“What does this have to do with Desiree being gone?” Anna asked.
“Everything,” I said immediately. “It has everything to do with it. It’s stuff we weren’t supposed to share with anyone—nothing bad—just…well, you’ve got to see it to believe it. I think you deserve to know.”
“And we didn’t deserve to know before?” Eli said sorely.
“Maybe you did, but it was something special for us. But with her gone and I don’t know if I can get her back…” I trailed off. “If you want to know what we’ve been doing and where I think Desiree is, then meet me at TJ’s grave tonight at seven.”
“And if I don’t, what—you’re just never gonna tell me? I don’t appreciate the ultimatum,” Eli said.
Anna looked sad and confused.
“I’m sorry, I’m not trying to give you an ultimatum,” I said. “If I try explaining things here, then you’ll just think I’m crazy—”
“You’re already crossing that bridge,” Anna said.
“—I need a safe place to show you and that’s the place I’m choosing. I have my reasons. And this may be my only chance because I’m going after Desiree tonight, alone if I have to, and I might not make it back.”
“What the hell is going on? You want me to believe you’re part of some grand plot to save the world or something? All this secrecy and ultimatums and dire circumstances that it’s up to you to save everyone?” Eli asked mockingly.
“I’m not trying to save the world, just my friend, and I’m giving you an opportunity to learn a little about what’s happening. Show up or don’t; I don’t care.” I stood up and looked at Anna, locked on her eyes for a long moment. “I’ve done what I came here to do,” I said and walked away.
Sitting through Mr. Gordon’s class was no easy task. I had to think of anything but what I was planning to do after school. It was essential not to let Mr. Gordon into my head. He had a knack for doing such things. But he didn’t glance over at me any more than usual. I tried not to look at Desiree’s empty seat because it would start a chain reaction in my thoughts that would give everything away.
Mr. Gordon didn’t ask to see me at the end of class, but I stopped by his desk anyway.
“I’m sorry,” I simply said.
“I know you’re frustrated and you miss your friend and don’t fully understand why barging into the asylum isn’t the most productive idea,” he said, standing tall before me.
“Yeah.” I nodded. “We’ll get her back, right?”
“Fear not.” Mr. Gordon produced a slight smile of reassurance.
“Everything happens for a reason, right?”
“Don’t believe in accidents.”
I thanked Mr. Gordon again and headed off to art class. He didn’t ask me to stay or follow me out of the classroom. We parted on friendly terms, which I hoped we’d still be on the next time I saw him—if I ever saw him again. At least I apologized in advance.
Everyone, besides Desiree, was already at the table with their works-in-progress out. I set my backpack on the table and took out the jagua supplies I had taken from Desiree’s room. I couldn’t believe I was actually going to do this again. It was a gamble, but if I was careful it would at least get a few doors opened for me.
I asked Sara for her help, and after explaining my vision, she agreed, almost as eager as Desiree had been to use me as a human canvas. She took my stool and I took Desiree’s so I could prop my arm on the table. I handed her the second-best wolf head Desiree had drawn on the tracing paper and Sara began the process following my scattered direction. The faded band seemed to fade into my skin and the new wolf head came back to life one line at a time. When she was done, I prayed it would turn out as well as Desiree’s had. The two hours of waiting before I could wash off the bubbling beads of ink was torture, not to mention my walk home, trying not to mess up the picture before the ink fully sunk in.
I sailed past Mom when I entered the kitchen, not giving her a chance to see anything. It hadn’t quite been two hours, but I went into the bathroom to wash off the excess ink. Then I was finally able to see the wolf as Sara had drawn it, which turned out to be quite a good replica.
One thing I had noticed from meeting a few members of the Lorne family and people who seemed to work for them was their affinity for wearing black. This time I planned to dress the part.
I left my room with TJ’s journal and Logan’s tablet. Stopping in Jeremy’s room, I laid the journal on his bed. It was the only connection I had left to TJ, and I wanted Jeremy to have it in case I didn’t return. I was glad he wasn’t home yet, probably out with Leslie, because I wouldn’t know what to say. I wouldn’t want him to try and talk me out of what I was planning and I wouldn’t want to fumble with some awkward goodbye. I grazed the gargoyle cover with the tips of my fingers one more time before leaving.
“I’m going to Anna’s and I’ve been invited to stay for dinner. So don’t wait for me,” I said, breezing through the kitchen again with Logan’s tablet under my arm.
Mom was seated at the table with Frolics at her feet. “Anna? Isn’t that the…”
I was already gone. I felt a little bad, but didn’t want to explain more.
The monorail into Provex City was not as full in the middle of a weekday afternoon. The car I sat in was nearly empty. Without Desiree here, I was able to look out the window all the way into the glistening city.
“You have such a soft spot for this girl,” my mirror said, as if sitting next to me on my seat for two. “I thought you wanted to find your father.”
“I do want to find my father, but Desiree needs my help now,” I said, not diverting my eyes from the window. “And besides, the search for my father could be all for nothing. I have no proof he is still alive, just hearsay from people I don’t even know if I can trust.”
“You don’t know if your friend is still alive, either.”
“She has to still be alive.” I turned for a moment just to see if I was really alone in the seat. There wasn’t even a person sitting across the aisle. “What’s your name?”
The voice didn’t answer and I presumed it was gone again, though I never understood where it went.
“Nero,” my mirror finally whispered. “You don’t remember talking to me as a child, do you?”
“No, I don’t remember much from when I was a child.”
“That’s too bad,” Nero said.
The monorail rocketed into the city like a minnow into a whale’s mouth. I exited at the hub, made my way down to the street level, and hailed a taxi.
“To the P.C. Fair,” I told the chubby driver, and he pulled off the curb. I looked ahead this time and saw the orange gridlines through the windshield. There was a touch screen on the steering wheel, which the driver was playing with since he wasn’t actively driving. It felt good to notice these things this time. Like Mr. Gordon had said, it’s amazing what you miss when you’re not paying attention.
When the car pulled over near the entrance of the fair, I leaned forward, resting my forearms on the backs of the front seats. The wolf head on my hand showed prominently as the driver turned his head to look at me. His eyes changed immediately. There was no doubt the wolf head worked again.
“Thank you, my good man,” I said confidently and stepped out of the cab.
I barreled through the front gate without stopping by the ticket booth and showed my hand to the employee standing guard. He ushered me in without question. There was a lady who knew more than she was letting on and I was determined to find her.
Madame Matilda.
I found the purple tent after a few wrong turns, but there was neither a man nor monkey guarding the entrance. Pushing the velvety fabric aside, I stepped inside the lonely tent. The front fabric billowed in the afternoon breeze, creating a wind tunnel with a fluttering flap on the far side of the tent.
I froze. A large gray wolf sat stoically by the table like a growling sentinel. It lowered its head and bared its teeth at the sight of me. Besides
the tall table, there was still a pair of stools, tattered books and random objects scattered on the ground, and esoteric pictures hanging from hooks on the fabric walls.
“It doesn’t look like she’s here,” I said to myself as I backed away from the snarling beast.
“It seems the Madame has abandoned you, too,” Nero said.
The wolf didn’t advance on me as I continued to creep backwards. And when I passed through the purple curtains, the growling stopped. Only then did I allow myself to breathe. The wolf head on my hand wasn’t going to protect me against a wild animal.
I kicked rocks and clumps of dirt as I quickly put distance between me and the tent. The man with the monkey was still absent. Without him, I had no one to tell me where Madame Matilda had gone. She had known of my father. She had mentioned something about the wolf, which I could only assume symbolized Kafka or just the Lorne family in general. Maybe she could have seen Desiree, too. Maybe she could let me know if I was headed in the right direction or not—and if it was indeed suicide.
But as fate would have it, she wasn’t there when I needed her, like so many others in my life, which Nero had graciously pointed out.
I took one more careful look around and left the fairgrounds.
My second stop for the afternoon turning to evening was Café Ynez. I had a fifty/fifty chance Darius would be there, and when I stepped out of the cab, I saw him immediately. He didn’t notice me right away, but when he did, he didn’t look thrilled. As usual, I hopped the fence and took the empty seat across from him before saying anything. He touched the screen on his tablet and the screen went dark.
“I brought you a gift,” I said and placed Logan’s tablet next to his. “The password is Commodore Chaos. A little too easy if you ask me.”
Darius turned on the tablet and fiddled with the screen, and popped up and scrolled through windows. “I can’t believe it. I can’t believe Logan is Commodore Chaos. So he’s been living down in your plane for the past few years? He just left without saying goodbye or coming back to visit or anything. What kind of a friend does that? I thought he was captured or worse—dead.”
“He may be now,” I said. “He’s been gone for a day longer than Desiree.”
“Maybe he just moved on again.”
“Maybe, but I don’t think he would have left his tablet behind if that was the case.”
Darius explored the contents of Logan’s tablet, and I sat back and quietly watched him as his face displayed an array of changing emotions. After about five minutes, he shut down the device and slid it toward me.
“I don’t want this,” he said.
“That’s fine. I wanted to at least show it to you. Thought it might give you some answers or closure or something. I know it’s hard to lose someone and not know why.”
“Thanks.” Darius paused. “You didn’t come all the way down here just to show me this.”
“Yeah. What else can you tell me about the asylum—the SUSY Asylum?”
Darius’s face grew dark, his jaw tightening. “Why do you insist on asking me about these things? There could be spies anywhere, listening to our conversation right now. I don’t want to be the next to disappear.”
“What about Desiree—it seemed like you cared about her at least a little bit?”
“I do,” Darius snapped. “I care about her a great deal. She’s—what I think you guys say—awesome. But…”
“But you wouldn’t be willing to help me get her back.”
“It’s not fair, what you’re asking of me.”
“You’re not even sure if it really exists. You’re taking the word of a friend who abandoned you two years ago!”
“But I do know it’s a Lorne-run facility. We would not go unnoticed and we wouldn’t be able to just walk out of there.”
“Is that really where you think she is?” I demanded.
“I think so,” he said weakly.
“Where else could she be?”
“I guess it’s possible she could have gone over to the symmetric reality.”
“Which is more likely?”
“I don’t know.”
“Which is more dangerous?”
“I don’t know.”
“Which is the better place to start with?”
“I don’t know!”
I stopped and took a deep breath. Darius exhaled loudly.
“I think I’m gonna try the hospital first,” I said, significantly lowering my voice. “What do you think?”
“I don’t recommend either one—they’re both suicide.” Darius paused again. “But if I had to choose between the bullet and the noose, I’d choose the bullet. There’s the slight chance the bullet could miss.”
I stared at him blankly.
“There’s a chance you could get to the hospital and find nothing. There’s no chance of that kind of luck in the symmetric reality.”
“I wouldn’t call that luck,” I said.
Darius just shook his head.
I rose from my seat and said, “Enjoy the rest of your coffee. No sense putting off tempting fate.”
When Darius realized I’d left the tablet on the table, he called after me, but didn’t chase after me. I wanted it less than he did.
The monorail ride home was busier and not long enough, even though the time I had said I’d meet Anna and Eli at the cemetery drew near. Tonight could be my last night of freedom. Tonight could be my last night alive. I couldn’t picture what to expect, and that shroud over my future was the worst part. I kept reminding myself that Desiree had risked her life for me and she deserved the same from me.
Provex City seemed so far away from where the monorail appeared—at its farthest point and now rocketing back toward the city. It took me a while to remember where my stop was in this plane. The houses, small buildings, and acres of orange groves all blurred together at the speeds we were traveling.
And then from my window, I saw the Outer Provex City Medical Facility. The campus of pulsating blue buildings covered several blocks with towering parking garages stationed around it like turrets. Fate stared back at me with a deceitful grin. My last hope for possible help waited just on the other side of the fade.
The monorail didn’t let me off at my stop, and showed no signs of slowing down. I jumped to my feet in concern and ran over to the door to figure out how to request the monorail to stop. Not finding anything, it slowed while I stood by the door and stopped at the next glass elevator that took me down to street level.
The medical facility was big enough to still see clearly, but I had overshot my exit by at least a mile. There was a street near me that cut under the freeway, continued over the river on a stone bridge, and turned toward the facility on the far side.
I made my way for the bridge and followed the road, looking into my home plane to see where I was in comparison. As I approached the cemetery, I could see Anna and Eli already waiting for me by TJ’s tombstone. Anna was seated in the grass while Eli paced around her. I began the fade, but remained out of sight until I was nearly next to them.
“He’s not gonna show,” Eli complained. “He was just jerking us around.” He turned abruptly on his heel so he was facing my direction, but gazed down at Anna.
“Oliver wouldn’t do that,” she replied.
“Oh, really?” Eli said in an overly bitter tone.
“Really,” I said as I finished the fade and appeared before them.
“Holy shit!” Eli yelled, his eyes darting up to what had been empty space before him. “Where did you come from?”
Anna let out a loud cry and her body jerked in fear, causing her to slam her back into the headstone. Her cry was coupled with a deep grunt.
“I’m about as surprised to see you,” I admitted. “Have a seat, Eli. I’ll start by telling you both a story.”
“I’ll stand, thanks,” Eli said.
I shrugged and sat down next to Anna. She stretched her back and massaged her shoulder, trying to sooth her injury. I placed a hand on
her knee and she laid her hand over mine. Eli stared down at us like a giant, arms folded, and eyebrows smashed together.
I wasn’t going to win him over by beating around the bush so I got right into the story of Mr. Gordon, Desiree, TJ, and our travels.
When I began to talk about Provex City, Eli finally collapsed to the grass, his attention fully on my story. And they were both incredibly quiet. Then I decided to give them a demonstration—for the doubting Thomases of the world like me. I closed my eyes and tried to relax despite Anna and Eli watching me with skepticism and wonderment. I needed to convince them that my story was more than just that—it told of life beyond what they currently knew, beyond what I had known for only six months now. There’s nothing like finding more planes of consciousness, more dimensions, more realities to make you feel even smaller and more insignificant than before. When I reopened my eyes, Anna and Eli were mere shadows of their former selves. The headstones scattered around the cemetery were nearly gone. And the pulsating light from the Outer Provex City Medical facility buildings began breaking into view like lighthouses in a morning fog.
I could see their expressions contort in amazement and horror at my sudden disappearance right before their eyes. Eli sprang to his feet and reached out to the seemingly empty space where I still sat. And his hand passed right through me before I allowed myself to reappear.
Eli retreated to a safe distance. “How did you do that?” he cried.
“I told you,” I said to him and then gave Anna a sidelong glance to make sure she was still breathing.
Her complexion was ashen like she had just been told her mother had died. I wished she could have seen some of what Desiree and I’d seen over the past few months.
“You just disappear and reappear at will?” Eli asked.
Anna was still speechless.
“I’ve gotten a good amount of practice,” I said. “If I have enough energy and can fully concentrate, then yeah, I can. But the action drains a lot of energy. I thought I was going to pass out the first few times I did it.”
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