16 Blood Noir ab-16

by Laurell K. Hamilton

  He whispered against my hair, Why?

  Because you want to.

  Not good enough, he whispered.

  Because I can feel how much it would hurt Nathaniel to see you leave tonight, and know that you didnt have anyone to hold you while you slept.

  Its not sleep I want, Anita. Im afraid to sleep. Im afraid Ill dream. Last night wasbad.

  I lifted my face up to look at him. You found all this out last night?

  He nodded.

  Bad dreams? I made it a question.

  The worst; something about the news about my dad just raked a lot of shit up.

  Nathaniels need pushed at me, almost staggering in his desire to have Jason stay. I tried to shield against him, but realized that one of the reasons I couldnt shield was that I agreed with him. A large part of me felt Jason should stay. Nathaniel was right; Jason was already on my list of lovers. Why was it wrong for me to admit that it was fun to sleep with Jason? Why was it always wrong for me to admit that I simply wanted to be with someone? Not because I had no choice, but because for once, I did?

  He kissed my forehead. Ill go home.

  I hugged him tighter, kept him in the doorway. It would be lovely if you stayed.

  He looked startled. You sound like you mean that.

  I nodded. I do.

  He smiled, and it was a shadow of his usual one. Somewhere in there did you actually say please?

  I smiled at him. I think I did.

  Ive never heard you ask a man to please stay with you.

  I dont usually have to.

  Stay with us tonight, Nathaniel said.

  I nodded. Stay.

  The bed will be a little crowded when Micah gets home.

  Hes out of town, I said.

  A new wereleopard wanted to join our pard. Hes off interviewing, Nathaniel said.

  Jason nodded. I like Micah, you know that.

  But hes not your best friend like Nathaniel is, and hes not a girl, I said.

  Jason nodded again. Tonight, I dont really want an audience.

  Damian is even sleeping over with his latest vampire lover, Nathaniel said. We have the house to ourselves.

  Some tension I hadnt been aware of slid away from Jason. I love everybody, but sometimes the group thing gets a little old. It was one of the things I liked about Perdy, at first.

  You dont want a group orgy every night, but you dont want to be monogamous either, Nathaniel said.

  Jason nodded. I am so fucked.

  Not yet, I said, hugging him, but we can fix that.

  He grinned at me, and it reached his eyes. Bedroom, bathroom, living room, or kitchen?

  The kitchen floor is hard and the tile is cold. Why not just go to the nice soft bed? I asked.

  Jason looked at Nathaniel.

  Nathaniel answered the question. Jason has made love in a bed and only a bed since he started being with Perdy.

  I frowned, then looked at Jason, still in a loose hug with me. I understand no shower or bath sex. Mermaids have trouble retaining human form in water, but nothing but the bed?

  He shook his head.

  Standard positions, too? I made it a question.

  He nodded.

  My eyes widened. Oh, Jason, Im sorry, I didnt know. I hugged him tighter.

  He moved back so he could see my face. With all the bad news Ive had today, and you look that stricken that my girlfriend would only do standard bed sex?

  I tried to put into words what I was thinking, not always my best thing. You love sex. Youre good at it.

  Why, gee, thanks. He grinned.

  I gave him a look, but kept talking. I was going to finish this thought, damn it. Sex is one of the most personal things we do as people. To have someone who says she loves you limit how you express yourself in the bedroom is like a small death. It kills the soul.

  The grin left his face, then his eyes. He stared at me, and there Jason was, that part of him that he hid from most people. Heck, that he hid most of the time. He let me see that there was a good mind and a deep thinker inside those usually smiling blue eyes. It made him look sad, and older, but I valued that look. I valued that he let me see him all the way down.

  How did you get to be so smart? he said, softly.

  I have smart friends who give me good advice sometimes. I smiled. Sometimes I even take it.

  He smiled back and ran his hands down my back. So, youd really let me pick where we make love?

  I nodded.

  Just because I havent had a choice in a while.

  Yes.

  What if I want something too freaky?

  Then Ill say no, and you can back it down a little.

  His eyes had that solemn look again. He searched my face. You mean it.

  I put my hands on either side of his face and nodded. I try not to say things I dont mean, Jason. I put a soft kiss at the end of the sentence.

  He moved his hand lower on my back to press us closer together. Close enough that I could feel that his body was already happier than when we hugged last.

  He closed his eyes and took a breath. He looked at Nathaniel. Do you have a preference?

  Youre the guest.

  Jason lifted me off the floor with a hug. We were both short enough that I was in no danger of hitting the doorjamb. I love you guys; you make me feel less weird about myself.

  Why, because were weirder? I asked.

  No, he said, laughing up at me, because your relationship works. It just flat works for you guys. You make me feel that out there somewhere is someone weird enough to make me happy.

  Id rather not do the bathroom, Nathaniel said, it takes forever to dry my hair.

  Jason let me down, so I was standing on the floor again. Im leaning toward the living room.

  There are chairs, and the couch has a back and arms, Nathaniel said.

  How sturdy is the coffee table?

  Not that sturdy, Nathaniel said.

  Id caught on. No, not sturdy enough to have sex on.

  Start in the living room, move to the bedroom? Jason said, making it a question.

  I looked at Nathaniel. He nodded, and gave a little shrug.

  Deal, I said.

  2

  T HEY HAD A disagreement on whether I should leave my heels on or take them off. Nathaniel voted for on; Jason wanted off. Jasons point was, I want to go down on her, and the heels will hurt.

  Nathaniels point was, Yeah, the heels hurt, whats your point?

  I settled the argument this way. Whoever is doing the oral sex on me gets his preference on the shoes.

  Lose the shoes, Jason said, and there was a look in his face that tightened things low in my body without him touching me at all.

  I lost the shoes. They lay on their side in the dimness of the living room. The only light was what spilled in from the kitchen doorway. I stood in front of the couch, while they moved the coffee table far to one side of the room.

  Jason came back and dropped to his knees in front of me. He gazed up at me with one half of his face lit, the other in darkness. The look in the one eye I could clearly see made me shiver.

  Nathaniel came to the end of the couch and took his shorts off in one smooth motion. My pulse was in my throat at the sight of him nude in the darkened room. He let the shorts fall to the floor.

  Jasons hands slid up my legs, underneath my skirt, and I was back to staring down at him. His hands caressed the hose up to my thighs, went up, oh, so gently, until he found the lace tops of the thigh highs. He traced the very top of the lace, trailing fingertips over the rise and fall of the fabric. He rolled fingers back and forth where the hose elastic had rolled down in back. No matter how careful you were, if you had any thighs at all, the hose always did that. But he treated it like what it was, not an imperfection, but something different to play with.

  His fingers slid around that edge, brushing the very upper edges of my thighs. He rubbed his thumbs on that warm inside hollow that frames a womans groin. He massaged my thighs, but it was the pre
ssure of his thumbs that helped draw my legs farther apart. So he could reach what he wanted, and what I wanted him to reach.

  Nathaniel came in behind me. Without the coffee table there was room enough between me and the couch. His arms wrapped around me, pinning my arms against my upper body. The feel of his nakedness pressed against the back of my skirt was amazing. Then he let me feel the strength in his body, as he held me, held me so tight. It sped my pulse faster, caught my breath in my throat.

  So strong, I whispered.

  So trapped, he breathed against my face. He squeezed harder, just this side of bruising my arms against me. But I didnt tell him to stop. I loved knowing that I was trapped. If he had meant me harm, I couldnt have stopped him. My gun was trapped under my arm, digging into my body. All it would take was Jason to grab my legs and I was trapped.

  I hadnt much liked that I enjoyed things like this. In fact, Id hated it. But lately, thanks in part to sharing emotions with Nathaniel, who loved bondage and submission, I was acknowledging that fantasy was okay. That I didnt need to analyze why in real life being trapped made me fight like hell and do all in my power to destroy the ones trapping me, but in sexual fantasy I liked being trapped, a little. In a safe place, with people I trusted, it was more than just exciting.

  What are you doing up there to make her react like that? Jason asked. His hands had gone still against my thighs.

  Holding her, very, very, tightly, Nathaniel said in a voice that showed the strain of holding me tight.

  Jasons fingers suddenly dug into my flesh, from gentle to bruising in an instant.

  I whispered, Yes.

  Is that the game we want to play? he asked, and his voice had changed, too, deeper, darker, for lack of a better word.

  I do, Nathaniel said.

  Jasons fingers pressed harder into my thighs, so that I cried out, and told him, Enough, enough.

  Thats her safe word, Nathaniel said.

  Ive already stopped, Jason said.

  But I havent stopped, have I? Nathaniel whispered.

  No, I said, voice breathy. He was holding tight enough to be trapped, but not quite tight enough to hurt. It was a fine edge to walk, but Nathaniel knew how to walk it.

  Do I rip the panties off, or take them off? Jason asked.

  Rip, Nathaniel said, and it was almost a growl.

  I said, Please.

  Please what? Jason asked.

  Off, I whispered.

  He ripped the satin panties in one harsh move that jerked my body. Nathaniel tightened his grip on me, until it was hard to breathe.

  I whispered, Ease up.

  He eased until he was back where hed been. Tight, but not too tight. Trapped, but not hurt. Of all forms of sex that Id found, BDSM took the most trust, the most communication.

  Jason pushed my skirt up until he bared me to the light from the kitchen. How rough can I be? There was no sex in the tone of his voice; he was truly asking.

  Start easy, Nathaniel said, shell let you know.

  I realized that Jason had never given me oral sex before. Id gone down on him, but hed never had a chance to return the favor. He used his hands to spread my thighs wider. He let me feel the strength in his hands, but not as hard as hed been when I told him to ease up. The sensation of being bound by the sheer strength of him was amazing. There was no need of ropes or chains when you could feel how terribly strong they both were.

  Jasons hands were harsh, but he leaned in toward me as if he were going to give the gentlest of kisses. The juxtaposition of the harsh and the gentle left my mind not knowing how to react. Then his tongue slid across me, and there was no conflict, there was only sensation.

  He dug his fingers into that space inside my thighs, so harsh, I cried out. He forced my legs farther apart. Nathaniel lifted me. I could feel his shoulders and chest flex until I was suddenly off the ground. It allowed Jason to spread my legs more, use the strength of his fingers to force me wider.

  Jason plunged his tongue inside me, sudden and abrupt. I cried out for him, and he leaned back enough to gaze up the line of my body.

  It was as if I could feel the weight of his gaze, because it made me look down at the same time he looked up.

  God, he said, that look.

  What look? I managed to say before Nathaniel squeezed harder and I had no breath to talk.

  That look, Jason whispered, and lowered his mouth to my body. He kissed there as he had kissed my mouth, maybe a dozen times before. Most men dont kiss between your legs the same way they kiss your mouth, but Jason did. He kissed me just as thoroughly, as completely, as expertly. Then he began to do things that you couldnt do when you kiss a mouth. He licked and explored, trying different things, judging his progress by the sounds I made, and how much I writhed.

  He didnt just find the spot and stay on it like it was a button; he explored every inch of me, biting the inside of my thighs between attentions.

  Nathaniel held me through it all, sometimes so tight I couldnt breathe, sometimes just tight enough to let me feel his strength, and then he squeezed hard enough that my gun cut into me, and it felt as if he were trying to crush me. I cried out while I had breath, then all I could do was writhe.

  Jason drew back enough to ask, Am I doing that, or you?

  Me, Nathaniel said, and eased up so my breath came in a ragged gasp.

  I managed to say, So strong.

  I need to try harder, Jason said. He pulled down my hose and bit me, not a love bite, but bit me on the thigh.

  I screamed for him.

  He plunged his mouth between my legs, rougher this time. I writhed and cried out. He pressed teeth into the most intimate part of me. When I didnt tell him to stop, he worried at me with his mouth, his teeth, pulling and biting and licking. The pleasure began to build between my legs, like heat and pressure and the beginning flickers of orgasm like previews of the pleasure to come.

  Nathaniel tightened his grip just as Jason pushed me over that last edge. The orgasm was one of those that came in waves, one after another as if as long as he kept sucking I would keep going. I shuddered and danced in their hands, cried out when Nathaniel let me, or gasped in breathless silence when he held me too tight for words.

  Jason finished with a lick from front to back that made me cry out all over again. Still on his knees he said, That was fun.

  Nathaniel braced, changing positions just a little. Fuck her.

  Jason, still on his knees, said, While you hold her?

  Yes, Nathaniel said, and it held an edge of bass growl that wasnt his normal voice.

  Jason looked at me, the light from the kitchen glistening on his chin and mouth. Seeing him wet from me tightened things low in my body that had just had their fun, so it started a new wave of writhing.

  Jason held my thighs while Nathaniel held the rest of me. When my body quieted, Jason laughed, that sound that is all male. Anita, are you okay with this?

  Do it, I said, please, please

  No, Nathaniel said, Im topping her tonight, its my permission you need.

  Jason hesitated as if waiting for me to protest. There was a time when I would have, but Id been working at understanding Nathaniels idea of sex. Id found that some of the bondage and submission worked just dandy for me.

  Jason said, You top us both?

  We top Anita.

  Jason smiled, but his eyes held something more serious than a smile. I always thought it would take at least two of us. Tell me what you want me to do.

  Nathaniel said, Get a condom.

  3

  J ASON PRESSED HIS fingers into the backs of my thighs, spreading my legs wider. Nathaniel squeezed me tight at the same time, as if hed crush my arms against my body. I made small, helpless noises for him. Jason lifted me minutely, getting the angle he wanted, then shoved himself inside me. There was nothing gentle about it, and I was wet enough I didnt need gentle.

  The feel of him shoving himself into me, as hard and fast as he could, drove a sound from my mouth, but not t
he sound he wanted. He said, in a low, breathy voice, I cant get the angle I want.

  What do you need? Nathaniel asked, from behind me. His voice wasnt breathy, but just deep.

  Jason had stopped moving inside me, so I could think again. A new position, I said, my voice breathy, too.

  Oh, Jason said, I am not doing my job if you can still talk. He put action to word and started moving, slowly, in and out of me.

  It felt wonderful, but Jason was right, he needed a different angle to push me over that edge. I looked him in the eyes and said, in a clear voice, Youre right, this position isnt going to do it.

  Jason laughed. He kissed me, and if he hadnt still been wet with my juices, I might have called it a friendly kiss. Some men would be insulted.

  You arent some men. You like feedback, I said.

  Nathaniel had stopped squeezing me, and was more just holding me. That helped me think, too. Do you want a new position? and he wasnt asking me.

  Yes, Jason said.

  I want to do one thing before we change, Nathaniel said.

  What do you want me to do? Jason asked.

  What you were doing, Nathaniel said.

  Jason looked at him a moment, but he went back to going in and out of me. He wasnt as hard as hed started, too much talking, too much hesitating, but he was still hard enough to do what Nathaniel asked. For me, I was simply content to let Nathaniel be in charge. Content to revel in this blossoming strength, as he owned his sexuality in a way that he never had before. Id been working with Asher to help meet Nathaniels needs in the BDSM, and it had brought out a deep, inner happiness in him that I hadnt known was there.

  While Jason pushed between my legs, Nathaniel raised my skirt the last few inches to bare my ass, so that I could feel his nakedness against me. The sensation of his hardness pressing into my ass, and Jason inside me at the same time, threw my head back, closed my eyes, made me cry out.

  What are you doing back there? Jason asked.

  Rubbing. What position do you want? he asked.

  Her, on her back on the couch. This time he didnt ask me. I think he knew what Nathaniel would say, and there was no bad choice here. It was just a matter of how good it was going to be.