Backtracker

by Robert T. Jeschonek

  "By the time he got out of jail, his wife and kid had gone to live with her parents. The wife didn't want to have anything to do with him, but that was fine with Billy. He didn't care about her or the kid anymore. He didn't care about anything.

  "He couldn't go back to the trailer, though. Once the wife and kid had moved out, the landlady'd rented it to someone else.

  "Since he didn't have anywhere else to go, he ended up down in Doddsville, staying with some of his old drug buddies in the projects. He got back into the drugs pretty heavily, worse than before.

  "For money, he and his buddies did some burglaries, hit houses in Highland and Clifton. They stole cars and sold them to the chop shops. They mugged old ladies downtown on Social Security check days. Did some dealing, too, of course.

  "Finally, he fell in with a real whacko. This guy came in from out of town, and he told Billy and his buddies that he knew a way to make some easy money. Said he knew this bookie in town who had a major operation going. This bookie handled some pretty big customers...a bunch of cops, some county commissioners, the mayor even.

  "Anyway, the guy said he wanted to rip off this bookie. He said the bookie always had a lot of cash going through his place, and he was really loaded the day before a big football game. The guy said he'd staked out the bookie's place, he'd even been inside, and he figured he could get out with a real haul if he just had some help.

  "Billy should've known better than to mess with this guy. If he'd had half a brain left, he would've stayed the hell away from the whole deal.

  "I don't know. Maybe he knew what he was letting himself in for, and he kind of wanted it. He'd been doing a pretty good job of doing himself in, so maybe he just wanted to finally get it over with.

  "I don't know," shrugged Larry, and he paused for a moment, silently stroking his goatee.

  "Well," he continued, shifting his feet in the dirt. "They planned the job, and they went out to do it. They thought they had everything under control, didn't think there'd be any problem whatsoever.

  "They were wrong.

  "They had a big problem: the guy from out of town who'd pulled them into the job in the first place didn't just want to rip off that bookie...he wanted to kill him. The bookie had done him wrong somehow, and the guy wanted to blow his head off.

  "While Billy and his buddies went after the money, the guy went off in the bookie's house and took care of his own business. He shot and killed the bookie, then blew away his wife and two little girls for good measure.

  "Billy and his pals blew the safe in the basement and got the money. They didn't have any idea what the guy had done when he finally joined up with them again. He'd used a silencer on his gun, so nobody'd heard any shots.

  "They made a clean getaway, went out and divided up the money. They were all real pleased with themselves, and they all had a few thousand bucks to play with.

  "The guy never said a word about the extra work he'd done. He hung around while Billy and the others got stoned to celebrate, and then he left. Said he was going out for some cigarettes, and he never came back.

  "Well, the next day, the murders were all over the TV and newspapers. The whole town was up in arms.

  "Like I told you, the bookie had a lot of friends in high places...and believe me, they were out for blood when they found out he was dead. They went on a crusade to find the killers.

  "Billy and the others laid low. They decided to leave town and stay far away till the mess blew over.

  "They never made it out of town.

  "The guy who'd done the job with them tipped off the cops, made an anonymous call. He pinned the murder on Billy.

  "The guy had made sure that he'd worn gloves, but he'd gotten Billy to fiddle around with the gun and get his fingerprints all over it. Before he left town, the guy had hidden the gun in a garbage dumpster, and when he called the police, he told them exactly where to find it.

  "The cops rounded up Billy and the rest, practically sent the whole police department after them.

  "There was a big trial. Billy tried to make them believe what had really happened, but it was no use. His prints on the murder weapon were all the proof anyone needed.

  "He got the big one. The death penalty."

  Rubbing the thin, sandy hair of his goatee, Larry stood frowning in the trench; he looked confused and distraught, as if he'd heard the startling words for the first time just as they had left his lips.

  At length, he cleared his throat. He opened his mouth as if he were about to speak...then closed it once more. He brought his hands together, kneaded them nervously, shuffled in the dirt.

  At last, he managed to continue; his voice was low, taut, somewhat hoarse.

  "The big one," he said slowly, head bowed. "No way out. Billy had finally made the deal to put himself out of his misery.

  "While he waited on Death Row, he did a lot of thinking. He didn't want to think, but there wasn't much else he could do.

  "He thought about his life, about all the things that had led him to that point. He remembered all the good times he'd once had, the good guy he'd once been, the girl he'd once loved.

  "He remembered how he'd lost his love, ended up married, had a son who was just too much of a burden. He remembered how he'd failed at the steakhouse, how he'd gotten into drugs and gone to jail.

  "He remembered everything. As the hours and days slipped away, he remembered all his bad luck and mistakes...and all he could say to himself was 'If only. If only I'd done things differently.'

  "The more he thought about it, the more he wished he could've changed things, turned himself around somewhere along the way. He saw that there had been chances, lots of chances to put things right...but he'd thrown them all away.

  "As time went on, all Billy did was lay in his cell and wish that things had been different. He went over it a million times, figured out exactly how he would change things if only he had a chance. He wished that he could go back, back to the start to undo all the mistakes.

  "Day after day, he lived in the past, fantasized about going back and putting his life on the right track. He even started praying, begging God to let him wake up, let the past years have been nothing but a nightmare.

  "More and more, he lost touch with reality, shut out everything except his memories and his prayers. The only thing that was real to him was what was in his head, what was in the past.

  "As hard as he prayed, though, he couldn't leave his cell, couldn't go back. He was stuck on Death Row, and the clock was ticking, and as much as he tried to ignore it, he knew he was going to die soon.

  "Finally, the week of his execution arrived. He was going to the electric chair on Friday...coincidentally, or not so coincidentally, the anniversary of the day when he'd screwed the girl who'd cost him his true love.

  "On the night before his execution, he pleaded with God one last time, and when nothing happened, he finally gave up hoping.

  "That was the most terrible night of his life. There was nothing left to do but wait and wonder what death would be like.

  "It's the worst feeling in the world," Larry said somberly. "Knowing you're going to die. In just a few hours, it'll all be over...and you don't know if there'll be anything after that.

  "All the people you've known are going on with their lives...and there you are, about to end yours. You've done some awful things, and if there's a Hell, you might be headed right for it.

  "It was terrible," said Larry, and his voice trailed off, sifting into silence. For a long moment, he was quiet; he just stood between the stone walls of the rift and stared into space.

  He covered his face with his hands then, rubbed his eyes as if he'd just awakened from a deep sleep. When at last he slid his hands from his face, he revealed an unexpected expression; a small smile had appeared, replacing the despairing, desolate look which had darkened him during his woeful tale.

  "Then came the miracle," he said, and there was a strange new jump in his voice.

  "Late that night-I'm n
ot sure when, exactly-Billy drifted off to sleep. He'd been determined to stay awake all night, live out his last hours with his eyes open...and he hadn't thought he could fall asleep...but he finally just nodded off in a corner of his cell.

  "I don't know how long he was out," shrugged Larry, "but when he woke up...God, when he woke up!

  "He thought he was dreaming," crowed Larry.

  "He was out of his cell!

  "Can you imagine that? One minute, you're on Death Row, and the next, you're somewhere else! There's no way out, and then you're out!

  "Before he could get his bearings, though, he...get this...he fell right into a lake!" Abruptly, Larry threw his head back and laughed, cut loose a joyous, thundering roll.

  "Damn!" he hooted, wagging his head gleefully. "And they say the Good Lord doesn't have a sense of humor!

  "Billy dropped into a lake! That sure convinced him he wasn't dreaming!" Again, Larry slung a burst of laughter from the crevice.

  "Anyway," he continued, grinning and chuckling, "once he got himself out of that lake, he found out where he was...and it was Cross Creek State Park, of all places!

  "Well. Right then and there, he knew what was going on. He knew where he was, and he had a damn good idea of when he was. There weren't any other explanations, y'know?

  "His prayers had been answered!

  "Somehow, he'd gotten through to the Man Upstairs! God had waited till practically the last minute, but He'd finally come through! He'd given Billy a second chance!

  "He'd given me a second chance!"

  *****

  Chapter 30

  Larry Smith was still grinning.

  His features shone with a blissful light, an ecstatic radiance. He stood transfigured in the trench with arms spread wide, fists clenched victoriously.

  "A second chance!" he shouted, his voice and attitude like those of a preacher praising heavenly hosts.

  "A second chance!" he boomed exuberantly, lunging a step forward, a step away from the body in the dirt.

  Frozen and stupefied, Dave Heinrich listened from above. He didn't share Larry's delight; while Larry beamed and bounded, Dave remained silent and paralyzed, virtually lifeless. His gears were locked; his systems had been scrambled and deactivated. He'd been drastically overloaded, and the chaotic input continued to shower him.

  "I'd been sent back!" piped Larry, emphatically waving his fists. "I'd been sent back in time, to now, to here! Can you imagine that?

  "Billy's life...my life had been hell! I'd lost everything, done it all wrong, and now I had a chance again! I'd been sent back to when it all started, and now I could change things!

  "I knew exactly what I had to do!" crowed Larry, slapping a fist into his palm. "For months, for years, I'd planned it all out! I'd gone over it so often in my dreams that it was like I'd already done it hundreds of times!

  "I knew what to do!" sang Larry, his flushed, excited face glowing like a candle in the shadows of the crevice. "I knew how to make things right again!"

  Chest and shoulders pumping with accelerated breath, Larry paused for a moment, beaming upward as if hoping to see that Dave shared his elation; Dave just retained the same baffled, disturbed frown that he'd held since the start of the story.

  Larry shook his head disappointedly and cast his gaze downward. When next he looked up, his expression was slightly changed; he still grinned, but not as broadly as before, and his face had lost some of its absolute rapture.

  "Of course, I had to kill some people," he shrugged, and his voice was a bit more subdued. "It was the only way to really change things, though.

  "How else could I be sure? I mean, think about it. You're miraculously sent back in time, and you have a chance to turn your whole life around...but it's probably the only chance you'll get! You have to be sure you'll do some good!

  "Are you going to spend your time running around, hoping you can head off each disaster before it happens? You might pull your younger self out of danger, keep him away from certain people at a crucial time...but how do you know he won't meet up with those same people later and repeat your mistakes when you're not around to guide him? You don't know how long you'll be there, either! For all you know, you could be sent away after a day, or a couple hours! Whatever you do, you have to do it quickly, and you need to make sure it'll be permanent!

  "That's why I had to kill. I had to be sure that the changes would take hold, that my younger self would never get into the same trouble with the same people.

  "I know it's impossible to make sure that nothing bad will ever happen. Once I've made changes, I know my younger self could run into new problems, things I can't predict. Still, by eliminating the mistakes I know of, at least I'm giving him a better shot at a good life.

  "I bet you'd do the same thing if you were in my shoes," said Larry, lifting an eyebrow and nodding. "It might seem pretty awful to you right now, but once you've been through what I've been through, things look different.

  "Everything has a price. The price of my future...Billy's future...is pretty steep, but I'm willing to pay it. After you think it over some, I think you'll have to agree that's fair."

  Larry fell silent. He peered up at Dave as if waiting for a response of some kind, but Dave didn't cooperate; he didn't say a word, didn't even twitch.

  After a moment, Larry finally sighed and clapped his hands together. "Anyway, I've killed some people," he said lightly.

  "First thing I did was get rid of the girl, the one Billy would've gotten pregnant and married. Right off the bat, the same night I arrived, I got her out of the way. She was the one who'd started it all, so I took care of her immediately.

  "After I'd killed her, I got a job at the steakhouse. I blackmailed Tom Martin into hiring me, told him I'd tell Fred about his embezzling if he didn't do what I said.

  "You're probably wondering why I bothered to get in the steakhouse at all. Well, for one thing, I needed the money. When I came back in time, I didn't bring any cash with me. I was taken right from a cell on Death Row, remember?

  "I needed to support myself for as long as I'd be here. Working at the steakhouse would also put me close to some people I planned to deal with. I had to stake out Ernie's parents and Tom Martin, hammer out the details of when and how I'd take them. At Wild West, I could keep tabs on Tom and get information from Ernie about his folks' comings and goings.

  "I also wanted to get in with the old gang. One of the things I'd planned to do was save Boris Blovitz...just because I could, I guess, even though his suicide wasn't one of the main things that'd dragged me down. In order to save him, I had to be at the party where he was going to kill himself. I also figured I'd need one of you to talk him out of the suicide, since he wouldn't know me at the age I am now.

  "Not only that," said Larry, smiling sheepishly, "but I...I wanted to be in with the old gang again. I wanted to relive some of the good times. I didn't know...I don't know what'll happen to me when this is all over. If I change the past, will I go on living here, or will I be sent to a new future, or the same one, or will I just...fade away? I don't know." Larry hesitated, stared at the sky...then sighed and shrugged.

  "Anyway, I just wanted to steal a little happiness with my old buddies...my old self. I couldn't resist.

  "I don't regret it, either...except maybe that I got a little too close to you. Even that...well, it can't be helped. If anyone had to find out the truth, I'm glad it was my best friend." Larry smiled warmly at Dave, seemed genuinely moved; Dave remained silent and frozen.

  "Well," Larry said briskly. "I got my job at Wild West. I'd killed the girl, and I was ready to move ahead.

  "Next, I went after the guy who'd stolen my true love...the big shot who snapped her up when she left me. He'd taken away my last chance at her, and he'd even married her eventually.

  "Name was Steve Kimmel. That's right...Roger Kimmel's son, as in the Kimmel Corporation. Probably the richest little bastard in this half of the state. No wonder he got the girl I should have had
.

  "Well, this time around, he won't get her. He'll never even meet her, thanks to me. Once Billy falls in love with her, not only won't he have that other girl around to tempt him, but he won't have to worry about Steve Kimmel taking her away." Larry shook his head and grinned with great satisfaction.

  "After I got Kimmel," he continued, "I got you to stop Boris from killing himself. I knew exactly when and where he would do it, so it was just a matter of taking you to him at the right time.

  "I have to admit, I was really impressed by how you talked him out of it. I mean, you had no idea what you were in for when I took you into the woods, but you still had enough on the ball to save your friend's life. My friend's life.

  "He's only walking around today because of you, y'know," nodded Larry. "I may have tipped you off, but you did all the work, Dave...just like I knew you would."

  Still frozen on the rim of the cleft, Dave Heinrich said nothing.

  Larry cleared his throat. "After you saved Boris," he continued, "I killed Ernie's parents.

  "I almost couldn't bring myself to do it. They'd never done anything to hurt me. They didn't deserve to die.

  "Still, I had to kill them.

  "See, one of the worst things that happened to me...to Billy...was when my best friends deserted me. If you guys had still been around when things got really tough, if you'd been there for Billy when he needed you, I know he would've been able to keep himself together.

  "If you two hadn't left, Billy would've had someone to give him support, get him over the rough spots. He wouldn't've felt so completely alone, wouldn't've turned to the wrong people for friendship like he did.

  "That's why I killed Ernie's parents...to keep him here for Billy.

  "I know it seems terrible," Larry said regretfully, "but believe me, there was no other way.

  "See, I needed insurance. Couldn't leave any room for the same things to happen.