by Zoe Perdita
A chill seeped over him, and it had nothing to do with the cool breeze that rustled the boughs over his head. The idea of not having Kian around, even as little more than a shadow and a faint voice . . . .
He couldn’t deal with that on top of everything else.
But it wouldn’t come to that because with Felan’s help he’d reclaim his house and get these fucking hunters off his back. The cop thing would get sorted out. And at least two of the best detectives in Haven were on the case. Seth and Conner could figure something out. They owed it to him.
He didn’t bother worrying about the fate of the Black Wolves either. They’d survived worse. If he was feeling generous, he might even pity the hunters who actually showed up on their doorstep, but after what happened to him and Felan, Ari was all out of generosity.
The herbs he looked for on the forest floor glowed a faint fairy blue in the moonlight, and he bent to pick them, breathing in the scent of fresh growth as he did.
Even with his stunted sight, Forest Park was lovely at night. He hadn’t come picking herbs under the waxing moon in far too long, mostly because he never gave himself the time to do it. He’d have to fix that.
Ari glanced at the cabin, and his heart snagged on something sharp and pointed.
He had to fix a lot of things.
When he came back to the cabin, arms laden with herbs and certain mosses, he heard Felan in the bathroom pumping water into the tub. It looked more like a horse trough to Ari, and he bet it was supposed to be. He hoped, at the very least, Conner got it new and not used.
He set down his load as Felan leaned out, eyes hooded and dark with shadows. That kerosene lamp hardly cast any light around the room. It suited shifters fine, which is probably why Conner didn’t have more than one. “Bath’s ready.”
Ari nodded and kicked off his boxers. “You joining me?”
Felan nodded, eyes glued on Ari as they climbed into the tub. The alpha pointed at a few large rocks at the bottom. Heat radiated from them, and the bath was much warmer than it’d have been with just the boiling water poured in with it.
Ari didn’t ask, but he relished the clean water that slipped over his skin like velvet. It eased the ache in his side, and his stomach growled. They’d eat after this. And then, well, he had other plans.
Felan watched him carefully, like he was one of the cat shifters about to pounce and not a simple healer. “What’s going to happen after this?”
“Dinner, I hope. We both need to eat. Keep up our strength. Then . . . .”
Felan didn’t smile, and a lump lodged in Ari’s throat. “That’s not what I meant. After this is over. The hunters are gone or dead. After everything goes back to normal, assuming it does, what then?”
Ari splashed a handful of water on his face and watched the shadows dance across the bare walls. Felan had found a hook for the lantern, and it hung there now, bathing them in the dim yellow glow.
“What do you mean?” The words slipped out because Ari hated talking about things like this. Couldn’t Felan just let their actions speak and not have to question everything to death?
Of course not. But that wasn’t an alpha thing, it was something Felan picked up over the years. A scholar thing. Ask questions until he found the truth, even if it was a truth he didn’t like. Couldn’t fucking stand. Cage had to dig for it.
That was a historian for you.
“Where will we be?” Felan asked, and scooted closer, their legs brushing under the water. It was long enough for them to both stretch out and touch toes. Ari didn’t bother to think of how long it took to fill the whole thing, but he did wince at the idea that Felan did it while injured.
Alpha or not.
“I—where do you want to be, assuming we don’t both die?” Ari bit out, thinking about what Seth saw in his vision, and regretted it. But how could he take back the tone of his voice? He met Felan’s gaze to make up for it.
Felan stared at him, unyielding. “I’m not the one with the problem. I’ve been waiting for you to open your arms to me, and if that’s what you’re doing, I’ll gladly step into them. You’re my mate, and you always will be my mate, no matter what happens. I’d walk through hell for you—it feels like I have already. But if you can’t admit that, and if this is just some way to blow off steam from stress or the adrenaline is making you horny—I love you, Ari. I want you to love me. If you don’t this can’t be anything. And we both need to live with that. And I have to let you go,” Felan finished, his voice rougher than Ari had heard it since Kian died.
Since he begged Ari’s forgiveness for everything that happened that night.
And Ari hadn’t given it.
He couldn’t give it, not when all the lies came to a head at once, and Kian was dead just because Cage thought he should drive. Drive while he was high as a fucking kite on those pills. Ari had no idea he was even an addict until that night, when he finally realized why Cage got so sleepy at night.
Why sometimes he avoided Ari in the morning.
Why his eyes were unfocused.
It was easy to blame it all on Felan then. Hate him for his weakness; his terrible choices and the way it cost them all. Even worse, Felan seemed like he got away with it because the only person who knew the truth was Ari himself. Cage’s pack never found out why their alpha crashed the car that night. By the time the police were involved, Kian was dead and they didn’t think to check Cage for drugs. They blamed it on shock and called it an unfortunate accident.
For years, Ari wished he never knew the truth either. Because that’s what ripped them apart. And if Ari had been in the dark like the rest of them, he might’ve been able to forgive Felan and move on.
But then there was the other part of Ari that wished he knew sooner. Because they were lovers. He should’ve looked for signs. Maybe there was something wrong with him, with their relationship, that made Cage turn to opiates in order to escape. And no matter how many times the alpha claimed that wasn’t the truth, Ari couldn’t help but blame himself.
If he’d known, Kian would still be alive.
If he’d known, they wouldn’t be here having this distinctly uncomfortable conversation.
And Ari wouldn’t have that damn chain tugging on his chest, threatening to stop his heart, because of what Felan just said.
Let him go.
And the alpha meant it. He could see it shining in his eyes, the pain evident in his expression.
Admitting that wasn’t easy. Hell, Felan had never done it before. Sure, he’d left Ari alone for months at a time, but always with the promise that he’d be back someday.
The idea of him not coming back—giving up on them—it brought up bile in the back of Ari’s throat.
He swallowed it.
“Don’t.”
Felan’s brow furrowed. “Don’t what?”
“Don’t let me go. Don’t leave. I—I know we’re mates. I don’t always understand what that means, but I know that there isn’t anyone in the world who I care about more than I care about you. I tried to hate you, and I couldn’t do it. No matter what I loved you, and it drove me fucking crazy. But I needed to deal with things on my own, and . . . . Shit. I don’t know what else to say,” Ari said and flicked water at Felan’s face.
It landed on his nose.
Spotted his glasses.
He stared at Ari like he was seeing him for the first time in years. “You don’t have to say anything else.”
That wasn’t right. He did have to say something else. The words always crowded his throat, and he swallowed them down without considering them.
“I do. I—I’m not sure I can forgive you for that night. I know that’s what you want, and you’ve worked your ass off to get clean and make up for what happened. But—I can get past it. I can look at you and know that I love you, regardless. Is that enough?”
It didn’t feel like enough, but empty forgiveness was worse.
Felan nodded solemnly. “Yes. I—yes.”
“Good. Let�
�s never have a conversation like this again. Ever,” Ari said and grabbed the fresh bar of soap Cage must’ve set on the side of the tub. If they didn’t scrub soon, the water would go cold.
Felan smiled and handed Ari a washcloth. “Turn around. I’ll do your back.”
Ari’s skin heated, and he turned.
The alpha’s hands glided over his flesh with the soap, the scent of it filling Ari’s nose, and his groin flooding with lust at each touch. How Felan managed to keep from kissing his neck, Ari didn’t know.
When it was his turn to wash Cage, he had to bite his tongue. Even then, his body fought against him and leaned into those strong shoulders. Ran his fingers through the wet hair, the gentle streaks of gray that mingled with the brown—reminding Ari of all the time they’d both wasted to get back here.
He leaned in and let his lips trail over Felan’s neck, sucking in the smell of his sweat and the soap and nearly dropped the cloth he clutched in his hands.
“If you keep that up, we won’t make it to dinner,” Felan growled, and Ari knew he was right.
They had to eat.
Sometimes being practical could go fuck itself.
“I know,” Ari said and his teeth joined his lips, pulling on Cage’s flesh until he hissed and the skin blossomed red. “Just had to leave my mark.”
Felan let out a soft chuckle. “And I thought I acted like an animal.”
Ari couldn’t help smiling. He scrubbed gently, brushing the tips of his fingers over Cage’s back and shoulders. Gently dabbing the wound on his thigh.
Then his hand moved higher, slipping over Felan’s cock and eliciting a grunt of pleasure.
“Ari,” the alpha groaned, hand wrapping around Ari’s wrist and squeezing lightly.
“I left you with a major case of blue balls, and I’m trying to make up for it,” Ari breathed and nudged at Felan’s hip with his free hand, hoping he’d get the point.
He didn’t.
Ari sighed and grasped the alpha’s hearty balls. Rolled them in his palms.“I want you in my mouth. If you don’t stand up, I might drown myself to get at you.”
Cage had set aside his glasses at some point, and the irises glowed a faint amber in the shadows, setting Ari’s blood alight. He remembered the way those eyes would greet him late at night, hungry, and he’d give in every damn time.
How could he not?
It was the alpha’s turn to give in to him.
Felan licked his lips and surged into Ari, pressing their mouths together. His tongue forced its way into Ari’s mouth, licking his teeth. The healer moaned, locking his hand around the back of Cage’s powerful neck and nipping at those rough lips. As Ari deepened the kiss, Felan rose and balanced on the side of the tub, opening his legs so Ari could get as close as possible. Feel the heat of Cage’s cock throbbing on his stomach, so close to his own.
But this wasn’t only about his desire.
Felan needed this.
Ari did too.
He broke the kiss and lapped at Felan’s jaw, rough with stubble, and let his tongue trail over the alpha’s Adam’s apple, down the center of his chest and peppered the lightly haired expanse with kisses and nips.
Felan moaned, hands clamped on Ari’s shoulders, fingers digging into the flesh and bone. “You’re teasing me.”
“I want you rock hard and dripping when I finally inhale you. Sound familiar?”
Felan snorted but smiled all the same. “Perhaps a little.”
Ari’s only response was to fist the base of Felan’s stiff cock and lap at the head. It dripped, and the alpha gasped, sucking in a sharp breath and muttering something incoherent.
After all this time, Ari still had that effect on him. It was more of a rush than he realized it’d be. The heat that settled in his groin jolted through the rest of his body as his mouth circled Felan’s cock, lips slipping over the tip and sucking him inside while Ari’s hands slid up to meet them.
He’d never admitted it, but Cage was just too big to deep throat, especially when Ari had a vicious gag reflex.
Still, the alpha never complained.
Well, Ari wouldn’t give him a chance to complain. He nursed the blunt tip and twirled his tongue over the length, remembering how much Felan liked the very hint of his teeth. He let them slip over the veiny shaft as his hands pumped steadily, working in tandem with his mouth.
“Ari,” Felan groaned, his hips bucking as the hands on Ari’s shoulders brushed into his hair and snagged.
Ari sucked harder.
Faster.
The ball of need in his own belly grew.
If he kept this up for too long, he’d be ready to come before they had dinner.
Ari hummed, dragged his tongue around the throbbing head one more time and—
“Fuck,” Felan said as he blew his load.
Ari managed to contain most of it, but he felt the drizzle of semen that ran down his cheek as he pulled back.
Felan stared at him, eyes still shining and just as sharp as ever, but they held that old softness Ari always pretended not to notice anymore.
He noticed it now.
With a smile Felan rinsed Ari’s cheek. Then he pulled the plug in the tub and stood, looking more refreshed than he had when he woke.
After they dried off, Felan cooked something for dinner.
Ari hardly tasted it, beyond the fact that it was warm and pooled in his stomach, easing the ache he hadn’t noticed was there. He knew they needed to eat, but doing so felt like a huge waste of time with the desire tingling across his flesh, still fresh from their bath.
The moon hung high in the sky by then, filtering through the trees and the curtain, adding a touch of silver to the flickering yellow. Felan sat across the table from him. “What should we do about the knife?”
Ari spooned the last of their meal into his mouth. Finding the seller and handing it over wasn’t an option he was about to think about. Not after whoever they were put him through all this shit. But still—maybe the first half of that plan wasn’t so bad.
“I can’t leave it there or the hunters might find it. And Seth and Conner can’t get to it without hurting themselves,” Ari admitted.
“Magic?”
“Obviously. And maybe one boobytrap. Grandmother taught me well,” Ari said with a grin that didn’t feel strained at all.
“And you don’t think you should leave this to people better suited to handle it than you?” Felan asked, not unkindly, and Ari knew what he was getting at.
He thought the same thing about himself. He was just a healer. The fact that those hunters died at his hand should’ve made him sick. It did, somewhere in the back of his throat, but not enough to keep him up at night when he knew what they’d wanted to do to him.
This mess might not be his fault, but he couldn’t rely on everyone else’s help to clean it up. Not when it might get them hurt. They’d never asked that much of him, and they never would.
He knew it.
“I have the one thing the mystery buyer wants. If we can get whoever they are to show their face, we can snag them,” Ari said and felt his heart beat pick up. Not because he didn’t think Felan would agree with him, but because he could hardly believe the words that were coming out of his mouth.
“You think it’s your responsibility to do that?” Felan asked and watched him in the same way he did when he proposed a controversial theory on Sumerian magical rites—the kind of look that said he expected Ari to react a certain way.
Ari sighed. “If not mine, whose? I can’t expect other people to clean up a mistake I made, even if I did it on accident. You taught me that. If someone got hurt because of this, because they were trying to help me, that would be worse than anything else. I’m not saying I won’t take help, but I need to do something.”
Felan actually smiled at that, his canines shining in the light. “I agree. But why don’t we let Sharp and the Black Wolves gather what they can before we move?”
Ari nodded. Took a long drink
of his bottled water and wished it were something just a little stronger. Or not. He wanted to be bright eyed and ready for what came next, not dulled by too much alcohol.
He knew it was the right thing to do, but leaving Kian alone for that long . . . . “I’ll give them one more day. That’s it. I’d like a home I can actually return to when this is done.”
“You can always move in with me.”
Ari snorted. “Into that closet you call an apartment? No thanks. I’m willing to go all in with you, but I’m not willing to live in that hovel. You can move in with me.”
Felan looked like he was about to grimace, but it turned into a gentle smile, and Ari told himself his vision was playing tricks on him. “I’d like that, but what would Kian think?”
Ari shrugged. He hadn’t forgotten about Kian, but he never thought about the need to ask the ghost in his house what he thought of the man who caused his death moving in. Yeah, that was something they’d need to work out.
“We’ll figure it out.”
Felan nodded.
Ari had the feeling the alpha wanted to say something more and kept it to himself.
He told the pit in his stomach that it wouldn’t be anything terrible. They were actually in a good place for once. He wanted it to stay that way as long as possible.
If ignoring the Kian issue achieved that, he’d do it for a day or two.
They had to wash dishes and brush their teeth and do all the other sorts of things that happen when you’re stuck on the run from hunters in a cabin, and Ari’s skin prickled with anticipation the whole time, trying to keep from watching Felan. Seeing if the alpha noticed the bag on the bed, like he was some teenager and not a grown ass man.
Felan finally settled on the edge, the first aid kit at his side. “Do we put this on now?”
Ari crushed the herbs they’d brought along with one of the new herbs he’d picked that night. They gave an extra boost of potential to the already potent healing herbs. They needed all of the healing they could get. He set aside the other herbs he picked, the ones that didn’t heal so much as knock someone out cold. Useful for when a patient needed to be under for a bit.
“Yes. You first,” Ari said and slathered the green goo over Felan’s thigh. The alpha flinched, and Ari covered it with a bandage.
