“It is just a mockery, isn’t it?” she asked mournfully. “A show for the masses? My worries are centered not on this afternoon but on what’s going to happen when he gets me alone and, before one of you makes a suggestive comment to that, I’m serious. What can our life possibly be like when he’s so unhappy?”
“He won’t be,” Abby insisted. “I promise you, Moira, you will have a long happy marriage. You will have the man you love.”
“Ugh!” Moira growled. “I just hate this! I wanted a wedding like all of yours!”
Kitty snorted. “You mean a rushed affair meant to stave off scandal? Why, your wedding will be just like ours!”
Eve almost choked on her laughter but held it back seeing the despair in Moira’s eyes. “I know what you want, dear! And I wish you were as sure as I am that you have it. He loves you, I know it.”
“Then why won’t he say anything?” Moira wanted to know. “I had thought maybe he would come to but…”
“Men are stubborn creatures, Moira,” Abby interjected as Moira stood and bent to straighten her skirts and train around her. “It takes them forever to do the simplest things.”
“Francis didn’t!” Moira argued. “He’s the one who had to pull Eve in after him kicking and screaming.”
“I did not scream,” Eve said crossing her arms indignantly.
“Yes, you did,” Abby argued sotto voce. “We all heard you.”
There were some strangled sounds around the room before all the women burst out in laughter. They wrapped their arms around one another giggling like schoolgirls just as they had a decade before and Moira felt her heart lighten. Friendship meant everything. It brought you up when you felt blue, it supported one through the worst of times.
Friendship with Vin had gotten Moira through all the years before this. It could get her through a hasty marriage as well. Her friends all had faith in the future. It wouldn’t hurt for her to have some as well.
“Oh!” Moira cried, squeezing her friends tightly. “I love you all so much! Thank you for doing your best to raise my spirits. I’m so lucky to have you!”
“You know,” Eve commented into their huddle. “This will be the first of our weddings when we are all together.”
“I’m glad you’re all here,” Moira said sincerely. “It makes everything easier.”
With a final hug, the quartet parted and headed for the door. At the portal, Moira paused to take a deep breath. “I just hope it makes it easy enough.”
Chapter 42
Life is the flower for which love is the honey.
- Victor Hugo
St. Andrews Church
George Street, Edinburgh
“Despite our talk, it seems Moira is still terribly put out with Vin,” Eve noted unnecessarily to the man at her side as she slid into the pew. They were all gathered in the first several pews waiting for the ceremony to begin. The church had been cheerfully decorated with hothouse flowers. The weather had cooperated as well beaming bright rays of light through the stained glass windows. Despite that, the room was so glum in atmosphere because of the frowning faces of the wedding couple.
Vin stood near the altar resting his elbow on the ornately carved pulpit off to the side while he frowned at Moira who lingered just outside the door of the nave as if she might bolt at any moment. Her father lingered close by to detain her if necessary.
“Yes.” Francis nodded with a wicked grin. “She certainly is. And quite lovely in her pique, I must add.”
“Really, Francis, there is no reason to be so amused by this,” Eve chided, faithful to her friend. “Vin’s reluctance to wed her has hurt her horribly. Moira loves him dearly and only wanted him to love her in return.”
“And who is to say he doesn't?”
“I’d like to think he does as well, Francis, but wishing doesn’t make it true,” Eve told him.
“My brother is a stubborn, hardheaded Scot, Eden. As stubborn as his bride, I might add.”
“And what is that supposed to mean?”
“It means that Moira is angry with Vin because she believes he wed her only because he had to, while Vin is mad at her for believing it. Once they both get past their anger, there will be plenty of time for them both to admit that it was mutual love which brought them together.” Glenrothes took in the pair, swinging his head from left to right and added, “However, knowing just how stubborn they both are, it may take a long while.”
Eve tried to keep a straight face as he stretched the word out but failed with a giggle. “They are indeed a hardheaded pair,” she confessed. “I suppose we might as well get on with it then. The guests for the reception will be arriving at home before long.”
Francis agreed and stepped out of the pew crossing to Vin’s side and motioning to the reverend who lingered nearby. “Shall we begin then?”
Vin shrugged as if it didn’t matter and moved to stand at the foot of the altar. The aisle seemed a long stretch between him and Moira. The dark wood buttresses flying overhead and series of stained-glass windows seemed to stretch between them as gravely as the distance between the hearts of himself and his bride. As vast an expanse as a sea of misery dividing them.
Francis moved into place at his side as his best man. His brother had been his closest friend for many years before their father had died leaving his title and responsibilities to Francis as the new earl. At eighteen, Francis had to grow up quickly. He’d gotten married and at the same time attended university while looking after the rest of their siblings. Vin had lost a father and a best friend that year as he watched Francis step into the sole parental role for their much younger brothers and sister. Vin couldn’t help but admire him for that though he’d missed his friendship over the years and had turned to Richard and Jason to fill the gap.
Francis and he were back on the track to true friendship and brotherhood now and Vin was glad for it. Glad for his family and the return of the familial bond of love and belonging he was discovering again with all of them. Perhaps he had James to thank for that…along with his bruised jaw.
Then there was MacKenzie. Jason and Moira’s father. Vin watched as the old man stood by the door at the end of that long aisle speaking with Moira. As gruff as the man had always been, the Earl of Seaforth had taken over the role of father to him in those years following his father’s death. He’d provided guidance when Vin needed it most. Vin didn’t think he’d ever thanked him for it. Now he welcomed Vin into his family as a son. A son to give him back the one he had lost. Vin didn’t think he’d ever known such a magnanimous gesture in his life.
And Richard. Richard had been a brother and comrade-at-arms when they’d joined the guards together. He couldn’t imagine how those years would have gone if he hadn’t had that brotherhood to carry him through those first years when they all realized war wasn’t as glamorous as they thought it would be.
Vin looked around the church, noting the smiling faces beaming up at him. They were all so happy for him despite the circumstances of the day. They wanted nothing but joy for him. For the first time he wanted it as well. Perhaps he might even deserve some.
But then there was Moira. Vin watched her as she argued with her father, wondering if she were trying to convince him to let her run away. She looked so lovely it made his heart break just looking at her. Her ivory gown was satin and looked as soft and smooth as the ivory of her skin. The low curving neckline was edged in ruched chiffon while the rest of the bodice front was covered in an appliqué of lace and rhinestones. The full elbow length sleeves were inset with the same lace that ran in a V to the end of the sleeve where a small tassel brushed her inner arm as it swung back and forth. The skirt of the gown was a simple bell shape gliding smoothly over her rounded hips. More inset lace scalloping the hemline with more rhinestones and a ruffle of chiffon around the hem increasing in width as it went around the train of the gown.
She should have looked angelic, but to him she simmered with vitality and life. It radiated from her like an aura
of sunshine. How he loved her! How he had loved her for many years as a friend and confidante before realizing just the previous morning that he was in love with her. It was a subtle difference. Truly, it didn’t change the way he thought of her very much at all. Friends and lovers, Richard had said. It was very easy to have them both now. Vin knew that blend of camaraderie and passionate would burn brightly through the years ahead leaving them with a warm glow well into their twilight years. Despite the deepest fears of his youth, Vin knew marriage to Moira would never be mistake.
He wished she knew that as well.
Vin still couldn’t believe he had so easily gained her forgiveness as well as that of her father and grandfather for failing Jason. It seemed he’d been wallowing forever in the guilt of causing Jason’s death, of denying them a brother and son. Yet they only wanted his happiness now, wanted him in their family. They were sorry he had suffered from Jason’s death. It had taken him all day and night to come to terms with that.
Vin looked around again at all of them – family and friends. They’d all moved beyond the past and lived their lives enjoying the moments they had and anticipating the ones to come. He was the only one who’d dwelt so morosely on insignificant things that no longer mattered. He spotted old Sung Li at the back of the church and felt the wisdom in his eyes burn through him. A wry smile twisted Vin’s lips. How was it that so many people knew what he’d been doing all these years and never pointed it out to him? Perhaps, if he’d realized it before, he might have done something to change his bad habits before it was almost too late.
Well, he would change them now. Since his talks with MacKenzie, Mercea and Moira, Vin had felt the guilt he’d carried for so long leech away. He would forever be saddened by the events of these last years and might recall the horrors occasionally, but he felt the worst of it had washed away with their absolution. From now on, he would live his life for his days with Moira and the life they would have together. They would have three titles to prepare their children for. They would need to be taught their responsibilities well. It would be a lifetime of lessons for them all.
The organs boomed mightily into the silence and Vin nearly jumped in surprise as he was pulled from his reverie. As Moira reluctantly took her father’s arm and began to walk slowly across the room toward them, Vin could read the misery on her face. While she might have loved him for all the years before this moment – a fact Vin still had a hard time reconciling himself to – she didn’t want this.
Not like this. And he didn’t either. He’d been angry with himself for being unable to put his reasons into words the day before but angrier with her for thinking that Vin was only marrying her for Society’s approval. He cared not a whit for scandal! If he had, he wouldn’t have denied this marriage the night of the ball. He only wanted Moira to be happy and hadn’t considered she would ever be so with him when she learned how Jason died. He’d never taken into account that forgiveness would be so easily won.
How could she think after a lifetime of friendship that Vin would wed her merely because he ‘had’ to? She was nearly as intractable as he could be. While it would make for a lively and entertaining future, it was not how this day should be.
Vin wanted to begin as they meant to go on and he meant to proceed with love. Her love, that she’d held for him for years, and his, which was new in its evolution from friendly to romantic but just as enduring. It couldn’t start like this with Moira miserable, thinking he was being forced into it when, despite her words, she loved him still.
She reached his side as the organ faded away, her head lowered and the priest began to speak. “Dearly beloved…”
“Bugger it!” Vin ground out, surprising everyone and they all turned to look at him. Including Moira. Vin stared down into her beautiful brown eyes and felt the power in them all the way to his soul. He couldn’t have that look haunting him through his lifetime. He hadn’t spoken to her at all since yesterday morning and he couldn’t begin this thing with her thinking as she did. “Not like this, lovey.”
“Vin…” Moira felt her heart sink even farther. He wouldn’t do it even to save her from scandal!
But Vin grabbed her hand and pulled her with him, away from the priest. Down the aisle once more. Away from her wedding. “Don’t move, everyone,” he called back to the wide-eyed spectators as he continued to pull her down the aisle. “We’ll be right back.”
Moira stumbled along behind Vin as he pulled her out of the main church and down the side halls before pushing her inside one of the antechambers and shutting the door behind them. She felt irritation welling up in her. She hated forcing him , but what choice did she truly have? It was this or scandal. A scandal she had told him she was willing to walk away from. He had insisted on doing this, why back out now? “Vin, what on earth do you think you’re doing?”
Vin paced the small room and ran a hand nervously through his hair. “I couldn’t do it, lovey. Not like that.”
“Well, I know that, Vin! You think I wanted to force you into this?” Moira asked, her voice sharp with irritation. “I told them all you wouldn’t do it. You’d hate to be pushed into something you didn’t want.”
“Bloody hell, lovey!” he burst out, feeling a bit of anger that she would continue to think that way. “I’m not being forced into it! I told you yesterday, I want to marry you!”
“Och, sure and ye have a fine way of showing it, too!” she shouted back in face. “Standing up there like a man going to the gallows. Ye sure dinnae look too happy about it!”
“That’s because ye were looking so bloody unhappy, lovey!” he yelled back, even in his anger loving the way the Scots came out in her when she was mad. It lit her eyes and put a bloom in her cheeks that hadn’t been there all day. “Ye never even wanted to know why I wanted to marry ye. You just assume you know my mind and don’t even bother to ask but I’ll tell ye it’s not because I bloody well have to!”
“Why then, Vin? Tell me now! I want to know, right now! Go ahead!” she stood there with her hands on her hips screaming at him like an angry fishwife and Vin thought he’d never seen anything so wonderful in his whole life. He felt the blood pumping through him, felt all that life and vivacity in her reach into his soul and energize him with the same. Damn, but it felt good!
And she thought he was doing this all for the sake of Society! If he made her feel half of what she gave him!
With a groan of amusement and frustration, Vin strode toward her so quickly that Moira almost stumbled backing away from him. He caught her around the waist and pressed her back against the wall before bending his head to capture her lips with his in a deep kiss.
Caught off guard, Moira felt a rush of heat envelop her as Vin’s lips continued to devastate her with passion and tenderness. Before she lost the capacity to think, Moira pushed on his shoulders twisting to the side. “You think a kiss will make all this go away, Vin? You don’t understand at all.”
With a smile, Vin cornered her against the wall once more, propping his forearm on the wall over her head and forcing her head up so she would look at him. “Actually, I believe in this case it is you who doesn’t understand, lovey.”
“What don’t I understand then?” she asked shivering from the feel of his fingers against her temple as he toyed with the curls there.
Vin stared down into her brown eyes wondering where to begin. He traced the back of his fingers along her cheek and jaw and down her neck and across the bare flesh of her shoulder. “My God, but you’re beautiful, lovey,” he whispered, then shook his head, forcing his thoughts back on track. “Words haven’t been easy for me since I’ve returned. I think you know that. I muddled things completely yesterday when we spoke and I haven’t even seen you privately since then to try to fix things. Then you locked your door last night – aye, I tried to come to you – and after that I started to feel angry that you believed I was marrying you only to stave off the gossips.”
“Aren’t you?” she whispered, mesmerized by the tendernes
s of his touch, an extension of the warmth she read in his eyes. “You certainly fought the idea hard enough the night of the ball.”
“I did, you’re right,” Vin grimaced, remembering that night. “I couldn’t marry you without you knowing the truth of Jason’s death, lovey. I couldn’t bind you to me and live with your hatred for the rest of my days. And I thought you would hate me when you knew.” Vin shook his head as if he still couldn’t quite understand their forgiveness. “Sung Li says I built it up in my mind over the years. That with nothing to dwell on other than that guilt, I gave it a disproportionate emphasis in my mind. For whatever reason, I was so torn by the past, I could not look forward or bind you to me. Because of the guilt, I couldn’t accept out attraction as more than lust. I didn’t feel as if I deserved you after leaving Jason behind.”
Moira did understand that. She could easily see how living in that nightmare for so long could warp his thinking. Papa explained it to her as well, how the events of war especially those born from imprisonment could change a man’s thinking. What might seem illogical to someone without similar experiences to draw on, could seem entirely rational to a soldier. “And now you do?” she asked. “Why?”
“You gave me something I could not give myself,” he told her. “You forgave me, lovey, as did your father and grandfather. Like your father said, I was finally able to forgive myself. It wasn’t an easy thing to do. I want to look forward and not back any longer. I want to marry you, lovey. Finally, I am able to see what I had refused to let myself hope for.”
“You still haven’t said why though, Vin,” she reminded though her voice had lost its heat. Hope was flaring to life within her once more. Sweet hope she had thought withered and dead just hours ago. “You said I didn’t ask you before, but I’m doing it now. Why do you want to marry me?”
Vin traced his fingers over her cheek, wondering if the words would come this time. Heart pounding, he said softly. “Because I love you.”
Questions for a Highlander Page 119
