by Lexi Ryan
The traffic around the baggage carousel clears, person by person. My heart turns stony in my chest and sinks to my gut as I watch the shiny conveyor belt turn.
All the bags are gone. Cally is nowhere to be seen.
My hands are unsteady as I pull my cell phone from my pocket and punch in her number. It rings once and goes to voicemail.
I try again. This time it goes straight to voicemail.
I’m ready to dial again when her text comes through: Something came up. I’m sorry I can’t come.
I sink onto a bench and cradle my head in my hands. It’s over. I ignored the signs because I didn’t want to believe it, but I can’t deny it anymore. I’ve lost her.
How am I supposed to let her go when she still has ahold of my heart?
Present Day
“Just imagine we’re on one of those renovation shows Mom used to like watching so much.”
“Does that mean the sexy hosts are going to show up?” Drew asks, stumbling forward on the riverside trail. She still hasn’t completely opened her eyes, but I woke up early after a night of anxiety and little sleep, and I didn’t have the patience to let her sleep in this morning. “I’m going to need some decent scenery if I’m going to be working this early on a Saturday.”
“No sexy hosts, but the exterminator also promised no rats, so it’s a trade-off.”
It’s a gorgeous morning, and I’m determined not to let last night’s falling out with William ruin my day. It had to happen eventually. Better sooner than later.
As I tossed and turned last night, I realized how much I need to do before I leave New Hope. First, I need to prepare the girls for life without me. I’ve been taking everything on myself for too long. They’re old enough to scrub walls and push a vacuum, and it’s time I made them pull their weight. After all, the cabin is going to be their house, and I won’t be here to take care of it. I probably won’t even be able to risk coming back to check in.
I can’t think about that too much.
“I better get to pick the paint color for our bedroom,” Drew grumbles.
“I want to knock down a wall,” Gabby says.
“No knocking down walls. I’m afraid the house would fall down.”
We turn off the trail and into the woods toward Dad’s.
“Who’s here?” Drew asks.
I follow the direction of her gaze and my steps stutter. Dad’s driveway is filled with cars, and from here I can see William and two guys I only vaguely recognize. As we get closer, I see Hanna and Lizzy leaning against Lizzy’s Charger, and behind them—
Drew squeezes my arm and stops cold. “Oh. My. God.”
I see him the same moment she does. Asher Logan is climbing into the back of a big black pickup, handing supplies to the guys.
Drew looks like she might vomit.
I bite my lip to keep from laughing at her. “What were you saying about needing decent scenery?”
“He’s beautiful,” Gabby whispers.
I roll my eyes. “Seriously? You too?” But then I realize she’s not looking at Asher. She’s looking at one of Will’s friends, the tall, dark-haired guy with broad shoulders and wicked smile. The one Hanna likes. Max. “Come on, girls,” I say, heading into the fray. “First rule is to never let them see you drool.”
“Surprise!” Lizzy calls when she sees us approaching.
I prop my hands on my hips. “Are we having a party here that no one told me about?”
“A renovation party!” Lizzy says, hopping up and down so her curls bounce.
Drew grimaces next to me. “No one should be that perky before nine a.m.”
My eyes connect with William’s. I know without asking that he’s responsible for this. He just winks at me as if last night in the kitchen never happened. Too. Damn. Good.
“You didn’t have to come.”
The guys shrug, and Max says, “We owe Will. Anyway, we’re happy to help.”
“Okay, everyone,” Will announces. “The Dumpster will be here any minute. Let’s start with the carpet and the linoleum in the kitchen. Once we get all that out, we’ll tackle the walls and be ready for the new flooring by this afternoon.”
“New flooring?” I whisper. Everyone’s already headed toward the house and I’m standing here, blinking at Will like an idiot.
“New flooring,” he says carefully, his eyes on me. “A couple of appliances.”
I don’t even have words. I know I should feel…something. Anything other than this crazy out-of-body confusion, like I’ve been dropped into someone else’s life. “But…how?”
“Hey, Bailey!” Max calls from the front porch. “Where do you want the furniture?”
“Coming!” He winks at me and then disappears into the house.
A couple of hours later, the old carpet and linoleum are gone, Sam and Asher are patching the bad spots on the roof, and Max and William have started working on the rotted planks on the deck, pulling off the bad ones and replacing them with new. The sun is high in the sky and cutting through the trees, turning the autumn day hot. William peels off his shirt and tosses it aside, giving me a hell of a view as I try to tape the windows for painting.
Next to me, Drew clears her throat and nudges me in the side with her elbow. “The first rule is to never let them see you drool.”
By lunch, I don’t know whether to tell William off or kiss his feet. First, the truck arrived with the flooring, then another truck brought a new stove and refrigerator, and a third brought new living room furniture and loft beds for the girls and desks that go under each.
It’s too much, and if it were all for me, I wouldn’t accept it. If it were all for me, I’d be angry. But Gabby and Drew are practically bouncing with excitement, and instead of being angry I’m just…grateful. I’m grateful William could do this for them. I’m grateful that, for once, it’s not all on my shoulders. But even so, there’s something unsettling about the grand gesture. Something that doesn’t sit right.
“How much do you hate me right now?” William asks behind me.
I turn slowly. He’s a sweaty mess from tearing up the carpet, and he looks a little unsure as he studies me, but I’ve never been so attracted to someone in my life.
I grab his hand and pull him around the side of the house, where we can talk without curious eyes watching us. “Thank you for arranging this.”
He shifts his hand under mine and entwines our fingers. “You’re welcome.”
I force myself to ask the question that’s been needling me more and more with every gift he’s given. “You know this doesn’t change things between us, right?”
The smile falls from his face. “What do you mean?”
“You can’t buy me, William. I appreciate everything you’ve done for us, but I’m not for sale.”
“I didn’t think you were.” His hard jaw starts to tick. He runs a hand through his curls and looks up at the trees as it trying for patience, but his eyes burn with anger when they turn back to me. “Is that why you think I did this? Is that why you think I’m giving you a deal for your studio, why you think I let you and your sisters stay with me? You think I’m trying to buy you? What the fuck kind of asshole do you think I am?”
“No! Of course I—” But I can’t deny it when that’s exactly what I just accused him of. That’s exactly what I’m afraid of.
“Last night you accused me of treating you like possession, but I have never thought of you that way. A possession is something you own, something you control.” He tugs me close until my body is pressed against his and his mouth is brushing my ear. “I don’t want to control you. I want you to be mine. Don’t you see the difference?”
My heart pounds in my chest, stumbling painfully as if it’s trying to race away from this conversation. “There is no difference for a lot of guys.” There was no difference for Brandon.
“I want your heart. I have no interest in buying it or controlling it. I want you to give it to me freely. Because you already own mine. You alw
ays have. You always will.”
“And my body?” I can’t help myself. I have to ask. “For some men, being his means wearing the clothes he picks out, expressing the opinions he wants me to hold, and letting him fuck me the way he wants to fuck me.”
One hand drops to my waist, lower, and he draws my body close to his, fingers squeezing my hip. “I don’t want to dress you. If you’re in a sexy skirt or in those scrubs your wear for work, all I want is to undress you. And I don’t want to own your mind, I want to explore it.” His mouth brushes my ear as he speaks. Arousal shoots like an electric pulse down my spine. “But I do want you to let me fuck you the way I want to fuck you. But only because I’m yours as much as you are mine, and every time I touch you, I feel like I’ve been put on this Earth to make you come.”
His mouth opens over mine. I’m clinging to him, my nails biting into his shoulders, my legs unsteady beneath me. He backs me up until has me against the side of the house, and I suddenly wish everyone else was gone, so I could take him up on the promise in his eyes.
“You’re mine, Cally,” he whispers. “I don’t give two fucks if that sounds too caveman or possessive for you, because when it comes to you, I am.”
TODAY HAS been shit. Because I want Cally so much it hurts. Because despite our little conversation outside her dad’s house yesterday, she avoided me after the girls were in bed last night. Because even angry with her, I’m happier than I’ve been in years.
But mostly my day has been shit because I know Cally and her sisters are moving back home tonight, and even though I’m going to see her at the gallery most days, letting Cally go in any form goes against every instinct I have.
When I get home from work and walk in my door, my nose is assaulted by garlic and basil. I don’t make it more than a few steps before Drew appears in a white dress shirt and black pants, a linen napkin draped over her arm. “Your table is this way, sir,” she says, motioning toward the dining room.
“What’s going on, Drew?” I walk into the dining room, and Gabby, dressed just like her sister, pulls out a chair for me to sit.
The table is set for two with taper candles burning in the center and flickering shadows on the walls. Bowls of spaghetti, salad, and garlic bread wait, and a wine bottle sits on ice in a stainless steel bucket. I pick it up to see they’ve chosen strawberry wine.
“Did Cally do this?”
Drew grins and shakes her head. “Nope. She’s not home yet.” She slides her phone from her pocket and looks at the time. “She’ll be here any minute.”
“Does she know?”
“It’s a surprise.” Gabby grins. “To thank you for letting us stay.”
Tenderness toward both of these girls tugs in my chest. “The strawberry wine?” Out of all the wines in the rack, I’m curious how they knew to choose this one for me and Cally.
“It’s Cally’s favorite,” Drew says with a shrug. “She doesn’t drink often, but when she does, this is what she likes.”
Damn. I swallow. “Thanks.”
The front door opens. “Drew?” Cally calls. “Gabby?”
Drew scurries to greet her, and Gabby just grins at me.
“This way,” Drew says, ushering Cally into the dining room. “Your dinner awaits.”
Cally’s jaw drops and her eyes go wide as she looks at the table and then me. “Did you do this?”
I shake my head. “Your sisters were the masterminds behind this evening.”
Gabby pulls out the chair opposite mine. “Please, have a seat.”
Cally obeys and watches in mute fascination as the girls fill our plates with food and our glasses with wine.
“Enjoy,” Drew says, placing a silver bell on the table. “And please ring this if you need anything. We’ll be in the family room with our movie.”
“Unless you call us, you’ll have plenty of privacy,” Gabby says with a nod.
With that, both girls leave the room.
Cally runs her finger over the condensation on her wine glass. “Strawberry wine,” she says with a baffled shake of her head.
“Drew said it’s your favorite.”
She smiles at me and takes a sip. “She’s right.”
“Not much changes.”
She stiffens. “Everything changes.”
I don’t want to argue. Not tonight. So I change the subject. “Are the girls looking forward to sleeping in their new beds?”
“They are, and Dad’s ready to have them back. He misses them. I think they miss him too. He’s planned this big trip to the Indianapolis Children’s Museum, and Drew isn’t even complaining about it.” She smiles. “Did I tell you Dad got another job?”
“Really? That’s great.”
“Apparently his obsession with everything spiritual is finally paying off. He got a guest-lecturing gig up at The Center. It doesn’t pay a ton, but it will help a lot until he can get adjunct work at the college next semester. That plus the part-time research gig and I’m finally feeling semi-confident in his ability to support the girls.”
Her phone rings and she slips it from her pocket and looks at the screen. Something flashes across her face. Worry? Anxiety? “Do you mind if I take this?”
“Go ahead.”
She steps into the hall to take the call, but I can still hear her side of the conversation.
“Hello?… I’m glad.… I miss you too…. I know…. No, I can’t talk about this right now. I’m in a meeting…. I promise…. You too.”
She avoids my eyes when she slips back into her seat.
“Brandon?” I ask.
She stops her fork halfway to her mouth and lowers it before speaking. “Yes.”
I won’t bother pretending I wasn’t eavesdropping. “You miss him.”
“It’s…complicated.” She shakes her head. “How do you know about us anyway? What did he tell you when he was at the gallery?”
I take a long drink of my wine before answering. She has no idea I came to Vegas looking for her after she dumped me. “He’s the one you left me for,” I say carefully.
Her brow furrows. “I didn’t leave you for another man. I— Wait. Why would you even think that? What did he tell you?”
“I came to Vegas seven years ago. That summer? I came and I tracked you down and your neighbor told me you were at some fancy restaurant, so I took a cab and sure enough…there you were. You were in this fancy dress drinking wine and sitting with this rich older guy. It was Brandon.”
“You came to Vegas?”
“My girlfriend fell off the face of the earth,” I say softly. “I wasn’t okay at letting that text message be the last words between us.”
“I had no idea you came.”
“Brandon was the one you were talking about yesterday. The one who told you how to dress, what to think—” I lower my voice. “—how to fuck.”
She pushes her food around her plate and avoids my eyes.
“Everything changed after he showed up.”
“Brandon’s visit was just a reminder that my life isn’t as simple at it was when I lived here as a teenager.”
“You don’t have to be with someone like that. You deserve better.”
“Please. Let’s not do this?”
I take a breath and make myself ask the question I’ve been pushing from my mind. “Do you still love him?”
She lifts her head and her eyes connect with mine. “If I did, would you still insist I be yours?”
“No.” My chest aches and I can’t understand her question in the context of the desperation that’s written all over her face. “If you loved him, if he was the one you wanted….” I swallow. “I want you to be mine. I’m won’t lie about that. But you can’t belong to someone you don’t give yourself to.”
Her jaw goes slack and her eyes soften. “It says a lot that you believe that, William Bailey.”
We take our meal in silence for the next few minutes, though in truth neither of us is eating much. When I can’t stand it anymore, I reach across t
he table and take her fingers in my hand, squeezing. We finish our meal and take the dishes to the kitchen before finding the girls in the family room.
“So are you madly in love and going to have babies yet?” Drew asks from the couch, her tone bored.
Cally picks up a pillow and knocks Drew softly on the head with it. “Twerp. Get your things. We need to get going.”
Someone honks out front and Drew and Gabby jump to their feet and grab their bags. “That’s Dad!” Drew calls, running toward the front door. “You two behave.”
Then the slam of the front door echoes through the house, and we’re alone.
“I shouldn’t stay,” she whispers, looking at her shoes.
“Just for a drink,” I promise. There’s too much we’ve left unsaid tonight. “I hate to see a fine bottle of screw-top wine go to waste.”
“I guess you know my weaknesses. Meet me on the patio?”
I grab the wine and head out to find Cally looking at the stars.
“I should have known you’d be looking at your stars.”
She gives me a sad smile. “It’s really beautiful. I guess I’d missed it more than I realized.”
“You still wishing on stars?” I settle into the chair beside her and hand her a glass of wine.
“Thanks.” She takes the glass but doesn’t drink. “Not in a long time.”
“Why not?”
“Kid stuff, I guess.”
“That doesn’t sound like the Cally I used to know.”
She eyes me wearily. “I’m not the Cally you used to know.”
My jaw tightens. “You’re not the only one who’s changed. You’re not the only one who’s had to make shit decisions.”
“Says the man who just up and bought us a house of new furniture.” She crosses her arms then shakes her head, looking away.
I’m instantly pissed. “Money doesn’t make everything easy. I know you always thought it did, but you have no idea what it was like to grow up without my parents, no idea how much I would trade to have known what it was like to have them there.”
