by Theo Rion
“Of course. If you don’t want to, then you don’t live. And if you live, then your words, that you have no such desire, are simple deceit,” John said, and drank wine from a glass.
Kurt wasn’t going to argue. However, he was forced to admit sitting at the table with John, dining peacefully and maintaining such a conversation, was surprisingly pleasant and entertaining. Kurt barely suppressed a smile. “By the way, John, I’ve mentioned that I have never hunted before. You’ll have to explain everything to me.”
“Can’t we rely on our instincts?”
“I don’t think there’s a hunter instinct living in me. And then I would prefer something a little more conscious.”
“Aren’t our instincts the most conscious part of us? The part that doesn’t need to be checked and questioned?”
“Psychologists disagree on this point.”
“I don’t care about all that scientific community! What do you think, Kurt?”
“Were we barbarians, I would not hesitate to hit you with a club and then flee.” Kurt regretted what he had said for a second, but it was too late.
John laughed. “You see, Kurt, instincts are much more mindful. And all these games and intrigues…” He stared at Kurt, studying his face, so it became uncomfortable. “They can be obtained only by someone who manages to bring it to the level of instinct. You can never think faster than you can feel. It’s like trying to catch a wild animal in your head, but it will always be faster and more agile than you, and you’ll always be behind.”
“Well, we gradually got to talking about hunting,” Kurt smiled. Without knowing why, he felt tension in the air. Maybe John behaved as usual, but in a markedly different manner from his former self. Kurt could not grasp what was different, and it bothered him more than ever.
“Yes, we did,” John nodded, continuing. “Hunting is interesting because you’re trying to outrun the mind, relying on instinct, and thus trying to beat someone who lives by instinct only.”
“I don’t think that anyone else but you, John, so philosophically perceives the process of killing animals.”
“Why killing?” John protested. “Hunting isn’t a slaughter. The animal always has a chance to survive if it is quicker.”
“Why do I think, John, that if it were legal, you would hunt people, too?”
John smiled slyly and then sipped the wine.
“Why do you think that I don’t hunt humans?” he asked after a pause. Kurt didn’t have time to respond; a lackey came into the dining room. He reported that the rooms for the master and his guest were ready, and if they wished, the hunting could be started at dawn. John nodded. Kurt thanked him for dinner and the entertaining conversation, and under the pretext of fatigue hurried to his bedroom, which he was shown to by the lackey.
Kurt thought about John’s words, about his subtle change. It was clear they had come here not to hunt, and if to hunt, then not foxes, evidently. And Kurt understood that John was invigorated by some idea he found just grand. And his excitement shone in his eyes, effusing all his gestures and words.
Kurt’s thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door. Kurt responded, and a young servant walked into the room. He smiled politely to Kurt and put the tray he held on the small sitting table in front of the window. On the tray sat a small teapot and a cup.
“I beg your pardon, Mr. Rhein,” the servant said. “Mr. Fenririr told the cook you were very fond of tea. Miss Nora has prepared this for you.”
“Why, thank you. Please express my appreciation to Miss Nora.”
“I will definitely do that. I’m sure she will be pleased. Enjoy.”
Just as the young man turned to go, Kurt had a thought. “Excuse me, before you go, would you mind answering a question or two for me?”
“If I can.”
“Have you been working here long?”
“A while.” The young man smiled. “If you are concerned about the stories the master told you, don’t believe them. He just likes to joke. Good night, sir.” He bowed and left.
Kurt sat in a chair at the window to drink his tea. It was fragrant, with a few notes of bergamot and lemon. He took a few pleasurable sips.
Tonight, there was a splendid view of the forest. The night promised to be calm, with rare clouds floating across the sky, sometimes hiding the moon. Kurt poured himself a second cup of tea and sat down again at the window. He felt a sense of serenity, so gentle and long forgotten. Kurt stared at the sky, at the ridge of hills covered with forest.
As Kurt emptied his cup, he suddenly heard the creak of the main gate opening. He watched two coaches leave the estate; it even seemed to Kurt that John closed the gates himself. Kurt wanted to go ask him where he was going this late at night, but he felt an urge to sleep so strong he couldn’t find the strength to rise from his chair. His chin dropped to his chest and his eyes closed. When the teacup slipped from his fingers and broke on the floor, the shattering porcelain failed to disturb his suddenly deep sleep.
* * * *
It could not be called awakening, it was more like Kurt came to himself. He didn’t sleep for the whole night; he was unconscious. And now his limbs, stiff and numb, were beginning to return to life. Kurt opened his eyes. He was tied to a chair in an unidentifiable room. Moonlight was seeping through the slit of a single boarded-up window. It provided enough light for Kurt to see John sitting in front of him, face-to-face.
“John?” Kurt asked and got no response. In this darkness, Kurt could see John was tied to a chair too, his head downcast. He was either asleep or unconscious.
Kurt looked around. There were four other unoccupied chairs in the corners of the room, turned away from the wall. Kurt felt anxious, and at this point John awoke. He raised his head. “Kurt, is that you?” he asked, squinting into the darkness.
“Yes,” replied Kurt, looking at John. How he needed his vision at that moment. He needed to see the look on John’s face.
“Are you hurt?” John asked.
“No.”
“I don’t seem to have any bone left whole.” John sighed and groaned. “Oh, God, the pain in my ribs is killing me. I’d rather have stayed unconscious.”
“What’s going on, John?” Kurt asked quietly, as if afraid silent observers could hear them.
“I don’t know; someone attacked us.”
“Did you see who?”
“No, I was sleeping. I haven’t seen anybody.”
They were silent then. Kurt was thinking feverishly; he was too limited and constrained in the darkness. It prevented him from seeing John’s face, only the timbre of his voice conveyed information. Remembering all that preceded his imprisonment, Kurt lined up an ornate chain of events that ended with being tied to this chair. “I see the fox hunting season started early,” Kurt said, irony strong in his voice.
“What?”
Kurt could hear the satisfaction in John’s voice. “Why do you take me for a fool, John? We’ve been through this before, haven’t we?” Kurt stared at him.
After a moment of silence, John chuckled with glee. “I understand why you’re not a hunter, Kurt. Yesterday I told you there’s a time to wait and a time to act, but you can’t play by the rules.”
“By whose rules, John?” Kurt asked. “I thought we agreed on fair matches. And as I remember it, you called me for a hunt, not for a match.”
“I’m not the first to break this condition,” John rose from his chair, easily releasing the rope tied loosely around his hands. He walked across the room and stopped at the boarded-up window to look up at the night sky through the slit. A narrow strip of blue moonlight stretched across his face, and, it seemed, his eyes were shining. There was something feral in his face.
“John, I insist that you immediately untie me,” Kurt said calmly.
“You know, Kurt, I don’t even know whether I should be glad or sad,” John said, not paying attention to Kurt’s wishes, and sat down again on the opposite chair. “I planned all so diligently, and you went and r
uined everything. And it pleases me that I wasn’t mistaken in you. But all my work was in vain.” John sighed in apparent dissatisfaction and leaned back, looking again at the window.
“So, it’s your fault that you underestimated me.”
“Never mind that everything didn’t go according to the plan. Maybe it will come out better.” Smiling at his words, John said, “First, I have to tell you something about this place. Ah, such an idea failed! Such a suspense!” He threw up his hands theatrically. “Well, we are in the tower. Why is that interesting? There are five floors, but all the windows are looking out on a cliff, and there’s no escape.” John grinned.
“And we got here through a wall?” Kurt asked with ill-concealed irritation. His position depressed him, but it also caused a strong sense of anger inside. He was angrier with John than ever before.
John laughed. “On this question, you will have to answer, my precious friend!”
“How long are you going to keep me tied?”
John leaned towards him. “I would like to answer forever.” John laughed again. “But it would sound too pompous.”
“Enough, John,” Kurt said, looking seriously at him.
“No, Kurt. It will be enough when I say it is enough.”
He took something from his pocket. Kurt’s hands were tied to the arms of the chair, and John put something on his ring finger. When he moved away, in the moonlight Kurt saw that this was the ring that he had carried in his pocket. Kurt turned and look at John with surprise, but still he could not grasp what he saw on his face.
“It suits you, Kurt,” John suddenly said, his voice sounding soft and even tender.
“Are you crazy?”
“Crazy in love with you!” John laughed. “Do you know I could not think about anything after that night together? I could not sleep!”
“Why all this farce, John?”
“Why don’t you believe me?” He suddenly became serious again. He bent to Kurt’s face, as if he wanted to kiss him. “Do you remember when I first came to you? Remember what I said?” It was if John’s breath scorched Kurt’s face. For a moment, he went back into his past, when he was sitting at his desk and John leaned towards him like that. Kurt remembered that confusion; he remembered John’s words. He said them to himself along with John.
“Never try to creep up to the beast. Why did you despise my advice, Kurt?” John bowed his head and looked at him.
“John, I still don’t understand what for—”
“Hmm…” John carefully studied Kurt’s face, and then he stood up and stepped aside to stare out the window. Kurt, at the same time, tried to gather his thoughts. John behaved like a madman, and though Kurt had long understood John had some idea, he didn’t get its essence. Sometimes it seemed John himself forgot what he wanted.
Kurt looked at the ring, then back to John. Kurt didn’t feel fear. Of course, this whole situation and his position were unpleasant, but still, he knew he had touched something in John, otherwise he would not have gone this far. Kurt just needed to turn it into an advantage.
“What about the fact that I’m tied?” Kurt said, having finally calmed down. “After all, my strength isn’t in my hands.”
Kurt sighed, and John, as if only now he remembered about him, looked at Kurt’s face and obviously caught the change.
“You know, Kurt,” said John. “I’ve seen many people who wear masks. Too many.” John thought for a moment. “Many people wear masks in hopes of becoming those they pretend to be. You can’t underestimate the power of these games with pretenses. Although, in the end, usually these players become mediocre hypocrites, but it doesn’t matter. When I first saw you, I was surprised I had seen a man for the first time, who wore a mask weaker than his own personality. Usually everyone tries to elevate themselves, but you chose to humiliate yourself. This struck me as funny, but curious.”
“What are you telling me all this for, John?”
“Just food for thought. And some friendly advice.”
“Thank you, but I don’t think I need your advice. Besides…I don’t want to offend you, but it is unlikely I can also find it friendly, because we’re not friends.”
“Then what are we, Kurt?”
“You know the rules, John.” Kurt looked him straight in the eye, enjoying this moment. “You didn’t win the match, so I don’t owe you any revelations.”
A smile touched John’s lips. “Why not? Don’t you understand that you’re mine now?”
“You can bind a person to a chair, but it doesn’t make him yours. And generally, it won’t change much. He will simply be tied to a chair,” Kurt replied indifferently.
“I wonder…what would you say if I were to leave you so for a day or two?”
“Why do you ask that question, John? You won’t leave me anyways.”
“Well, why not?” John smiled. “You’re so recalcitrant. And it will knock the arrogance out of you.”
“But you don’t want to knock my arrogance out of me, John, otherwise the game would not be as interesting, would it?”
John smiled again.
“You don’t know what to do with me, John. Something’s overflowing inside you; you look like an enthusiastic child who knows a big secret and can’t help but share it,” Kurt said, and smiled.
“My mistake,” John said, as if in defeat. “I couldn’t see such a liar in you. Or maybe you’re just insane?” He smiled. “I’ll give you one last chance, Kurt.” He pulled something from his pocket and held out his hand. It was an envelope, his letter to professor McGlow.
John chuckled and pulled out a piece of paper.
“Going to Paris, eh?” he asked derisively.
“Why not?”
“Running away?”
“John, I’m free. And I can go anywhere. It’s not my fault that in your life there’s nothing more important and interesting than these games with me.”
“Oh, then I’m so sorry for detaining you. Go to Paris. Bon voyage.” John laughed. “Why are you sitting here? Oh yes…you’re tied! So, you aren’t so free, now are you?”
“John, seriously, all this has tired me. If you want a match, let it be a match. But you must announce the rules and untie me. It can’t be you’re satisfied with such a victory as this.”
“Okay, you have persuaded me,” John said and flashed a generous smile. “As I have said, there’s no easy way out, but still there’s a door and a key.” John patted his pocket. “Here’s my condition. Three days you’re humble and obedient, and then before the fourth sunrise you will be at home, sipping hot fragrant tea.”
“And you’ll untie me?”
“If I want to.”
“And I must fulfill all your whims?” Kurt winced a little.
“Exactly.”
“And what if I don’t agree?”
“Then you’ll be sitting here alone in the dark without food and water for three days. Or…I don’t know, I will cut your finger or rape you. I haven’t decided yet.” John grinned.
“If I’m humble, what will stop you from doing the same?”
“I can’t believe I have to explain it to you. Pull yourself together, Kurt! If you’re rebellious, it will mean you oppose yourself to me, declare your power, then, excuse me, but don’t expect any mercy.” John smiled predatorily. “And if you’re a meek lamb, it’ll touch my generous heart, and I won’t do any harm to you.” Again, John smiled. In Kurt’s soul pride seethed, a strange voice rang in his head. At this minute, he wanted to break John’s face, to erase his smirk. But he wanted more to hit him in the heart, so the smile would disappear from his face by itself, so his soul would be filled with pain so intense he would forget how to smile.
For a moment, Kurt was surprised by his unkind thoughts. He felt his inner world had collapsed under the canopy of darkness. There was no more gallery, nor his long cabinets with records, nor his mountains, nor his cozy salon. Nothing. And only this voice was echoing around.
“Okay, I accept your terms.”
John smiled, took out a hunting knife and cut the ropes. Kurt stood up and rubbed his stiff wrists, his eyes lingering on the ring. Though he didn’t take it off.
“Oh, yeah, I almost forgot,” John said suddenly. “If you disobey me, you will be punished.”
“Would you flog me?” Kurt mocked him with a crooked smile.
“Better not make me angry. Come on.”
John went to the door and Kurt followed. He felt more confident now, and it seemed to be just a game. Crazy and weird, but still a game. John wouldn’t really hurt him. Partly because of this feeling, Kurt had easily agreed.
They climbed to the top of the tower where Kurt saw a table set, candles dissipating the darkness. Kurt stared at it in amazement. John went to the table and gestured for Kurt to sit opposite him. Kurt sat down. While his eyes absently studied the dishes placed on the table, John opened a bottle of wine and poured it into the glasses. Kurt calmly unfolded a napkin and picked up a fork. He behaved as if they were at dinner in a restaurant, and not locked up in a tower on the edge of a cliff.
For a while they ate in silence. Kurt finally spilled a word.
“You sent off your servants, so this dinner is your doing?” Kurt asked.
“Yes,” John smiled.
“Well, then I have to tell you that you’re a trifling cook,” Kurt noticed seriously and put aside the plate. John laughed and sipped wine.
“Well, you’re right. Generally, it was the first time I cooked.”
“Then I’m not at all flattered,” Kurt sneered. “What have you done all this for?”
“Didn’t you notice?” John squinted. “You’ve already begun to speak differently, behave differently. What you hid emerges in you. This is what I want to see. And yes, it was worth doing that.”
Kurt said nothing.
“If you’ve finished, let’s go,” John said, rising from his seat. Kurt got up and followed him. So far, this test hadn’t seemed difficult to him.
They went down the stairs and into the room where there were two giant vats filled with water. A fire burned beneath them.
