A few blocks farther, he discovered he was approaching Leo’s place. Tony hadn’t visited here since he and Esther attended his brother’s housewarming party four years ago. Afterwards, on the way home, Esther had regaled him with bitingly funny remarks about his brother’s beer-hall décor. Until she mentioned it, Tony hadn’t paid much attention to the linoleum flooring in the den, the Coca-Cola stained-glass lamps or the pool table. Leo was a bachelor, after all.
On impulse, Tony parked in front of his brother’s house. No carefully tended roses here. Whoever mowed the lawn had simply taken the tops off the weeds rather than removing them, and a rectangular evergreen hedge squatted sullenly beside the porch.
The buzzer quickly brought Leo, his jaw covered with stubble and his faded T-shirt advertising a surfing contest. “Hey,” he said by way of greeting. “I’m guessing the witch got on her broom and flew back to D.C., because she’d never have let you come over here.”
“Good to see you, too.” From the interior, Tony noted the blare of a football game.
“Come on in.” Leo ushered him inside, where, to Tony’s surprise, a stocky woman with stick-straight blond hair lounged on the couch, her feet plopped on the coffee table and a plate of pecan pie in her lap.
“I hope I’m not interrupting anything,” Tony said.
She muted the TV. “Naw. Our team’s losing anyway.”
“Tony, this is my partner, Patty. Patty, meet my bro.”
Partner? Tony gave her a friendly nod. “I didn’t realize you were dating someone, Leo. You should have invited Patty to Thanksgiving.”
The woman snorted. “Dating? He’s my patrol partner.”
Ah. That explained why he hadn’t mentioned her.
“Patty lives down the street,” Leo explained. “I see.”
“Thanks for sending home all that turkey,” Patty added. “I spent Thanksgiving with my hippie parents in Tucson, eating tofurkey and bean sprouts. If it weren’t for Leo, I’d starve.”
“Patty’s strictly a burgers-and-fries kind of gal,” his brother noted.
“If you can’t grill it or fry it, I’ll pass.” She waved her fork. “I make an exception for pie.”
“Something we can help you with?” Leo asked Tony.
He could hardly ask his brother for advice in front of this stranger. “Well, first of all, congratulations. You’re an uncle.”
“Hurrah for me,” Leo deadpanned. “And?”
“Kate and I are having a slight disagreement.”
“About the surrogacy business?” Obviously Patty had heard about it. “She’s one hell of a gal, Tony. What’s that old saying? Don’t throw out the baby with the bathwater. Well, you could learn something from that.”
“What, exactly?” Leo asked.
Tony ignored his brother’s sarcasm. “You know Kate?” he asked Patty.
“We met. She was helping that young kid. Eve.” She downed a last bite of pie before continuing. “So are you in love with her or what?”
Leo shot his partner a warning glance. “Patty…”
“Sorry.” She set the empty plate aside. “I’ll let you guys talk this out. Thanks for the eats. Nice to meetcha, Tony.” Out she sauntered.
After the door closed behind her, Leo said, “It’s almost too bad you’re divorcing Esther. I’d like to see her and Patty square off one of these days.”
“Why? I got the impression you like Patty.”
“I do. I’m just into blood sports.”
Time to come to the point. “I need feedback. Obviously, I’m desperate, because I’m asking you.”
“Compliments like that could go to a fellow’s head.” Leo flopped on the couch, into the spot probably still warm from his partner’s behind. “What are you and Kate fighting about?”
Tony did his best to sum up their discussion. “She’s really angry, and I’m not sure what to do,” he concluded.
“I’d guess she wants more than a temporary position. As Patty said, are you in love with her or what?”
“It’s not that simple.” Tony tried to marshal his thoughts. “I’m not even divorced yet. Besides, we signed a contract.”
“Burn it.”
What kind of anarchy was his brother advocating? “We’ve got a daughter to raise. We need ground rules.”
“Ground rules?” Leo scoffed. “Marry her.”
If Kate would agree, that sounded like a dream…but dreams had a way of blowing up in your face unless you were prepared. “This is all new. We have to take it slow.”
“The idea of falling madly in love scares the hell out of you, doesn’t it?”
“You’re confusing caution with fear. Remember, I married Esther.”
“Esther wasn’t the love of your life, she was an investment,” his brother said. “Go on, tell me she broke your heart when she left.”
Stunned him, yes. But in all honesty… “No.”
“You asked for my advice. Here it is.” In Leo’s intense gaze, Tony suddenly saw not his kid brother but a veteran police officer. “Every day, people take chances and lose. They misjudge a traffic light and get killed, or trust their retirement savings to a guy who blows it in Las Vegas. Once, I nearly shot a guy I thought was holding a gun. What stopped me? Not any genius on my part. It was a cell phone and it rang. Sometimes you get lucky. Other times, life smashes you in the face. What you don’t do is waste your life trying to hang on to the illusion that you’re in control.”
“Are you talking about Esther?” Tony asked in confusion.
“I’m talking about our sister.”
A chill crept over him. Not the coolness of this November day, but the late-afternoon sea breeze of fifteen years ago. The breeze he’d ignored because for once he and Tara had thrown off their parents’ restrictions and defied the rules. That day at the beach, his sister had laughed freely. That day, they’d taken a chance on life.
That day, Tony had killed the person he loved most in the world.
Chapter Eighteen
On Sunday morning, Dr. Rayburn pronounced Kate well enough to go home. “What about Tara?” she asked anxiously. “Can she come with me?”
She hadn’t heard from Tony since their confrontation on Friday. The argument had played through Kate’s mind repeatedly, in so many versions that she no longer recalled exactly what either of them had said. He’d been angry…. He’d been apologetic…. She’d been justifiably furious…. She’d gone off the deep end….
According to her mother, he’d dropped by later that day, but she’d told him Kate hadn’t been up to a rematch. She’d expected him to return later. Why hadn’t he?
She’d probably alienated him forever. In her worst imaginings, she saw him scooping up Tara and refusing to allow further visits until they battled each other in court. Even if she won, she’d lose, financially and emotionally.
At other times, she let herself picture him falling onto his knees and making a passionate declaration of love. But as the hours ticked by, and Friday turned into Saturday, that faint hope had faded. Now it was Sunday.
Physically, she was healing from the surgery. Walking, eating normally, gaining strength. Yet being released from the hospital seemed as if it would sever the last connection between her and Tony, sending them out to lead their separate lives. Still, what about their daughter?
Dr. Rayburn finished leafing through her chart. “Since I don’t see a court order requiring me to turn the baby over to her father, she can go home with you. I’ll tell the nursery to get her ready. Do you have some household help for the next few days?”
“My mother’s going to sleep over until Wednesday or Thursday.” Although Irene insisted she’d be fine on the couch, Kate hated to make her mother uncomfortable any longer than necessary.
“Excellent. For the first month, don’t lift anything heavier than the baby,” he warned. “No stairs, and no driving until your six-week checkup.” He told her to contact him immediately in case of fever or heavy bleeding. “And don’t hesitate to c
all if you suffer from negative feelings. Depression affects some new mothers, regardless of their situation.”
“And mine’s far from ideal,” Kate noted. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
She managed a smile, despite the ache at losing Tony. Hadn’t she been aware all along that she wasn’t the type of woman he could fall in love with?
“I’ll see you in six weeks, then.” After advising that a nurse would come in soon to arrange her discharge, the doctor wished Kate well and left.
She tried to brace for this transition. Earlier, her mom had phoned to say Mary Beth’s family was back with lots of anecdotes about their second Thanksgiving. After church, Irene planned to bring Brady to the hospital to collect Kate and Tara. Tonight, she’d be in her own bed, home with her son and, apparently, with her daughter, too.
Yet nothing felt right.
When the door opened, Kate glanced up blearily, expecting the nurse. Her heart leaped at the sight of Tony in a navy blue sweater and slacks. His eyes were forest-dark, and faint lines etched the corners of his mouth.
Her joy constricted to panic. “You’ve come to take Tara.”
“What?” He gave a start. “No.”
Without waiting for an invitation, he moved to the edge of her bed. As his weight shifted the mattress and his strong hand cupped hers, Kate relished his spicy scent and the warmth of his skin. She arched toward him instinctively. “I didn’t mean to make you so angry the other day.”
“No angrier than I made you. We’re both over it, I trust.” He showed no sign of relaxing, however. “There’s something I need to share with you.”
Not another contract modification. Still, she’d better not jump the gun. “Yes?”
“I told you about my sister, Tara—that she had spina bifida,” he began.
Was he concerned that their daughter had inherited a genetic defect? “But our little girl’s fine.”
“Yes. I’m talking about her namesake. I want you to understand….” He broke off as if the words stuck in his throat.
The bleakness on his face disturbed her. What on earth was the matter? “Go on.”
As he struggled for words, she saw the weariness beneath the well-groomed surface. He must have lain awake half the night.
Finally he spoke. “I killed her.”
“You did what?” He couldn’t have. “I don’t believe it.”
“Not intentionally,” he conceded.
“Whatever you did, you’ve obviously carried a big load of guilt all these years.” Now she understood his haunted air. But what made him take on such heavy responsibility?
“Tara used to catch colds and flu easily,” Tony said hoarsely. “To keep her safe, our parents hired a tutor and schooled her at home. Outings were restricted to locations like museums, on days when attendance would be light. No amusement parks, no shopping malls, no large birthday parties. She was allowed only a few carefully screened friends. As you might guess, the older she got, the more she chafed at the restrictions.”
“What a tough situation.” While Kate would do anything to protect her children, she empathized with Tara, too.
“I became her ally.” Tony stretched his legs across the floor. “After I turned sixteen—when she was ten—I was able to drive her places. I’d promise our parents to take her to an art exhibit, for instance. We’d spend ten minutes there and then sneak off to the movies. Once, we went to a toy store. You should have seen the way she ran her hands over the stuffed animals and the dolls. She loved spending her Christmas money on things she could touch and examine. Of course, we hid the stuff in a trunk, and later claimed she’d ordered it on the Internet.”
“How sweet.” What a compassionate brother.
His spark of pleasure dimmed. “The summer she turned eleven, Dad had an out-of-town conference and, for once, Mom went with him. They trusted me to supervise Tara for a few days while they were gone.”
From the corridor, Kate heard footsteps. She caught her breath, fearing an intrusion, but whoever it was continued on.
“She begged me to take her to the beach. When she was little, she’d been allowed to play in the sand a few times, until she got a nasty sunburn that became infected.” His voice grew thick. “I’m not sure whether Mom forgot the sunscreen or it simply washed off, but our parents would never risk it again. Anyway, Tara was always watching beach scenes on TV. Teenage romance, that kind of thing. She pleaded with me to take her.”
“What could it hurt?” Kate sympathized.
“That’s what I thought. Because I did so well at school and stayed out of trouble, people considered me practically a grown-up. But at seventeen, I didn’t have mature judgment.”
A sense of dread rippled through her. “What went wrong?”
“She had a slight cold, but she’d been so healthy for months that neither of us thought much of it,” Tony said. “We had a great time. Yes, I remembered the sunscreen. And we arrived around three o’clock, when the sun wasn’t so harsh. But I forgot how cold the sea wind can be, even in summer.”
“She caught a chill,” Kate surmised.
A muscle twitched in his jaw. “We bought fried clams at a stand, and ate supper there. Then I noticed she was shivering. I wrapped her in a blanket and took her home.”
She could sense the painful images replaying in his mind. “And then?”
“The next morning, when I went to fetch her for breakfast, she was burning with fever. I called an ambulance while Leo tracked down our parents by phone. She had pneumonia, Kate.” His voice broke. “I had no idea she could get so sick, so fast. She couldn’t fight it off, even with medicine. Two days later, she died. I didn’t believe it. Sometimes I still can’t.”
“Your parents blamed you?”
He released a long breath. “No more than I blamed myself.”
“And you’ve lived with the remorse ever since?”
“I tried to put it behind me.” He folded his arms across his chest. “My parents forgave me. They said they shouldn’t have put so much responsibility on a teenager. But Mom—it was as if she lost the will to live. A year later, she got cancer. After she died, Dad remarried and I guess he was happy enough, but he died of a stroke the year I finished law school. We never had a chance to connect as adults.”
“I’m sorry.” How strange to discover such sorrow beneath Tony’s confident manner.
“I came to terms with the situation by taking control—of everything. I’d broken the rules once and my sister paid with her life. At some level I resolved never to make that mistake again. A legal career suited me perfectly. And although it wasn’t a conscious decision, I married a woman who saw life the same way. I felt safe as long as we both knew where the lines were. It was a delusion, of course.”
She had no idea why he’d decided to open up to her now, but thank goodness he had. “I’m glad you told me.”
“So am I. Kate…”
This time, the footsteps in the hall didn’t continue on. Instead, a nurse entered briskly, carrying a clipboard and a sheaf of papers. “Mrs. Evans? I have your discharge instructions.”
Kate cast an apologetic glance at Tony. She could hardly order the woman to go away. “Is my family here?”
“Just your husband.” The woman indicated Tony. Obviously, not everyone on the staff recognized the hospital’s attorney.
He roused as if emerging from a dream. “If it’s all right, Kate, I’ll be driving you home. I phoned your mother and arranged for her and Brady to meet you at your house.”
“Well…sure.” What was this about, anyway?
She didn’t get to ask, because the nurse stayed to help her put on her street clothes, and then a volunteer popped in with a wheelchair. “I can walk,” Kate protested.
“Hospital policy,” Tony advised. “We don’t want patients tripping on their way out. People tend to be a little unsteady on their feet. I sound like a damn lawyer, don’t I?”
“There’s a reason for that.”
He slanted
her a grin. “Well, I don’t have to sound like one all the time.”
A second volunteer arrived, pushing Tara in her bassinet. “Let’s check those plastic bracelets one more time.” She compared them. “Yep. Just cut these off with scissors when you get home.”
How incredible that this tiny girl, with her bright eyes and red cheeks, belonged to them. Even though she’d taken her son home five years ago, the experience felt just as new and miraculous this time.
When Tony bent to kiss his daughter’s forehead, she cooed gleefully. “You are such a doll,” he told her. “Your parents are going to spoil you rotten.”
With a third volunteer handling the bouquets sent by well-wishers, they formed a parade down the hall, into the elevator and through the lobby. Several doctors and nurses greeted Tony, admired Tara and congratulated Kate.
“Thanks, everyone. Sorry we can’t stay and chat.” With that response, Tony put the parade in motion again.
At the entrance, Kate spotted Tony’s car parked in a restricted zone. “Special privileges?”
“Absolutely.” He shepherded the little group across the walkway and plucked a placard from the windshield. “Courtesy of the administrator.”
“And here I figured it’s because I’m such a great mom.”
“That, too.”
While a volunteer loaded the flowers into the trunk, Tony eased Kate into the front seat, then strapped Tara in the rear infant seat. With a jolt, she recalled fantasizing about this moment when he took them both home from the hospital.
Could this be a dream come true? Or was she headed for another letdown?
RELIVING THAT DAY WITH TARA had been agonizing for Tony. Oddly, though, as he told the story to Kate, he’d seen it through fresh eyes. A seventeen-year-old boy filled with good intentions, believing his sister as invincible as he felt himself. Two kids having a great time, blissfully unaware they were awakening a deadly monster.
Maybe her cold would have turned into pneumonia and killed her anyway, and she’d have missed that glorious day at the beach. You didn’t get to know these things in advance, Tony mused. You had to take life the best way you could and accept the consequences.
His Hired Baby Page 17
