Lily shook her head and explained that she too, was a widow and how the tragedy of losing her husband, coupled with the loss of her parents years before, and then her uncle passing away and leaving her this property, prompted her to move. The five women sat, rapt with attention, as she explained her circumstances and she had only moved to Driftwood Bay in May.
They gasped when Lily told them she had also been a police officer, albeit in a gentler and calmer venue than Gary. Agnes was particularly curious about any interesting cases or stories. Lily smiled, but couldn’t think of anything noteworthy off the top of her head.
“Oh, my dear,” said Jean, “that is just heartbreaking. Suffice it to say we all understand how hard it is to lose a husband, but not at your young age and in such a tragic way. I’m so very sorry.”
Lily swallowed the lump in her throat. “Seeing you all enjoying life, gives me hope. I’m just now starting to think things will be okay. The hardest thing was leaving my son, Kevin, behind. He’s in college in Virginia.”
Lily’s comment shifted the conversation to children and grandchildren. Their spirits lifted when they mentioned their grown sons and daughters and bragged about their grandkids. Except for Margot, who was a dog lover, none of them had pets. Lily excused herself to check on the dogs, who she decided would be staying in the house until the ladies retired to their cottages.
They were still talking about the pros and cons of pet ownership when she returned. “Fritz has been my constant companion since losing Gary. He’s like a faithful friend and helped me through the worst of it, so I can’t imagine not having a dog. Now, I’m training a puppy to be a hearing assistant dog, so with the two of them, it’s more work, but they bring me so much joy.”
“Pets just complicate travel. I like to be able to take a spontaneous trip without worrying about finding someone to take care of a pet.” Agnes refilled her wine and added, “I live in a community where I don’t have to take care of the yard or anything, it’s all done through the HOA fees. It simplifies things.”
Norma and Cecilia often traveled together and enjoyed taking trips with women’s groups. Jean had family in Florida and most years spent the winter months there, with Margot being the only one who spent the majority of her time at home and at work.
Jean sighed. “With you being young and more independent, you will probably come to terms with it easier than any of us. In our generation, our identities were largely wrapped up in our husbands’. Norma and Cecilia had their own careers, but for all of us, our husbands were the primary income earners and decision makers. Margot has had her bookstore for years, but her husband Tom ran the local hardware business that had been in his family for generations. He bought the bookstore for her to enjoy as a hobby. It’s different, better, for women now.”
“How long did it take you, or did you ever feel comfortable dating after losing your husbands?” Lily asked the question in a quiet voice.
Cecilia gazed around the circle of women. “I think it has varied for all of us. Norma hasn’t dated at all, Agnes never seems to see the same guy twice, I’ve got a wonderful male friend who lost his wife, and we do things together, more for companionship than romance.”
Jean nodded. “I dated a few men, but I’ve lost interest in the idea of being married again. I’m not opposed to it, but haven’t found anyone I’d like to be around that much. I spend time with a man who is kind and we have fun and enjoy each other, but it’s not serious. It took me about two years to even consider the possibility.” She took another generous sip from her glass. “But, we’re much older dear, and times are different. You’re young and stunning and deserve a second chance at happiness.”
Agnes put an end to the quiet moment. “I, for one, don’t like being alone, so while I’m sure I was judged for it, I began dating just within a month of losing Bernie. I am dreadful alone, and much happier having others in my life and although I haven’t found one that merits a forever, I am happier having had them in my life.”
Margot took a sip of wine and Cecilia disappeared to refill their glasses. “I live in a tiny town, so the prospect of finding an eligible man is about the same as avoiding snow in March in Vermont.” The five women giggled. “My son still lives in the same small town and has taken over the hardware store. He’s recently divorced, so he and I spend more time together now and especially when his children come to visit. I have a full life with my bookstore and friends, plus family, and my sweet dog, Gladys. My daughter lives outside of Albany, about two hours away, so she often comes to visit.”
Margot’s eyes lit up when she spoke about her family. “With all that, I don’t have the time or interest in finding a new man. I just live vicariously through Jean and Agnes.” She winked and laughed.
Lily sucked in a deep breath. If only she could be as strong as these women. “I’ve missed my mom horribly and Gary helped ease that loss. My sister and I aren’t close and even less so after Mom and Dad passed away. Gary became my everything. His death, so unexpected and awful, left me reeling. It seemed to reopen all the old wounds from Mom’s death. I realized how truly alone I was.”
Her throat tightened with emotion. “Listening to all of you, being around you, well any of you could have been my mom. It’s lovely and comforting and makes me sad at the same time. I miss her wisdom, her calming way. I long to be able to chat with her and have her help me figure things out. I took all of that for granted and without her, it’s been so hard.”
Margot reached for Lily’s hand. “I understand what you’re saying. I felt my world slip away when I lost my mom. I was much older than you were and still couldn’t imagine not being able to call her or chat with her. We talked about everything.” With a far-away look in her eyes and a slight smile, she added, “And nothing.”
The chatter had ceased as they all listened to Margot and bobbed their heads.
She squeezed Lily’s hand. “If you’re lucky enough to find love twice in your life, don’t let it slip through your fingers.” The others nodded and murmured assurances.
* * *
Jean dipped her head in Lily’s direction. “Have you met someone you have feelings for, dear?”
Lily’s lips curved into a smile. “I think so. His name is Mac.” She went on to tell them how they had met when she took Fritz to the vet clinic and he convinced her to take Bodie for training. “He lost his wife several years ago and we’re not sure where it will lead, but we both feel something for each other. We’re actually going on a trip together to visit the San Juan Islands next weekend.”
As she stammered to make sure they understood it wasn’t a romantic getaway, only a visit to see a friend she met during her stay at the cottages and that they were taking all three dogs, the heat rose in Lily’s cheeks. She was thankful for the dim light of the evening as she braced herself for their thoughts. She often wondered what her mother would think.
Jean’s smile widened. “That’s terrific. He sounds like a wonderful man and friend.”
Margot nodded. “I agree. It sounds like you have so much in common and that you’re both being sensible.” She waved her hand around the circle of women. “As you can tell by listening to all of us old crows ramble on, there is not a one-size-fits-all answer. You must do what feels right to you, what makes you happy. I have a feeling your mother would only want you to be happy, dear.”
Cecilia got up again to refill glasses and as she made the circle, she stopped in front of Lily. “You’re far too young to be alone for the rest of your days. I would suspect your husband would want you to seize upon the chance for a happy life, but I agree you’re smart to take it slow.” Her eyes darted toward Agnes, as if her friend’s choices could be used as a cautionary tale. “It’s wise to be sure, but don’t let the need for perfection paralyze you.”
Jean raised her glass. “Hear, hear. I’ll never replace my sweet Phillip and I don’t want to. He will also have a piece of my heart and always be with me. It took me some time to feel confident enough to go o
ut with another man. I was worried my kids wouldn’t approve. I was worried I’d be frowned upon by the gossiping crowd, but I’m much happier having taken the chance, taken the risk. My life is fuller and much less lonely because of it.”
Although their internal clocks were three hours ahead, the vibrant group of women didn’t have any trouble keeping Lily up late into the night. The more wine they drank, the more they laughed and giggled. Their energy and zest for life and laughter was contagious and calming. Their wisdom helped ease Lily’s concerns about Mac, about dating, and all that it meant.
10
The ladies from Vermont left on Monday morning, promising to return again and showering Lily with hugs and well wishes as she helped them load their rental car. They had been the perfect group to wrap up the season, and caused Lily to chuckle as she added more wine bottles than she could remember having ever collected to the recycling bin in the garage.
She and Mel got started on the laundry while the housekeeping service gave each cottage a thorough cleaning to button them up for the winter. As Lily went through the cottages, making sure the ladies hadn’t left anything behind, she found they had each left her a lovely card with a personal note inside.
Margot had added her business card from Town Square Books, telling Lily she was welcome to visit anytime. Tears blurred in her eyes as she read their encouraging words. They all offered their phone numbers and addresses and invited Lily to visit and call anytime she needed to talk. She clutched the cards to her chest. The sweet women would probably never know how much they meant to her, but they would all be getting a Christmas card at the holidays.
By the afternoon, with their chores done and a light rain coming down, Lily suggested they reward themselves by binge-watching her latest obsession, Vera. She had become addicted to the frumpy older character who headed up a homicide squad in the northernmost part of England. It didn’t take long for Mel to become captivated by the twisty stories and the gruff main character.
Over tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner, Lily reminded Mel she would be leaving early Friday morning. “Donna and Jeff are expecting you after school for dinner on Thursday. You can take your suitcase with you or I can drop it by while you’re at school. You’ll be okay staying there until I get home Monday?”
Mel dunked her sandwich into the soup and nodded. “Yep, I’ve got a tough writing project, so will be working on that most of the weekend.”
“You’ve got your key, so if you forget anything, you can always come back and get it. Just make sure you lock up.”
Mel rolled her eyes. “Like you have to remind me. Dr. Clay tells me I’m overcompensating in an effort to guarantee safety after the whole kidnapping thing. She says I have OCD tendencies anyway and now they’re more pronounced.” She shrugged and grinned. “News flash, right?”
It was her first mention of her therapy and it lifted Lily’s heart to hear the bit of humor Mel used when she mentioned it. That had to be a good sign. “Well, that’s understandable. I’m sure it’s similar to PTSD. I always felt I had a touch of that after losing Gary. When something traumatic happens, it’s hard to get it out of your mind.”
Mel chewed on her bottom lip. “I didn’t think it would help to talk about it, but Dr. Clay is super nice and she makes it easy to discuss everything. She explained that the trauma of losing my parents and not having had a support system, makes it difficult for me to trust and form close relationships. Add on the kidnapping and betrayal by Sally and it makes things worse. She suggested a few books and I requested them at the library.”
Lily placed a hand on her arm. “I admire your bravery, Mel. I can only imagine the fear you felt and marvel at how smart you were to seek help and find a way to get a message through the library. I know your experience was awful, but I’m thankful it brought you to Dr. Clay.”
“I know I’m, uh, different now. Books, the library, all of that is my way of coping. It’s a way for me to escape. It’s where I’ve always felt safe.” She looked down at her empty plate and whispered, “Until now.”
Lily wanted to swoop Mel into a giant hug, but held herself back and opted to squeeze her shoulder instead. The last thing she wanted to do was push Mel harder than she should. As she collected their dishes from the table, Lily bent closer to Mel. “I’m just happy we found each other.”
Lily’s stomach fluttered as she double-checked the house and made sure she had everything she needed, plus all the supplies for the dogs. She gave herself a final pep talk and promised not to overthink this time away with Mac or let the guilt that nagged at the back of her mind, like a tiny hangnail you didn’t notice until you snagged it on something, dominate her thoughts.
She didn’t have much time to contemplate it, as she looked out to see Mac heading toward the front door. “Good morning,” he said with a smile, as he took the leashes from her hand and grabbed a suitcase. “I’ll get these two loaded with Sherlock and we’ll be off. I stopped by and picked us up some coffee and snacks.”
“Sounds wonderful. Hopefully, I haven’t forgotten anything.”
He winked at her, shutting the rear cargo door. “I’m sure they have stores on the island.” He hurried to open the passenger door for her and after she slid into the seat, bent down. “We’re going to have a great time, a relaxing time, so don’t worry about anything.”
His enthusiasm and carefree attitude were contagious and once they were on the road and headed across the water on their first ferry ride, the worry that had clung to her disappeared in the crisp breeze. Although less than sixty miles from San Juan Island, the trip from Driftwood Bay involved ferry schedules and it would take the better part of the day to reach Friday Harbor.
On the first ferry, they unloaded the dogs and went to sit near the rail. It was a short ride, so they didn’t bother getting a drink, but wanted to let the dogs stretch their legs. After walking them around the edge of the deck, the ferry inched forward toward Whidbey Island and Mac settled in next to her.
Since losing Gary, Lily hadn’t had anyone to look after details or handle things as simple as the logistics for a trip. Realizing she didn’t have to figure everything out on her own or worry about handling the dogs by herself, allowed Lily to lean back and soak in the rare beauty of the scenic ride among the islands. She didn’t have to stress about the cottages, Mel was safe with Donna and Jeff, her sweet furry kids were with her, and last night, Kevin seemed excited she was doing something fun for herself.
This may have been the first real moment since Gary’s death that she hadn’t been thinking. Thinking of what she would do, how would she live without him, what it would mean to leave Virginia, and leave her son? Could she tackle being an innkeeper with zero experience, could she handle training a puppy, did she have what it took to take in Mel, how would she make it all work? Constant questions, constant planning—it was all she did.
Her only quiet time was spent on her morning sojourns to the beach. Starting her day there, immersed in the beauty of nature, the sounds, the smells, it was the best part of her day. She believed that ritual had helped heal her heart. Not that it would ever be completely healed, but she felt more at ease there. More calm and less fearful. She would always believe Gary had been there with her, those first months, helping her, easing her into her new life. He always told her she was stronger than she gave herself credit for, but she didn’t feel strong.
Now that she didn’t feel him there in a physical sense, she could only deduce that he knew she didn’t need him any longer. She only hoped he was right. She wasn’t quite convinced. She had always trusted him and like Margot and Jean had said, he would always be with her, deep inside. She longed to get to the point those women had, where she could laugh and enjoy herself and not get teary when she mentioned him. They were right in that Gary would want her to live a full life, be happy, even find love again.
A wet nose against the back of her hand and Mac’s voice talking to the dogs jarred her from her thoughts. A tear leak
ed from beneath her sunglasses and she swiped it away with her finger, taking another breath of cool air into her lungs. The warmth of Mac’s body next to hers comforted her and bolstered her spirits. She imagined this was weird for him as well, but he’d had more time to adjust.
The ferry churned through the water, the sluggish pace helping to slow Lily’s thoughts and heartrate. The gentle journey sure beat a crowded airport or freeway, and was the perfect way to start a relaxing vacation. The dogs had settled at their feet and Lily pushed her warm scarf over her mouth. With the breeze coming off the water, her neck and cheeks were cold.
Mac sighed and bumped his shoulder against hers. “This is gorgeous. I haven’t had a fun getaway for a very long time. Too long.”
She turned to face him. “When does it get easier?”
He slipped an arm around her shoulder. “Ah, I don’t have a good answer for you. It’s like an old injury, that may look healed, may look normal to the outside world, but certain activities, specific thoughts, those special occasions and holidays, they can cause the pain to flare. The flareups become less frequent, only with time, but I’m not sure they’ll ever disappear.”
She leaned her head on his shoulder, letting him support her. She reached for his other hand and wound her fingers between his. Thankful she wasn’t alone, she shut her eyes and let the drone of the ferry lull her to sleep.
11
Izzy’s house wasn’t far from the ferry landing and easy to find. They had promised to treat Izzy to meals in return for her kind hospitality, but when they arrived and she had already picked up lunch from the deli, relief flooded through Lily. She was tired from the trip and wanted to make sure the dogs got acclimated before leaving them on their own.
Mac toted in all their belongings and took the dogs outside to let them romp with Sunny in the back yard. Izzy’s home was welcoming and inviting, with the accent colors and touches from pieces Lily recognized from Cyndy’s shop. Izzy gave her a tour and showed her upstairs.
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