by Katie Ashley
With my thighs on each side of her hips, my weight kept her firmly underneath me. Seizing the opportunity I snatched the keys from her hand. “Ha, gotcha.”
“Let me up, you ass.”
“Nope. Not until I hear you say ‘AJ, you are the master of the universe’.” I quirked my brows before looming over her—my face mere inches from hers. “On second thought, you need to say, ‘AJ, you are the master of my universe and my master orgasm donor.’”
Even though my tone was completely lighthearted, Mia’s expression transformed into one of panic. Instead of squirming playfully beneath me like before, she began to thrash back and forth. Her eyes took on a wild gleam, like that of a trapped animal. And then something within her snapped. “Get off. Get off. GET OFF!” she screamed, pounding her fists against my chest so hard that she knocked the air from my lungs.
Wheezing, I stared frozen in disbelief at her erratic behavior. I remained unblinking and unmoving until she sent a stinging slap so hard across my cheek that my jaw popped. Out of my stupor, I finally rolled off her. The instant she realized she was free she leapt to her feet and began sprinting away from me. “Fuck,” I groaned as I hauled up out of the grass to take after her. “Mia!”
She bypassed the four-wheeler, and instead, continued barreling down the overgrown path. “Mia, wait!” When I finally caught up with her, I reached out and grabbed her arm, causing us both to skid to a stop. I realized a second too late that it was the wrong fucking thing to do when she lunged at me, clawing and slapping my face, shoulders, and chest.
Defensively blocking her hits, I then grabbed her shoulders. “Mia, it’s me, AJ.” Her frenzied gaze darted around the clearing. “Look at me,” I commanded. “You’re safe here with me. Nothing or no one is going to hurt you. I swear.”
When her eyes finally locked on mine, the sheer panic in them caused my chest to ache. But slowly that look receded. It was the pain, coupled with embarrassment, shining bright in her eyes that followed that made my stomach muscles clench like I’d taken a physical kick to the gut, rather than an emotional one.
A shaky hand went to cover her mouth as tears streaked down her cheeks. Her head shook so wildly back and forth I feared she might get whiplash. “Oh God…Oh AJ, I…”
“Look, it’s—“
“I’m s-sorry. I’m s-so, so sorry,” she replied, her voice choking off with her sobs.
“Baby, you have nothing to apologize about.” Tentatively, I reached out to cup her cheek. When she flinched, I dropped my hand. Feeling a fucking mess of confusion and helplessness, I kicked at a few stray pebbles and waited for her to give me some sign as to what the hell I should do.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” she kept mumbling absently.
“Mia, please don’t say that.”
“It’s just you had me pinned down like he…” A chill ran through her body, causing her to shudder so hard that her teeth chattered.
Closing the distance between us, I ached to wrap her trembling body in my arms. “Amorcito mio, please talk to me. Tell me what I can do to help you,” I begged.
Her only response was to swipe the back of her hand across her running nose while making these pitiful hiccupping sighs. I started tapping my hands nervously against my short pockets when she became still as a statue. It seemed like she stared dead ahead of us for a small eternity before she finally whispered, “I never wanted you to have to see this side of me.”
This time when I reached out for her, she didn’t cower away from me. Trying to take it slow, I swept a strand of hair out of her face and smiled. “Mia, there isn’t a single side of you I don’t want to see. I want to know every inch of you—inside and out.”
Her lip trembled like she was about to burst out crying. “Trust me, you don’t want to know this.” Her expression then turned sour, like she had a bad taste in her mouth. Her emotions were ricocheting so fast I could barely keep up. “Dammit, we were just supposed to have that night together—then you wouldn’t have had to see me like this. It wasn’t supposed to turn into me being inadequate for yet another guy!”
My sympathy quickly turned over to frustration, and I threw my hands up in exasperation. “Would you stop lumping me with all these assholes you’ve had the misfortune of knowing? That’s not me, Mia. Do you see me bailing or shrinking away like some pussy? Fuck no! I’m right here, right now, wanting to know what the hell just happened so I can help you—to comfort you emotionally and physically.”
She cut her eyes over at me, pinning me with a hard stare. “Yeah, I see right through your little ‘knight in shining armor’ routine. You think I’m broken, and by giving me a few moments of your precious time, you might be able to fix me. But trust me, you can’t do shit, AJ! I’m not broken—I’m fucking shattered into a thousand jagged pieces. Pieces that will slice a perfect, pretty boy like you in two.”
Although it probably wasn’t the best way to handle the situation, I stepped toe to toe with her and got right in her face. “Why don’t you let me be the judge of what I can or can’t handle, okay?”
Crossing her arms over her chest, she scoffed at me. “Fine, you want the truth? Here it is, big boy. That freak-out I just had was because I spent almost two years with an asshole who used to beat the shit out of me.”
Her words had the same effect as if she had slapped me, and I jolted back. “What?”
With a contemptuous snort, she turned away from me. “You heard me just fine, AJ.”
“Jesus, Mia, I’m sorry. I had no idea.” When she didn’t respond, I asked, “How old were you?”
“Young and stupid,” she spat.
“Just how young?”
“Twenty-one.”
We fell into an uncomfortable silence. Reaching out, I gently trailed my hand down her arm. I was surprised when she didn’t jerk away. I drew in a deep breath. “I know it might seem like I have the perfect life. And yeah, I’m blessed to not have any real skeletons in my past. But when someone I care about is hurting, I’m there for them. So if you want to talk about what happened, I’d like to hear it.”
Her incredulous gaze snapped back to mine. “Seriously?”
I gave a quick nod of my head. “I really mean it, Mia.”
She exhaled a long, agonized sigh, like one who held the weight of the world on her shoulders. Chewing her bottom lip, I could tell at any minute she was either going to come clean with me or bolt again. I extended my hand. “Come on. You can tell me about it down by the river.”
Almost skittishly, Mia reached out for my hand, grasping it like it was an anchor holding her sanity together. We started making our way through the high grass back down to the riverbank. When we reached the edge, I still didn’t press her for more information. Instead, I remained uncharacteristically silent, waiting for her to take the lead.
After what felt like a small eternity, she turned to me. “Even all these years later and with time spent in therapy, I still can’t understand why I ever stayed with him. I wasn’t the girl so desperate for her father’s attention that she’d let a man abuse her. No man was, or is, a better father than Duke Martinelli.” Mia shook her head. “And even though my mother bailed, I was raised by one of the strongest women I’ve ever known—one who taught me not to take any shit from men.” A smile tugged at Mia’s lips. “Trust me, when you’re surrounded by Italian men, that’s no easy feat.”
“I think they’re kinda as pig headed as Hispanic men, right?”
“You could say that,” she replied. She stooped down to gather up a few pebbles along the bank. “Regardless of those two factors, there has to be some reason I completely lost my mind for eighteen months, right?”
I shrugged. “I don’t think you need to blame yourself. Shit happens.”
“I wish it was as easy as that.” Mia chucked one of the pebbles into the stream, sending ripples along the surface. “His name is Jason. He was the second real boyfriend I ever had—the first guy I really loved….or thought I did. At first, I
thought him being possessive was sweet, even sexy. He called me constantly during the day to see what I was doing, he referred to me as his, and he wanted to spend every waking minute with me.”
Mia threw another rock into the creek, casting greater waves across the water. “But then as the months went by and we got even more serious, things changed. At first, the abuse was just emotional. All the bullshit I have about my body—that all came from him. He was able to make me feel that because of my thicker body, I was totally undesirable to any other man and that I was lucky he stayed with me at all.” Mia shook her head. “But then when guys would give me attention, I was too fucking stupid to realize it or that I could have someone else—someone better. Then the guys’ attention would piss Jason off. If one dared so much as looked in my direction, he would freak out and threaten to kick his ass. Then he’d accuse me of flirting or dressing like a slut. Whenever I argued with him or tried to defend myself, that’s when he got violent.”
As she bent over to pick up a few more pebbles, I swallowed hard, my fists clenching at my side. My heartbeat drummed in my ears at the thought of any man laying a hand on Mia. I shifted uncomfortably back and forth on my feet, desperately wanting an outlet for the rising anger I felt thrumming in my blood. “What kinda shit did he pull?” I asked in a hoarse voice.
A sigh wheezed from her chest. “At first, he would cuff the back of my head hard or shove me into walls or furniture. After a few months when I still didn’t break to his commands, he resorted to backhanding me.”
The world tilted and spun around me at the image that formed in my head. At the same time, I fought to catch my breath as her words had the same effect as if someone were wrenching my beating heart from my chest. “Motherfucker,” I hissed.
Mia threw her head back and met my gaze. “I never, ever dreamed I’d become one of those women—the cowering beaten and bruised creatures I’d see on TV or in movies. And it goes without saying with Italian tempers, there were a few in my extended family who were always so damn klutzy by running into walls or falling down the stairs.” Gritting her teeth, Mia threw the next stone so hard it hit the rocks across the bank. “But that became me.”
“What did Duke say?”
“He didn’t know,” she murmured softly.
“But how?”
“The more violent Jason became, the more I started to retreat from my family. I was finishing up nursing school then, busy with my clinicals, so it was easy to lie.” With her hands empty of stones, Mia crossed her arms over her chest, hugging herself. “But then it all fell apart around the time my cousin, Nicki, was getting married. She was like a sister to me, and as the maid of honor, I was spending a lot of time with her, which pissed Jason off. I wasn’t supposed to be with anyone but him. One day we were out shopping together for wedding stuff before I had to go into work. Jason kept calling me constantly, and I could tell it was pissing Nicki off. She’s the kind of girl who would answer my phone and tell Jason to go fuck himself.”
“Sounds like my kind of girl.”
Mia gave me a small smile. “Finally, I just turned my phone off. I was working nights, so I had to go by the house to change for my shift. Jason was waiting for me when I got home.” Mia shivered violently, and I fought the urge to wrap my arms around her. “In the foyer, we had this giant, round mirror. I’d barely gotten through the front door when he came at me. I’d never seen him so enraged. Of course, he reeked of alcohol, so I don’t know why I was so surprised. The next thing I knew he had grabbed the nape of my neck and shoved me with all his might into the mirror.” Mia turned to me and pulled back some of her hair on the right side of her face. I’d never noticed it before, but in her hairline, there was a faint scar running from her temple, down to her ear. “My head crashed against the mirror so hard, it cracked the glass. Jason kept ramming me into it until shards fell to the floor.” As she relived the horrific memories, her chest began to rise and fall with her heaving breaths.
Tentatively, I reached out to touch her shoulder. “You don’t have to do this.”
“No, I need to—not just for me, but for you. When it’s all said and done, you need to know everything—to understand why I am the way I am with men.” Tears pooled in her eyes. “More than anything, I trust you enough to be honest with you, AJ.”
My heart ached for her. “I’m here, amorcito mio.”
She drew in a ragged breath. “Do you remember that night when you asked me about the tattoo?”
I bobbed my head.
“You asked if I’d gotten it to cover the scars left by an accident. Well, that’s partly true.”
“What do you mean?”
Mia closed her eyes, letting tears trickle down her cheeks. “After the mirror shattered, Jason picked up one of the broken shards. He first brought it to my neck—told me if I ever didn’t call him again, he would kill me. Then he said he wanted to leave me something physical to remind me of my mistake. It was summer, and I was wearing a tank top with spaghetti straps, which he said made me look like a whore.” Opening her eyes, Mia stared out at the water. “He said he was going to cut me for every time he called me, and I ignored him.” She glanced over at me. “That’s where the five lines came from.”
Rage burned through me, causing me to shudder from head to toe. My fists clenched involuntarily. “Give me his name. That’s all I need. Not an address or a phone number. Just his name,” I demanded.
“AJ,” Mia protested.
“I mean it. I don’t think I can rest until I track down that low-life piece of shit and take a piece out of his worthless hide for every time he hurt you.”
“You don’t need to do that.”
“Yes, I—”
Mia held her up hand. “AJ, trust me when I say this. Jason got what was coming to him.”
“What do you mean?”
She gave me a tight smile. “I’m Sicilian, remember? After my dad calmed down enough to speak and think somewhat coherently, he called some of his buddies from his old neighborhood back in Jersey.”
“You’re telling me that they made Jason an offer he couldn’t refuse?”
“To the tune of beating him so badly he was hospitalized in a full body cast.”
“Good for your dad. Of course, I would have preferred they render him dickless as well.”
Mia chuckled. “Don’t think Daddy didn’t contemplate having his associates take care of that.”
“Hell, I admired him before, but now I admire him even more.”
“Yeah, well, nobody hurts his little girl.”
“I’ll remember to never piss off your dad, because I sure as hell don’t want to end up sleeping with the fishes.”
Mia’s expression lightened, and I could tell she was fighting hard not to smile. “For you, being dickless would be a fate worse than death.”
Wincing, I cupped my crotch. “I gotta agree with you on that one.”
This time she did smile, and I was so fucking glad to see her smiling again. It was timid—one I had never seen on her face before. Normally, she is so confident, strong. I closed the gap between us. “I’m so sorry you had to go through all that shit.”
“Thank you. But I’m the one who should be sorry.”
“Why?” I demanded.
“Because my past keeps fucking things up for us. I mean, I just had a major freak-out back there when you were only teasing me. As hard as I try, I can’t seem to put what happened with Jason or Dev to rest.” She gave me a sad smile. “You’re too good for all my bullshit, AJ.”
It took me a second to process her words. Why in the hell did she think I was too good for her? If anyone wasn’t good enough, it was me—the goofy drummer who had never had to go through any harsh shit. “Don’t apologize for shit you can’t help. And you’re wrong, about not being good enough. You and me…? We’re good for each other.” Cupping her face in my hands, I leaned in and kissed her gently. “I think you’re so fucking brave to have lived through what you did.”
H
er brows shot up in surprise. “You really think I’m brave?”
“Hell yes, I do. I mean, you finally left that fucker.”
“Yeah, but even after that awful night, it took someone who I respect very much for me to finally see the light.”
“Who was it?”
“Pesh—the doctor who I did my clinical placements under. He’d suspected I was being abused for a while, kept trying to get me to talk to my family or leave Jason, but I wouldn’t. That night, I was a mess when I went into work—physically and emotionally. He was the one who stitched me up. Then, he called someone to cover for us. Even though I begged and pleaded for him not to do it, he drove me straight to the restaurant. He stood beside me and held my hand while I told my dad everything from start to finish. I moved in with my dad until Jason was taken care of. I’ve never heard or seen him since.” She shook her head. “Besides the support of my family, Pesh was there through it all. He even threatened to flunk my evaluations if I even thought of ever going back to Jason.”
“Sounds like a stand-up guy to me.”
A dreamy expression filled her face. “He really is.”
An uneasy feeling came over at me at the way she was talking about this doctor. I couldn’t help the jealousy that pinged over me that she might still be hot for this dude or worse she was somehow in love for him. Shifting on my feet, I asked the question I really didn’t want to. “So were you and this Pesh guy together or something?”
Mia’s eyes widened. “Oh, God no. Besides the fact he was married, we didn’t feel that way about each other. I mean, I love him—as a mentor and a friend, but not in a romantic way.”
My relief whooshed out of me in a long, exaggerated sigh. “I see.”
“Of course I can’t say the same for his brother.” When I furrowed my brows in confusion, Mia replied, “It was two years after I left Jason that Pesh introduced me to his younger brother, Dev, my ex-fiancé.”
