by M. F. Lorson
Chapter 4
Classes were relatively small in comparison to what I was used to in California. There were fifteen or less students in each class which was supposed to be a good thing. When parents see a fifteen to one teacher to student ratio they think their getting what they paid for. It means individualized education. It means no more teachers blaming overcrowded classrooms for low test scores. No more “I have thirty-seven other students to attend to, not just your child.” and all of the other bullshit statements my parents have been railing against for the last two years. For them this news was great, not so much for me. With only fifteen students in the class there was no way I could lay low and avoid being called on; A strategy I had mastered in the last few years.
The day began with English and for the most part it wasn’t so bad. The instructor was nice enough. She was a short and dumpy middle aged woman who kept portraits of her cats on her desk. She gave a speech about rewarding effort over achievement and grading each student according to their own abilities. So this wasn’t one of those courses where one extraordinary jack ass ruins the curve for everyone else. Although she was easy going and hopefully an easy grader she wasn’t easy on the workload. It was day one and we already had our first assignment. We were each to write a five paragraph essay on character development in William Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet. It was your typical freshman English assignment and since I had actually seen the movie I kind of figured I could base my essay on Claire Danes and just pray she knew what she was doing. We had three days to read the play and write the essay so screwing around wasn’t optional, not that I planned to. I had yet to find anything on campus worth wasting time on. No friends, plus no hobbies pretty much equaled the perfect study motivation. At home I had lovely procrastination companions like TV and the World Wide Web. Without those things studying seemed as good a thing to do as any.
Second period was significantly less interesting. Possibly because it was still early morning and my attention span was less than expansive but most likely because World History was of absolutely no interest to me. All I really wanted to know was how not to fail which the instructor Mr. Green was gracious enough to explain. There would be no assignments. Our grades for the first three months were based solely on our test scores. Each Friday would be test day. Any student who scored less than seventy percent on the midterm and final would be cut at the end of the summer. I needed a B to be safe but I didn’t know how achievable that would be. Successful testing was about successful studying. My study skills weren’t so much rusty as they were nonexistent.
The textbook for World History was unmercifully heavy. I now understand why they make those cheesy backpacks with the wheels on the bottom. This year I opted for an over the shoulder messenger bag, which I was already regretting. By lunchtime it felt as if I had been carrying around a fifty pound sack of potatoes.
Despite the fact that I knew first hand that nearly everyone currently on campus was new to the school I still felt that new kid anxiety about where to sit in the lunchroom. I took my time choosing my food. The longer I was choosing the less time I had to focus on finding a place to sit. The hot bar was questionable to say the least so I stuck to the perimeter of the cafeteria, choosing only the redhead’s designated “safe items”. I opted for yogurt, salad and a banana. It was clear that food was not going to be something I enjoyed here. I scanned the lunchroom for someone suitable to sit with. Wanda was already chowing down on a suspicious looking casserole they called “hamburger hot dish”. Beside her were her three minions Ariel, Liv and Linda.They were smart girls because they clearly understood that sticking with Wanda, whether you liked her or not kept you off of her radar but they were stupid too because it put you on nearly everybody else's. It was easy to assume that Wanda was the most dangerous girl here, but it was unlikely. She was mean and she had the ability to make our lives miserable but that didn’t make her dangerous. As far as I was concerned the real danger was the girls you didn’t notice.
Sydney was in the cafeteria as well. She had a book and a brown bag lunch. I wanted to sit with her. Not because I thought she would instantly warm to me but because I knew there would be no cheesy small talk, in fact there would probably be no talk. Sitting with Sydney wasn’t going to make me any friends though. I’d be labeled a brown noser and nobody likes a brown noser.
The rest of the girls from barrack A were dispersed into small groups intermixed with kids from the other barracks. I’d of joined them but I was in no mood for co-ed conversation. Robyn sat alone in a corner booth. That was good enough for me. As far as I knew she and I had absolutely nothing in common. Maybe that was best. I really didn’t feel like bonding. My hope was that she liked to talk and would do enough talking to hold up both ends of the conversation. I didn’t ask if it was alright for me to sit down. That was the nice thing about being here. Everyone assumed the worst about everyone else so it was socially acceptable to act entitled. Robyn was clearly relieved I sat down, but she didn’t exactly express that verbally. We ate in silence for three awkward minutes before I said the only thing that came to mind. “So…what’s your talent?”
“My talent?”
“You know, the skill that’s gonna get you through the first cut. Your special ability blah blah etc etc.” Robyn laughed.
“Ah yes, my special ability. I don’t think baton twirling is going to cut it so I’m planning on falling back on my incredibly mediocre musical ability. What about you?”
“I have absolutely no idea. It’s safe to say that I have not spent any time cultivating anything. What’s your musical ability?”
“I was in the high school band for a year. Before that I took private clarinet lessons. So basically I play the clarinet and I’m just praying that the band here sucks enough to have a use for me.”
“Well, that’s something to work with at least. So you’re a sophomore then?” I asked.
“Yep. Academically I’ll do fine. The skills thing will be a challenge, but no more than for anyone else. I can probably cut it. To be quite frank with you I think it’s kind of ridiculous that I am at this school. I am hardly in need of reform.”
“Are you court ordered?” I asked.
“Yep” Robyn sighed, shoveling the last bite of hamburger hot dish into her mouth. “ Is this the part where you ask me what I’m in for?”
“Yep” A loud buzz went off overhead to signal the end of lunch. Robyn laughed as she scooped up her book bag to leave.
“Well, this is the part where I leave you hanging. Thanks for sitting with me. Your welcome to do so again tomorrow, seeing as how the spot isn’t exactly in danger, seeing as how no one else is currently vying for the position.”
We split ways. Me toward math her toward the music building. Math and biology flew by. I just couldn’t stay focused in classes like that. Both of those subjects were like a foreign languages to me. It didn’t seem to matter how many times or in how many ways a teacher tried to explain things to me. I could never seem to keep the formulas straight for math. And biology? Heck I didn’t know the first thing about biology. Maybe I would be good at it and maybe I would suck royally. All I could really do was hope that the textbook explained things well.
There were only five students in my math class, which made me nervous. Either they really like to keep the numbers down or I am in a lower math class than the majority of my peers. The latter was more likely. I had no idea how that was going to affect me when it came to summer’s end. I made a mental note to be sure and stress out about that later. In comparison to the first half of the day my sociology class was a breeze. We passed around syllabuses and were each asked to draw a topic out of a hat. The topic we drew would be the subject of our one and only graded assignment. We would be responsible for researching that subject and then presenting it in the form of a speech, skit, interpretive dance whatever made the most sense. The idea was that each student would effectively teach their peers about their topic. We would be covering all of the required coursew
ork but in a way that allowed for the “development of leadership skills”. I drew the word Deviance. I had a basic understanding of what deviant meant but I had no idea what it meant in correlation with sociology. I made a note in my planner to look up deviance.
Because the barracks were not an ideal place to study (there were no desks or work tables and the overhead lighting sucked) I had to do something I’ve never done before, fiind the library. The last time I set foot in a library I was in the fourth grade and it was a mandatory field trip. We went on a tour of our town library and filled out applications for library cards. I learned that I could check out books there and also DVD’s but that seemed stupid to me since Netflix would deliver dvd’s in the mail anyway. I didn’t quite understand yet that Netflix wasn’t a free service and that my parents actually paid quite a bit to get those movies in the mail. The whole free aspect of the library is lost on your average elementary school student. That was the last time I entered the library but thanks to Hermione Granger, bookworm extraordinaire from the Harry Potter movies, I knew that the library was supposed to be a good place to study. With this in mind I slogged across campus, my book bag weighing me down the whole way over.
The Douglas Phillip Lorson Library was a three story brick building. It looked enormous from the outside, inside it was barren. The bottom floor was home to eight long work tables with books shelved around the perimeter of the room. The second floor held all of the journals and other serials and the third floor was primarily for computer use. Although there were also four work rooms on the third floor. I knew all of this thanks to the library leaflet in my orientation folder.
The workrooms were small cubicle like spaces with glass doors so that the library staff could monitor their use. They were also sound proof which I thought might come in handy if say, I needed to drop a few F-bombs over the math homework. Workrooms however required a reservation so instead I had to choose one of the center worktables. I didn’t really want any distractions so I planned to sit alone. I could work on the whole friend building thing later. It was empty enough in the library that I had my choice of several empty tables. Just as I was about to sit down I noticed Hayden. He was hunkered over a large textbook. It wasn’t like any of the ones I had been issued so either he was older than me or significantly brighter. I could tell by the way that the other girls stole glances at him that he wasn’t going to have any trouble making friends. I would have to be careful about friendship with him. He was a big fat distraction in the truest sense of the word. I didn’t need that, not during the first three months anyway. If I made it to the actual school year then maybe I too could make time for crushes.
Not wanting him to see me I picked a table three rows behind his. I made sure to sit with my back to him so that even if he got up to use the bathroom he wouldn’t immediately see me. Also, facing the opposite direction made it a lot less likely that I would find myself sneaking a quick peek. He was after all really, incredibly, amazingly, good looking. Without setting up barriers I was likely to cave. I’d never had a serious boyfriend before but I had a bad habit of falling deeply in crush at the drop of a hat. Whether the feeling was mutual or not any crush of mine became all consuming.
I decided to start easy and pulled out my copy of Romeo and Juliet. I knew the story of Romeo and Juliet but I hadn’t actually read it before. We were supposed to read it in the eighth grade but I never got around to it. The good news was as far as I could tell it was the exact same wording as the movie, so that made the flowery text a bit more decipherable. I knew Shakespeare would roll over in his grave to hear it but, I couldn’t stop picturing Romeo and Juliet as Claire Danes and Leonardo Dicaprio. I made it through the first two acts before tossing it aside. Besides, I already knew what I wanted to say. I would write about Romeo’s character development. Well, actually I intended to argue that Romeo had no character development. He starts the play as a lovesick fool and he ends the play as a dead lovesick fool. All I had to do was jack a Rosaline quote from the beginning and a few Juliet wherefore out there Juliets from the middle and I had myself a five paragraph essay.
Technically I should have begun World History next but I was bored to tears just thinking about it. We were only required to read the first two chapters anyway. I could always do that in the barracks before bed. Besides it gave me something to do and that would keep me from getting into trouble. Now seemed as good a time as any to begin my sociology project. I figured I could start with the definition and go from there. I grabbed the dictionary and searched the D’s until I found the term deviance. According to the oxford English dictionary, deviance is a term used to describe behavior that defies cultural norms. It wasn’t exactly solving the Kennedy assassination but it seemed interesting enough. I could work with that for sure. Math on the other hand, not so interesting, nor comprehensible. To me algebra was a particularly cruel and unusual form of punishment. It didn’t seem to matter what effort I made, I could never seem to solve for X or Y or Q for that matter. It was pretty much impossible. Within five minutes of opening the textbook I wanted desperately to throw heavy objects at glass walls. There were fourteen problems to complete and so far all my paper consisted of was my name and the date. I tried reading the chapter before starting the problems but that didn’t work because whoever wrote the book obviously assumed that the person who used it would have at least a limited amount of prior knowledge. Too bad I was probably the one and only ninth grader here that really had zero prior knowledge. I had daydreamed my way through my middle school years and now it was coming back to haunt me. The truth was I never really advanced past fifth grade mathematics. My teachers clearly knew I wasn’t keeping up but after what happened to Chelsea I sort of got a free pass academically. They didn’t give me good grades by any means but, they didn’t harass me either. That wasn’t going to work here. Nobody knew about Chelsea and I wanted to keep it that way. What I really needed was a good solid B but how was I supposed to achieve that when I couldn’t even find half the buttons on the calculator? The library wasn’t working. It was quiet and studious and all the things it was supposed to be but it wasn’t magically making me better at math and that’s what I needed. If I had friends this would be the part where I ask them for help. Which gave me kind of an idea. Hayden wasn’t in my math class, and he evidently wasn’t a freshman so…..it stood to reason that he had passed Algebra at some point. He was going to think I was flirting but if that’s what it took to get these fourteen problems finished then that’s what it took. I was suddenly self conscious of how I looked. The uniform couldn’t be helped but I definitely could have spent a little more time in front of the mirror this morning. My hair was pulled back in a messy wad with loose strands sticking out all over the place and surprise, surprise I hadn’t bothered to wear any make up. With makeup and a good blow out I could go toe to toe with any of the girls in my barrack but I wasn’t the kind of girl that carried an emergency makeover kit around in her book bag so this was just going to have to do. I may have been incredibly plain looking at the moment but seeing as how not one girl had approached Hayden in the last hour his options were limited. I gathered up my stuff and headed directly to Hayden’s table. I could see the libraries few patrons eyeing me, the boys with curiosity, the girls with disdain. It was just like getting a visitor in Juvie. Misery loves company, not watching others thrive. I set my books down directly across from Hayden. He must have seen me coming because there wasn’t an ounce of surprise in his expression. Hayden shut his ginormous book, leaned back and crossed his arms across his chest.
“I was wondering when you were going to come over.”
“Were you now?” I asked in my best attempt at a flirty voice.
“Yes, for roughly one hour now I’ve been paging through this book with half my mind on chemistry and the other half wondering if you owned a hair brush.” It wasn’t the nicest thing anyone had ever said to me but the way he said it, with that huge cocky grin, it wasn’t insulting either. I wasn’t easily put off, be
sides I needed something from him so it really didn’t matter what he said, I was gonna lay it on thick until I had fourteen neatly written equations.
“So, I’ve been distracting you from your studies?”
“You could say that.” He responded. He wasn’t being as playful as in the lunchroom. So I needed to make it clear that I was running this conversation.
“So then, did you want to me leave? I could return to my table and feign interest in Romeo and Juliet for a few more hours.” Hayden laughed, pushing his book to the side and resting his arms on the table.
“No,” he started “ I wouldn’t want you to do that. In fact I would very much like you to stay and talk.”
“Good” I exclaimed “Because there’s something I have been wanting to talk to you about.” He was interested now, the smile replaced by a more serious expression.
“What is it you wanted to talk about?” I leaned in closer, lowering my voice to a whisper, as if top secret info was about to come spilling from my lips.
“I want to know…..what you know…. about…..Algebra.”
Chapter 5
That’s pretty much how the first week happened. My days were spent in the classroom and my lunches with Robyn. We were getting closer though we still didn’t spend any time together outside of class or the cafeteria. I spent every evening at the library with Hayden. He was fully aware that I was using him to get through my math homework but he didn’t seem to care as long as there was someone giving him attention. It didn’t take the other girls long to figure him out. By the end of the week he was a pretty popular guy. I didn’t have any classes with him but I saw him in between bells. He was constantly walking with one girl or another. I even saw him with Wanda a few times, that was disturbing. I wouldn’t say that I was jealous it’s just that even a cocky arrogant asshole, could do better than Wanda. When the timing was right I was going to warn him about her. Like sure, she might be the type to mess around with you but she’s also the type to push you down an abandoned staircase because you forgot to compliment her shoes. I worried that with all the added attention he would stop acting as my tutor but so far every night at six he was there. The problem with this was that all of campus surrounded the library. So when I saw Hayden cross the lawn to the library, so did every other girl in Barrack A. Now, the work tables were loaded with studying girls. What they were studying was definitely not in the curriculum. I felt guilty for thinking it but a part of me liked that the other girls were so easily distracted. If they were fixated on Hayden then they had to be letting some of their subjects slide. I was doing alright in my classes but I didn’t feel like I was standing out in anyway. What I really needed to give me a competitive edge was for others to fail. That wasn’t nice girl talk but it was the truth. The girls weren’t the only new additions to the night time library crowd. Some upperclassmen had returned to campus and when they weren’t filling the workrooms with group meetings they were buried under stacks of journals on the second floor. Sydney was as mysteriously absent as ever but by the third night Jordan was a permanent fixture in the back corner of the library. Unlike his classmates he was definitely not studying. For one thing he was addicted to Facebook chat. Or so his computer screen implied. Every time I walked by to use the bathroom I could see him typing away in various messenger boxes. But that didn’t account for his being there. All of the barracks were wired for wireless and the leads, unlike the newbies were allowed to use whatever electronic devices they wanted. He was in the library for one of two reasons. Either he was girl watching or Hayden watching. He definitely didn’t give off a gay vibe so if he was there monitoring Hayden it was because he had it out for him. According to Hayden, Jordan could be found within a hundred paces of him no matter where he went. Once he said he heard a guy come in to the restroom just minutes after him and sure enough he could see Jordan’s shoes from under the stall. He had a theory that Jordan had actually requested Barrack B just to supervise him.
