by Krista McGee
“Because he lived out the truth of that love better than anyone I have ever known. He lived here, alone, for forty years, trusting that the Designer had a purpose for him. He lost his family. All but James, and James basically disowned him. John could have become bitter and angry, but he clung to love, to God.”
“I don’t want to be alone.” Alex’s arms hang heavy at his side. “I have lost everyone—everyone—I care about. Everyone but you. You were the hope I was clinging to, Thalli. If you would just stay with me, help me, my people might accept me back. And even if they didn’t, I’d have you.”
I walk to where Alex is standing, but I keep my hands in my pockets, unsure of what to do or say, how to reach him. I do not want to cause him more pain. He has endured so much.
“I love you, Thalli.” Tears pool in Alex’s eyes. “I have loved you since the first time I saw you, coming in on that transport like some kind of queen. Like my queen. I never thought I’d marry for love. I mocked my sister for wanting that. I fought my feelings for you because they seemed out of place for royalty. But I couldn’t help it. The more time I spent with you, the more lost I became, the more sure I was that I would do anything, go anywhere, if you would just be with me.”
Alex lifts a hand to my face and traces my jaw with his fingertips, the movement so soft, so tender, I close my eyes.
“Please, let me try, Thalli. Give me a chance.” Alex’s forehead is on mine. “I know I don’t deserve you, but I need you.”
I feel Alex’s breath on my face. The door opens before I have a chance to speak. James is standing there, only his head visible through the doorway.
“You need to come with me.” He is mouthing the words, and I have to step closer to understand them. “Now.”
CHAPTER 36
One of the Scientists-in-Training from Pod B died.” James has us in his office, the cameras on a loop so Loudin won’t know we are here. “It happened last night. Dr. Loudin is frantic.”
“He was just on my wall screen.” I recall his smug face, no trace of fear evident. “He didn’t seem frantic then.”
“He is an expert at masking his emotions.” James raises an eyebrow. “But, believe me, he is quite upset.”
“Go on.” Alex nods to James.
“The Scientist, Magnes, was one of the most promising. He had been trained to replace Loudin.”
“But he’s Pod B.” That is the generation just above us. “What about the Scientists-in-Training from Pod A?”
James rubs a hand over his head. “The first generation didn’t develop the intelligence we had hoped. They were the first ones to survive—we lost so many before them, you know.”
Kristie told us of the dozens of babies who were born with significant malformations and mutations—“mistakes” made by James as he tried to perfect the genetics for what would be the generations of life in the State. “I know.”
James sighs. “None of them had the potential to be Scientists.”
“So Magnes was important?” Alex leans forward in the plastic chair.
“Very.” James folds his hands on his desk. “He was Loudin’s right hand. He aided Loudin in his cerebral studies. He was running the lab in Loudin’s absences. Loudin told Magnes things he didn’t tell anyone else.”
“What happened?” People born in the State don’t die. Some are annihilated, but natural death? That is unheard of. James’s work in genetics ensures that our bodies will live for a hundred years or more before shutting down.
“Aneurysm.” James’s voice is quiet.
“What is that?” Because diseases are not part of the State. All we were ever taught was that they were part of the primitive world.
“It’s basically a weak area in an artery, like an air pocket. Magnes’s burst, and he experienced a subarachnoid hemorrhage.”
“What?” Alex and I ask together.
“A burst blood vessel in the brain.” James lays his palms flat on the desk. “I can only do so much. I am a Geneticist, working alone. I have Assistants, but no one else. I didn’t know—”
“No one blames you, James.” I have never seen him so agitated.
“Loudin blames me.” He looks up. “You should have seen him. How could I have missed that, he asked. This was Pod B, second generation. There should have been no complications. I thought for a moment he would kill me right there in the autopsy room.”
“He won’t kill you.” I want to calm James, to help him. “He needs you.”
“Not when he finds out I destroyed everything in my lab.” James closes his eyes. “Which won’t be long. He wants me to begin working now on samples, to make sure this doesn’t happen again. He wants to see results when he returns from South America.”
“We won’t let him do that.” I think back to our plan of leaving Loudin in South America. But he will not allow himself to be in a position to be left. Even if we found a way to disable the aircraft’s communication with the State, he would still find a way to stop us. Just like he brought Nicole with him to Athens to make sure he got what he needed, he will use Alex and me to make sure he returns from South America safely. He knows we will not allow each other to be hurt.
James lifts his hand in the air. “I did not bring you here to discuss how you might prolong my life. I am telling you this because he is weak right now. He feels like control is slipping from him. He has felt that in some degree for months—since yours and Rhen’s testing.”
“Why?”
“He didn’t understand it. He saw what happened, the breakthrough between conscious and subconscious, but the testing wasn’t his idea.”
“It was Berk’s.” I tell Alex because he knows nothing about those events.
“He pored over that test, trying to make sense of it, and he couldn’t.” James rubs his eyes. “That’s why he insisted on sending you to find Kristie. He needed to know what it meant.”
“I thought he wanted Kristie to repair the oxygen.”
“Yes, but that test was part of the solution.” James waves his hand. “The bottom line is, Loudin wants to be able to understand everything that happens. He needs to be in control. And when he isn’t, he gets upset. But he also gets sloppy.”
“Sloppy?” I look to Alex, who is smiling.
“My father was like that,” Alex says. “As a kid, I knew I could get away with anything when Father was battling for control.”
“Exactly.” James leans forward.
“So we have an opportunity to act now, while he is distracted.” Alex is thinking—I can tell from the way he focuses on a far-off point, how he nods.
“After Magnes, Berk was Loudin’s protégé.” James looks at me. “He had great plans for Berk, you know.”
“Until he got involved with me.” Berk’s decision to help me cost him his potential for leadership in the State.
“No, Loudin saw the benefit in that.” James taps his fingers on his desk. “He wanted Berk to help you escape.”
Alex strikes the desk with his hand. “That’s why Berk showed up on the screen in your room today.”
“What?”
“When I came in and you hugged me, Berk was there, watching.” Alex stands and paces. “And when we left, Loudin made a point to let Berk know we’d be here together and he couldn’t come. He’s trying to make Berk jealous, so he’ll get over you and return to him.”
Understanding fills me. “He wants Berk to replace Magnes.”
“And, ultimately, to replace him.” Alex nods.
“Nothing is more important to Loudin than his legacy.” James stands. “And nothing is more important to his legacy than for this State to continue as it has been, according to his vision.”
“So what do we do?” I ask James.
“Don’t. Give. Loudin. Control. Don’t give him what he wants.”
“And what does he want?” Alex leans against the wall.
“He wants the five of you to fight among yourselves. He wants you, Thalli, to be so focused on keeping both Alex and Be
rk happy that you don’t use your intellect to fight against him.”
“What about Rhen and Dallas?” Loudin tried to kill Rhen once. I know he will do it again.
“They are leverage,” James says sadly. “They’ll be the first to go if you don’t do what he wants.”
“And what is that?”
“Right now”—James points a finger to the ceiling—“it’s going to Ecuador and returning with survivors.”
“So we should fight him on that?”
James looks at Alex for long seconds, then turns his gaze on me. “You should fight him on everything.”
CHAPTER 37
I just can’t finish it today.” I play a chord on the keyboard.
“Can’t is not an option.” Loudin throws my communications pad on my lap. “This is your assignment, and you will complete your assignment.”
“I miss Berk.” This is true. While I may need to fight Loudin, I have determined not to lie. “If I could see him, I’m sure I would be more productive.”
The veins in Loudin’s neck are bulging, and beads of sweat have appeared on his forehead. “You will not dictate to me what you will or will not do. I need this music recorded by the end of the day. We leave for Ecuador tomorrow.”
“I’m sorry, Dr. Loudin.” I rub my temple. “I’m out of practice, you know, with all the moves. I need more time to perfect it.”
“Perfect is unnecessary.” Loudin lifts the communications pad and places it back on the stand above the keyboard. “These are primitive people.”
“Like the ones in New Hope and Athens?” I bite out.
“Exactly.” The glint in Loudin’s eyes makes my stomach lurch. “They neither need nor expect perfection. I simply want music that will be familiar to them so they know we are peace seeking.”
“But you aren’t peace seeking.” I stand from the stool so I can look Loudin in the eye. “You are the exact opposite. You want to go into their peaceful world and disrupt it. You want to take fathers and sons and mothers and daughters away from their families and turn them into your version of a perfect human.”
Loudin stares at me, his jaw twitching. He breathes loudly and when he finally speaks, his voice is low, quiet. “I want to save them from themselves. They are corrupted, just like you were corrupted by spending time in the villages. You and Berk both.”
“Corrupted?” I roll my eyes. “Being around people who love and care for one another, who treated us like family—you think that is corruption?”
“You were drugged, Thalli.” Loudin takes a step closer. “You were forced into an engagement and then framed for murder. You were placed in a dungeon. I heard it all when you were in the isolation chamber talking to Berk.”
I am disgusted at how much he knows, how little privacy I really have. But I will not give him the upper hand. That is what he wants. “And how is that different from the State? You expect complete submission, just like Jason. The pods are our dungeons. We do what we’re told or you kill us.”
“It is a small-minded person who believes those comparisons are accurate.”
“Then I am small-minded.”
Loudin leans in to me. “You are not my only Musician.”
That thought entered my mind too. “So why don’t you use one of the others? Have them record this, take them with you to South America.”
Loudin throws a hand down on the keyboard.
I hear the answer to my question in his silence.
“Because you need me there to make Alex do what you want.” Seeing Loudin angry makes me feel strong. James is right. He is sloppy. “You need us.”
Loudin looks me right in my eyes, his gaze frightening. “I. Need. No one.”
My feelings of strength fade. Loudin may be deluded and arrogant and homicidal, but he is still human. “Then I am sorry for you.”
Loudin laughs and takes a step back. “You? Sorry for me?”
“You are missing out on something beautiful.” I cannot imagine life without love. Without friendships. “We were made to love others.”
“You were made to make music.” Loudin points to the communications pad. “You have lost sight of your purpose, spending time with those people.”
Those people. How dare he call Dallas and Kristie and Nicole—my family—those people. I want to shove him to the floor, kick him until he looks like Alex looked when he returned from New Hope. I will never fulfill his purpose for me. I’d rather die than give him that satisfaction.
The wall screen comes to life, and I see Rhen, eyes wide, blond hair out of her signature ponytail. A Monitor has her gripped in his arms, a weapon raised to her neck.
“It seems,” Loudin says to Rhen, “that your friend does not wish to complete a task I have assigned for her to accomplish. She seems to believe she can refuse or reason with me. Foolish assumptions, Rhen, would you not agree?”
Rhen doesn’t speak, but her eyes speak for her. She is frightened, unable to move from the Monitor’s grip. Where are Berk and Dallas? They would fight against this man if they could . . . which means they can’t. They are subdued too. Panic grips my throat, my muscles.
“I will give you just one more opportunity, Thalli.” Loudin speaks to me, but he continues to look at Rhen on the wall screen. “Sit at the keyboard and record this music, in its entirety, without delay or error, or Rhen will be disciplined for your rebellion.”
I sit at the keyboard and straighten the communications pad holding the music. “All right. Just don’t hurt her.”
“Much better.” Loudin powers on the keyboard once again, and I play every note, every rhythm, exactly as it is written. Loudin looks on, as does Rhen, still in the grip of the Monitor, still being threatened. She is not released until I finish. The screen goes black, and Loudin sends the music from the keyboard to his communications pad.
He has won.
This time.
CHAPTER 38
Solitude.
The worst possible punishment.
Loudin knows this, and that is why he has left me here, in this room, in this hallway, completely alone. No communications pad. No wall screen. Nothing but silence.
I have spent three days in this room in the Scientists’ quarters, the room where I was first placed when I was taken. John’s old room is down the hall. I cannot get there—this room is locked. And even if I could, John is not there. The memories would be painful. But I would rather have the pain of seeing that room, smelling it, touching John’s things, and remembering him there, than to sit one more minute in this white room with its white walls, devoid of sound, empty of life.
I have prayed, recited the pieces of the Designer’s book I recall. I have hummed music, replayed past conversations in my mind. Anything to escape from this reality. But I am still here. And peace is as elusive as noise.
And, lately, what has come to mind are the possibilities of what may be happening while I am here. Has Loudin gone to South America without me? Did he kill Rhen? Has he perfected the formula? So much could go wrong, and I can do nothing but sit here. And as I sit, I wonder if there was more I could have done that day I recorded the music. Could I have stopped him? Should I have refused to play, made him wait?
But I couldn’t have. I have gone over this in my mind a hundred times. If I hadn’t played it, he would have killed Rhen. But he may have killed her anyway.
I groan, and the sound bounces around the walls. I have to stop. These thoughts will only plague me, and I have no answers. Only the same questions, over and over again.
I hear a click and I race to the door. It is unlocked! I pull it open before it can lock again, and I look to the right and to the left. Which way? Who unlocked it and why and where should I go?
Berk.
I need to find him, to know he is all right.
Resisting the urge to stop in John’s room, I run down the hallway and into the stairwell. My muscles wake as I push them up the stairs, toward the entrance of the Scientists’ quarters. I don’t know if Berk is st
ill in Pod C, but I do not know where else to look.
I open the door that leads into the main lobby. It is quiet. Still. I do not see any Monitors. In fact, I do not see anyone.
I walk out the glass doors. They slide open, allowing me into the area I used to call “outside.” I cannot call it that anymore. Although there is grass here and flowers, I am fully aware that it is not outside. We are still trapped in the State, oxygen pumped in, water filtered in. I feel trapped, even here.
And I feel alone.
It is unusual—no Maintenance Specialists, no Botanists, no one is here. Barely ten steps into my trek toward Pod C, I hear the door slide open, my name being called.
Alex.
I run to him. His bruises have faded to yellow and his eye is no longer swollen. His smile, though, does not reach his face. He motions me back into the Scientists’ quarters, and I follow him through the lobby and onto an elevator. He presses Level H.
“Where are we going?” My ears pop as the elevator races down.
“We’re going to see James.” Alex speaks quietly. “He’ll explain everything in his lab.”
I wonder what “everything” there is to explain. The elevator slides open, and I rush down the hall after Alex. When the door opens to James’s office, I wrap my hands around my body. I had forgotten how cold he keeps it here.
“Thalli.” Berk is here, and I drop my arms so his arms can encircle me, the warmth he brings making me forget all about the temperature in the room, the people in the room. I want to freeze this moment and hold Berk, look at him, know he is all right. But I sense the urgency in his tense muscles, how he pulls away too quickly and puts a hand on my back to guide me to a chair by James’s desk.
I look around and see Rhen and Dallas. We are all here in James’s office. How? “Where is Loudin?”
“He is undergoing testing.” James smiles. “Under the advisement of our Medical Specialists. We want to make sure he is completely healthy. We don’t want what happened to Magnes to happen to him.”
