The answer would have had to have been the same, she told herself bleakly, as it would be now if he wanted to take things further—but it was so much harder. Because this man made her feel as she had never dreamed she could feel.
He held her in his arms and she felt cherished and tender and wonderful and loved and…totally complete. As if she was where she was always meant to be.
And she knew now definitely what it was. For the first time in her life, Christie Flemming was totally, uncontrollably, wonderfully in love—with a man who could never be a part of her life.
Hugo held her against him as one would hold a dream.
They were stark naked on the soft rug, with only the warm breeze from across the ocean keeping them covered. There was no need of any other cover. Skin against skin, he had all he ever wanted in his life. All he’d never thought to find was right here against his heart.
His Christie.
He’d never dreamed love-making could be like this. It was a pleasurable act, he’d thought, a satisfaction. But this…
It was all of that and more. So much more! It was a meeting of hearts.
And he knew why. This woman was the woman with whom he wanted to share the rest of his life.
So tell her.
No!
He couldn’t. She was trapped, he knew. There was no way she could leave her people and, after seeing the work she was doing, he had no right to try to persuade her. She was needed and loved by so many more than him, and this was her place.
And him?
He was city-born and bred, as had been his parents before him. His life was in the city.
So many complications.
No. Just the one, really, and maybe…His heart gave a surge of hope as he felt her stir beside him. Should he tell her? Talk it through? Say it might happen?
And make promises he couldn’t keep? Put on pressure that was unbearable?
Maybe he already had, by making love.
It couldn’t matter. What was between them was too strong and too precious to be ignored. If this one night was all they had…if it had to be remembered in isolation his whole life long…then so be it.
He turned and took her to him again. His eyes searched hers in the dim light as he loved her, and he saw all he needed to know written in her eyes. More.
She was his Christie.
His love.
For this night—or for ever?
CHAPTER TEN
ANNA arrived at the hospital just after eleven, and Eileen phoned Christie straight away.
‘Hi.’ They’d left the mobile phone lying beside them and they were expecting the call, but even so Christie had trouble getting her voice to work. She moved within Hugo’s encircling arms and the feel of him was making her dizzy.
‘Hi, yourself.’ Eileen’s curiosity echoed down the line. ‘Where are you?”
Wouldn’t you like to know? Christie thought, and she felt rather than heard the rumble of laughter deep in Hugo’s breast. He could hear, too, then.
‘About three miles north,’ she said ambiguously, and let Eileen make of that what she would. ‘Is there a problem?’
‘I have Anna Corragaba here with her people.’
‘Good.’ It was so hard to make herself concentrate, but somehow she did. ‘Hugo suspects appendicitis. Set up an IV line. She’s dehydrated—she’s been vomiting for days and the walk will have done her no good. Nil by mouth.’
‘I already told her that,’ Hugo whispered into her ear, and at the other end of the line Eileen gasped in shock as she heard. ‘She won’t have had anything but water since lunchtime.’
‘We’re coming in now,’ Christie broke in, trying hard not to blush. Good grief! Eileen would now be thinking that Hugo was two inches from the receiver, and the news would be all over the island by breakfast. ‘Set up Theatre just in case, and call in another nurse. Judy, is it?’ The island nurses took turns to be on call for emergency backup. ‘Is Grandpa OK?’
‘Mary-anne stayed and played cards with him until ten.’ There was a pause and Christie could almost hear the smile on the other end of the line. ‘She seemed to think you’d be late. I’ll get Judy to pop in and check on the way over.’
‘That’d be great.’
‘If I’m setting up Theatre…I’m assuming Dr Tallent will give the anaesthetic?’
‘He’s said he will.’
‘Now, isn’t that lovely.’ Eileen sighed and the romantic purr she made on the end of the line had nothing to do with any appendix.
Great. Her surgical skills were rusty enough, but operating with the entire theatre staff watching her for any sign of romantic interest…
She had no choice. By the time they arrived back at the hospital—and they moved fast—Anna was showing increasingly severe signs of rebound. It was definitely her appendix and a nasty one at that.
‘Damn,’ Christie said as they prepped. ‘I’ll bet the thing’s burst.’
‘We should have insisted she come straight over. We should have made her come in the truck.’
‘And how do you do that? By brute force?’ Christie sighed. ‘No. It’ll take time for the elders to get over their hatred of cars. One day they’ll do it, but I suspect it won’t be until their self-esteem has risen to the point where they feel they can cope with problems of petrol-sniffing another way.’
‘How—?’
But she was on the edge. ‘I don’t know,’ she snapped. ‘For heaven’s sake, Hugo, do you think I don’t try? There’s only so much one woman can do—’
She broke off. This night was getting too much for her. She’d laid her heart on her sleeve, and now it was threatening to fall and shatter into a thousand pieces.
The appendix hadn’t burst, but it was messy.
One of the island elders, an old lady called Penny, donned mask and gown and came into the theatre with them. ‘She needs to be here,’ Christie explained simply, and Hugo had the sense not to ask questions. He was stunned enough with the events of this night. He had to force his mind to concentrate on the anaesthetic and not on Christie, and he had no room for anything else. But he was aware…
They couldn’t speak as they operated. The old lady watched everything. She watched with eagle eyes as Hugo gave the pre-med and then the general anaesthetic. Her eyes didn’t waver as Anna was intubated and Hugo took over her breathing. She seemed to trust him, but she didn’t stop watching for a moment.
Christie made a small incision in the right lower quadrant of the abdomen, and the old lady watched that, too, her eyes narrowing as Judy stepped in to swab away the fluids. Christie moved fast. She located the cawcum, sutured around the base of the appendix and tied a purse-string suture after diathermy to the cut ends.
Easy part done.
‘There’s local inflammation,’ she said briefly through her mask. Judy was handing her swab after swab as she searched for every sign of infection. Her emotional turmoil was on the back burner. It had to be. This wound had to be thoroughly cleaned or they’d end up with a nasty case of peritonitis.
Finally, the peritoneal toilet as complete as she could make it, she sent a message to Hugo with her eyes and started to close. The old lady, who’d been standing two feet from the table, finally seemed to relax.
‘’Twas a messy business,’ she said briefly, and Christie nodded.
‘Yes. It was a nasty one, Penny, but I think she’ll be fine. Dr Tallent will set up a drip with antibiotics and we’ll keep her in hospital for about a week.’
The woman seemed to consider. ‘I can stay?’
‘Of course you can stay,’ Christie said warmly. ‘We’ll make a bed for you in Anna’s room, and anyone who wants to visit can come whenever they like.’
‘It’s good.’ The old lady gave a toothless smile and nodded. ‘I’ll go and tell her father.’ The men, having carried the girl across the island, had refused to come into the hospital but were standing at the entrance, waiting for news.
‘If you like—’
&nbs
p; ‘She’ll be all right.’ The woman put a hand on Anna’s forehead briefly, like a blessing, and nodded to Christie. ‘She’s safe with you.’ Then she nodded to Hugo. ‘And him, too. He’s OK. For a white.’
‘And you’ll receive no greater compliment than that,’ Christie told him as the door closed behind Penny. ‘If you knew what this means…’
‘What?’ Hugo frowned. He was reversing the anaesthetic but he was aware that the tension in Christie’s face couldn’t be solely attributed to the emotions of the night.
‘I’ve been left alone with one of their children,’ Christie said, and her voice was shaken. She looked up at Hugo and her eyes were bright with unshed tears. ‘I’m trusted.’
But Hugo wasn’t.
Afterwards, with Anna safely settled in the ward and Penny sleeping beside her, they walked back to the cottage. At the door Christie turned, took Hugo’s face in her hands and kissed him full on the mouth. Then, before he could react, she withdrew.
‘Thank you for tonight, Hugo. I…I know I practically seduced you, but I wanted to very much, and I’ll remember it always.’
‘Christie—’
‘No more,’ she said simply. ‘It was wonderful but it’s over. We both need to walk away. Starting now.’
And that was that. She didn’t wait for a reply, but took herself into the cottage, walked into her bedroom and closed the door.
And he couldn’t walk after her.
Dear God, not yet…
Life went on—sort of. The next day Hugo’s father arrived.
Charles Tallent was an older version of Hugo, straight and tall and strongly built. Where Hugo’s hair was jet black, Charles’s was white, but it was still thick and wavy, and his eyes were direct and warm like his son’s. Seeing him, Christie saw exactly how Hugo would look in thirty or forty years, and for some reason the thought made the ache around her heart grow even stronger.
It grew worse all day.
She’d seen Charles briefly from the hospital window as he’d arrived at the cottage, but she didn’t meet him properly until after work. Thursday’s surgery was always frantic, she had a nasty laceration to stitch—she almost called Hugo for help, but remembered that as from tomorrow she’d have to cope alone so she might as well start now—and Anna was still ill enough to require a lot of attention.
But Anna would do fine—thanks to Hugo. Christie closed her mind to the thought of what would have happened if Hugo hadn’t been here. He had been, and the nightmares were for tomorrow.
Finally, she did a late evening ward round—Hugo hadn’t been near the place all day—and came home to find the Tallents, father and son, had settled into the next-door cottage.
Hugo was no longer living with them.
‘But his father’s a good man,’ Stan told her when she questioned him over dinner. ‘Hugo’s introduced me and reckon we’ll get along famously. Mind, Hugo’s said he’s bound to feel adrift so I’ve promised to keep an eye on him.’
That was a change. Christie blinked.
‘He’ll be here for a month or two,’ Stan continued. ‘I’ve told him he doesn’t need to organise a car. He can use mine. And he doesn’t mind a game of cards. If it gets quiet in there at night then we’ll keep ourselves occupied.’
A tiny flicker of light lit in Christie’s darkness. Here was another elderly man, lonely and hungry for company, living right next door. Sure, she might have some extra responsibilities but if it could help Stan—
A knock on the door made her jump. She and Stan were in the middle of clearing dishes and she scooted the last into the sink as Stan ushered in father and son.
‘Christie, I’d like you to meet my dad,’ Hugo said, and smiled at her. His smile hadn’t changed a bit—and it stabbed worse than a knife!
She flushed and turned her attention to Charles—and the same intense but wonderful smile twinkled down at her.
Damn, even when Hugo went she wouldn’t be able to escape the memory.
‘Christie.’ Charles took her hand and held it. ‘The woman who gave me back my son.’
‘I—’
‘They tell me he stopped breathing,’ he said gently. He turned and looked at Hugo. ‘You don’t know…’ he said, and went on, in a voice that was laced with pain, ‘I have two sons and if anything had happened to either of them, I couldn’t bear it. Saving his life…I owe you so much.’
‘Hey, that’s what I’m here for,’ she said flippantly, trying to stop the searing ache in her heart. Hugo was watching her with eyes that mirrored her distress—and there wasn’t a thing either of them could do about it. What had happened between them was impossible and both of them knew it. ‘I’m a doctor,’ she managed, trying desperately for lightness. ‘Saving lives is what I’m paid for. That and handing out pink pills! So…Would you like coffee?’
‘No.’ Hugo was off balance. Curt even. ‘Thank you, Christie, but I need to be out of here early and I have things to organise. The plane leaves at six. I just dropped by to introduce Dad and say goodbye.’
‘You’ll be back, though, won’t you, boy?’ Stan said, and Hugo shook his head.
‘I’m not sure. It depends on the arrangements Dad makes when the boat’s ready for sailing south. But that won’t be until we’re well clear of the stormy weather, and we may well hire a competent crew this time.’
With more of your money, Christie thought, but she didn’t say it. She was feeling sick. This man meant so much to her, and he was leaving. Now! After this moment she might never see him again.
The time of light was over.
He was holding out his hand, and now he took her fingers between his. His hand pressed hers and his eyes held hers. She looked up at him mutely, not understanding what was going on.
Or maybe she did.
He must feel the same blind attraction she did. He must feel the link that had driven her to lie in his arms. Maybe his heart wasn’t wholly untouched. How could it be untouched?
Hugo knew it was hopeless. He knew there was no way love could grow between them because all it would do would be to cause pain.
So it was better to go. To finish it now.
And now meant…Now!
‘Goodbye then, Hugo,’ Christie whispered, but she couldn’t withdraw her hand. For the life of her she couldn’t draw away. ‘I…We’ll take care of your dad.’
He couldn’t bear it. He’d meant to walk in and say goodbye and get out of there. But…
‘Come outside,’ he said, and it was as if the words were driven from him. ‘Just for a moment. Christie, please…’
‘Go on,’ Stan said, watching the pair of them with eyes that saw way too much. ‘Go outside and sort things out, the pair of you.’
As if that were possible!
Because, of course, things couldn’t be sorted out. Not just like that. Hugo drew her outside, they stood mutely against the front door—and then he kissed her.
Naturally he kissed her. He had to. It was what he wanted to do most in the world.
It was what he wanted to do for the rest of his life.
Or for this one last time, he thought blindly. One last sweet time. He felt himself drowning in that kiss. His own lovely Christie…His love…He wanted it to go on for ever.
But somehow it had to end. Somehow he must find the strength to pull away. To explain the unexplainable.
‘Christie…’ At last he drew back, holding her at arm’s length, and his voice was rough and raw with passion. ‘Christie, love, there’s something I need to say.’
‘You don’t…’ She could hardly speak. ‘Hugo, it’s nothing. You don’t need…’
‘You didn’t seduce me,’ he told her, his voice a husky whisper. ‘What you said of our time on the beach last night. Of our love-making. You made it sound as if it was all your doing, and I don’t want…I badly don’t want to leave you feeling like that.’
‘Like—’
‘Christie, I wanted to make love to you more than life itself,’ he said softly.
‘It was all I wanted in the world. You make me feel like no other woman has ever made me feel. I thought it would be better to walk away and say nothing, but I’ve suddenly figured it out. If I asked you to marry me…Sweetheart, you couldn’t, could you? There are things that would prevent you from coming with me. You can’t walk away from your responsibilities—as I can’t walk away from mine.’
‘N-no,’ she whispered. ‘I couldn’t marry you. But I’m not asking—’
‘You’re not asking anything,’ he said harshly, his hands tightening on her shoulders. ‘Dammit, woman, you demand nothing. You give and you give and you give, and I’m not in a position to bestow anything in return. All I’ve done is take. But I have this one chance…’
Her eyes flew to his. ‘I don’t understand what you’re saying.’
‘And I can’t tell you.’ He groaned. ‘It simply isn’t fair. But, Christie, love…’ He pulled her to him, and his chin settled on her hair as her breasts moulded to him. It was as if he was taking some last comfort from a dearly beloved thing. Something he might never see again.
‘Christie, know that you are loved,’ he told her thickly. ‘Know that I love you with all my heart, and if things don’t work out—if I can’t return—then know that I’ll always be your friend.’
He broke off, and gave a harsh, bitter laugh. ‘That’s good, isn’t it? Your friend. When I want to be so much more. But Christie…’ He tilted her chin, forcing her confused eyes to meet his. ‘For now, Dad will know where I am. The contact details will be in our cottage. If there’s any trouble, contact me. Promise me you’ll contact me if you need me. For anything.’
‘I…’
‘Promise?’
‘I promise,’ she said, but her voice was dull. Hell! ‘If you need me for anything…’ What a stupid thing to say. She needed him for everything—right now.
But this was her place. This was her home, and it wasn’t his. He had to leave, and she had to stay. Whatever private torment he was in, it had to have nothing to do with her.
He loved her…
Sure, but he had to leave. They lived in separate worlds.
Doctor on Loan Page 16
