by Sienna Snow
Veer turned, walking past Devin and shutting the door behind him.
We remained quiet for a few seconds, gazing at each other before I walked onto the balcony.
I stared toward the river and rubbed my arms as a chill shot through me even though it was at least a hundred Fahrenheit.
This was a conversation that was years in the making, one we’d touched on here and there but never addressed.
Devin approached me, leaning against the balcony railing next to me.
“If not for love, tell me why you stayed.” Pain laced his words. The truth was going to hurt him as much as it hurt me to admit it.
“Because…because I refused to let my father win. I wasn’t going to fail at my marriage as he predicted. He told me we’d never last. He said you didn’t understand me or what my dreams were. That you couldn’t care less about our culture and would push me to turn my back on it, instead of trying to become part of it. He insisted you only cared about your career and your family’s reputation. He predicted our love wouldn’t survive your ambition or mine.” I turned toward him. “I loved you so much, but I’d never have allowed the way things went with us if I wasn’t determined to prove him wrong. I tolerated a marriage like my parents’, all because I was never going to let Papa see that he was, in fact, right.”
He stepped toward me, grasping my upper arms with both of his hands. “But he’s not right. Don’t let his words change the road we’re trying to mend. We can fix this. I won’t ever take you for granted again.”
Why was he so calm? I’d just told him I stayed in our marriage because of Papa and not him.
“Why aren’t you angry about what I’ve just admitted?”
“I already knew why you held on for so long.” He released me and then ran a frustrated hand through his hair. “I’ve known since we started having problems.”
I remembered the first time I realized our marriage was in trouble. Devin had been angry with me that morning two years ago. I’d taken on a new client who happened to be the wife of a major critic of his father’s. He’d left my condo after a heated argument about loyalties and then returned, threw a stack of papers on the coffee table, and said he was now officially a nominee for federal magistrate judge.
I hadn’t spoken to him for over a month. We lived in the same condo, neither acknowledging the other’s presence. The only way we ever expressed ourselves was in bed every night through angry sex, filled with pain, need.
It was a repeated cycle we visited every time things became complicated.
“That was years ago.”
“You should have left me then. Hell, you should have left me before that. But you stayed. You put up with my crap, no matter how much it hurt.”
“Like when you took that bitch Veronica to all your family events or Judge McGregor to the charity event.”
“Yes.” He hung his head. “I was such a bastard. It won’t ever happen again. It should have been you by my side from the beginning.”
“There’s so much hurt between us. Is it possible to move past it? Is a fresh start going to work or are we kidding ourselves?” Tears streamed down my face as I peered up at him. “I won’t be the woman who let you turn her into a secret anymore. As I told you in Seattle, I’d rather live without you and have a broken heart than with you and be less than who I am.”
“I’ll do whatever it takes to make this work. We made a vow on that beach. To love, honor, and cherish each other through thick or thin. Don’t give up on us. I won’t ever let you down.”
“Our lives are going to become insane. I’m going to fight Sanders and Decker. It’s going to get dirty. After what happened tonight with Papa, I have to do this for all those who’ve encountered someone who used their power to hurt them.” I closed my eyes, letting my tears fall. “So please don’t make promises if you can’t keep them.”
“You’re more important to me than anything. When the time comes, I’ll take an indefinite leave of absence and be by your side every step of the way.”
I couldn’t believe what he said. He was going to put his career aside for me. He loved his position. It was all he’d ever wanted. I knew what he’d told his father, but I hadn’t thought he’d stop working.
“That’s not something I’d ask of you.”
“I know you wouldn’t. I’m making the choice. I’m all in, baby. Now the ball is in your court. You decide how things go for us. I’m not going to say things will be easy. My parents’ marriage is proof enough, but as long as we agree to meet each other halfway, we can survive anything thrown our way.”
I held his gaze, seeing the truth in his words. What he’d been trying to tell me since he muscled his way back into our house. All these years we’d let other people dictate our actions. It was time to live honestly. The way we should have from the beginning.
I had to trust this, trust him. I either forgave the past and moved forward, or I had to give him up.
“I’m in, Sami. Are you?”
After a few more seconds, I nodded. “I’m in too.”
Relief played across his face, and he pulled me toward him. I buried my face in his chest, feeling the first wave of sadness evaporate from my shoulders.
“What about your father?”
“What about him? He has no say in what I do.”
I pulled back. “He’s going to go ballistic. Your mom told me he’s hoping you’ll change your mind about a judicial nomination by the president.”
“That’s my father’s plan for my life, not mine. It’s time your career took priority over mine.”
I pointed toward the vans and media outlets on the edge of the estate. “Are you ready for that on a regular basis? Once we go down this path, it will be a long time before we become private citizens again.”
“I’ve never been a private citizen. Did you forget my father is a career politician? And you have groupies because of our dear friend Clint. Your privacy went out the window months ago, with no return in sight. Though his need to protect you has started to win me over.”
“I’m sure he will be happy to hear about your change in esteem.”
“I’ll deny it if you ever tell him, but I think he is going to be one of your biggest assets.”
“I’ll keep it between us.”
“I have a request.”
“Go ahead.” I lifted a brow and then folded my arms.
He caged me against the balcony. “If I stop judicial duties, I have one condition.”
Of course he did.
“And what would that be?” I asked, smiling up at him.
He was so handsome.
“A baby.” He traced my bottom lip with his thumb. “If I’m quitting my job, I’d like to be upgraded to stay-at-home dad.”
My lips trembled. I’d wanted a baby for so long, and until this moment, it never felt like the right time.
“Are you sure you want a baby now? Elections and pregnancy might not be a good combination.”
His face broke out into a huge smile. “I don’t think you have a choice in the matter.”
“Of course I have a choice. I’m the one who has to carry our child.” I leaned against the railing and frowned.
“What’s today’s date?”
“Well, it’s past midnight, so July fifth. What does that have to do with any…” I trailed off as I realized where he was going with his question.
The last time I had had a period was almost two months ago. How could I not notice until now? I’d had a period on the first or second of the month like clockwork since I was a teenager. Then when I went on the pill, I could predict it to the hour.
The exhaustion and crying weren’t just because of the case or the separation.
Holy shit. I was pregnant.
Chapter Twenty
A wave of dizziness flooded my head, making my stomach turn.
“Oh God. I think I need to sit down.”
Before I knew what was happening, Dev scooped me up and carried me through the balcony doo
rs toward the sofa in the middle of the library.
He sat me down and walked over to a hidden cabinet housing a refrigerator. He pulled out a bottle of sparkling water and brought it back, unscrewing the cap and handing it to me.
“Drink. It will settle your stomach.”
I followed his directions and then leaned my head back against the couch. I went through every possibility over the last few months, and the only conclusion was that one fateful evening a little over six weeks ago.
“The beach.”
“Yes, the beach,” he said as he sat next to me.
“When did you figure it out?”
He propped his arm on the back of the sofa, rested a hand on my stomach, and began to draw circles.
“I started to have my suspicions when you kept refusing your favorite drinks, but blew them off, thinking you wanted to keep a level head and not risk the challenge of the alcohol content of Jacinta’s concoctions. Then, at dinner, your face turned green as you smelled the steak on your plate. You love a seared tenderloin.”
“So, my aversion to red meat confirmed your virility?”
“Yes. And the fact I’ve been inside your body multiple times a day since the first of this month.”
“Oh.”
“Why didn’t you tell me you’d stopped taking birth control?”
“I didn’t.” I faced him. “This wasn’t planned. I missed a pill here and there over the last few months and thought nothing about it. You couldn’t look at me, much less want to screw my brains out. What happened six weeks ago was unexpected.”
“For the record, I always want to screw your brains out.”
I glared at him. “Devin. Really?”
“That night, I watched you sleep on the lounger for over thirty minutes. Then you moaned my name, and it was all over. I had to have you.”
“If I recall, you had me five times. I could barely walk the next morning.”
He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “I wish I’d said to you the words I’d planned. The reason why I came to see you in the first place.
“Instead of talking to you, I made love to you and then lost it when Clint called to discuss the case and the paparazzi showed up. It went from me begging you to take me back to me giving you an ultimatum to pick between our relationship and your career.”
“It wasn’t one of your better moments. If you want to know the truth, your words that night were the catalyst for me wanting to file for separation. It pushed me to realize that I had to put myself first for a change, no matter what anyone thought.”
“However devastated I was to get the notice, I knew I deserved it.” He cupped my face and ran a thumb over my lower lip. “I destroyed the most important thing I had in my life for over twelve years. My relationship with you.”
I covered his hand with mine. “I’m as much to blame, if not more. I allowed this to happen.”
“I did learn some interesting news last week after you made me leave our property.”
“I did not make you leave. No one can make you do anything. Case in point, you muscled your way back into the house on the first. Now tell me what you discovered, super sleuth.”
“I discovered we aren’t separated. You never filed the paperwork.”
I cringed. I’d forgotten in all the chaos of the past few days to mention the fact.
“Are you mad?”
“No. Although, you had me convinced.”
“How did you find out?”
“I was searching the records for the exact date you filed so I could figure out what day you decided it was over. You have no idea how happy I was to find nothing and to know you hadn’t given up hope.”
“I’m a sucker for you, Judge Camden.”
“Sami.” He lifted my chin. “I want us to do things right this time. We can’t keep going around in circles taking the same actions and expect different results. We can’t brush our problems under the rug like we tend to do.”
“And pretend to fix it through sex,” I added.
“As much as I hate to agree, you’re right. Sex is our way to cover up the real problems. Now, I’m not saying give up sex altogether, I’m saying we have to address whatever issues we’re having before falling into bed.” He sat back, pulling me against him. “Agreed?”
“Agreed.” I closed my eyes, listening to his heart beating a slow, steady rhythm.
Now we had to tell our families. Carol and Mommy were going to be ecstatic, but I wasn’t sure how Richard would react. He’d supported me against Papa, but that didn’t mean he’d turned over a new leaf on his traditional views of politics.
“Stop worrying about them. This is the first time in our lives that our parents’ expectations have no influence on us.”
I turned my head up toward him. “Then kiss me and keep me from thinking.”
“I thought you said no sex.”
“I said no sex to solve our problems. Kissing is not sex.”
He sat up, pushing me onto my back, and hovered over me. He leaned down as I lifted my face, but he bypassed my lips and grazed my cheek with his nose. Then he trailed down my neck.
“What are you doing? I said I wanted a kiss.”
I grabbed his face and tried to urge him to my lips, but he grasped my wrists in a tight hold, pinning them to the couch.
“You requested a kiss. What you didn’t do was specify where. Hold on to the armrest and don’t move those hands.”
My heartbeat accelerated, and my skin tingled. Wetness pooled between my legs as my nipples stiffened into hard peaks.
“I did not hear a protest, so I take it you like where I want to kiss you.”
“Devin,” I whimpered.
Who wouldn’t want his talented mouth on them?
He cupped my breasts through my dress, pinching the tips, and then moved lower, gathering the hem of my maxi dress. He pushed my legs apart and wedged his shoulder in between.
He leaned down toward my exposed underwear and then stared up at me with a wicked grin.
“This is for my eyes only. All I want you to do is feel.” He covered his head with my dress.
My fingers dug into the fabric of the sofa as Devin’s hot tongue traced the seam of my swollen, aching pussy.
He pulled my thong to the side and repeated his slow torture. “You’re so wet.”
He continued his torment, making my body catch fire and scream for more.
“Devin, please.”
“What do you want, baby?” He blew onto my aching core. “And be specific.”
“Devin James Camden, if you don’t fuck me with your mouth this second, I’m never going to have sex with you again.”
“Now, we can’t have that.”
His lips captured my clit and without preamble, my body detonated.
I lowered one hand to grip his fabric-covered head and arched up to meet the rhythm of his tongue. My body prickled with goosebumps and my mind clouded with the cascade of emotions my orgasm brought forth.
“Damn, baby. You were ready for me. Let’s see you do it again.”
“No.” I shook my head. “I need you to make love to…” I stopped my request as a knock sounded on the door and it opened.
“Dev, Sam, I think…” Ashur came to an abrupt stop. “Oh, for the love of God. I can never unsee this. Dammit, Devin. That’s my sister.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Close to nine a.m. the next morning, I stared at myself in the mirror of the quaint bathroom in Dev’s cabin.
Today was the day I’d enter a new phase of my life. Something I’d never dreamed of doing when I was a child. A pang of hurt hit my heart, reminding me of the fight with Papa the night before.
I had to accept I’d never be the daughter he wanted, and he’d never be the father I’d wished to have. At least I had the rest of my family: Mommy, Ashur, Veer, and all the Camdens.
What surprised me most was Richard’s change of heart. He’d sat down with me and Jacinta to apologize for his behavior. He see
med genuinely affected by Papa’s words and actions. He told us the whole evening had put a mirror in front of his face and shown him how he was heading down the same road as Papa. The last thing he wanted to do was isolate himself from his children. Then, he’d offered to assist me with the drafting of my statement for this morning. And this was before Devin and I’d told anyone about the pregnancy.
After learning he was going to be a grandfather, he’d smiled and said the kid was exactly like his father, since Devin was conceived during the beginning of Richard’s first bid for Senate.
His effort to connect with me was a start to mending the hurt he’d caused, and I was going to take it. At least I had one father who wanted a relationship with me.
“Are you ready?” Jacinta peeked around the door of my bathroom.
“Almost. Let me put on some lipstick.”
“That dress looks better on you than it ever did on me.”
“I am a good three inches shorter than you. I’m just happy I can walk in it without tripping.”
“Whatever, you know you look gorgeous. It’s too short on me, but on you, it looks classy, polished, with a hint of high fashion and sexiness.” Jacinta leaned against the doorframe and grinned. “Did you read the polls? I’m ahead.”
“Yes, I did, Ms. Frontrunner.”
According to the polls released twenty minutes ago, Jacinta was favored over Decker for her party’s spot on the ballot. And Veer had a cult following of his own. As a war hero and a staunch supporter of veterans and the military, he had endeared himself to a segment of Texas politics who would rarely, if ever, vote for him. Now he had a twenty-point lead over the incumbent.
I was almost positive he was going to become the new Texas governor in four months.
As I set the makeup on the counter and turned to face my beautiful best friend, I noticed her wringing her hands together.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. No, really. I only wanted to say…” She paused and took a deep breath. “Thank you.”
