by JoAnn Durgin
Sam nodded. “I agree. Go ahead and tell them whatever you feel is best. I know you’ll handle it better than I could.”
Lexa lifted her chin, meeting his eyes. “I feel strongly this is something we must do.”
The slightest hint of a grin upturned his lips. “Anyone ever tell you that you’re a very wise woman?”
Lexa laughed. “Not really. I didn’t expect to hear it from you, either, to be honest.”
“Well, you are. Take it as a compliment, and don’t deny it. I’m beginning to see you’re one of the wisest women I’ve ever known.”
“Better stop right there,” Lexa teased with a grin, holding up one hand. It might be his hormones guiding him, but it was flattering. “In the mind of Sam, you certainly didn’t think that when you first met me.”
“Be quiet and accept it, Lexa. First impressions are hasty and usually incorrect.”
“Thank you, Sam.”
“That’s much better, but we’ll have to keep working on it.” He nodded. “I’ll speak to some of the other guys and put a TeamWork watch into place. I haven’t wanted to say too much about Sheila’s situation to the group as a whole, not wanting to alarm the volunteers unnecessarily, but you’re right. Now that Howard’s managed to infiltrate the camp and actually get to Sheila, wife or not, we need to be extra vigilant in protecting her.”
Sam shuffled his feet and looked down at the floor. “In answer to your most recent question, no, I’m not going to talk about Howard Morris tonight. There’s something you should know. Something personal I need to tell you. It’s time.” His eyes looked far away.
“Right. From your past.” It sounded so ominous. “Well, mister, as long as you weren’t once a woman or something like that.” As if. Her lips lifted in an attempt at a grin, but it fell far short. Teasing seemed so inherent in their relationship, and something was missing when it wasn’t in place.
He surprised her by pulling her into the circle of his arms. Anchoring one firm hand behind her neck, he lowered his mouth to hers. The kiss was tender, full of emotion, but over all too quick.
As Lexa slowly opened her eyes, Sam was on his way back behind the desk. “I’ll see you tonight.” He was dismissing her.
She blinked hard, dazed by the power of his kiss. Something was on Sam’s mind, and he was preoccupied. Most likely, it was a lot more than Sheila’s situation. Lexa’s heart pumped a little faster. Whatever it was, she’d know later that night.
She found her voice. “If you’re lucky.”
With a short grunt, Sam flung a balled-up piece of paper in her direction. But he didn’t look up, didn’t smile. Lexa darted out the door before it could hit her. This time, Sam didn’t laugh as she walked away.
Neither did she.
CHAPTER 24
“Lexa, wits about you, girl!” Natalie gave her a gentle nudge as they worked side-by-side cleaning up after dinner early that evening. “Where are you, anyway? You look like you’re a million miles away. Everything okay?” Concern laced her question.
Lexa continued picking up discarded cups and plates, tossing them into the bag Natalie held. “I’ve just got a lot on my mind. Thanks for the wakeup call.”
Natalie respected her space as they worked together in companionable silence. From Connecticut, she had long dark hair, luminous deep blue eyes and was quieter than most of her other roommates. She told Lexa in the schoolroom one morning that she’d met Amy, a native of Pennsylvania, at a New England TeamWork event. The two had bonded and worked a couple of TeamWork missions together the last few years. Both were also close with Winnie, a native of Texas, and the three always bunked together at the work camps.
While Lexa appreciated Natalie’s thoughtfulness and sensitivity, she couldn’t voice her uncertainties and fears. Maybe it wasn’t the best thing for her emotional or mental state to keep everything bottled up inside. Still, she’d been doing it for so long, it was second nature.
Tell the Lord, Lexa. Trust Him as your best friend.
What did Sam have to tell her? Why he couldn’t tell her in the privacy of his office, she had no idea. Anything was possible. As she helped Natalie gather the trash and the soda cans for recycling, Lexa prayed Sam didn’t have some startling new revelation to unload. Another thing she’d never particularly liked was surprises. Good or bad. In her experience, they usually weren’t good.
“Consider Jonah again,” Sam told them that evening. “Remember how he fled in the opposite direction from where God wanted him to go? Is that what you’re doing tonight? Are you fleeing from God and what He wants for your life? My guess is that simply because you’re sitting around this bonfire tonight, you’re exactly where God wants you. You’re here, supporting yourself financially, or with the help from others. You’re giving yourself, your time, your abilities, your all to TeamWork. And why? Why would you give of yourself so unselfishly for the good of others?” Sam paused, holding his open Bible in his hands, his eyes moving from face to face. The embers in the fire crackled, breaking the stillness.
“Because you’re followers of Jesus Christ. Because you want to show others the kind of love Christ showed us by dying a horrible death upon a wooden cross on Calvary. How wonderful we can call Him Savior and Lord. Have you shared Him with someone today?” Another pregnant pause. Watching him, drinking in his words, Lexa admired how Sam captured the full attention of everyone gathered around the bonfire circle.
“Have you told someone about the impact Christ has made in your life? Sometimes we get sheltered, especially in this camp environment. We’re like our own little holy huddle, if you want to call it that. But as Matthew Chapter Twenty-Eight—verses nineteen and twenty—tell us, it’s our responsibility, our duty, our great commission to go out into the world and tell the nations about Jesus Christ. Out into the world means outside your own personal comfort zone. But all it takes is one person at a time. One person telling another, then another, then another . . .”
Sam pointed to several of the volunteers seated on benches around the circle. “It’s that complicated, and yet that simple. One at a time,” he reminded them as he finished.
Sheila’s head rested on Lexa’s shoulder. Taking Sheila’s hand in hers, she held on tight as they prepared for the closing prayer. On the other side of her, Josh’s large hand captured hers and squeezed as they bowed their heads.
Lexa glanced at her watch an hour later, dismayed by how late it was. She and Sam had talked with a group of volunteers for over an hour following the bonfire devotions. When she suggested they talk in the morning, he made it clear he wanted a little private time with her.
“Your message tonight was a very good one.” Sam looked especially tired. Josh mentioned how hard Sam had been working on the houses. He’d also met with most of the homeowners to discuss more particulars of the construction. Lexa reached for his hand, pleased when he squeezed and held on tight as they walked toward their special tree.
“Thanks. I thought it was time for a personal challenge. It’s the midway point, and often the time when some of the volunteers start to slump. I need to try and keep their spirits and morale positive.”
“Well, I trust you’ll tell me if I start to slump.” Lexa smiled up at him and noted the circles beneath his eyes.
“May it never happen.” He’d dropped her hand to rub his eyes, and Sam reached for her again now. It was amazing how easily they both reached out for the other. “From what I can tell, you’re learning and growing by leaps and bounds. Some of the questions you’ve asked at the bonfires and the Sunday morning studies floor me. Your insights are unique, Lexa, and you’re helping the other volunteers see new ways to interpret scripture. I think you’re also teaching them about their own faith.”
Sam moved his arm around her shoulders, drawing her closer. “I know you’re teaching me a lot.”
“Surely you’re not talking about being . . . stagnant.” Lexa found it difficult to believe she could teach anyone about the Christian faith since she was newly disc
overing it for herself.
He stifled a yawn. “I’m sorry.” He gave her a sheepish grin. “Some of us have been Christians for so long, we think we know most of what there is to learn. I think that’s part of what God teaches us. We need to always be teachable, willing to see what new lessons He has for us. It should be a lifelong process.” He chuckled. “You, Miss Clarke, certainly keep me on my toes. You keep me sharp. I certainly need that. We all do.”
“In my case, it’s certainly not iron sharpening iron.” Lexa shook her head. “There’s so much to learn, Sam. It’s overwhelming, to be honest.”
He stopped walking. He tilted her chin, his thumb lightly caressing it. “Don’t ever sell yourself short, Lexa. You have so much to share. So much to give. You’ve opened your mind to all the possibilities of the Lord.” His eyes softened. “It’s a great thing to witness firsthand.”
Swallowing hard, Lexa headed toward the tree, tugging him along behind her. She loved Sam’s humility in including himself when talking about his volunteers. “One of these days, I’ll get you to skip, cowboy.”
“Not anytime soon, beautiful girl.” He grinned and dropped to the ground, patting the spot next to him. When she sat down, Sam nestled her close. “You are beautiful,” he murmured, his eyes bright in the moonlight.
“Why, thank you.” Lexa gave him a shy smile.
“And you’re getting better,” he teased.
“I beg your pardon?”
“You accepted the compliment graciously, without too much embarrassment.”
“Oh, my cheeks are red. You just can’t tell because it’s dark.”
“Very beautiful, in fact.” It was a sweet compliment from an even lovelier man. Such contentment she’d never experienced except maybe with her mother and grandmother all those years ago. Her dad never sheltered and protected her the way Sam already did.
“I’m sure you’re wondering what I wanted to talk to you about.”
“The thought crossed my mind.”
Sam looked away for a moment, gathering his thoughts. Lexa waited, knowing that whatever he had to tell her was important and close to his heart. It was obvious she was becoming important to him or he wouldn’t tell her. Several minutes passed without either speaking.
“Sam, you’re scaring me just a little bit.”
“Sorry.” He drew in a deep breath. “I was engaged a few years ago.”
Lexa waited as he paused again. She wasn’t about to admit Rebekah told her about Shelby.
“Her name was Shelby Hanson, and she was a close friend of Rebekah’s. But she was killed three summers ago.” He motioned with one hand. “Here, on the dirt road outside the camp.” His brows were drawn, and he hung his head as he drew in the dirt with one finger. “The reason I’m telling you this is because you’ve come to mean a great deal to me. I wasn’t looking for anyone else, and to be honest, I didn’t think I’d find anyone for a long time. If ever.”
He hesitated, and she looked up, meeting his gaze. When Sam laid a gentle hand on the side of her face, Lexa turned into its gentle curve. “I’m so very sorry, Sam.” She leaned her head on his shoulder, and moved her hand to rest above his heart. The sound, the feel, of his strong, steady heartbeat filled her in a moment of breathtaking intimacy. She waited for him to speak, to open his heart to her a little more. Sam’s arms encircled her in the way she adored, and he rested his head against hers.
“Because of Shelby, I knew I could love a woman unselfishly. It was a learning, growing experience. But I did a lot of things wrong. She was older than Rebekah, but still very young. We were both too young in a lot of respects.” His voice sounded far away.
“I didn’t imagine for one minute you haven’t had your share of girlfriends.”
She could feel his smile as he tucked aside her braid and kissed her temple. His lips were warm and tender.
“That’s another story for another time. I know enough to see a diamond in the rough, so to speak, right in front of my eyes.”
Lexa turned back around to face him again. “Is that supposed to be a compliment?”
Sam laughed. “All I mean is, you have your rough edges, just as I have mine. But polish you up, and man, do you shine. Do you ever.”
“That’s truly one of the more . . . unusual . . . and precious compliments I’ve ever heard.”
“Then you must not have dated much yourself. Personally, I think the one about how beautiful you are should rank right up there with the best.”
Lexa covered his hand with hers and smiled into his eyes. “Thank you for telling me about Shelby. I know she meant a great deal to you.”
“She did.” Sam stared at the ground. “It took me a long time to get over it, to get over what happened.” He released a deep sigh. “But I need to tell you more about it. It’s time.”
“There’s more?” Her pulse raced and she struggled to sit up straighter.
“We argued the night she died. Shelby was mad at me, and it was a horrible fight. Generally, she was pretty even-keeled, but she had a temper. I found out late in the work camp how . . . volatile and emotional she could be. She stormed away from me in the middle of our fight, and asked another volunteer to take her somewhere. Shelby wanted to escape the camp, wanted to get as far away from me as possible.” Sam’s voice faded to a whisper and Lexa strained to hear his words.
“Why did you argue?” Maybe it was an unfair question, but Lexa suddenly had a burning need to know. Plus, she wanted to steer the conversation away from a morbid recounting of the events of that night. It wouldn’t serve any good purpose for either one of them now.
“Shelby was having an affair.” Sam’s voice was so low, she almost couldn’t hear.
“A what?” Lexa choked on the question.
“You heard me.”
“You mean . . .” Lexa couldn’t even finish the sentence. Not that the idea of someone having an affair was something she’d never heard of before. To the contrary. But the thought that Shelby could betray this incredible man was too much to grasp, especially since she was blessed enough to be engaged to him. It was impossible to comprehend. Either Rebekah was unaware of this part of the story, or it was an intentional omission. If that was the case, Lexa knew Rebekah must have her reasons. That wasn’t important now.
“Yes, I mean a physical affair. I honestly don’t know how emotionally involved she was with the other man, but they were good friends. But, please don’t think for one minute that Shelby and I had an intimate, physical relationship.”
“No, of course not.” Lexa sat motionless, numb with an overwhelming sadness.
“As it was, we’d only been engaged a few days when she was killed.” Sam shook his head and raked a hand through his hair. “It all happened so fast. Sometimes it still seems unbelievable. Learning about the affair tore me up and made me question my faith, but only for about a week or two. It didn’t take long to understand what happened was simply the old sin nature rearing its ugly head. Shelby was awfully young, after all.”
Lexa nodded, but she felt her heart breaking for the pain Sam endured because of a woman’s betrayal, no matter how young or beautiful Shelby was. It didn’t excuse a horrible betrayal like that, and she ached with compassion for Sam.
He sat with his hands resting on his propped knees and stared down at the ground before finally looking back up at her. “The hardest part to accept is that the other man with whom Shelby had the affair is right here at this camp as we speak. I see him every day, and it’s a reminder of Shelby and all that was lost.” He traced another circle in the dirt. “In a lot of ways, it’s made it more difficult to get past the memories.”
The surprises were coming from all directions now. “Sam, I don’t know what to say.” The silence between them grew even longer. “Does this man know you’re aware of his affair with Shelby?”
“I don’t know, to tell you the truth. If he is, it’s not because it came from me.”
Lexa stared at him. “He’s one of your TeamWork v
olunteers, and you never even talked with him about it?” Incredulity laced her tone.
Sam lowered his head into his hands, and they sat in silence for a few minutes before he spoke again. “I don’t know what to say. Shelby’s gone. To a great extent, I feel responsible for her death. First, she stormed off because of our fight. And then she died.” Sam’s shoulders slumped even further.
“The whole situation has eaten me up inside for the better part of three years. He loved her, too, and he’s a hard worker who gave into physical temptation. It happens. He’s been a good friend to me in all other respects, and I simply can’t bring myself to hate him. I know you might think that sounds crazy, and I know that’s not how the world operates, but it’s my way.”
Sam reached for her again. Settling her into the curve of his arms, he needed her support and comfort, not questions or disbelief. “Trust me, I’ve gone over it in my head a lot, and the guilt has eased somewhat. The Holy Spirit’s still working on me, and I’m learning I can’t feel responsible for Shelby’s death. He allowed it to happen for whatever reason, and I have to get on with the business of living.” He kissed the top of her head. “After all, there’s a lot to live for in the here and now.”
They sat together again for several long minutes. “I’m sorry to hit you with all this at once.” Sam’s hold on her tightened. “I feel so close to you, and I thought you should know.”
Lexa sat dazed, shaken. In spite of what he’d said, she had a hard time accepting his reasoning. Was any man that forgiving? “It must be so unbelievably hard for you, having this other man constantly around. How can you do it?”
Sam shook his head and stared up at the night sky. “If Christ died to forgive my sins, how can I not forgive this man? Of course, it hasn’t been easy. I’m human. I was furious, livid, mad with rage when I first found out.”
Lexa wondered how he found about the affair. “So, you confronted Shelby about her affair? The night she was killed when the truck hit them?”
