by Xyla Turner
We relaxed, went to dinner and had a great day. I called off from work the next day and we went to the spa. Joshua texted me to see if I was alright. I told him I was fine. I was actually shocked that he hadn’t come to find me. The man was so overprotective. It was like he knew I’d be occupied. Wait a fucking minute.
“Mom, why are you here?” I asked her as we sat getting pedicures side-by-side.
“Just checking on my baby,” she said.
“Right, but how did you get here?”
“On a plane.”
“Don’t get coy with me, mom. Did Joshua have something to do with this?”
“Something like what?”
“Mom.”
“Oh, alright. He called and said you were under a lot of stress and could use some motherly love. So he sent his private jet to get me and I’m here.” She smiled.
Shit, that meant he knew. But how? That man.
I texted him:
You know, don’t you?
Joshua:
Yeah, mama.
Samantha:
How?
Joshua:
I know your body, your moods
your patterns they were off
Samantha:
Oh
Joshua:
So, when do you want to talk?
Samantha:
I don’t want to talk
Joshua:
But we will talk.
Enjoy your mom!
Love you baby. Miss you
Samantha:
*Sigh*
Dammit!
******
Mom went home on Friday morning, after I told her that I was good and would talk to Joshua tonight. We were going to go to one of his exclusive restaurants and have our talk. I was not looking forward to this, but we had to do it. Even if he didn’t know, I could never deny him that right as my mom so candidly pointed out.
He met me with a passionate kiss as I approached the table, where he was already seated. There was no one near us and we were secluded. He felt so good, I leaned into him and let him take my lips. He finally let me go and said, “I missed you. Did you enjoy your mom’s visit?”
“Yes,” I said, “thanks for thinking of me.”
“Always,” he responded.
I sat down across from him in the u-shaped booth and busied myself with my purse. There was nothing that I needed in there, but I just didn’t want to face him or talk about this right now. He brought his hands up to gather mine and asked, “How did your mom take the news?”
“She was supportive,” I looked up at him. “She is on board with whatever decision I make.”
“You make?” he mused.
“Yes.”
“I don’t have a say in this?” he asked.
“I’m here to talk with you about it.” I gestured with my palm up towards him.
“I see.” He shifted in his seat, “So, what I have to say doesn’t matter?”
“Well, what are you saying, Joshua. You haven’t said anything as of yet. I am here to meet with you, as you are a part of this like me. So –“
“Samantha,” he grabbed both my hands in his, “I’ve told you what I want. That is you. When the dust settles, I want you. I want you in my life, in my bed, in my head. I’m in love with you, I want to marry you, I want you to carry my name and my children. I don’t have a particular order that needs to happen in, because at the end of the day, I want you.” He looked at me with piercing eyes.
“So, fate has jumped the gun and we’ve conceived a child. I want us to have that child. Our child,” he finished.
“But that doesn’t fit into my plan, Joshua. We are already moving too fast and I have no idea how to slow this down or you down. We’ve known each other for what, 4 months? I mean it hasn’t even been a half a year yet and how can you be so certain about what you want? I mean, come on Joshua. You barely know me. I barely know you. When we are good, we’re good, but there is a lot to work out here between us and now bringing a child into play. Joshua, that’s just crazy.”
He looked at me and said nothing. This made me a little worried, because I expected him to blow a gasket, but he was calm. This I wasn’t sure how to deal with.
“Joshua, say something.”
“What is there to say, when you’ve made up your mind about our child and us?”
“Oh, don’t do that. Come on, you know what I mean.”
“No, actually I don’t. I just told you that I love you among other things, actually I’ve told you that I love you several times and you have yet to say that back. Do you love me, Samantha?”
“I told you, I’m not familiar with the concept.”
“Oh, I think you are quite familiar. You know if you are away from someone long enough, your chest aches. You want to always be in that person’s company. You will walk through valleys and mountains to get to them. To protect them. No matter what, you’ll have their back. That’s love. Do you love me, Samantha?”
“Joshua,” I looked at him with pleading eyes, “please, do not do this right now. We have bigger fish to fry.”
“No, the fish that needs frying is the one that hasn’t been addressed the longest. You have already decided you weren’t going to have this baby, so I’m trying to decide if we are going to continue to have a relationship.”
Well, damn. How did he really feel?
“Is this because I don’t want to have the baby right now?” I asked deflated.
“No, it’s because I’m starting to get the sneaky suspicion that I’m in this,” he pointed between us, “relationship alone. I see advancement, while you are looking for exits.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” I exclaimed, “I can’t believe you would say that to me. After all we’ve been through. All that we’ve shared.”
“That’s my fucking point, Samantha. We’ve been through a lot of shit and you are going to sit here and act like I’m some Joe-schmoe off the fucking streets that you don’t know, don’t want to move forward with and don’t love.” He threw down his napkin. “That’s what the fuck I’m talking about. We are moving too fast? Are you fucking kidding me? I’m in love with your selfish ass and I’m the goddamn fool, because I convinced myself that you love me to.”
He was glaring at me.
“What do you want from me, Samantha? A settlement check? You want me to pay you to keep my baby?” I gasped and stood up.
He stood up as well. My mouth was wide open, because I couldn’t believe he was talking to me like that. Tears came to my eyes. “You know me better than that, Joshua,” I murmured.
“Apparently, I don’t.” He grabbed his coat and walked out.
What the fuck?
Tears poured down my cheeks because I couldn’t believe he actually thought that about me. I would never do such a thing. I don’t even want to take his money, he can keep all his fucking money. I want none of it. He called me selfish, which was a slap in the face. Was I being selfish? I felt like I had to be selfish. He had everything he could ever want or need, but I’m still trying to build my career – but I’m selfish.
As I boarded the elevator in my apartment, I was so upset, I didn’t even see when someone ran for the elevator and just barely made it. I looked up and it was Trevor. I moved away from him as he took a step towards me.
“Babe, you’re crying - what’s wrong?” he asked.
Tears kept coming down my face and I couldn’t talk. He moved towards me and pulled me in for a hug. My reflexes kicked in, I held onto him and sobbed. He took me to his apartment, sat me on the couch and gave me my favorite ice cream. I tried to smile as I dug in.
“What going on? Joshua?”
“I’m pregnant,” I blurted.
“Wow, okay. And-“
“He wants to keep it, but it’s not in my plan, then he accused me of trying to get money from him, not loving him, and using him.” I started to sob around my ice cream again.
“Babe, he doesn’t believe that.”
; “He said it, he thought it, and somewhere he believes that shit.”
“He was angry and upset. You should go to him.”
I whirled on him, “And why the fuck would I do that, if he talked to me that way. He believes that shit. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t have said it.”
“Samantha, I know firsthand what’s it’s like to say shit in the heat of the moment, that you really don’t mean. You wish you could take it back. I know he is kicking himself right now, I wouldn’t even be surprised if he’s not at your door first thing tomorrow morning. He didn’t mean that shit. You should go over there and fix it. Fix it now, before it blows up. You love him, you may not want to or think that you should, but it’s evident. Ask anyone who knows you or seen you with him or heard you talk about him. You’re in love with him. I didn’t say it to him, but one of the reasons that I didn’t have a chance with you, was because you were in love with him then. I knew it, but you didn’t.” Trevor looked down at his ice cream and twirled it around on his spoon.
I got up and bent down to kiss him on the cheek. “Thanks friend,” I said and left.
I caught a taxi over to the Kelly Building and used my key for the first time to go to his penthouse. My heart was racing and my palms were sweaty. He was so mad earlier, he might not even let me in. I knocked tentatively as it was 11 PM at night. I heard some shuffling and then the door opened. He stood in the door with no shirt on, lounge pants on and no shoes. His expression was blank. So much for happy to see me.
“I, uh, didn’t want to leave things the way we did,” I said.
He moved out of the door, to let me in. That was good. He shut the door, but made no other movements.
“I see you relieved Larry of his duties,” he quipped.
“I never asked for Larry, Joshua. You insisted and if you think I want money or trying to extort something from you, I can assure you I am not and will start by returning everything you’ve ever given me back, starting with Larry.”
“Fuck, Samantha, I didn’t mean that shit.” He took a step towards me. “I know, I was hurt by your words and lashed out.”
“I’m a firm believer in the things we say in the heat of the moment are the things we truly feel. A drunk man don’t tell no lies.”
He shook his head. “I have never thought you wanted me because of who I am. Not once. I never did, I was just angry and trying to hurt you back.”
“Well, it worked Joshua. I couldn’t believe you said those things to me. I can’t even believe I’m here.”
“I’m glad you are here, I would have come over, if I didn’t think you might taser me.”
“Joshua, look, I’m sorry okay.” I threw up my hands. “That whole love conversation got me all wound up. I’ve never been in love with anyone before.” I looked at him. “I do think I’m falling in love with you though, but I’m scared of what that means. Now this,” I point to my stomach, “I’m confused.”
He wrapped me in his arms and whispered in my ear. “Babe, I know. I’m here for you, so we go through this together. Okay? Not alone, we are a unit, alright?”
“Yes,” I muffled in his chest.
He let me go and guided me to the couch. He sat down and had me sit on his lap. I guess this is how our conversation would go.
“I’ve already let you know how I feel. Now how do you feel?” he started.
“I feel like I’m not ready for my life to make this drastic change right now. Not that I don’t want children, I do, but I feel like you and I are just starting and being this new and bringing a child into the world could seriously complicate things. With that being said, I’m also a little excited about being a mother, I just didn’t anticipate it being this soon.”
He listened and nodded his head.
“You feel like we are new, but does it feel new to you. Don’t look at the months we’ve been together, look at just us on the canvas, how long does it feel?”
I looked him in the eyes and said, “It feels like years, honestly.”
He nodded his head again, “So, let’s remove that off the table. You and I aren’t new, we’re just us. Now, what else is left on the table? Your life would change, how so?”
“I’ve started a business, I need to be there to maintain that. Not just for me, but my employees. They rely on me. I’m scheduled to do a lot of traveling to boost the business. I’ve put that on hold for the Stark project and now I’d have to put that on hold for the baby and I’ll be out of commission for at least three years.”
“Why three years? You want to be a stay-at-home mom?” he asked.
“No, I don’t, but Joshua, having a baby is expensive. He won’t be talking to the point of understanding to at least three.”
“What’s wrong with a baby sitter? Are you opposed to that?”
“No, but do you know how much baby sitters cost? I’d have to give up my apartment. That’s how expensive they are. My family lives in Florida, so I don’t have the luxury to have that support.”
“Have you even considered my contribution in this?” he looked hurt.
“I’m sorry Joshua, but I don’t want to rely on it. It’s not personal, it’s just my way.”
“I see. Okay, well let me tell you how this will go. Since your way doesn’t include me and that’s my seed you are carrying. You will work until you can’t or the doctor or I put you on bed rest. Then you’ll have the baby and be out for 3-6 months. If you want to go back to work you can, but Vicki can run the business for a few months without you and Kelly International will help if needed. Craig likes you and will do right by you and me. You’ll return back to work and I’ll build a day care center in your building and mine, so that we can see our angel whenever we want. Therefore that will be covered. It’ll be a great incentive for your employees and mine to work for a company that will provide babysitting. You can move in with me to offset costs, but anything my child needs, I will provide, so you won’t be impacted financially in anyway. You could take me for child support if you deem necessary, but I think you know that I’ll do right by you and my child.”
“I want you with me. I want us to live together, get married and maybe this means we’ll have that house in the suburbs sooner rather than later. All of this is okay with me. What is not okay with me is you trying to do this by yourself and cutting me out. I’m telling you now Samantha, I won’t have that shit.”
I gathered his face in my hands and asked, “What did I get into, when I hooked up with you?”
“Safety and security,” he said solemnly, “and love.”
I kissed him chastely on the lips. “Let me sleep on it, Joshua.”
“Alright, but we sleep together.”
Chapter 22: Announcement
SAMANTHA:
I really needed to stop thinking about what other people might think. I’m not sure how I’ve lived my life with this mantra. Joshua was right, even though it had been 4+ months, it damn sure didn’t feel like it. Even though I knew plenty of women who had baby daddies that were dead beats, didn’t mean I had to live my life like I did. Even though I was a working woman and soon to be mom, that didn’t mean I had to stop all of my dreams and raise our child. I seriously needed to change my thinking and assessment about this. I did love Joshua and no matter how much I wanted to wait or really see if it was right, I didn’t see him not in my life. Not that things don’t happen, but if they did, I would be fine.
Joshua suggested that I hang out with Roslyn and Elliot, well he sort of demanded it. He wanted me to attend this gala tonight and thought a spa day with the crew would be perfect, especially since it was on him. Larry was driving for me again, which he seemed pleased about.
We went to the salon, where Roslyn and I got our hair done first, waxed, nails and feet and Elliot met us for a late lunch, because he was a man who did not go to spas. I explained everything to them and they were happy for me. Happy that I was pregnant, was with Joshua, that he was stepping up and pushing me to step up. They thought this was a change I needed. I n
ever thought about it like that. Not that I’d loved the way my life was going, just living to work, work to live, now enter Joshua who moved everything around. I guess I just felt like a baby was too much, but having help was a different story. This is why I wanted to talk to them, because they gave me different perspectives that sometimes my tunnel vision just wouldn’t allow me to see. In this case, they didn’t tell me what to think or how I should think, they just gave me alternative ways to look at the situation.
I went to Joshua’s after my early dinner and he wasn’t even home. He left a note letting me know where my clothes for the gala were and that he’d be back around 7 PM. I took a long shower, got dressed and was putting on my makeup when Joshua entered the bathroom. He was already dressed with a light blue bag in his hands. He looked delicious. He was in a black tux with a bow tie with a standard white shirt. I’m sure it was one of his custom made name-brand expensive suits, because it fit him like a glove. I looked at him from head to toe, thinking about how I could get him out of it when I got back home.
“You look gorgeous,” he said.
“I’m not even finished yet,” I peeled my eyes away from him, before I ruined my panties. He came behind me as I sat in the mirror putting on my eye shadow. I had a cape around my dress, which was another expensive ensemble. It had the back out, a split all the way up my high thigh and displayed an inch of my cleavage with a sheer green shawl, to match the decadent green dress that hit my feet. I’m glad I wasn’t showing just yet, because in another month or so, that wouldn’t have work. The doctor said I was twelve weeks along, which meant Joshua and I conceived right before we broke up. Isn’t that ironic?
Once I finished applying my lipstick and blush, I stood up and took off the cape. Joshua kissed the back of my neck, as my hair was pinned up. He whispered in my ear, “Like I said, gorgeous.”
I giggled. He lifted both of his hands up to my neck and he had something in them. “This is for you,” he whispered in my ear again.
