by Sam Taylor
Finely Alice rives an we all look up at her specting a grin or thankyou wen she sees the bread an cheese an eggs an lettuce an wine an smells the rabbit stew on the range. Sted she jus sits down in silents. The silents are louder than the talking wer befor.
Pas I-brows go up. Any thing the matter Alice he asks in a calm voice.
Silents. Staring.
Well a toast then. Pa lifts his glass an we do the same. Happy moonday Daisy happy moonday Finn happy moonday Alice.
Happy moonday Pa we say me an Daisy but Alice says no thing her glass int lifted.
Happy moonday Alice peats Pa.
Is it.
Well evry body else thinks so. Wats the matter.
You no wat.
Alice he sighs an I see his face go sad an old. Cant we jus forget that for now an joy this meal to gether. We can talk bout it after.
Have you changed yer mind.
No I hant changed my mind but maybe if I splain mor youll stand wy.
If yer ansers the same then theres no thing to talk bout.
Theres mor heavy silents an the air goes sunly grey. I look up. The suns been covered by Snowy the God. Pa sighs an I look in his face. Hes kinda wincing like he does wen hes got one of his heart aches. Alices hurting him. Scuse me he coffs an gets up an walks a way. Tears are welling behind my eyes. I kick Alice under the table cus ahm angry an I want her to stop.
Ow she says an stares at me. The look in her eyes is I-see.
Spite my trying to stop em the tears leak out my eyes. I turn a way an wipe em off my cheeks. Stop it I say not looking at her. Jus be normal. Please.
Silents. My eyes are closed but I feel her hand soft on my shoulder. All right Finn. Her voices gon soft too. All right. I open my eyes an look at her specting to see morse on her face but theres no thing like that only a spression I no too well eyes narrowd looking a way lips tight an slightly curving. Its cunning. Alice hant truely gon back to normal shes jus tending to for some secret reason of her own. I side to keep my eye on her after that.
Pa comes back holding four strawbrees an Daisy hurrays. Happy moonday he peats handing each of us a strawbree. This time Alice smiles an says Happy moonday Pa like the strawbree changed her mind. The liar. Pa sighs in a difrant way an we raise our glasses an drink. The wines sower like all ways but I kinda like the way it turns my throat warm now an the sleepy waves that swell in my body after a couple swallows. Happy moonday to us we sing an then we gin eating.
Wen weare all full an the foods speard down our throats Alice clears the plates a way. I look at Pas face he dont spect a thing. Its his fourth glass of wine an his eyes have got that bliss full gon look Goldy gets wen you stroke his belly.
We drink some mint tea then Pa says hes go-ing for a lie down.
Can I come asks Daisy.
Shure hun.
I think I might sleep a wile too yawns Alice.
I squint at her spiciously but she only stretches her arms over her head an follows Pa an Daisy into the ark. At the door she turns round an says Arent you coming Finn. I make up my mind then. Shes up to some thing but she wants me a sleep befor she dares it so I side to fake sleep an then follow her where ever she goes.
The two of us clapse on our bunks in the shutterd dark. Daisys in the other room culling Pa. We both sigh an moan a bit an turn over an punch our pillows an then we lay there like sleepers only ahm lissning hard as I can.
Time slides a way an.
Pssshhh.
My eye flicks open. Her beds emty. I sit up an see her standing near the door her back to me an her fingers on the handle. In silents I lie down a gen an shut my eyes.
Finn.
Whisperd.
Finn.
Louder.
Checking I truely am a sleep. Silents then I hear krouck waaark tlak. I sit up an stare into the dark ness. Shes gon. The doors closed.
Soon as I get outside I see her. Shes walking up thru the corn field her calves vanisht mong the neehigh green shoots. Go-ing fast as a chaste hen an holding a meat nife in one hand. Thru the orchard she goes up an round past the lake till soon I no theres only one place she can be headed. The Afterwoods.
I stand there by the ark an think wat to do. I orter wake Pa now an tell him but hes tough to shake out of sleep wen hes drunk an his tempers like dry leaves it lights up easy. Course if I follow Alice Ikerd land in trouble too but I cant let her go a lone she cud be hurt or lost or she cud find the No-ing Tree an lern some thing portant. Any way ahm curious. Wat kinda secrets can a tree keep.
Soon she spears into the dark of the forest an I run cross the river an long the lakes edge. Finely I reach the shadow line. My eyes take a moment to just to the dark then I see her. Shes wearing a red dress so shes easy to spot. I watch her a couple moments till ahm shure shes following the path. Then I follow her brushing past nells that sting my skin an thorns that scratch it ducking under branches crawling thru bracken thats tallern me. The scents are strong an green here the airs real close. All my skins got like a nother skin of swet.
A way from the path I see some thing big an yellowanblack an shiny half coverd by creepers an nells. Curious I walk tords it. Theres a like normous spade at the front an two glass eyes. Ahm bout to move closer so I can touch the yellow which looks like metal but then I member Alice whos far a head now an I rush back to the path an follow her befor she spears.
A couple times Alice stops an looks round her like shes nervous. I guess its the noises she can hear I hear em too lil pssshhts an crrreeeks an glowm glowms I dont no wat they are. Alice never sees me wen she looks round. I dont need to hide I dont think she truely sees any thing. I try it my self an stand wy. Look round an all you sees trees or not even them jus shapes of darkgreen brightgreen greyblack all kinda moving yet all kinda still. Alices in red but ahm in grey an green. Long as I dont speak or sneeze ahl jus be like a trunk or a shadow to her.
It grows darker an steeper then the ground levels out an I see like a water fall of light up a head. Alice sees it too an stops. Wen she walks into it I follow to the place where she stood befor an I stand wat made her stop. Theres a circle of open ground staind yellowgrey by daylight with four big black squares lying in the dry grass like the windows of a house under ground. But thats not the mos mazing thing cus in mill of the clearing there truely is a house. Its made of wood like the ark but its smaller an the walls go straight down to the ground they dont curve. The windows are square not round. I stand behind a tree an watch Alice as she walks to the door. I think bout Daisys tale of the house in the woods an the witch who wanted to eat the brother an sister an I shiver. Theres some silents then Alice pushes the door an goes in. The door shuts behind her.
I have to wait then Ive got no choice. I sit down by the tree an rest my legs an scratch my neck an arms an wish ahd thought to bring some water. I sit there for ages lissning to the forest an trying to make slyver in my mouth. The time goes so slow I some times magine its stopt all to gether. I think bout the yellowanblack metal thing in the woods an the black windows in the ground an wonder wat they cud be but my minds emty. I grow tireder an tireder so finely I lean genst the trunk an close my eyes.
I open em a gen an get a jolt of fear. The airs cooler an darkern befor an the door of the houses open. I look all round but cant see Alice an wen I look up at the sky bove the clearing I can see the blues gon deeper. It must be evening. I get up my arms an legs numb an buzzing an have to grip the tree cus my head starts spinning.
Venturely I walk cross the clearing. I bend down to touch one of the black windows it feels like its made of glass but I cant see any thing thru it. On I go to the door. Alice I whisper but theres no body. I go in an close the door behind me. Inside the house its truely silent theres non of the lil noises you get out mong the trees. I can hear my self breath. Theres a musty dusty smell like the doors been closed too long. Wen my eyes just to the dark I gin to see my roundings.
An thats wen I gasp.
Cus wat I magined wer only a strange kinda wood o
n the walls now pears to be some thing I thought dint zist. Books. Hunerds of em by the looks of it maybe even thouzuns. But how. Ikerda sworn Pa told us hed only saved three books from the flood. The three mos portant books of all he said Tales the Bible an Shakespeare. All the other books in the world came from these he said. Maybe ahm membring rong I dont no.
I move near a wall an start reading off titles theyre in alfa betical order. DEFOE Robinson Crusoe. DHALGREN Samuel R Delany. UNDERWORLD Don DeLillo. WHITE NOISE Don DeLillo. US ARMY SURVIVAL MANUAL: FM21-76 Department of Defense. I stop reading an look round the rest of the room. Its a mess. Theres junk boxes papers tools all over the floor an in the mills a table you can harly see the wood of for all the things piled on it. Theres like a shiny wite box with a black tanglar face which tapt on it feels like glass. The other side of it looks like stone but its not as cold or heavy an its got like rubber snakes coming out of it. Nex to that theres a flat wite box covered in lil squares an each squares got a letter of the alfa bet or a number or a shape I dont stand on it. Theres all so a blue metal insect with a witish glass eye in its head an papers all over the table covered in lil black letters. Ahm bout to read some wen I hear a noise from outside like a bird shrawking or a.
Or a girl screaming.
My heart beats fast an I run to the door.
Outside the airs bright nex to the air in the house but wen I look up at the sky I can see the blues gon purple-black an all the lights coming from the moon. Nights all ready fallen. I wonder if Pas woken up yet. If he has heal be worried bout us maybe angry. I close my eyes an listen hard but all I hears the trrrpppt trrrpppt of the cadas. I walk cross the other half of the clearing an enter the closepackt trees on the far side. But I cant find a path in the dark there an ahm scared. Then the sound comes a gen from some where up a head.
Help.
Alice I yell.
Some silents then
Finn. Help me. Please.
She cant be too far I can hear evry word. I start to walk.
Where are you.
Here she says. Over to my left now.
Keep yelling Alice.
Finn.
Keep yelling so I no where you are.
Help me.
Ahm coming Alice.
Finn.
Ahm getting closer.
Snake.
Wat.
Finntheresasnake.
Shit I hiss then
Dont move. Ahm nearly with you.
We keep go-ing like this till finely her voice sounds so close I no Ive found her even tho I cant see her.
Alice where are you.
Up here.
I follow the sound an see her shape dimly on a branch jus bove me.
Wat are you.
I told you. Theres a snake down there. Care full. Listen.
I listen an yes I can hear it the tsstsstsstss that Pas warnd us bout. I stare thru the gloom an reckon I can jus make it out. I try to member wat Pa told us bout snakes but ahm too fraid I cant think.
Wat are you go-ing to do Finn.
I dont no I fess. Maybe if I go back an get Pa.
No she cries. Dontleavemeherewith. She swallows. It.
All right I wont. Calm down Alice. Let me think.
I take a few steps back case the snakes sizing me up an close my eyes. I all ways think better with my eyes closed. I stand like that for a wile go-ing duum duum an then finely I get an I-dear. I dont truely no if its a good one but its the only I-dear Ive got. I serch with my hands on the ground for a stone.
Get ready to jump down I say.
But theres a.
I no ahm go-ing to stract it. Soon as I say Go you go okay.
Silents.
Okay I peat.
Okay she says finely but like she dont truely be leave it.
I stare into the bluegrey an try to see where the snake is. Tsstsstsstss. Some thing moves an I throw the stone near it. I wer hoping the snaked go where the stone landed but it seems to see me then its eyes are on me an its making a difrant kind of noise. I take mor steps backward. The snakes moving closer. Shit I hiss my hearts in my throat go-ing DUUM DUUM. I go farther back till I feel a tree behind me an I cant go any farther.
Jump I shout. Its near me now jump an get a way.
Theres no anser only sobbing an tsstsstsstss.
JUMPDOWNYOUGOTTHENIFESTABTHEDAMNTHINGPLEASEALICEPLEASEDOITNOW.
But non of this comes out its only in my head. My mouths open but its too dry I cant speak. The snakes slithring closer. I cant move I feel sick the black birds flapping inside. Help I cry then I hear an see some thing move beside me. Rustle an loom. Some thing big. I cant breath. The big thing moves a sun blaze of light flares over the snake an bracken an trees an the hand of the big thing its a man its Pa an I gasp Pa but he dont speak only keeps moving slowly past me tords the snake thats frozen in the fires light.
Pa moves a head of me closer to the snake an I can see hes got a fire stick in his right hand an a nother stick in his left. He leans the fire stick close to the snake which hisses an cowers an then with the left hand he brings the other stick down on the snakes neck. The other sticks got a V at the end an the snakes heads trapt tween the forks. Then Pa brings the fire stick down on its head an
TSSTSSTSSTSS.
The snakes dead.
*
The airs heavy in the kitchen like wen a storms brewing. Pa spoons the stew in my bowl an I mutter thanks. Ahm so tired I can harly lift my spoon. No body speaks sept Daisy who keeps looking puzzled in our eyes an asking where weve been. Finely Pa shushes her an says Eat.
I spected Pa to be angry with us. Maybe he is but thats sernly not all he is. All the way home he harly said a word. He askt us if we wer hurt an that wer all he never askt wat we wer do-ing in the Afterwoods he never askt us if we went in the house he never told us wed done rong. He cleand our scratches an stings wen we got home but there wer no love in the way he did it he dint look at us an he dint say any thing. I all mos wish wed been punisht sted of these heavy silents. I glimpse his face a couple times wile weare eating but each time he must feel my eyes on him cus he jus sighs Eat Finn an bends his head even steeper over the bowl. I only see his spression for a few seconds but each time it looks like it did this morning wen I made my face like his an felt the black bird. It looks like hes fraid of some thing.
Theres no music. Normly on moonday we sing an dance till the suns all mos coming up out the sea but tonight no body even asks bout it. He kisses us all goodnight quick an cold an then he goes. The doors shut theres the sound of his door opening an shutting an then theres silents.
I look at Alice whos sat up in bed seeming zorbed by Shakespeare. I look at her long a nuff for her to feel my eyes on her but she nores me so I read the Bible for a wile all the time pushing a way memrys of the boxes in the house an the black windows in the ground an the tsstsstsstss of the snake in the gloom. And Er was wicked in the sight of the Lord and the Lord slew him. The words go thru my eyes an into my head but I dont truely stand em. Ahm thinking bout the rubber snakes coming out the boxes an the words UNDERWORLD an WHITE NOISE. I wonder what White Noise sounds like. Like snow maybe sofly landing on the grass. Or like silents so loud theyre all you can hear. I try to magine an Underworld but all I see in my heads the greengrey sea an them dark shapes you can jus make out thru the muddy water.
Ahm still wondring bout all this wen the room goes sunly darker. Alices blown out her candle. I hear her go hhmmhhmm an look at the shape of her head on her pillow in the dark.
Alice I say.
She nores me.
Ahm wondring if she found the No-ing Tree wile I wer in the lil house. Ahm wondring if she scovered the secret.
Alice I peat. Alice.
Wat she mumbles.
I want to talk to her bout wat I saw in the house an ask her if she noes wat the boxes were. I want to ask her wat she ment the other night wen she said Maybe Pas lying. I want to ask her all this but I dont. All that comes out is
You all
right.
Ahm tired Finn she plies in a mumble. Go to sleep.
I blow out my candle an stare at the dark all round me. I wonder wat it is Pas fraid of.
VII
I pour another glass, the red blackish, warm, mysterious in candlelight, and a drop spills on the table. Fuck. It stays in a perfect circle for a moment, then grows longer, tear-shaped, and begins to roll, slowly, slowly, towards the edge. Is it the table that’s not straight or is it the floor? Or is it the whole God-damned world? That which is crooked cannot be made straight, and that which is coming cannot be stopped. I bend down my head and lick up the winedrop. It tastes of wood and leaves a purplish stain.
Fuck fuck fucking fuck.
I drink more wine, and look round the ghostly kitchen. The shelves, the worktop, the sink, which I KNOW is all so solid, was all made and fitted by these my hands (battered and tanned like two brown leather gloves on the table before me) neverless looks illusory, solid as steam, in the guttering flameglow. Like it might be swept away by the merest breath of wind. How my life feels, now. I stroke the table with my fingertips, taste it again with my tongue, touch it with my teeth. It’s real, it’s real. O how I wish wood were flesh, and she …
Fuck, I’m drunk, I should go to sleep, but my heart taketh not rest in the night. And wine dulls the dread. And fires the yearning. What life to a man that is without wine? For it was made to make men glad.
Ha.
But it drulls the dead. A little. And yires the fearning.
Fuck, what a day. What a fucking day.
The son dishonoureth the father, and the daughter riseth up against him.
They went to the Afterwoods today, Finn and Alice. While I was sleeping. I woke because I needed to piss, then went to look in on them (how I love their faces in sleep) and. Gone. I left Daisy adream in my bed and ran faster than I’ve run in years. The wine banging in my temples. Heart booming against my ribs. I knew where they’d gone. Alice has been talking of nothing else for days, moons. She even threatened to go once before, when I.
