by T. L. Clarke
I fought the overwhelming self-doubt that had crept into my soul more and more every day, the doubt that I just could not live up to what everyone thought I was born to do.
"It’s just…why me? Why am I the Akasha?" There, I’d said it aloud. I’d put it out there in the universe, and I couldn’t call it back. My shoulders rolled forward dejectedly.
Her hazel eyes narrowed as she looked at me silently for what seemed like an eternity. "Instead of asking ‘why me,’ you should be asking yourself ‘why now.’ But that is a more in-depth discussion, no?" She released my face, then sighed before quickly standing up, looking down at me without blinking. "And the answer to your question is ‘mind walls.’ If you raise them around your mind, it can protect you against anyone who tries to abuse this connection." She abruptly turned away and started walking toward the garden. "Let’s take a walk, shall we?"
I scrambled to my feet and walked beside her anxiously. The sanctuary was an amazing indoor garden lush with grass and flowers growing from every imaginable place, and trees looking like they were waiting to swoop down and entangle you in their limbs readily. We silently walked through the lush garden just enjoying each other’s company, not feeling any pressure to talk or make silly idle conversation.
Veda looked at me slowly with a warm smile curving her lips. "So what do you think of the Eternals so far?"
I rolled my eyes with exasperation. "They are all insane. And I still don’t understand anything, really. Everything and everyone seems super…well…complicated."
Veda abruptly stopped, touching the petals of a huge pink flower delicately. She leaned toward it, inhaling the fragrance, then abruptly continued walking, the garden’s air transforming from warm and welcoming to chilly and eerily ominous. Goose bumps ran down my arms, and unconsciously, I huddled near Veda, looking around warily.
She looked around the garden wearily, sighing softly. "It senses your internal struggle."
"It? What’s it?"
She raised her hand in the air, her fingers moving one by one as white pulses of light sprang from the tips. "The garden, it can sense your mood, your thoughts and powers. It feeds off what you emit; this is what sustains it." She looked over at me admonishingly. "And it doesn’t like the internal struggle within you, so, the quicker we work on resolving it, the happier it will be."
I breathed out with frustration. Great, now the garden was judging me too. The list of people and things I was tragically disappointing was growing longer every day.
"Does it ever get better? It’s just sometimes I feel like"—I grappled with finding the right words—"I’m being torn apart bit by bit." I paused, my eyes wide with shame. "Don’t get me wrong, I can deal, you know. I’m tough enough to take on, you know, whatever." I wasn’t, but I figured that if I said it enough, someone would believe it, including me.
Veda stopped short and looked at me with soulful eyes. "Never, it never gets better, Gabrielle. I would love to tell you that it does, but it doesn’t." She grabbed my hands softly. "I would love to tell you that even my internal struggles are a thing of the past, but they aren’t."
I was trembling inside because I wasn’t sure that I could live my life with the burden of knowing that things would never get easier, and that, at sixteen, this was it and the simple things in a typical teenage girl’s life, I would never have. Being sixteen seemed so very old now.
"Well, honestly, I’m not dealing with this"—I looked around the garden with dismay—"very well."
She smiled sweetly. "Don’t be so hard on yourself. Did you honestly expect to cope with everything overnight? As Circles, we are gifted at birth with powers that we have no idea how to use it until we get here to the Isles of Transcendence. Then once you’re here, you’re thrown into this world and expected to muddle through the sheer magnitude of it all."
She pointed proudly at her scarlet pendant. "But the real secret to it all lies within this. The scarlet stone is the connection to your gifts, to your struggles. It’s a living extension of who you are, and the more you give to it, the more you get back in return." Her pendant fluttered against her chest excitedly. "Sadly, many Circles have failed to learn the potential of tapping into their pendant and are tempted by the darker side."
She continued walking through the gardens, touching the trees and flowers respectfully as she strolled by. "On the flip side, our scarlet pendant can truly be a curse." She held out her hand as a beautiful butterfly fluttered around her fingers with delight.
I looked at her, startled. "Why is it a curse?"
"It can start to take on a life of its own, consuming the wearer with its power, making the wearer thirst for more than it’s willing to give."
My steps faltered. "And that’s where the Banished come in, right?"
She nodded sadly. "Yes."
We continued to walk in silence; I could have sworn that the trees were whispering, talking amongst themselves. Everything about this place made me forget about all the pressures, about the conflict with Chaos and Justice. The Taint. The destiny thing.
Veda sat down on a huge stone bench, patting the space beside her. She smiled. "So, tell me, what you think about Chaos?"
I grimaced. "You read my thoughts, huh?"
Veda looked at me secretively. "In here, my thoughts are yours to read freely, as your thoughts are mine. There are no secrets, unless you deem it so."
I knew that Veda was being totally honest. Suddenly I read a thought that quickly flickered through her mind.
I gasped, "Orion! Orion is your mate?"
She smiled warmly before something similar to bittersweet wanting skittered across her eyes before quickly disappearing. "Yes, he is."
"He’s really tough. I mean, he’s cute and all, in an ‘I’m going to rip you to shreds’ kind of way, but I just couldn’t imagine…" I cut off my sentence shamefully.
She laughed huskily. "Come on, he’s really not that bad, and I agree, he is wickedly cute."
I looked at her like she was crazy.
She poked me in the side playfully. "Come on, admit it. He is."
I smirked, "I guess if you’re into older kick-butt guys."
Veda smiled. "Being an Ares is a very tough job. You have to grow up real fast, and that can leave anyone a little hard around the edges. Orion is a wonderful man who’s been my mate for years." She grinned. "And don’t think that you dodged the Chaos question."
I grimaced. "He’s really complicated. Honestly, I don’t know how to read him."
Veda looked at me questioningly. "Or Justice either?"
I slapped my knee with vigor. "Yes! I don’t know how to read either of them, and it’s sending me absolutely crazy." I looked at her defensively. "But let’s get one thing straight. I’m not remotely interested in either of them."
Veda’s eyes twinkled with laughter. "I got it. You’re not interested."
"But there’s something." I searched my mind for the words that would not come.
"A connection," Veda filled in softly.
"Yes!" I looked at her incredulously. "I feel like there is some sort of connection, but I don’t know what it is. And I’m nowhere near figuring it out because I can’t even have a real conversation with either of them because they’re so angry at me all the time. And don’t even get me started on how angry they are at each other. This whole situation is just so unreal." I blew out with annoyance.
"Has it ever occurred to you that they both may be having the same conflict"—she paused—"when it comes to you?"
I looked at her questioningly.
Veda dipped her hand into the crisp, clear water that streamed behind them, "Well, Justice is only sixteen, and Chaos just turned eighteen, and they’re both on the fast path towards being pushed to be leaders of the Ares. This is a conflict in itself." She arched her brow delicately. "Then you come along, and both brothers feel this unexplainable…pull, a connection to you. This creates another conflict."
I looked at her, dumbfounded. "Veda, I just told y
ou that I’m not—"
"I know, I know, you’re not interested in them, but it seems like the three of you are struggling to figure it all out. I’m not saying in the least that it’s anything romantic. Goddess forbid that I suggest anything as crazy as that." She looked at me slyly. "I’m just saying that your life paths are intertwined. And the harder that you try to fight it, the tighter the linkage becomes."
I looked at her suspiciously. "Um, I’m not going to lie. I tuned out about half of what you just said because it made absolutely no sense. I don’t want adult logic; I just want to know how to fix the problem." I looked at her irritably. "You’re my mentor, so aren’t you supposed to help with this type of stuff?" I knew that I was being unreasonably rude, but I was struggling, and I just wanted answers, not riddles.
Veda tilted her head toward the trees as if begging them for patience. "Gabi, I’m your mentor, not a miracle worker."
I gave her a look like "I beg to differ," which caused her to throw her hands in the air with frustration.
She sighed painfully. "Gabrielle, there are no quick fixes. Manipulation is not the key; it will simply fix itself…naturally."
I rolled my eyes with exasperation. Seriously? "Um, naturally? I doubt that very much. They both hate me."
Veda gave me a mysterious smile before standing. "I doubt very much that what they feel for you is anywhere near hate." She winked at me saucily, then strolled away humming softly. "See you tomorrow, Gabi."
chapter
TWENTY
Brooklyn, Jessica, Zora, and Rosalinda looked at me with shock when they saw that I was the first to arrive to Warrior training. I was running around stretching like a madwoman.
Brooklyn looked at me curiously. "What’s up with all this? All of a sudden you’re Miss Eager Neophyte Warrior?"
In the midst of stretching, I looked up at her quickly. "What? I wanted to get here early."
Rosalinda gave me a suspicious look. "What’s up with the hair?"
My hair was pulled into one loose ponytail. "Jeez, what’s up with all the questions today?" Even Jessica looked at me suspiciously, but kept quiet. She flopped onto the grass, mimicking my stretching. I was so wound up that I jumped up and sprinted over to the edge of the lake, where I proceeded to do a series of leg lifts like a raving lunatic, then flopped down with legs stretched in front of me as I touched my toes.
I hadn’t realized that Brooklyn had followed me until I heard her voice. "Umm, really?" She looked down at me questioningly.
Stopping abruptly, I looked up at her with annoyance. "Okay, what?"
Brooklyn looked at me solemnly. "Can you just stop for a minute? We need to talk."
This was the first time that I’d ever seen her so serious. It made my heart jam against my chest.
"So, what’s up?" I motioned for her to sit by me.
She looked away uneasily before sitting down across from me. "Look, I don’t know how to say this without sounding totally crazy, but I think that Terrence likes you for some reason…"
I curled my lips into a sneer. "Jeez, thanks for the compliment. I mean, really."
Brooklyn rolled her eyes. "Come on, it’s nothing against you. You know that all of the guys around here are lusting after you." She sighed. "I’m just talking about the fact that I love my brother, but he’s…I don’t know. I just don’t want you to get wrapped up in whatever game that he and Justice are playing. They are real competitive, and I don’t want you to get hurt."
I smiled broadly, holding my hand over my heart. "Aw, Brooklyn, you’re like a mother bear, all protective and stuff."
She rolled her eyes while grabbing a handful of grass and throwing it in my face. "Shut up, Gabi. I’m serious. Terrence is all stuck on you. Asking all sorts of questions about you like some sort of Ares investigator. And I can see no good coming out of this," she responded playfully.
"Thanks for the warning, but seriously, the Terrence thing is just friendship. He’s cute and all, but that’s it. And I’m definitely not going to get caught up in a Justice versus Terrence tug-of-war."
"I hope not. You don’t want to get in the middle of that bloody battle." She jumped up, holding out her hand to pull me up. We walked over to line up just in time to see Orion striding across the hill as everyone anxiously stood at attention, with their staff in hand, waiting for the middle levelers.
Orion gave them a dismissive look. "Circle Petra is working with the middle levelers. So today I’ll be working with you to perfect your Warrior stance and striking skills." He stormed back and forth before us, looking at us like he wanted to rip us apart. He pointed sharply at Dylan. "You first."
Dylan ran up and stood before him uneasily. His eyes darted around with nervous anticipation.
Orion walked around him, looking at him disapprovingly. "First thing, your stance is completely wrong." He kicked Dylan’s legs apart roughly. "Legs, always apart."
He shoved Dylan’s arms. "Staff up." He barely tapped Dylan’s staff, and it dropped out his hand, thudding onto the grass. He growled furiously, "What’s wrong with you, first leveler? Your staff grip should always be tight."
Dylan picked up his staff clumsily. Orion lunged towards him. Dylan quickly lifted his staff in defense.
Orion looked at him with disgust. "Good, but quicker; get back in line."
He looked down the line quickly. "Jessica," he barked.
Jessica flinched when she heard her name, then ran up to him cautiously.
I looked on nervously. I silently cheered, Come on, Jessica; show him what you’re made of, smiling with relief when Jessica quickly got into the correct stance and held up her staff defensively. She looked at him nervously. Orion circled her slowly, and she followed him with her eyes, ensuring that her body was facing him at all times. Orion nodded approvingly and lunged forward. Jessica lifted her staff, knocking it against his and firmly holding it there.
"Good, get back in line." Orion looked around, looking for his next victim. His gaze stopped at me. He smirked, "Gabrielle."
I ran up to him and got into Warrior stance with my staff up. Orion’s eyes narrowed as he lunged for me with his staff pointing for my chest. I raised my staff, pushing his away as I circled him. He gave me a surprised look. He quickly slashed his staff, and instinctively, I jumped out of the way, making a slashing move that barely missed his arm. With light force, he shoved his hand against my chest, pushing me back slightly. I twirled around several times, executing a roundhouse kick to his very broad and solid chest.
He smiled approvingly. "Very good, get back in line."
He looked around the class. "Pair up, and go through the drills. And remember, I am grading you."
The class paired up and went through the drills as Orion walked around barking instructions and correcting errors. When Orion blew the whistle, they were pumped and ready. As if on cue, the middle levelers ran down the hill with Petra leading the pack. They looked ferocious and ready to kill.
Petra looked at them coldly. "Today it’s Circles sparring against Circles, and Ares sparring against Ares, and we are not using our staffs; today is pure hand-to-hand combat fighting." She looked down the line of middle levelers and first levelers facing off angrily, then stormed down the line, pairing them off. As Karma would demand, I ended up with Calleis.
I groaned silently. Calleis was way taller than me and way more experienced. Plus, she was pissed off because she thought that I wanted Justice. I watched as Calleis cracked her knuckles and growled at me. My face tightened, maintaining eye contact as I stretched my hands over my head. This face-off was not going to be pretty; in fact, it was doomed to be downright ugly.
Petra looked at the class sternly. "Neophytes, please remember that sparring is not a personal endeavor. Take all of the emotion out of the fight. It has no business here."
Calleis and I squared off.
Calleis smiled coldly. "Hey, first leveler. Are you ready for the butt kicking I’m about to hand out?"
I smiled crue
lly. "I think it’s the other way around; go run and tell your boyfriend when I’m done with you," I spat angrily.
She stared down at me coldly, towering over me. "That’s what I want to hear." She got into Warrior stance, bouncing on her toes gracefully.
Orion blew the whistle loudly, causing us to quickly circle each other, skipping the respectful bows because obviously there was no respect between us, just seething anger, which for me had nothing to do with Justice and everything to do with the fact that she was a spiteful bully.
Calleis threw a vicious roundhouse kick, which I caught, dissipating the force of the jolt by angling my body slightly sideways. Shocked, she dropped her hands, and I took the opening throwing hard punches to her body. She flipped away swiftly, in a serious of whip lashing flips, landing with wild hair.
She circled me menacingly, making a sweeping movement, catching me completely off guard. I fell backward with a thud. Her eyes blazed with unleashed fury as she lifted her leg, then thrusted it downward with power that I couldn’t believe. I barely had time to roll away, and with skills that I didn’t even know I had, I sprung up to my feet quickly, executing a roundhouse kick to Calleis’s chest, connecting with a hard thud. Calleis sputtered angrily, rubbing the spot as she backed away quickly.
My forehead glistened with sweat, but my breathing was surprisingly good. In fact, everything about my fighting was surprisingly good. It was like something inside me had come alive, awakening fighting skills that I didn’t even know I had.
We circled, jabbed, kicked, and lunged for what seemed like hours before the whistle blew. We froze, looking at each other guardedly and out of breath.
Orion blew the whistle again. And for the first time, I actually looked around, noticing that the whole class was just standing, staring at both me and Calleis, with looks ranging from shock, to admiration, to wonder. The whole class suddenly broke out with rowdy clapping and whistling.
