip your wick in some student.” My anger is spiraling out of control, which shouldn’t be surprising to me.
We all knew this wasn’t going to end well. Would I be this angry with him if he’d fucked someone the same age as him, or is it the fact that she was his student—only a few years older than I was at the time? If I’m honest with myself, what exactly is it that makes me hate him so damn much?
“Eli, if you give me a chance, you’ll see it wasn’t wasted. We can still fix—”
“Forget it, Dad. I can’t listen to any more. It’s unforgivable.” I hang up and throw the cell across the room, wincing as it bounces off the wall.
He thinks he can fix this? Fix us? I laugh. There is no fixing us.
Chapter Nine
Jill
I wake up Friday morning with a smile on my face. My stomach is in knots, because today is the day—in more ways than one.
I’m eighteen. I have two more exams until Christmas break, but most importantly, I get to see Eli tonight. Even though we’ve already had sex twice, it feels different. The build up to this night has me nervous about seeing him, so much so that it feels like our first time.
I feel like a freaking virgin on junior prom night—which I wasn’t, by the way.
Trudging down the stairs, I prepare myself for the over-the-top fuss Mom puts on every birthday, but I’m surprised to find the house quiet. I walk into the kitchen and see the note addressed to me on the table.
Sorry honey,
I got called in early. I’ll make it up to you tonight, I promise. I’ll be home when you get home from school. Love you, and happy birthday.
Mom xx
Frowning, I pour myself a coffee and sit down. This is feeling reminiscent of Sixteen Candles. Mom couldn’t say no to one shift to be here the morning I turn eighteen?
I know I’m being childish, but I can’t help it. Eli and I have plans tonight, and as awful as it sounds, I don’t want to waste any of our time with Mom.
The day drags by so slowly, and the minute I walk out of my last exam I can feel the weight lift off my shoulders. There should be some kind of law against being forced to take exams on your birthday, especially when they’re as hard as that one was. The only highlights were the glimpses I saw of Eli in the halls on the way to class, and having Sophia chattering away next to me for most of the day. As I’m walking home I get a text from Eli, which fast becomes the highlight of my birthday. I hope he can top that later.
Eli: Happy birthday, Jill. I hope it’s everything you want and more.
Me: I’ll settle for everything I want ;)
Eli: You’re too amazing to settle for anything.
I grin and start putting my phone away when I realize Alice hasn’t called to wish me a happy birthday yet. More often than not, her timing is shocking, and it would be just my luck that she would call me later when I’m . . . otherwise occupied. Finding her in my short list of contacts, I press call.
“Hey.” I grin.
“Hey! I’m just about to walk into detention so I have to be quick.” She laughs.
“What did you do now?” I can’t help but laugh with her. She practically lives in detention. She’s a teacher’s worst nightmare. Naughty thoughts of Eli disciplining me in detention cross my mind and I blush.
“Ha, what didn’t I do wrong? Jesus, the teachers at this boarding school need to lighten the fuck up. I’m not into old chicks, but maybe I should take a leaf out of your book.” She snickers. “Someone’s going to get hot birthday sex tonight from their tea—cher,” she sings.
“Well, he’s technically not my teacher anymore.” I laugh.
“Technically, schmechnically,” she grumbles. “He’s off limits and that’s sexy as fuck.”
I laugh—trust Al to voice that—however, there is no doubt in my mind that Eli and I are getting down and dirty tonight.
&nbs
p; “I don’t know why you guys haven’t been fucking each other’s brains out at night and then pretending you don’t know each other during the day. I mean, how the hell is anyone going to find out, anyway?”
I roll my eyes, anxiety rising in my stomach. She doesn’t understand how many people would be affected if someone found out about us. The thought makes me sick, and instantly I’m thinking about Jamie—again. It’s too much of a coincidence for him to say that if he knows nothing.
“Babe, I gotta go. Miss Stick-Up-Her-Ass is walking toward me, and the scowl that never seems to leave her face when I’m in her presence is present.”
I can almost hear her eyes rolling.
“Happy birthday, Jilly baby. I’ll call you later, ’kay?”
***
“Mom, did you hear me?” I wave my hand in her face.
We’re standing side by side in the kitchen as she makes coffee, but she’s so withdrawn that I’ve had to repeat myself a few times already. It’s unnerving. And it’s my birthday. A very mature start to me being eighteen, but I’m so pissed at her lack of interest in my day.
She shakes her head and snaps back to attention. She looks over at me, an apologetic smile on her face. “Sorry, hon, what did you say?”
“I was talking about my birthday,” I grumble. “What’s going on, Mom? You aren’t yourself today. Anything you want to talk about?” I ask. I’m starting to worry that something might be seriously wrong. But if it were, surely Dad would be here . . . right?
“I’m having some issues at work, but nothing that won’t sort itself out. I’m sorry, honey, it’s nothing for you to worry about.” She wraps her arms around me and kisses me on the forehead. “I’m sorry if I haven’t been here for you much lately.”
“No, it’s fine, I just want to make sure you’re okay.” A wave of guilt hits me as I think about how much I’ve been keeping from her.
“Now, I have something for you, birthday girl.” She smiles and hands me a delicately wrapped present and a card.
Rewriting History Page 5
