by Karen Baney
Matt’s comment struck her as odd. She doubted very much if Kyle noticed her then as anything other than his kid sister’s friend.
“My best year of high school was my junior year—after Kyle left and before Jack was deployed to Afghanistan.”
He laughed. “I think my best year of high school was… None.”
“You didn’t like high school.”
“Not really. Junior high and high school were tough. I wasn’t exactly the most popular kid.” His voice went soft, “And my dad’s sudden departure didn’t help.”
“What happened?”
“One day when I was eleven, my dad just packed up his stuff and took off. I learned much later that he didn’t want any responsibilities any more. He felt too tied down with a wife and a kid. Can you imagine, after eleven years he just decided he was done?”
She wondered if that was even worse than losing your family unexpectedly. Talk about feeling rejected.
“How awful.”
The silence lagged and Matt turned on his CD player. She looked around the late 90’s Civic. It looked in excellent shape. The light gray interior was immaculate despite its age, much like its owner. The only thing newer than the car was the stereo system. As the fast paced music danced from the high end speakers, she smiled. Boys and their toys. She found herself listening to the lyrics of the unfamiliar music.
“Who is this?” she asked.
“Skillet. They’re my favorite band,” Matt said. “It’s not too loud is it?”
She laughed. “It’s about half the volume of what I set mine at.”
They both went silent again, just listening to the music. His left leg tapped to the beat of the music. He looked like he wanted to sing along, but trapped the music before it left his lungs.
“Can I ask you a question?” Niki asked.
Matt nodded.
“Kyle says that God doesn’t intentionally harm us—like what happened with my family or what happened with your dad. What do you believe?”
“I would agree with Kyle, though it took me a long time to understand it myself. I ran from it for much too long.”
“Funny choice of words,” Niki mumbled.
“Which?”
“Run. Kyle says I’m running.”
“That’s pretty natural. Most of us run from pain and grief and even God.”
“You ran?”
“Yes. I ran, hard and fast. In college I drank, that’s how I ran. I drank so much so that Joe finally knocked some sense into me.”
“You knew Joe in college?”
“Yeah, we were roommates. Anyway, he confronted me one day. Told me to stop running. Then he found my stash of booze and dumped it all out. Took me to a Campus Crusade meeting. My life changed that night as the fog began to lift. I didn’t need alcohol. I didn’t even need my dad. All I needed was God. And that’s who I found. After that, when I felt the need to run, He’s who I ran to. He has never abandoned me like my dad did. He’s always there for me when I need him.”
“You make it sound like life has been perfect since then.”
“Did I? I don’t mean to give you that impression at all. Life is still… Life. It’s hard. There are still days when I struggle with feeling abandoned. It’s just that I know I’m not alone. I don’t have to face the tough stuff by myself.”
She looked out the window as they climbed one of the many steep mountains on the interstate. She looked at the valley below. Desert shrub dotted the hills and valleys as far as she could see. She never would have thought behind this nice guy was someone who suffered such pain. And he lived to tell about it.
“You know, Niki, you are more than welcome to join us on Wednesday nights at our small group.”
“What’s that?”
“We get together and study the Bible, talk about our lives, help each other. No one has to go through life alone.”
Was this what she needed?
“I don’t know. I’m a pretty big mess.”
“Aren’t we all? Just think about it,” Matt said.
Chapter 21
Kyle drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. He’d been stewing since they left Niki’s house over an hour ago. Joe tried to engage him in conversation, but he wasn’t in the mood. Instead, he let Joe pick a radio station, which he mentally tuned out.
Marcy’s overly dramatic announcement that he wasn’t to lift anything still bothered him. He hated being treated like an invalid—even if his back was killing him. As soon as they got to the campsite, he would take half a pill. Why did it have to act up this weekend?
When Marcy first mentioned the idea of the camping trip to him, he almost declined. Sleeping on a thin air mattress on the ground probably wasn’t going to be good for his back. But, he needed to get out and do something different.
Besides, it was a great opportunity to spend time with Niki outside of work.
“Mind if we stop and stretch for a bit,” he asked as they neared an exit with a few fast food places.
“I could use a break.”
When he pulled the truck to a stop, Joe jumped out and headed inside. Kyle slowly got out of the truck. He opened the back door of his double cab and rooted around in his bag. He grabbed a bottle of ibuprofen and stuffed it in his pocket before going inside.
He ordered a soda and used it to wash down two pills. Then he walked around the restaurant until Joe was ready to go. It was going to be a long weekend if his back didn’t ease up soon.
“Want me to drive?” Joe asked.
Kyle hesitated. It would be nice. He shook his head. He couldn’t do it—not after Marcy’s comment earlier.
As he pulled back onto the freeway, Joe started the conversation.
“How long have you known Niki?”
“Since high school.”
“Wow. Have you always liked her?”
Kyle stiffened. “Um…”
“You do like her, don’t you? I mean, it seems like you do. You talk about her a lot at small group.”
He sighed. “I do like her.”
“Knew it.”
The conversation faded. Another song came on the radio. He ignored it.
Instead, he wondered just how many people figured out that he liked Niki. Did she know?
“Is she a Christian?”
The question sliced through him.
“I don’t know.”
He lied. Marcy already warned him about giving his heart away to Niki. She didn’t believe what he did.
Only, Marcy didn’t know two things. First, he was positive that God wouldn’t let him have such deep feelings for Niki if He didn’t plan for them to eventually be together. Second, Kyle prayed fervently that her heart would change—not only towards God, but towards him.
By mid-afternoon, the caravan of campers arrived at the campground. Marcy motioned them around to the two adjoining campsites she reserved. Then the chaos began.
This was one of Niki’s favorite parts of camping—the set up. She grabbed the girl’s tent from the back of Kyle’s truck and started to work.
“Think you can teach me how to set that up?” Joe asked.
She dug around in the bag for the directions she didn’t need and handed them to Joe.
“Niki!” Marcy gasped. Everyone turned to look at Niki and Joe. “Please tell me you did not just hand a man instructions! I’m not sure that he would know what to do with that.”
Joe smiled. “Oh, I thought it was kindling for the fire.”
A roar of laughter floated between the tall ponderosa pines. Niki snatched the paper back and stuffed it in the tent bag. “Guess you’ll just have to learn the old fashioned way—trial and error.”
Twenty minutes later, on his third try, Joe finished setting up the tent. “I hope it gets easier with practice.”
“Ugh!” Niki yelped and swatted at her ankle. Ants. Ah, the great outdoors. “Marcy, I think this bright pink nail polish you made me wear is attracting ants.”
Marcy came over and looked at Ni
ki’s flip-flop clad feet. “I think if you weren’t standing on their home, they might not care so much.”
She looked down. Sure enough, she was standing in an ant hill. She quickly jumped to the side, brushing the ants from her feet.
Taking a seat at the picnic table, she leaned with her back against the table. It was so nice—getting up to the campground a day before the big crowds. They always left on Fridays and got the best campsites, even if they were infested with ants. Breathing deeply, she closed her eyes and hungrily swallowed the fresh pine air. This was relaxing.
“Niki Turner, is that a satisfied smile?”
She opened her eyes in time to see Kyle sit down next to her.
“I think you must be learning.”
“How to have fun, you mean? Just you wait. This weekend is my favorite out of the entire year.”
“Why’s that?”
“For once, there are no laptops, no cell phones… Well, I guess I do still have my phone. No TV’s. Just nature, good food, and fun games. This is the ultimate fun.”
Chad and Marcy started warming up the grill for dinner. Matt and Joe joined Niki and Kyle at the picnic table.
“So, what do we do now?” Joe asked.
“Having city withdrawals already?” Matt teased.
“Niki, have you seen the lighter fluid?” Marcy asked.
“Did you check the labels on the bins?”
Marcy rolled her eyes and started scanning the labels on the plastic bins holding all their camping stuff.
“You label your bins?” Matt asked.
“I’m a software engineer. I label everything.” Niki smiled, shrugging.
“Really?” Joe asked. “I’m a business analyst.”
“An unemployed one,” Matt muttered.
“How long?” Niki asked.
“Since January,” Joe said.
“Ouch. Why don’t you send me your résumé on Tuesday? Brian, my boss, is looking for an analyst.”
“I don’t have a whole lot of experience.”
“That won’t matter to Brian. He likes people he can shape and mold. Give me your phone,” she said, holding out her hand wiggling her fingers. He handed it over. She added herself as a contact with her cell number and her work email, before handing it back.
“Thanks.” Joe smiled. Then he nudged Matt. “You owe me five bucks.”
At Niki’s raised eyebrow, Joe added, “I bet him five bucks that I could get your number first.”
She looked at Matt. “All you had to do was ask.” She thought it was cute. “Actually, I’m surprised you all didn’t have it already, with the way Marcy likes to give it out. I swear every man with a pulse in the Chandler area must have my number.”
“I’m not that bad,” Marcy said as she flipped a steak on the grill. “Besides, don’t ever underestimate the power of a friend giving out your number. You just never know where it might lead.” She turned a dreamy gaze towards Chad.
“Hey,” Kyle said, handing Niki his phone, “I feel left out.”
“I’m sure you already have my number.”
Kyle shook his head, thrusting the phone toward her. She scrolled through his contacts. Marcy. Mom Home. Mom Cell. Dad Cell. Matt. Alana. That was it. Her list wouldn’t look much better, if it wasn’t for the long list of business contacts. With a few taps on the screen, she added her number.
“Happy?” she asked, handing the phone back.
“Ecstatic.”
After a delicious camp dinner, Marcy broke out Taboo. Niki hated the game. It was almost impossible to win. Since Kyle was sitting next to her, they ended up on opposite teams. Kyle, Marcy, and Chad were pitted against Niki, Matt, and Joe. Niki was the first to read.
“You’re kidding!” she exclaimed as she turned over the first card. She had to describe a sunflower without saying sunflower, yellow, plant, or seeds.
“Come on,” Matt encouraged. “You can do it.”
“A tall organic pl… growing thing that you eat its seeds—”
Buzz. Kyle pressed down on the buzzer, holding it next to her ear. Why did she have to get paired with him?
“Stop that.”
“You said seeds. You can’t do that.”
“Since when did you become the rule master?”
“Next card, Niki,” Matt said.
She tried the next card and failed miserably. Then it went to Kyle. He got “birthday cake”. She was ready with the buzzer. If he missed it, he was going to get an earful.
“Marcy made this for me on January 31st.”
“Birthday cake!” Marcy shouted.
“That is so not fair,” Niki grumbled as he flipped to the next card.
By the time his turn finished, his team guessed eight correctly and Niki didn’t get to buzz him once. She was glad when the game was over, even if Kyle’s team thoroughly trounced hers. Thankfully, Marcy let her pick the next game—Rummy. She felt vindicated when she won.
As the sun set, they stopped playing games and sat around in the dark talking. Kyle kept shifting in his camp chair. Even in the glow of the lantern, she could tell he was hurting.
Marcy whispered something in Kyle’s ear. He got up and walked towards the guys’ tent. He paused as he passed Niki.
“Thanks for letting me tag along this weekend.”
She nodded, confused as to why he just thanked her. He was Marcy’s brother. Of course he was welcome.
Looking up at the sky, she tuned out the conversation humming around her. The stars looked so much brighter up in Flagstaff than they did in Phoenix.
A rush of emotion flooded her heart. Could God really be out there? Did He really care about what happened in her life? Matt said he knew he didn’t have to face the tough stuff alone anymore—that he knew God was with him. Could God really take away her aching loneliness?
She sniffed, trying to hold back her tears. Marcy noticed and moved to sit next to her.
Keeping her voice low, she asked, “Everything okay?”
Niki shook her head. Nothing was okay. She missed her family. She was afraid what her life would look like when Marcy moved out. It was only a matter of time before she would marry Chad. Everyone knew it.
Marcy reached out her hand and placed it on Niki’s back, rubbing little circles with the palm of her hand. “Want to talk about it?”
“I…” Her voice cracked. She glanced over to where Matt, Joe, and Chad were sitting. Three pairs of eyes turned toward her as their conversation stopped.
She quickly stood. “I’m going for a walk.”
When Marcy stood and started to follow her, she added, “I just need to be alone for bit.”
“Okay.”
Niki headed towards the basketball court at a fast clip.
Matt’s words from earlier rolled around in her head. I’ll bet he liked you even then. Did he think Kyle liked her in high school? That was crazy.
Or was it?
She turned towards the covered picnic area and found a seat. Muffled chatter died down from the surrounding campsites. A dog’s whine echoed across the pavilion.
Her heart picked up speed. What if Kyle really had liked her all this time?
She shook her head. It was impossible. He picked on her way too much in high school. There was no way. Nope. Not a chance.
Why did that make her sad?
She shot to her feet and started back towards the campsites. She couldn’t fall for him. She wouldn’t.
But if she was falling for him and if he did like her, would that be so bad?
No, she couldn’t let him get close.
Why did she do this? Why did she always run from relationships? She was isolating herself. But, it was so much easier to stay alone than open up. If she opened up, she might get really hurt again.
The tears streamed down her face. Every time she had time to think, she arrived at the same place. She was tired of feeling this way. She wanted to feel happy. She wanted what Marcy had. She wanted to have someone who thought the world of her.
Someone who would make her smile. Someone to come home to at the end of the day.
All she had to do was open her heart again. So, why was it so hard?
Chapter 22
“Which should we do first? The hike or the sky ride?” Marcy asked as Chad handed her a plate of pancakes to pass out to the rest of the crew.
Niki, having just returned from her shower, spoke up first. “I vote for the hike first. I’m eager to get out there—be one with nature and all that.”
“We can drop Kyle off at the ski lodge and he can sit and read a book while we hike,” Marcy suggested.
Kyle frowned. “What do you mean you can drop me off? I’m going.”
“No you are not,” Marcy replied.
“Yes, I am.”
Niki started to say something when Chad spoke up. “Seriously, dude, you don’t look like you’re up to a four mile hike right now. We’ll drop you at the lodge. Then when we’re done, we’ll meet you for the sky ride.”
Kyle didn’t look pleased, but he offered no further argument. Niki breathed a sigh of relief. He was so stubborn. He looked like he was ready to keel over and she wondered if a visit to the emergency room might be in their future.
After breakfast, they loaded their hiking gear in Chad and Matt’s cars, headed for the Kachina Trail near the sky ride. They deposited a grumpy Kyle at the lodge as promised before parking at the trailhead. As soon as the car came to a stop, Niki jumped out and laced up her hiking boots. She threw her Camelback on and waited as the rest of the gang got ready.
Setting a moderate pace for the newbie’s benefit, Niki led the way. She loved this trail. The beautiful white bark of the aspen trees contrasted with the greenish tan of the tall wild grass and bright blue sky. Coming here always made her feel complete, no matter what chaos reigned in her life. The freshness of the air tickled her lungs as she breathed deeply.
There it was. About a mile in. The tree she called the marriage tree. Two trees, an aspen and a pine tree, grew up out of the same tiny patch of dirt. Both trees were huge, intertwined at the bottom, but reaching heavenward with their own uniqueness. Marcy was the one who named the trees the first time they saw them. She said it was the perfect symbol of a strong marriage—a strong union as the foundation, but enough freedom to display some individuality.
