“I don’t want you over there,” he said. “Come here and sit in my lap.”
It wasn’t a request, and I complied.
He pulled me onto his thighs, my legs dangling over the arm of the chair, his hands warm on my bare legs.
“Are you ready for tomorrow?” Stone asked, his fingertips caressing my knee. His eyes were cast downward, his brow slightly furrowed, and I wondered what he was thinking about.
“I don’t know,” I answered truthfully. Could anyone ever really be ready?
“If you need me to lay out of school, I will.”
Part of me wanted him to, but I knew how important his attendance was to his dad. Besides, I could handle it. What choice did I have? Death was a part of life, and I needed to dig deep and find the courage to deal with Granny’s passing.
“No, that’s okay.”
“Are you sure?”
I nodded. “Yeah. Besides, Mr. Milton will be with me, and maybe it will be good for the two of us to have some time alone. Maybe he needs me.”
“That’s what I love about you.” His lifted his eyes to my face.
“What?” I asked, having no idea what he was talking about.
“You’re always thinking about other people.”
“I guess I have Granny to thank for that because that’s the example that she set for me.”
He rocked us slowly, his feet remaining on the porch as his legs did the work. I thought about Granny who was so short that when she pushed off the porch, her feet would become airborne before coming back down to tap the porch again.
“What’s your favorite memory of her?” Stone asked.
I smiled. “I have so many wonderful memories of her that it would be difficult to choose. For my sixth birthday, she asked me what kind of birthday cake I wanted. I told her that I wanted chocolate and white and strawberry, but not all mixed up. So she baked me three different cakes, and every one of them had its own set of six birthday candles. I got to make three different wishes and blow the candles out three times.”
“And what did you wish for?”
“One wish was pretty ordinary for a little girl. I wanted to be a princess.”
“And the other two?”
My eyes fell to my lap as I remembered how devastated I’d been when my wishes hadn’t come true. I’d blamed myself, thinking that maybe I hadn’t been good enough.
“I wanted my mother to come back for me, and I wanted my father to love me.” Melancholy overcame me. “They were just the silly wishes of a six-year-old.” I tried to smile.
“They weren’t silly.” He pulled me against his chest, my head leaning against his shoulder. He kissed the top of my head and held me tightly as he continued rocking. I breathed in deeply, comforted by the gentle motion and the smell of his cologne. “No little girl should have to wish for those things…well, except for the princess part.”
I hugged him. Those wishes hadn’t come true, and while maybe I hadn’t really gotten over them, I had accepted them. Now I wondered if the wish that I’d made at my eighteenth birthday party would come true.
Stone
I’d gone to visitation at the funeral home after school yesterday. For the most part, Dara held it together while she and Mr. Milton greeted their friends and family.
Today, I’d left school early. As I stood in front of the mirror tightening my tie, I knew that the funeral would be much more difficult. My father was away on a business trip, and he agreed to let me drive his car. My mother had asked me to send her condolences to both Dara and Mr. Milton, but she hadn’t attended a funeral since Luke’s. I knew she wasn’t emotionally ready to do it again, and I wondered if she ever would be. Going to the funeral home yesterday had been difficult for me, but I knew Dara needed me.
I pulled on the black suit jacket, adjusting it until it set perfectly on my shoulders. Walking through the house, I picked up my dad’s keys from the kitchen counter and let Mom know that I was leaving.
A short drive later, I pulled into a parking space at the funeral home and waited for Dara to arrive. I didn’t have to wait long. Mr. Milton pulled in a few minutes later, and I met Dara and him just outside the entrance.
“Hi, Mr. Milton,” I said, holding my hand out to him.
He took my hand, giving it a gentle shake. “Stone, it’s always good to see you.” He reached up with his other hand and slapped it against my arm. “If you kids will excuse me, I’m going to go on in.”
“Of course,” I said, releasing his hand.
Mr. Milton walked in the funeral home, and I turned my attention to Dara. Her curled blond hair contrasted strikingly against her sleek, black dress. As expected, she looked emotionally drained, and I pulled her into a quick embrace. “Hang in there, babe.”
She nodded silently.
I held the door open while she entered the funeral home.
An hour later, it was time for the final viewing. Friends of the family had been corralled into the chapel, and only a few people remained beside Granny’s casket. I watched from a few feet behind as Mr. Milton stood quietly, his shoulders drooped. Beside him Granny’s sister, Shirley, began wailing and her daughter pulled her into her arms, comforting her. Dara stood beside them and when I heard her sniffling, I took a step forward, but kept my distance. Shirley hugged Dara while Shirley’s daughter, Vickie, moved on to comfort Mr. Milton. Dara turned backed to the casket, leaning over it and whispering something to Granny.
She stood very still, and I was unsure of how she was holding up. When I noticed her trembling, I knew what was coming. I’d seen it with my mother almost four years ago.
“Oh, Granny,” Dara whispered. “Please don’t leave me.” Her voice quivered as the sobs racked her body, and the pain in her voice tormented me.
I stepped forward as Dara turned around, her red-rimmed eyes searching for me. “Stone,” she whimpered, reaching out to me.
With long strides, I closed the distance between us and pulled her into my arms, crushing her to my chest. I held her tightly while she cried, remembering the pain and anguish that I’d felt at Luke’s funeral.
Her shoulders shook while she clung to my torso, and my heart ached for her. Damn it! There was nothing I could do that would ease her pain, and I could never remember feeling so helpless.
“I’m not ready for her to go,” she whispered, her face tilted toward mine. She watched me through tear-filled eyes, and I wished that I knew the words that would soothe her soul. There were no words, and it sucked.
“I know,” I whispered, my hand rubbing her back in a circular motion.
I couldn’t take her pain away, but I could love her.
Chapter 13
Stone
Three days had passed since Granny’s funeral, and I couldn’t get the heartbroken look on Dara’s face out of mind. She hadn’t been to school all week, but I’d gone by to check on her every evening. Unfortunately, I hadn’t been able to spend much time with her because I had to work at the bookstore. Sales had increased exponentially since last summer. I needed to have Tom hire another full-time employee, but I’d been too busy to discuss it with him.
Now that it was Saturday morning, graduation was a week away. I wondered whether Ms. Golding intended to be at the ceremony. Fishing my phone out of my pocket, I dialed her number, and she answered on the first ring.
“Hello.”
“Ms. Golding?”
“Hi, Stone. I just talked to Dara, and she seems a little down.”
“Yeah, she’s not quite herself yet. It’ll just take a little time. The graduation ceremony should help take her mind off things, which is the reason for my call. Are you coming? It’s next Saturday, and Dara really wants you to be there.”
“That’s why I called Dara. I promised her that I would be there and that afterwards, we could go somewhere and talk. I want you to be there, too. I’m not sure how she’ll respond, and I think maybe she’ll be more comfortable if you’re there. She told me how you had helped her through the
funeral, and I want to thank you for being there for my daughter.”
“No problem. I’d do anything for Dara.”
“She’s lucky to have you. Well, I’ve got to run, but as long as nothing happens between now and then, I’ll be there.”
I wondered if she would keep her word. “Dara needs you now just as much as she ever has.”
“I know that you’re worried that I won’t show, but I promise you that I’ll be there.”
“Okay, good, but just so you know…I’m holding you to that.” If she didn’t come, I’d hunt her down again and take Dara to her, whether she was ready to talk to her or not. She had one more week to share her secret with Dara, and if she didn’t, I would.
“I won’t let you down.”
When I hung up the phone, I felt a renewed sense of hope that Ms. Golding might actually come through this time.
I sat down at my desk and stared at my computer screen. I still needed to review Frankenstein for the newsletter for Luke’s Book Club.
By the time I finished, the sun hung high in the sky. My older brother, Dylan, would be arriving home from college for the summer at any minute, and my parents required my presence at supper this evening to welcome him home. If I were going to spend any time with Dara today, it would have to be now or late this evening.
Worried about her wellbeing and the fact that I hadn’t checked on her as much as I would’ve liked through the week, I decided to go now. It didn’t take me long to ride my crotch rocket from my house to Mr. Milton’s. When I arrived, I noticed that Dara had visitors. Two cars were parked in the driveway behind hers. One belonged to Crimson Cruze, and the other one belonged to Chance Murray.
Mr. Milton’s car was nowhere in sight, and I knew he’d be working at the grocery store.
I pulled off my helmet, hung it on the mirror, and remained at the end of the drive, wishing I had a cigarette, even though I hadn’t smoked in months.
The front door opened and Crimson, Scarlet, Dara, and Chance poured out onto the front porch, talking quietly. My hands curled into fists as I watched him hug her, and before I could stop myself, I walked swiftly to the front porch.
Dara spotted me first. “Hey, Stone!”
I continued up the steps until I was no more than a couple of feet from them. “Hey, Dara,” I said, giving her a quick kiss on the lips and draping my arm over her shoulder.
“Way to mark your territory,” Scarlet muttered under her breath. “You wanna pee on her, too?”
I gave Scarlet a half-cocked grin. “I never knew why you didn’t like me until just now. I do believe that you, Scarlet Cruze, are jealous.”
Crimson giggled. “She definitely needs a date.”
I snapped my fingers. “I’ve got the perfect date for you, Scarlet.”
“Like I’d really take any of your suggestions,” she spouted.
“I’m gonna go, Dara,” Chance said, motioning toward his car. “If you ever need anything, I’m just a phone call away.”
“Thanks for dropping by,” Dara said, waving to him.
When I saw him drive away, I finally relaxed my clenched teeth. If he got half a chance, he’d try to get Dara back, and he and I both knew it.
“We’ve got to go, too,” Crimson said. “We promised Mom that we’d go shopping with her.”
Scarlet hugged Dara. “We’ll call you later, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Stone, see if you can find Scarlet a date. For real,” Crimson said. “Then we’ll all go to the movies or something.”
“I’m perfectly capable of finding my own date, thank you very much,” Scarlet snapped.
“I’m on it, Crimson,” I said, bumping fists with her.
Crimson walked to her car with Scarlet on her heels, mouthing about not needing a date the entire way.
Dara and I remained on the porch as they pulled into the street and drove away. I sat in a rocker and pulled her into my lap.
“Was he hitting on you?” I asked.
“Stone, don’t do this.”
“He wants you back, you know.”
“Are you worried?” she asked, her eyebrows arched while she waited for me to answer.
“Why would I be worried?” I placed my hand over her heart. “You respond to me in a way that you’ll never respond to him, and you know it.”
She licked her lips, but she said nothing.
“Admit it, Dara,” I pressed, leaning toward her until my lips hovered a hand’s breadth from her face. I ran my palm along the silky skin of her thigh until my fingertips dipped into the edge of her shorts.
Her chest rose and fell quickly.
“Admit it,” I whispered, touching my lips to hers, kissing her achingly slow.
Her hands rose to my cheeks as she deepened the kiss in a frenzy of emotion. Suddenly, she pulled back. “I admit it,” she whispered, breathing heavily.
A small smile of satisfaction touched my lips.
“That’s why you need to go,” she said softly.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I whispered, rubbing the soft flesh of her inner thigh.
She jerked away from my touch. “I’m serious, Stone. You need to go.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” I asked. “Does Chance have anything to do with this?”
“No!” she shouted. “This is about you and me.”
“What about us? What’s going on, Dara?”
“I don’t know,” she whispered. “I just need some time to myself. I love you, Stone. Maybe too much.”
“You can’t love someone too much,” I countered.
“Stone, please,” she begged. “My whole life has been turned upside down, and I’m scared.”
“All the more reason not to turn me away, Dara,” I said through gritted teeth.
“Don’t be angry,” she whispered, her soft breath warm against my skin as she traced my jawline.
“I’m not angry,” I growled. “I just don’t understand what the hell’s going on.”
“With everything that’s happened, I just need some time to think things through, to see what I need to do with my life, what I want to do with my life. I’m confused, Stone. I just want to make sure that my feelings for you are real, that I’m not just becoming closer to you because I’m going through a bad time.”
I clenched my jaw. Those weren’t the words that I’d been hoping to hear from her.
“Just a few days,” she whispered. “I love you, Stone. I do, but I just need to make sure that it’s for all the right reasons.”
“I’m not gonna wait forever, Dara.” As soon as the words slipped out of my mouth, I knew that I’d said them out of anger, but I didn’t have it in me to take them back.
She nodded, slid out of my lap, and stood near the porch steps. She looked at me, wringing her hands nervously. Tears glistened in her eyes.
I stood in front of her, rubbing my fingertips down the length of her face. Damn, she was beautiful, and this sucked. What could I do?
I bent down and kissed her lightly. “I love you, Dara.” Then, I turned and walked away, before she could see the hurt on my face, the pain in my heart. I thought that she and I were on the verge of getting back together. Now, I didn’t know whether we ever would.
I pulled on my helmet and sped down the road. After spending some time alone on my bike, I finally went home.
When I sat down to dinner, I noticed that Mom had gotten out the good dishes and her finest silverware. As usual, Dad drove the conversation with lots of mundane talk about school.
“Are you on track to graduate in two years?” Dad asked Dylan.
“Yes, I just met with my advisor about a month ago, and everything still looks good,” Dylan replied as he sliced his roast.
“What about you, Stone?” Dad turned his attention to me, and I dreaded the onslaught of questions that I knew would come. “What are your intentions?”
“You know I’ve been accepted for college, Dad,” I answered irritably.
&nbs
p; “Yes, but I thought perhaps you’d applied to some of the more desirable schools.”
I gritted my teeth and answered. “There’s no reason to, Dad. I’ve already decided to go to the local college.”
“Is it because that’s the school that you really want to attend or because that’s the school that Dara’s attending?”
I dropped my fork on my plate, intentionally letting it clank against the fine china.
“Stone,” my mother said softly. I knew all the warnings that she was conveying in the simple use of my name. She had warned me countless times about antagonizing my father, as well as about what constitutes good table manners.
“Does it matter?” I asked my father. “I’m going to college. Isn’t that what you wanted? And yes, I’ll go wherever Dara goes.”
“I’m glad to see you’ve been able to get your own girlfriend, and I’m kinda shocked to see that you’ve actually been able to hold on to her for a while, too. She must not have very high standards,” Dylan spouted, his eyes the same shade as my own, staring at me from across the table.
I pointed at him. “Leave Dara out of this,” I grumbled, my voice low and menacing.
“You never bothered to leave my girlfriend out of it,” he snapped.
“Stop it!” Dad thundered. “Now your mother went to all the trouble of fixing this meal, and neither of you are going to ruin it.”
Dylan and I both clamped our mouths shut, but damn it, my hands itched to close into fists. My brother and I both ate quietly, refusing to exchange any more words between us.
***
Dara
On the morning of graduation, I got up extra early. I missed Granny terribly and decided that I’d watch the sunrise from the front porch rocker. I’d done that with her so many times as a kid that I’d lost count. During my teenage years, I’d opted for sleep, and now I regretted that I hadn’t joined her more often as she watched the night sky erupt into a burst of golden rays.
My life was in a state of complete upheaval, and I’d never felt so alone. I no longer had Granny as my pillar of strength, and I had pushed Stone away. While my mother did seem to be back in my life again, who knew whether it would be long-term and what secrets she was hiding? It seemed that my only stability came from Mr. Milton, and while I loved him dearly, I could never share my secrets with him.
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